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Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 1
Red flagsPage 1 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Mine are men whose children aren't part of their lives, and men who refer to their exes as "****es". What you all got? What are red flags that come up for men during the messaging stage?

(FYI if you don't like my threads, feel free to ignore them. No hard feelings. Or have a heart - while most people are enjoying spring, I'm bed ridden with the flu and a choice between these forums and reruns of Family Guy.)

And yes, I used to be the koala bear.
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 2
Red flags
Posted: 3/13/2015 4:17:18 PM
Red flags....
Men who say in a profile...
No drama queens. (if you swear off of them you must be the problem)
I have baggage but its stored. (yup you still got baggage)
Men who think they are Christian Grey. (If you have to tell me your in control, you already lost it)
Men who say "I love you" the first time... (Your cute honey, but I don't want to keep you.)

Ok... will think of some more but the pizza is done.

As Always,
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 3
Red flags
Posted: 3/13/2015 4:19:30 PM
Red flags come up during telephone conversations, in addition to messaging:

1. Newly divorced.
2. Still married.
3. Hasn't had a relationship since his divorce. (I don't want to be the rebound girlfriend.)
4. Talks about sex.
5. Couldn't spell his way out of a paper bag.
6. No visible sense of humor.
7. Mean, sarcastic or caustic.
8. Talks negatively about his ex.
9. Admits he doesn't exercise.
10. Doesn't listen.
11. He monopolizes the conversation.
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 4
Red flags
Posted: 3/13/2015 5:03:08 PM
I'm sorry you have the flu
Never gotten into a long msg stage so no idea.. in a profile
-likes to cuddle
-says something sexual first ( and last) msg
-nothing but solo interests, and anything to do with camping
-uses words like adventure, soul mate, up for anything, looking for an attractive woman, no game players
-Some guy msged me the other day, his profile actually said
" I cannot have children" He was 50.
When they talk about all the stuff they USED to do
When I first joined I spoke to a few Men on the phone.. the flags were
- an accent that would make my ears bleed
-throat clearing
-C and W music in the background
feel better soon
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 5
Red flags
Posted: 3/13/2015 5:04:30 PM
Red flags are difficult to see when wearing rose coloured glasses.
Especially in moonlight.
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 6
Red flags
Posted: 3/13/2015 5:21:54 PM
^ Haha.

Thanks, Ouija. I wish cuddling were more common without sexual innuendos. Human contact is so important, whether a person is in a sexual relationship or not. What I wouldn't give for someone to spoon with. But we all know how men interpret that.
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 7
Red flags
Posted: 3/13/2015 5:52:33 PM
ANY reference to cuddling, what a great kisser he is, how passionate he is, snuggling...EEEGHHH!

Lists "sex" as one of the things he couldn't so without ( OKStupid has this list)... like this needs to be said, especially from a man.

Left his baggage on the train (no one does)

Says how you can "score extra points" by knowing what sort of obscure trivia reference he's listed in his profile. I need to try to "score points" with some shmuck I don't know.

Drama free...he'll be pouting by date 2.

Asking questions like the sort you see on Ask A Girl "Can anyone out there tell me why ladies....." (fill in the blank with some stereotypical female habit)

He's into yoga, kayaking, skiing, snorkeling, skydiving, the gym and you'd "better be able to keep up with me."

Separated/open relationship..forget it.

Christian Grey wannabes..lots of them. They'll write "ever been curious about what it's like to be dominated? Come know you want it..." just assuming he's going to pull some non-existant fetish out of you because he's THAT AMAZING.

"I love to laugh and make people laugh" or any variation thereof...pass.

That's just some...

I do not date online anymore, but I have noticed it's become more crude even in the past few years...lots more shirtless photos, pants pulled down almost to the pubic hair, and the dreaded topless photos of the guy trying to look all snugly in bed.

My rule of thumb is, if a guy either posts a photo or says something that would not be appropriate if we had met at a party in real life take a pass. I highly doubt if you met someone at a friend's potluck he would strip off his shirt for you and give you the bedroom eyes, then tell you how much he likes sex and ask how come ladies always lie about their weight?

Can you imagine that? It sounds funny but women are now expected to make a judgement call on men based on EXACTLY that. And men wonder why more and more women have had it with OLD.
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 8
Red flags
Posted: 3/13/2015 6:39:55 PM
Every pic is of him in a bar or w/ a beer in his hand, or seemingly drunk.

Don't you have one sober pic?

Too many pets or kids in all of his pics.

