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 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 1
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Bad sex vs no sexPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
If you are in a sexual based relationship(as opposed to being in a committed relationship with someone you love) is it better to walk away if the sex sucks, or stay and put up with it?

I can get myself off, so I would never stay with someone who sucked in bed, but not everyone thinks like I do. For the people that would actually put up with bad sex, why do you stay?
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 2
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/15/2015 6:12:20 AM
If the sex sucked, it would be a relationship based on desperation - not sex.

And yeah, it would be over before it began.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 3
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/15/2015 7:21:36 AM
Well I'm not interested sex at all at the moment, when men mention of it makes me uncomfortable because I know they are going to:
1. Say stupid stuff like they aren't willing to wait long for it -they expect it pretty fast (or with that meaning) which turns me off massively.
2. Try to pressure me into it too soon
3. Try to get all sexual which is also a turn off.

Sexual based relationships sound absolutely horrible to me, and disgusting.

If it is sex based, the sex better be pretty damn good and the guy hot as hell, am I right?!
That's the funny thing when unattractive/unappealing men come to me to try to get sex, even if I was interested in JUST sex, I wouldn't be going to them for it.

I can go without it for as long as I want. I have a low libido/low sexual desire for men and would NEVER even have good sex if it was with a shallow douche I am not in a relationship with and love- no matter how hot he is.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 4
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Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/15/2015 7:56:52 AM
I would walk away.
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 5
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/15/2015 8:00:27 AM
No sex is far superior to being raped multiple times.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 6
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/15/2015 8:09:14 AM
I guess your question is for women. I don't recall ever having bad sex.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 7
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/15/2015 9:58:15 AM
Sometimes bad sex can improve with communication and practice. But if the quality of sex didn't get better, then I would move on.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 8
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Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/15/2015 10:31:22 AM

If you are in a sexual based relationship(as opposed to being in a committed relationship with someone you love) is it better to walk away if the sex sucks, or stay and put up with it?

If the relationship is ONLY based on sex, and the sex was bad... why on earth would you stay?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 9
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Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/15/2015 11:03:39 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^
EXACTLY!!!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/15/2015 1:15:55 PM
^^^ Yeah, I don't really understand the point of asking. I suppose that there are at least some people who stay with something they don't want. The kind of person who orders Steak, but eats a vegetarian meal, if it's brought to them by mistake, that sort of thing.

And I suppose that even if you wanted a sex-only relationship (no interest here, despite very high interest in sex), that you might try more than once or twice before giving up.

But if I found I was with someone who wanted something other than what I bring, I know I would pull the reject chain on THEM. If they didn't like sex with me, I'd know, and I'd be outa there.
 razors_edge55
Joined: 11/25/2013
Msg: 11
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Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/15/2015 1:35:50 PM
Hah , my plite, I just broke with an very nice 38 year old , pretty , ran her own bizz and such ,,but there was not that
spark (at least for me) I liked her well enough BUT, when you feel it in your bones down to your toes ( love)without that sex is MT and that for the young who don't know better IMO If you guys can do it ,,god bless
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 12
when there's snow on the ground and artic temps...
Posted: 2/15/2015 3:24:08 PM
Great topic for a name like "running out" :) Seriously, tho, people stick with things that work for them. Someone may think the sex is bad, but it beats masturbation, and they're just too lazy to dive back into the dating pool again. so they suffer in silence rather than fight for a new dating partner.

some may stay b/c they're looking for more than the sex, and they get that. Maybe the partner is loyal, intelligent, willing to pay for a date that goes out to a nice place (as opposed to always staying at home, for example), but the sex is cringe-worthy. So, they claim often headaches, enjoy the dates, and when the warm weather comes and everyone comes out to socialize, they look to trade up then.
 EdKansas
Joined: 6/15/2013
Msg: 13
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Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/15/2015 8:07:53 PM
Gonna vote walk away. If its a sex thing and the sex isn't there, then whats the point? Awful sex is awful.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 14
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/15/2015 8:57:11 PM
If you are in a sex only relationship and that is bad, why would you stay? No brainer.
I think if people hang around for that, they are hoping for something more or are desperately lonely for body contact of any sort.
Also what is wrong with communicating your needs sexually? It takes two to tango.
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 15
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/16/2015 4:32:39 AM

I guess your question is for women. I don't recall ever having bad sex.


Lucky you. Unless you go by the school of thought that some men tend to embrace, "Any sex is good sex."

