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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Women on POF with kids      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 1
Women on POF with kidsPage 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
As I have gotten older, I noticed that the odds of finding a mate without children is getting harder and harder. It's not that I have anything against children it's just that if I would want to be around them, I would have wanted them to be my own.

More than half of the 42-45 year old within 5 miles of me on this site have kids. No=417, Yes=161, PNTS=9 and all are over 18=48. If I refuse to date anybody with kids, it makes it almost impossible to meet anybody with these numbers coupled with the already high M to F ratios on here.

I tried dating a girl with a young child once and it was impossible as the kid totally got in the way of us being together. I am looking for a relationship, not a one or two time roll in the hay which in that case it would not matter if she had 20 kids.

I would not mind hearing from other guys on how they handle this.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 2
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 2:34:25 PM
I"m not a guy last time I checked, but I still wonder - are you really surprised that most women your age have kids? If you want(ed) your own kids, why didn't you have them during the last 15 years or so?
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 3
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 2:48:56 PM
I am not totally surprised. I never had kids because I never was in the situation to have them. For instance find a woman that I would marry and stay together forever (so my wife doesn't end up on POF looking for somebody else after we have kids). I would not treat a woman like a baby machine and use her just to have kids. To me, it's so important that if you do have kids to stay together at least till the kids are grown up.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 4
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 2:50:43 PM
There are lots of child free women.

Me, my sisters and most of my female friends.
All the women at dinner on Saturday night.


And no. Not just adult children. Never had children.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 5
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 2:51:41 PM
He didn't say he wanted kids...he doesn't want to date someone that has kids. He also said if he had wanted kids, he'd have had his own.

I agree OP, many feel they same way you do. You just happen to be in that age group where many still have children at home so it lowers the number of women a available with the same mindset as you.
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 6
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 2:56:17 PM

There are lots of child free women.


I am not sure if there are "lots" in the real world, but what I am referring to is the women on POF. I would imagine the numbers would be similar though.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 7
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 3:20:14 PM
There's a Single Parents topic thread on POF. I wonder why there isn't one for Single Childfree People.
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 8
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 3:54:08 PM
Because that would be politically incorrect?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 9
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 4:01:10 PM
If you set up a list of requirements that you "expect" make sure you understand what will happen with that list of "expectations". Your "chances" will get lower and lower for anything that can be defined as a "success". So, you don't want to be involved with any woman that has children from another male. And you are over 40. Now, sit down and do the math. As in, think about it for a minute.

I've never had problem with children.

It's always been the adults I have a problem with.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 10
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 4:39:34 PM
Same here Walts. I hated when I break up with someone and miss their kids. At least I didn't miss them.

OP, the reality is that while you've been living your life these women were living theirs. Most had children. That's the way of the world.
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 11
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 4:51:12 PM

Same here Walts. I hated when I break up with someone and miss their kids. At least I didn't miss them.

It's more than just not wanting to be around another mans kids. I know people who have had an absolute horror story with their significant others kids, especially if they are teenagers. It had even gone as far as the kids were the reason why the relationship ended. I guess I am just unlucky enough to be that age where it may be something I have to deal with. Doesn't anybody believe in staying together today?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 12
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 5:09:16 PM

I guess I am just unlucky enough to be that age where it may be something I have to deal with.


Take notice YOU are the one using the word "unlucky". I believe you have a problem with women in general, especially ones that are separated/divorced and have children. So, stay away from them. But, again, at your age, (why are you not married yet?????) you are limited. Limited by YOUR choices.

Probably should have been a little more serious about relationships earlier in your life, maybe?
 WhoamI_46
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 13
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 5:17:04 PM
First off, I read your profile. And in my honest opinion, it isn't funny or cute. You may be trying to have a sense of humor, but to me, it's sounds like a teenager writing it. So you may want to rewrite that.

You get what you ask for, really. I can tell you from experience it is tough to be a single mom and date. So you may have to decide if you are happy waiting to find that one woman who is perfect or are willing to understand that kids do take up time and energy. Only you can decide that.