Politics & religion in his ad.

Demands Barbie when he is no Ken.
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 9
Red flags
Posted: 3/13/2015 6:59:44 PM
^ So many chubby men looking for athletic/petite women.

I wonder why no men are saying what their red flags are? Too busy editing their profiles, I suppose. Ha.
Joined: 3/2/2015
Msg: 10
Red flags
Posted: 3/13/2015 7:21:35 PM
One red flag doesn't stop me, it might just be a quirk
Joined: 11/28/2014
Msg: 11
Red flags
Posted: 3/13/2015 7:23:19 PM
Huge red flag if a woman isn't in their children's lives. May be some exceptions but I have seen where people act like their children are throwaways when they get in a new relationship. I never could understand, even before I had my two sons. Still don't and never will.
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 12
view profile
Red flags
Posted: 3/13/2015 8:37:07 PM
My red flags are:
1. women who claim to be single and yet they have children.
2. women who are separated, but insist that they want their date to be single.
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 13
view profile
Red flags
Posted: 3/14/2015 6:11:07 AM
Women that post nothing but group photos with their friends. "Guess which one I am!" I can, you're the biggist/plainist/oldist.
Six or more kids. No, I had not planned to be part of your entourage.
Unemployed, or retired, in your fifties.
Lists wanting to travel overseas.
Doesn't like to cook. (Has terminal reservations at the local beanery)
Take me as I am. (Has a discount card at Goodwill)
Reply to messages in 25 words or less.
Goes to concerts/shows constantly.
No wheels/doesn't drive.
Multiple times married/divorced.
Likes to ride Harley's. (You would NOT like the way I ride. Or my bike)
Multiple tattoos, or large ones.
Activities or interests that require sitting for long periods of time.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 14
Red flags
Posted: 3/14/2015 8:59:33 AM

Huge red flag if a woman isn't in their children's lives.

Or if they do the opposite, with the "My kids are my whole life" line. That makes it sound like any guy in her life is just a fashion accessory and money source.

Other red flags are any negative comments, and where they list what they DON'T want, like the standard line that a lot of women use-"If you're a player, liar, or cheater, looking for a one night stand, don't contact me." The English translation is she has baggage and issues that will never let her trust a guy, and will forever make a guy jump through hoops to prove himself. But in the mean time, he could shower her and her family with gifts and freebies and pay for things.
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 15
view profile
Red flags
Posted: 3/14/2015 9:15:29 AM

Msg. 3:
1. Newly divorced.
3. Hasn't had a relationship since his divorce. (I don't want to be the rebound girlfriend.)

I met one of my best friends on POF. Luckily (in this case), I waited until meeting to ask how long he had been divorced. When he said, “3 days,” any chance of dating evaporated. We had a pleasant, typical first-meet conversation and ended the evening with, “Let’s be friends.” And now, four and a half years later, our (platonic) friendship is rock solid. I trust him with my life.

My point is not that dating a newly unattached person is a good thing. It’s that befriending a newly unattached person can be.

A red flag I haven’t seen mentioned is when people suggest they have stockpiles of money. This can come in the way of photos of multiple expensive toys and/or property and discussion of purchases that shout, “If you won’t date/bed me for me, at least let me tempt you with my wealth.” Often there is an undertone of, “I’m a workaholic and have little time for you, but, babe, imagine the possibilities …”

I prefer to look past the vault of gold to see if there is a heart of gold.
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 16
Red flags
Posted: 3/14/2015 9:36:56 AM
- Not looking for hookups/No Players.

Duh. I won't waste my time proving I'm not like 'those other dudes'

- Water not seeking its own level (i.e. average body type seeking athletic, low income seeking high income, etc.).

I'd be in the same category if I were exclusively seeking athletic women with PhD's with no kids. Buot I'm not.

- No Coffee Dates! C'mon, be creative guys! Impress me!

Nah. Pass. Next. How about you impress me sweety? Please tell me there's more to you then 4 hour daily gym routines.

- Never Drinks.

Not so much a red flag as more incompatible.

Why the contact social drinkers is interesting too. 'I don't mind being your driver and watching you drink.'

Really? That doesn't sound like fun to me.

- Girly Girls.

They're only interest appears to be staying pretty. I suppose the male equivalent is the guy that has a good job and think's that all it takes, lmao.
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 17
Red flags
Posted: 3/14/2015 9:38:50 AM
Calling myself out on incorrect use of they're instead of there.

I get a pass on buot. Wireless keyboard here.

