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 HarlyRdr4u
Joined: 2/11/2014
Msg: 1
Unread/DeletedPage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Whats up with messages that are marked Unread and deleted? Why would someone not read a message and delete it? I could understand reading a message and then deleting it but deleting an unread message?
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 2
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Posted: 3/10/2015 7:25:21 PM
Why read a message when you're not interested in that person at all? It's like junk mail...I bet you don't read them, either.
Women gets tons of e-mail....they just don't have the time and/or the patience to read them all.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 3
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Posted: 3/10/2015 7:26:49 PM
They know that they don't like beards so why waste anyone's time?
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 4
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Posted: 3/10/2015 8:38:08 PM

Why would someone not read a message and delete it?

Most popular reasons:
1) They're not looking anymore, as they're seeing someone now, and is just going to delete pretty much every single one (except maybe if the guy is hot).
2) They get a lot of traffic. They're not going to waste their time with a guy who is Clearly unattractive to them. They get a zillion messages. Far more than guys. No need to read every one.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 5
Unread/Deleted
Posted: 3/10/2015 9:16:24 PM

Whats up with messages that are marked Unread and deleted?


They deleted the message without even bothering to read it.


Why would someone not read a message and delete it?


They decided that you are the scum of the earth and do not want to waste one second of their precious time on anything you sent them (which they consider drivel anyway).


I could understand reading a message and then deleting it but deleting an unread message?


YOU could, but their brains don't work that way.

And the most amusing aspect is, so many DON'T "delete unread" the type of messages they really SHOULD delete unread, namely, the nasty/abusive messages they get when they reject someone.
They actually open up and read those messages, and then get all upset and decide to ignore most people in the future instead.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 6
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Posted: 3/10/2015 9:21:26 PM
I believe that you can read the message, then mark it as "unread".
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 7
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Posted: 3/10/2015 10:06:56 PM
exactly, I don't know if it works like that anymore, since they've changed what you get for free, but I had mine set up to not show if I read it, as did many others.
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 8
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Posted: 3/10/2015 10:18:00 PM

2) They get a lot of traffic. They're not going to waste their time with a guy who is Clearly unattractive to them. They get a zillion messages. Far more than guys.


Guys get messages?

OP just pick some that are larger and not very attractive. Suddenly, the responses will start coming in. Women who are slim and attractive get lots of messages and they simply can't bother opening up all their mail. I met a pretty actress on here a while back, we became friends and she showed me the POF action she got. She didn't get "zillions" of emails but about 30 to 40 a day. The vast majority of emails she received she did not open and immediately deleted based on the thumbnail pic. She may have received more than an average looking woman, but it's still the same general idea.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 9
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Posted: 3/10/2015 10:21:59 PM
They could have looked at your profile first, and just not bother to open your message. Rather like getting a potted plant dropped on your head and not know it's coming.
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 10
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Posted: 3/10/2015 10:25:36 PM

Rather like getting a potted plant dropped on your head and not know it's coming.


The difference is the potted plant won't hurt your self confidence.
 Deedeelogan
Joined: 12/1/2013
Msg: 11
Unread/Deleted
Posted: 3/10/2015 11:36:07 PM
When I first signed up I read all my messages. Most of them went along the lines of "hey there sexy" or similar zero quality messages.

Now I very rarely read messages. I don't delete them, they just sit in the Inbox unread. The other Dee and Purple pretty much answered why I don't bother reading.

Because I don't delete, POF sends me reminders that I have unread messages. Currently I have several unread messages. Women who delete messages unread don't want to be bugged with the POF reminders and don't want to read the message before deleting, probably for one of the reasons already covered above.
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 12
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Posted: 3/11/2015 1:27:51 AM
People delete messages unread because they aren't interested. It is really no different than reading a message and not responding. Back in the day, when I used this site, I deleted messages unread all the time. Especially from people looking for long term as I never had any form of dating as an option.

Before you say "If someone takes the time to send you a message, the least you can do is respond with not interested", that is why the deleted/unread flag was the bomb. When women reply with a "not interested" email, 99% of the time, the men respond with something, even if it is "Ok, thank you". I have just told you I am not interested, so why would I be interested in anything further you have to say?
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 13
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Posted: 3/11/2015 2:53:10 AM
Main pic, main reason.
Not interested.
Its time wasted.

I dont want to say "We are not a match" when he thinks we are, for *whatever reason* and then goes off on me or some tangent about being shallow.

My advise is to present your best self in a pic first.
Some women like the Jeremiah Johnson look, most dont imo.
If you are seeking a biker "chick", your matches will look like 60 ish biker chicks and are probably not who you are e mailing.

JMO of course.
 HarlyRdr4u
Joined: 2/11/2014
Msg: 14
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Posted: 3/11/2015 6:07:22 AM
Thanks for the responses. Good points all :)
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 15
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Posted: 3/11/2015 6:33:50 AM


OP just pick some that are larger and not very attractive.


