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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dealing with "Just ask me" as a Profile      Home login  
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 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 1
Dealing with "Just ask me" as a ProfilePage 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I recently had a break up with an amazing woman I met here on this site. It wasn't a bad break up but it is a hard one but that's not what I want to talk to about.

What I do want to talk about is this seemingly new trend for people to make a profile with only one line in it, often times its amounts to "Just ask me something." I was gone from here for twoish or threeish years and I don't remember this until now.

This is annoying to me, I don't want to waste time talking to someone I could find boring. I'm here to make friends with and possibly date interesting dynamic people. Just ask you what? Maybe I don't want to just send a question and get an answer this isn't a quiz show! I want to be able to see what you are like and try to find common ground other than 'doesn't smoke' or 'has pets'. I want to strike up a conversation damnit, I write like I talk to people which is often informally but with full sentences and paragraphs dag-nabbit!

I want to be like "Hi my name is Grant I really liked your profile and had questions. I think its cool that your involved in helping your community by giving shelter to abandoned lawn gnomes and want to know a bit about what that is like?"

But when 79.68 (repeating) percent of every profile I look at just says "Ask me anything!" But what do I ask about? "Are your eyes naturally that color or do you wear contact lenses?" "Are you ok with going double dutch on a first date if I bring the jump rope and you provide two partners?" It's an obstacle to me.

My question to you all is simple: What do you do when you see a guy/gal who just posts a couple of headshots or body shots, or jello shots and says "Ask me!"
 thecubanbeast
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 2
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/6/2015 10:30:38 PM
Just ask whatever comes to your mind.One that worked for me a while ago was Would I look good if I take a picture with my Kindle fire? be creative. Dont ask about eye color or stuff like that. They have heard that probably million of times. Ask silly, goofy questions and see what works for you. Good luck man.
 jukebox_cowboy
Joined: 8/12/2014
Msg: 3
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/6/2015 10:48:31 PM
If you see that in a profile, just pass it up. It could be a fake profile, someone on here just for attention, or they are too lazy or slow in the head to write a full profile.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 4
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/6/2015 10:58:39 PM
Seeing that written in a profile was typically my cue to quickly click NEXT! when reading.
It is often (yet not always) indicative of a lazy, ADD, or self-important personality. No thanks.
 choppermonkie
Joined: 4/26/2014
Msg: 5
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/6/2015 11:13:20 PM
Lazy profile generally translates into lazy people. I might be willing to exchange a few messages, but it they're just as minimal as the profile, why bother. They aren't putting forth any effort...
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 6
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/7/2015 4:52:30 AM
You are making this more complicated than it has to be OP. If they aren't putting any effort into a profile, much like people who post no photos or fake photos, they probably aren't interested in anything serious from anyone on here. Like others have said, use these profiles as a disqualifier, and move onto the next profile or just send a short "How goes it" email. Put as much effort into an email as they have put into a profile.

Good luck OP.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 7
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/7/2015 6:20:44 AM
I don't even view the profile. When I do New Users and Advanced Search, the summaries show the first 200 or so characters if their about me has that many. If the text is just "ask me", there is no need to click on the profile. It would take an extremely good main thumbnail, a literal picture that says 1000 words, for me to view their profile, and the odds of an "ask me" having a good photo are close to zero. If a new user even has a photo, it's usually a lame selfie.

Best not to reward them, though it could be fun to send them a message that wouldn't enable them. Talk like Hannibal Lector. "Did you breastfeed your daughter when she was a baby?" She cannot complain about your question because she solicited the question with "ask me anything".
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 8
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/7/2015 6:34:10 AM
Here's a fact of life. Women DON'T have to try as hard as men on dating sites. They are always going to get more messages than you.
If you decide to skip their profile, then it's just one less out of hundreds for them to choose.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 9
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/7/2015 7:33:48 AM
Another problem with the "Just ask me" profiles is it doesn't mean you're guaranteed to get a response if you do ask. It depends on how impressive your profile is to the other person. Or sometimes the response will be a "yes" or "no", or a few words to strictly answer the question. I wonder if a person who has the "Just ask me" line would be interested in someone who has the same single statement in their profile.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 10
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/7/2015 9:26:56 AM
I understand people not wanting to write about themselves, it's the Internet and therefore anyone can see it. They may not want to be seen/found in here by people they know. I've seen many students on here, some have written to me, which I don't answer. I've been contacted by people in my neighborhood claiming I look familiar, I don't reply either.