You say you have heard horror stories? But have you lived one yourself? Going by everybody else's stories is not going to help you in the dating world. Everybody has experiences , you don't have to make them your own.

I suggest rewriting your profile. and maybe look for ladies that have grown kids. (but they can still tend to get in the way:) just saying.

Good Luck
Peace
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 14
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 5:44:32 PM

Doesn't anybody believe in staying together today?


Of course there are. I married with the belief that if people cared enough to marry they would work together on the marriage. Turns out I was petty naive about what to expect from a partner. One person alone cannot make a marriage work. There are several people that participate in these forums that were married for several years and are now widows or widowers.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 15
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 6:20:27 PM

I would never marry someone unless they had my baby.


You're a Paul Anka fan huh? :)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 16
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 6:25:07 PM
Walts - get me a drink :/
Why OP do you care if women on POF have children - simply don't msg them. They do not own you an explanation.
And yes, many people stay together as long as they possibly can, and would crawl through Hell across broken glass and back to spend another moment with their loved one
But your point seems to be you lost a stiffy with a childlet around
Gotta that..
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 17
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 6:38:09 PM

First off, I read your profile. And in my honest opinion, it isn't funny or cute. You may be trying to have a sense of humor, but to me, it's sounds like a teenager writing it. So you may want to rewrite that.


I did not come here for a profile review, there is a separate area for that. And some people do think it's funny, it may not be your kind of humor. And I wrote that because I have given up on POF as far as meeting somebody so I made fun of the whole cliche BS that I read in many of the profiles on here.


I can tell you from experience it is tough to be a single mom and date.


In what way? getting the date or not having time for the guy you date because of having kids? I can't imagine that unless you have the looks of a goat that the hoards of men looking for sex on this POF don't propose to have a date with you.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 18
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 6:43:27 PM
Well OP, if you get a car, you can expand your search radius beyond 5 miles.
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 19
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 6:43:56 PM
@ouija2025- Hahaha..that's a good one. Lost a stiffy? at that point I could not even get the stiffy to lose in the first place. The problem is that because so many women on here have kids, if I simply don't msg them like you suggest the odds of me finding somebody get drastically reduced by at least 50%. It's part of what makes POF and other online dating sites useless
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 20
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 6:44:42 PM
Your profile says YES to having a car, yet further down, you say you DON'T have car.

Not sure if you're kidding about the car thing or not.
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 21
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 6:50:10 PM
^it's a joke of course! I have to change it to no car.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 22
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 6:55:38 PM

Doesn't anybody believe in staying together today?


I've dated women with kids, although not teenagers (from 6-11), and honestly had fun. As Forumfiend alluded to, the worst part was when they ended I missed the kids more than I missed the relationship.

Not sure how well I'd deal with teenagers 'out of the gate' (vs. if I was still with those women and the kids grew up during the relationship - as they do, LOL). I wouldn't have an issue though with someone with adult children on their own.

I agree with Walts, the more 'requirements' you have the more you limit your options. Your preferences are your own though, all you can do is keep looking.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 23
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 7:09:15 PM
Pretty much what everyone else said.

The kids were never the issue when I dated their moms. The moms were.

Let me ask you this OP.

If you met a woman IRL, and clicked so to speak, would you just outright ask her, 'Do you have kids?"

See, if it were me? I wouldn't vanish if this amazing woman told me she had children (unless she had 4+, lol).

To each their own though.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 24
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 7:10:04 PM

No man wants to deal with another man's kids and grandkids.


Thank goodness this isn't true for most men. Some men that have stepped up to the plate. Some do have problems with the kids, but I have friends who feel their step father is more their DAD than their real fathers are. Step parents can make a wonderful difference in a child's life.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 25
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/1/2015 7:13:11 PM
My 2nd ex had a 9 year old when I met her.

Married 12 years.

Didn't phase me in the least and had nothing to do with our divorce.
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