Based on what, other than a passive/aggressive need to bash women? Us fat ugly women don't answer any contacts we aren't interested in either. Just like larger and not very attractive men don't answer contacts from women they aren't interested in. What is with your need to lash out at women?
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 16
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Posted: 3/11/2015 8:45:47 PM
To Opp : I think it is a matter of women not really looking for a keeper , it is all about the sorting now . They just keep sorting and sorting , hoping desperately for that fantasy man that never materializes . Then the realization sinks in that the man they really wanted was left in the discard pile , with no chance of going back .So they continue to sort , rinse , repeat over and over etc.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 17
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Posted: 3/11/2015 9:35:09 PM
^^^ and you don't think men do the same thing? Long hair and tits, that's what it's all about. So they pick long hair and tits and wonder why there is no depth or intelligence. Just as many men, if not more, have no idea what the want and make poor choices. And then guys like you whine thinking you're the "nice guy" that gets overlooked by "fussy" women when in fact...you're not a catch....for anyone.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 18
Unread/Deleted
Posted: 3/11/2015 9:38:36 PM


OP just pick some that are larger and not very attractive.


Based on what, other than a passive/aggressive need to bash women? Us fat ugly women don't answer any contacts we aren't interested in either. Just like larger and not very attractive men don't answer contacts from women they aren't interested in. What is with your need to lash out at women?


I think his dig was aimed more toward the OP than toward larger/less attractive women. He was basically telling the OP he needed to stick to women in his own league.
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 19
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Posted: 3/11/2015 9:40:39 PM
With 20 men for every woman on here , men really do not have that option .Even the women rated between 1 and 5 feel entitled to the fantasy man , very amusing this whole entitlement thing . I do not feel entitled to any thing I do not earn .
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 20
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Posted: 3/11/2015 9:51:42 PM

I think his dig was aimed more toward the OP than toward larger/less attractive women. He was basically telling the OP he needed to stick to women in his own league.


Thank you halycyon skies, I was just going to write something very similar before the POF server around here failed again. People who have self confidence issues always think "their type" are being attacked and take offense.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 21
Unread/Deleted
Posted: 3/11/2015 10:17:57 PM
HarlyRdr4u...my suggestion is to totally not sweat having the message deleted unread. No harm, no foul.
We can never ensure that we will be another person's preferred cup of tea. It is simply human nature.

Look at the bright side, you did not have to spend time or energy, nor did you have to endure heartbreak.
Hopefully the next woman to receive your message reads it, clicks your profile, and can't wait to see you straight away.

Good luck! :-)
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 22
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Posted: 3/12/2015 12:44:17 AM
But that's just it, we don't have leagues, what a person looks like isn't necessarily going to be what type they are attracted to. Nobody has to only contact people who look like them or whatever the league is suppose to represent. Some people are attracted to those who look/act/backgrounds like them, some people don't. And just because one is good looking doesn't mean they are attracted to what I might think is good looking, we are individuals. Nobody can tell what type of person another is going to be attracted to, just as nobody should be telling others what type of people they should be attracted to. People are attracted to others for all kinds of complicated reasons that they may not even understand.

Let's say someone is using the whine that women are this or men are that, and that's the reason they were rejected. But we don't know that, we don't even know what that person looked like or what they were looking for, the whine always is that this person is a horrid, gold digging man or woman hating jerk or whatever the complainer is saying is the reason. They may well be talking about a perfectly decent, nice person that simply wasn't interested. Even if the person who harmed the complainers ego was a cold, wretched monster, it's still about that person not being interested and the whiner making that into this rejecting person is wrong. Life doesn't work that way.
 WhoamI_46
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 23
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Posted: 3/12/2015 5:07:24 AM
I will read someone's profile first. If I am not interested in what they have to say, then I don't reply to them.

It really is that simple. And for men to come on here and rate someone in the 1 -5 range, and say that these certain types of women are just expecting too much?

If you have that kind of attitude , it will come across your profile. Maybe that is why the "good guys" always get rejected.

It has nothing to do with you, it has to do with the people reading the message. Maybe they have some self worth, dignity and want what they want. Why do we continue to belittle people for their choices?

Demidar: not sure why you continue to be on here. Your personality is horrible, and you constantly degrade women at every chance you get. You really are a bully. And if you find that even the women in the 1-5 range don't answer you, there may be a very real reason for this.

The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem. Please Demidar, get some help.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 24
Unread/Deleted
Posted: 3/12/2015 6:55:31 AM

But that's just it, we don't have leagues, what a person looks like isn't necessarily going to be what type they are attracted to. Nobody has to only contact people who look like them or whatever the league is suppose to represent.


Yes, there are leagues, whether people will admit to them or not. The truth is those who contact others that are significantly more attractive than themselves typically don’t do well in the online dating world. The OP started a thread lamenting that women were deleting his messages without reading them.

Several people have suggested to him some of the reasons why he might be having no luck. Some of the responses have been less than diplomatic---however, there’s still a kernel of truth to them. No, the OP doesn’t have to follow anyone’s advice, but then he really has no room to complain, either.
 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 25
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Posted: 3/12/2015 8:00:54 AM

Yes, there are leagues, whether people will admit to them or not. The truth is those who contact others that are significantly more attractive than themselves typically don’t do well in the online dating world.


Absolutely there are leagues, everybody wants to tiptoe around the issue in fear of appearing superficial, but the fact of the matter is that the first thing you look at in a profile are the pictures. The first reaction you are going to have is yay, nah or maybe by how they look. This occurs even more so in the world of online dating. The picture is really the only objective thing in the profile. I know, old pictures, fake pictures but assuming they are current and real whether a person is attractive to you is a quick and easy decision.

If a person deleted your email without reading it she probably wasn't attracted to you. The other side of this is that there are enough people out there that there will be people that are attracted to you and you to them. The best way not to find them is to spend too much time thinking about the ones that say no or becoming bitter because of being rejected and getting the "screw em all" attitude.
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