I've seen some of my patients on here too though they've never tried to establish a conversation (though I wouldn't answer), I've seen co-workers and people I've met at meet ups who also have an account on here. If someone who looks familiar contacts me, that's my cue to dismiss the message. If I know you, have met you, and somehow the interest was not there, don't try to now use the website to approach me, I don't date people I already know and I don't date the demographics around my neighborhood (the earring wearing, tattoo chested, oversize hat, pants low, n-word spewing, crazy hair or beard design, minimum-wage, still live at home, gang-repping, drug-peddling loser). They may comprise 90% of the people who message me or view my profile, but I have 0 interest in them. There's a reason my profile is so long and zeroes in at what he needs to look like, short of blatantly saying educated and professional.

So I totally don't hold it against anyone if they decide to leave their profile blank. If they write an interesting message and conversation seems fluid, I'm more than likely meeting him for a date. I do need at least 3-4 pictures though, so I can identify him when I meet him and see if I'm interested enough to consider spending more time in his company.

I wouldn't be particularly interested in starting a conversation upon coming across an empty profile but I'd reply to a message if it were interesting . I get the impression their lack effort translate to other aspects of themselves (like the effort put into the dating process itself, their effort into a relationship, etc), so I'll wait and see.

So try to understand that sometimes the empty profiles are a desire for keeping their personal information private and to a minimum. Many men write to women just due to looking at their pictures regardless of what they've written, so it goes to show that while it may important for most, it is not important for all.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 11
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/7/2015 9:32:03 AM
I agree OP, "just ask me"usually translates into..I'm so irresistible and such a great catch, I don't have to put in any effort at all in this OLD...like others have said, ignore and click next...
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 12
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/7/2015 12:54:56 PM
I'm in general agreement - pass them by.

On the other hand, you can always ask "Why should I waste my time with you?"
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 13
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/7/2015 2:49:26 PM

This is annoying to me, I don't want to waste time talking to someone I could find boring. I'm here to make friends with and possibly date interesting dynamic people.

your op reminds me of the profiles where the woman spends her entire narrative addressing the men she DOESN'T want to meet. it's an expression of unrealistic expectations and a self-defeating lack of perspective. like you WANT to be annoyed.

you say you want to meet interesting people. you define the 'just ask me' people as uninteresting. since they're disqualified themselves from your prospect pool, why are you wasting even a moment of thought on them? why aren't you simply focusing on the women who meet your standards for being interesting?

be that as it may, you also seem to be trapped in the conversational assumptions of people who are far less creative than you. your willingness to show creative juice in this op - your lawn gnomes and double dutch jump roping and such - shows you don't need to limit your conversational gambits to reactive questions. if a 'just ask me' woman has such irresistible photos that you simply must message her, look at it as an unfettered opportunity to be creative. send her some witty statement apropos of whatever YOU want to talk about, rather than what she offers. an observation, a joke, a pun, a riddle, anything. you're better off taking that route anyway, since the hotties are already fielding a hundred dull, reactive, repetitive questions a day anyway, and something a little different is going to stand out.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 14
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/7/2015 7:15:33 PM
I don't get it.

If you're someone who claims to be having trouble with your POF experience, and not having much luck, why in the hell would you make things even more difficult by making "rules" for yourself?

See a woman you find attractive, but has only "just ask me" on her profile? Write her and ask any questions you may have, then DO NOT think about her again unless she replies.

Don't make this shit harder on yourself.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 15
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/7/2015 7:20:08 PM
If I was asking you I would ask why you have such old photos on your profile.