Believe it or not, women are just as capable of being shitty in bed as men are. If I want a starfish, I'll watch the Little Mermaid.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 16
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Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/16/2015 5:25:10 AM
"If the relationship is ONLY based on sex, and the sex was bad... why on earth would you stay?"-no_1_bby

This, sooo much!

No_1_bby nailed it. If your relationship is based on anything other than sex as well, you will have to weigh the pros and cons.

Personally, I have never had "good" sex. It is one of the reasons I became celibate. It just wasn't worth it for me to keep putting in an enormous amount of effort in attracting someone just to have very little payoff both emotionally and sexually.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 17
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/16/2015 7:42:02 AM
First of all, what do you define BAD sex?

Is it that your partner has no experience and what he/she does suck?
Is it that you do not find that person attractive and are simply doing it for the sex, or some idea that it will improve your self esteem?
Is it because the other person is making you do things that you do not like or find enjoyable?
Is it because you feel validated through sex, but at the end of it you still feel empty?

There are many possible reasons why the sex may be considered bad. Whatever you are enduring, realize that in the end YOU are allowing it, and that YOU have the ultimate control. So realize that you are more than likely playing Victim. The "look at what he made me do" type of mentality.

For my money, there's a first rule. Never, ever have sex with someone that you would not like to have sex with. If I don't find you attractive, there's no way in hell that I will fvck you. End of story. If you are a woman, have some self respect. If you are a guy, have more control over your pecker.

Second, initial sex with a new person even when if seemed to be good or great, it's nothing but mediocre. Think about this statement. I am right now having sex with the most awesome woman in the world. Our sex rocks, what that also means that the sex we had at the beginning, compared with now, was mediocre. We grew, and learned, and changed, and discovered, and created new patterns, and experimented more. Also in the begging I was a little shy, so unless we were going at it with intensity the erection would go down. So even good sex, when you care about the person, gets even better.

Now, let's say that the partner is into stuff that you do not like. Or understand. or want at all. Then talk to them. See if they like it. Or tell them why you did not like it. Again talk. My girls loves to be totally submissive, yet she does not like bondage, nor does she like pain. So the spanking is a turn off to her. We tried it, and realize it did not work. If that kind of activity were a deal breaker for me, then I have to tell her, and look else where and end the relationship. But if SHE is more important to me and there are a ton of other things that work for me, then we move on into the things that we find that we both enjoy. If there's something that she does not like about what I do, she tells me right away.

So realize that if you're having bad sex, the first thing you need to do is find a mirror, because you're part of the problem. After that, you either try to make it better, tell your partner what YOU want, or get out of the relationship.

Remember, you're treaded the way you ALLOW others to tread you.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 18
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/16/2015 8:25:36 AM

Lucky you. Unless you go by the school of thought that some men tend to embrace, "Any sex is good sex."


I guess there are sex acts I consider not fun and will never research to find out for sure.

Lucky you? No, I suspect most men agree.

I was embarrassed once but the sex (Bill C might believe it wasn't sex) was still good. Kathleen Turner, the actress, caught us. I invited Kathleen to join in but she declined with a smile. That was back in Jan. 1987 when Ms. Turner looked great. Again, embarrassing but still good.

I know, unbelievable. It's true! If Ms. Turner wasn't involved, I would never share that disgraceful incident with anyone. And my date's last name was Turner too.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 19
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/16/2015 12:02:23 PM
If it sucks why would you stay?
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 20
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/16/2015 5:18:52 PM
Oh no now, really.....who in the world would stay in whatever type of relationship is the sex sucked?

Though by some not quite acknowledged, a happy and healthy sex life is one of the corner stones of any functional relationship, and mind you OP, most and foremost the committed relationship!

Who would enter into a committed relationship once the sex sucked??? This relationship would not have any chance of survival if one part felt sex sucked.

OK, one exception being where both felt sex sucks and are living happily ever after with not having any….. smile!
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 21
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/16/2015 5:59:35 PM
Never in life

I hear men say that women act like "starfish" quite often. I do not get it. Are they just being accommodating, paying for a meal out or other benefits, just not into the guy and wanting to get it over with?