WTF is my Edit Post link??
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 18
Red flags
Posted: 3/14/2015 11:10:45 AM
A red flag is people who try too hard to find red flags. They will psycho-analyze every word in a profile and message, looking for hidden meanings. If they actually meet someone in person, they will watch the other person like a hawk, looking for any gesture that might seem "off".
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 19
view profile
Red flags
Posted: 3/14/2015 11:23:04 AM
These aren't so much red flags as they are deal breakers:

Must have a picture to contact this user, but you are looking for friends(or talk/email back in the day)
Must be below say 40 to contact this user, but this user has no problem contacting me.
Using "LOL" anywhere in a profile, or email.
Sending a first contact email that says "Hi! Wht u up 2?" My twelve year old has better communication skills.
Asking a question that can be answered by reading a profile.
Using "ghetto" slang. I don't speak it, nor do I have an interpreter handy.
Changing stuff on your profile to get around my filters.
Using fake pictures. No one likes a man without confidence.
Having "Looking for an attractive woman" anywhere in your profile. This would be a given, as all the rest of the men here aren't looking for ugly women.
Having"Looking for a womens to spend time with". I don't know if this is so much funny as it is sad.
Listing yourself as "athletic". Being able to reach down and grab the soap you have dropped in the shower does not make you an athlete.

Well, that is all I got at the moment.

Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 20
Red flags
Posted: 3/14/2015 11:25:22 AM
Speaking of deal breakers, this morning I got two messages from a man who wrote:

"I don't read more than a paragraph of a woman's profile...if it's too long I skip it and just look at the pic, age, height and build...nothing else matters that much, and if we want to talk and have a real conversation ...all that other shit will be talked about on the phone."

I feel offended by his swearing. If all he cares about is a woman's body, he is not the man for me. I am much more than a fit body. He looks grumpy in his one photo with sunglasses and his bare profile says nothing about him. He blew it.

Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 21
Red flags
Posted: 3/14/2015 11:33:50 AM

Calling myself out on incorrect use of they're instead of there.

I get a pass on buot. Wireless keyboard here.

WTF is my Edit Post link??

Bah ha! Dam that grammar thread! You know what? I love comma splices, I'm going to continue to use them. And sentence fragments. And I'm not even going to qualify them. Well, maybe in acronym form (CS, SF, SF, CS).

Wanderlight: Thank-you :) I'm feeling better today, albeit mildly delirious. And I'm loving this thread - so much more than those silly profile reviews where people try to make people into people they aren't. (Did that sound like Dr. Seuss?)
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 22
Red flags
Posted: 3/14/2015 11:47:39 AM

Speaking of deal breakers, this morning I got two messages from a man who wrote:

"I don't read more than a paragraph of a woman's profile...if it's too long I skip it and just look at the pic, age, height and build...nothing else matters that much, and if we want to talk and have a real conversation ...all that other shit will be talked about on the phone."

I feel offended by his swearing.

Literate: He sounds like a keeper ;)

Appreciation for profanities is so very subjective. I too came from a bit of an uppity environment. I don't much care for the word "sh*t"; or "b*tch", for that matter. But I love the word "f*ck". "F*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!" It's sooo liberating! Try it!! For all of our sakes :) :) :)
Joined: 2/14/2015
Msg: 23
Red flags
Posted: 3/14/2015 12:06:13 PM
women that look for red flags .... is a red flag.
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 24
Red flags
Posted: 3/14/2015 1:37:55 PM
His last message to me was: "I had a genuine interest in getting to know you....and more than just your sweet body....but, I really felt misunderstood by you."

Au contraire. He was abundantly clear.

He is blaming me for not understanding him. Boo hoo.
"You misunderstood me" is probably his go-to excuse when his cretinous, insensitive talk gets him into trouble.
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 25
Red flags
Posted: 3/14/2015 1:46:06 PM

Calling myself out on incorrect use of they're instead of there.

Actually, it should be “their.”

Close, though. :)

Let´s not mistake red flags with handicaps or deal-breakers, huh?

I dunno…. “married,” “desperate,” and “scammer,” sound like deal breakers to me. “Handicaps”….?? Obviously, each individual decides red flags/deal breakers for him/herself and what to call them.

At this point my red flag is a man trying to push me or otherwise manipulate me, trying to apply his agenda to me. I don’t like smooth talkers and phonies, men who want what they want when they want it with no thought to others. I like men who acknowledge they aren’t the center of the universe.

Face in electronic device constantly = instant, total deal breaker.
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