Ask anything.
They say this is a numbers game.

Good luck.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 16
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/7/2015 8:25:53 PM

Lazy profile generally translates into lazy people. I might be willing to exchange a few messages, but it they're just as minimal as the profile, why bother. They aren't putting forth any effort...

This is my train of thought, but I guess it depends how hard it is for someone to remain single. If it's a terrible thing I guess you might want to toss out a few questions you actually do have. In my case I am in a place where men are trying to meet me, so telling me to ask them anything is counter productive. If I have to pull information out of you before I can even have a conversation with you I'm going to pass. I don't want it bad enough to interview you...and if you expect people to interview you I'm going to assume you don't want it that bad either (not that there's anything wrong with it).
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 17
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/7/2015 11:00:25 PM

If I was asking you I would ask why you have such old photos on your profile.

Doubtful you actually want to know but because there are few pictures of me I like, and because this profile is old and I haven't pruned it all yet.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 18
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/8/2015 6:49:19 PM
I skip those profiles.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 19
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/9/2015 6:43:18 AM
If that was the only thing written in the profile, I probably wouldn't be interested. However if a profile contained some other things that gave me just enough info to work with, then I might email that person.
 DaisyHill63
Joined: 1/5/2015
Msg: 20
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/23/2015 2:41:11 AM
I agree, OP. There seems to be lots of profiles anymore with the "just ask me" factor involved.

Nothing is hard and fast, but in general I take that statement to mean someone's either less than serious/lazy about dating or that they're a bit full of themselves.

I'm too old to care about learning more about someone in either category. :)
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 21
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/23/2015 5:27:49 AM
I would venture to say we see so many of them because it's actually working for those who make them. I would also venture to say these are the type of people who simply want to exchange numbers and get the ball rolling to meet in person without a bunch of penpal bullshit.

As I said, I don't get it. If you're having a hard time here, stacking up more rules, musts/must nots, and declaring "RED FLAG!" at the drop of a f*cking dime is just going to make things worse. It's really doing you no good to define someone's entire character on something like whether or not they've filled out a profile.

Oh, and I've actually seen a few people on the forums without pics whining about profiles with only pictures. Now, that's just f*cking hilarious.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 22
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/23/2015 10:58:17 AM
In the old days, we had to ask people questions to find out about them.
Most information came out in the course of normal conversations.
I don't find the idea of asking someone questions as odd as others might.
I don't consider the person necessarily lazy, maybe just laid back.

If there was something about the person I found interesting or something
about their profile that made me stop and look, I'd ask questions.

This whole online thing is hard enough without making it more difficult.

If I like the looks of someone, I'm more inclined to want to find out more
about them. If I don't, well, I pass them by. I suspect it's like that for a lot
of people.

What we will or will not tolerate is directly related to the subject or person
at hand, at least in my experience.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 23
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/23/2015 12:38:45 PM
If she says, "just ask me something," then anything is fair game. Ask her what her safe word is, for example.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 24
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/23/2015 12:46:33 PM

you say you want to meet interesting people. you define the 'just ask me' people as uninteresting. since they're disqualified themselves from your prospect pool, why are you wasting even a moment of thought on them? why aren't you simply focusing on the women who meet your standards for being interesting?

Did u ask someone & they ignored you????
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 25
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/23/2015 8:13:36 PM

In the old days, we had to ask people questions to find out about them.
Most information came out in the course of normal conversations.
I don't find the idea of asking someone questions as odd as others might.
I don't consider the person necessarily lazy, maybe just laid back.

If there was something about the person I found interesting or something
about their profile that made me stop and look, I'd ask questions.


Exactly. Not to mention, couldn't the people without a profile filled out turn around and say those who don't want to bother asking them questions are lazy, too??

I don't know what it is about the whole online aspect that makes so many people so anal about petty crap. I bet half the people who have an issue with profiles not being filled out would probably consider a profile filled out in only lowercase letters a "red flag", too.
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