I know of couples who do not have any sort of satisfactory sex life but remain for other reasons, family, financial reasons, even status.

 salty_blumist
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 22
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Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/16/2015 9:19:08 PM
runningout,

In the last five years I recall ending one relationship after a few in the sack sessions. And because the sex sucked was only one of a few reasons. But I find this interesting coming from a woman; I mean a woman claiming a man presumably sucks at sex. This will probably sound naive me asking this, but how can men suck at sex? It just sort of stumps me how any man can suck at sex as long as he can get it up. And I like to hear every women's reason behind saying this. It's often men who are expected too do the most as far as sex goes (correct me if I'm wrong). I say that because it's usually the man who's able to be in control, unless the woman gets on top and sits right down on the man and more less pins him down that he's unable too do much. But if the woman is on top and sqauting or elevated slightly, men are usually still able to thrust. But that said, it's us men who do the majority of the thrusting, as it's more a male thing. So do you see where I'm coming from? I haven't ever heard of sex being done any other way, as it's the thrusting sensations that create the added stimulations to both partners genitals. That keeps both aroused and should ultimately lead to orgasm, hopefully for both. So with men doing all this, how can we suck at sex? Are you insinuating a lack of intimacy, in the form of kissing and touching in the act? I'm fairly certain I already know what constitutes lame sex from a male standpoint, when the woman is just lethargic and figures after she's naked and laying spread or bent over that should be enough to satisfy her partner.
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 23
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/17/2015 4:39:22 AM

I hear men say that women act like "starfish" quite often. I do not get it. Are they just being accommodating, paying for a meal out or other benefits, just not into the guy and wanting to get it over with?


*sigh* First off, get that whole "sex as a method of payment" bullshit out of your head. That's not what I meant. I was speaking in context of an established relationship.

Believe it not, men want a partner in bed who is skilled and who actually wants to be there - just like women do. I want someone who participates actively - not someone who just lies there and is constructing a grocery list in their head to pass the time. Someone who is present with me. Thankfully, the vast majority of women feel the same.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 24
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/17/2015 7:57:02 AM

This will probably sound naive me asking this, but how can men suck at sex? It just sort of stumps me how any man can suck at sex as long as he can get it up. And I like to hear every women's reason behind saying this.


Are you kidding me? Salty, dude, there's more to the job than simply sticking in and out and then ejaculating. There are a ton of reasons why many men absolutely suck in bed.


But that said, it's us men who do the majority of the thrusting, as it's more a male thing. So do you see where I'm coming from? I haven't ever heard of sex being done any other way, as it's the thrusting sensations that create the added stimulations to both partners genitals.


Men may be the ones doing most of the thrusting, but it's more than just getting genitals stimulated. It involves getting the mind of your partner stimulated. That means, slowing down and reading her, then going deep and hard, then slow and shallow. Just in the thrusting department there are so many areas, areas that many men don't get, or they get it in and two minutes later they are done.

Add to that where the woman does all the thrusting. You can do that with her on top, reverse cowboy, or while on doggy style let her do all the work. If you also entice her about her own pleasure she will move in incredible ways that will stimulate her.

The big problem is that men are primarily a one dimension sexual machine, that is we fvck whats in front of us. While women are three dimensional, they can fvck from behind, front, and a plethora of angles.

Another element of sex that many men ignore is the post coital high. Most guys, just fall asleep. However, many women have not reached their peak, they may have had an orgasm but still want another, but the majority of women do not reach an orgasm from vaginal intercourse, so they need something else. This is the time when a little oil all around her does incredible things. And it's not just her genitals, it's her whole body. If you electrify her whole body, she will be humming, she will be assuming incredible poses while you play the instrument of her sensations and take her to total bliss.

Most men have no idea of any of this. Women then tell you how horrible other men have been, how one trick pony they are, how they don't understand not even how to turn women on. And how they are only interested in ejaculating and going to bed. So, I believe they have every right to complaint, and demand more.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 25
Bad sex vs no sex
Posted: 2/17/2015 8:33:56 AM
not a woman, but to add to salty's question--if a man has a female partner who needs very little foreplay/stimulation, then its likely "plug in and play" works. I once dated a woman who only needed a good kiss to be wet'n'ready--which sucked for me b/c I love foreplay and all I did was overstimulate her. She didn't pick up on it b/c the guys before me were all "plug in and play" lovers.

and of course, there are other ways to stimulate a clitoris than thrusting against it with a firm organ. I've always said, our biggest sex organ is our skin, the second biggest is our brain. Stimulating each, in a woman who enjoys that, can make a partner a unique lover.
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