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 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 1
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
In these days of equality, shouldn't traditions be updated too?

Why does a man’s commitment need to be quantified by a diamond?

Is the honeymoon supposed to be the bride's gift to the groom?

I realize topics such as marriage and rules of engagement are advanced and mind numbing for some of the forumites, so I apologize for any offense :)
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 2
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 7:30:52 PM
If I ever get engaged again, if I can lift my hand with the ring on, then he doesn't love me enough. :P

Kidding. Sort of. I would want an engagement ring if I were to get married again. But I don't necessarily think the man should have to shell out for the entire thing, necessarily. Now, if the man is a multimillionaire and she is not, then I'm sure he can cover it. As for the honeymoon, same rules apply. (In reverse if she is the multimillionaire and he's not).
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 3
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 7:58:53 PM
double post
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 4
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 8:00:16 PM
@OP


In these days of equality, shouldn't traditions be updated too?


Why don't you give us some practical examples?


Why does a man’s commitment need to be quantified by a diamond?


It doesn't; there are many other types of stones that can be used that are far less expensive. Its all in accordance of the financial means of the individuals involved.


Is the honeymoon supposed to be the bride's gift to the groom?


If so then I've yet to hear of a case where the groom has declined to accept it!
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 5
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 8:04:53 PM

Why does a man’s commitment need to be quantified by a diamond?


If a man felt that way I certainly would not be putting his ring on my finger.

Common sense: It tells other men she is "taken" and it tells other women she is "getting married". Both are beneficial socially. Women gush over that and share common stories - plans - advice in the same way they do a pregnant woman or one with a newborn.

It's a social sign to everyone of stepping from one "place" to another. Another ring may do, yes, but a single diamond is a definite "engaged" symbol. If it started out that a piece of granite was the chosen then every woman would want a piece of granite.

Thought you were going to stop being cynical on the forums? :)

Edit to below: Then he knows what to expect from her, and she knows she has something to sell to secure a couple months' housing in the case of a separation. Now I'm being cynical :)
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 6
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 8:15:30 PM
I thought it would make for good, and polite banter here.

I'd easily offer a diamond, minus any expectations of value.

As a many married individual, I wouldn't marry again, anticipating it to end either.

I'd treat it as my final relationship, and offer whatever I could afford :)

Sadly, a co-workers brother was expected to provide a ring of at least $15K in value.

I have no idea what his brother earns, but I am disappointed that a specific value was expected.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 7
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 8:20:35 PM
My birthstone is white diamond, so I have a couple, but I am not remarrying my ex, complicated story.

Tradition is man gives woman the ring.

Woman gives man heart(ache)
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 8
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 8:24:52 PM
There used to be a thing where the guideline was something like 2 months of salary or something to that effect.

If the blushing bride is expecting that he pay 15K for a ring, then she is not getting what the meaning of the ring is. Back in the day, the future bride would show the groom they types of ring styles she likes, and what would be flattering on her hand, and then leave him to it.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 9
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 8:36:12 PM
I have never had an engagement ring, despite being married for 23 years.
Am not a jewellery person, besides the diamond snags my pantyhose.

Everyone is different.

Save the money for the honeymoon.
Or a house deposit if you are young and looking to be first home buyers.

I do like the idea of gold wedding bands however.
Great to wave in eyesight of someone making unwanted advances.

I still have the dint in my ring finger even though I have not worn it for 10 years.

Being personally partial to blue topaz, I have a lovely dress ring which I bought for myself and put on one day to attend a ball with a man I had been seeing for some time. He commented that I had put it on the wrong finger and made me change from the engagement ring hand to dress ring.

 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 10
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 8:37:36 PM
I thought same thing Oz.

Better to prioritize a house deposit.
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 11
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 8:39:26 PM

Sadly, a co-workers brother was expected to provide a ring of at least $15K in value.

I have no idea what his brother earns, but I am disappointed that a specific value was expected.


If you don't know what this guy is earning then why jump to conclusions!

Clearly, if the guy is barely making a livable wage then 15K is bit much and he should realize that she is being unreasonable (and probably gold-digging as well) and give serious thought about calling it off.

But if he is pulling in 200K (or better) then paying 15k for a ring should be no sweat
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 12
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 8:41:07 PM

Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?


How else are the Robbins brothers going to make the mortgage payments on their homes?
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 13
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 8:49:00 PM
It's more responsible to save for a house deposit. But for a first time marriage, almost every girl I know dreams of the marriage proposal, the ring, etc. Is a few hundred dollars (or whatever they have to spend on a ring) going to make a huge difference to the house downpayment?

For those of us who have been engaged and married before, most of us already have a house and/or other comparable assets. I think I would be disappointed if I didn't get one if I was to be asked to marry again. Don't ask me why, because I don't quite know the answer to that.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 14
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 8:53:30 PM
Rules of engagement - *chuckle*
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 15
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 8:59:35 PM
I've been engaged though I've been called fiancé.

Is the ring necessary? Not to me, but it would be nice to get one with my favorite gem (sapphire), very simple and plain, nothing I would get mugged for, and nothing too expensive in case I lose it. Oh, and our names engraved inside.

I'd get a ring for him too, one that looks formal but tasteful, something that can be mistaken for a wedding ring......cause I'm evil like that *little devil face* shoe away other women, lol.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 16
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 9:24:39 PM
married in the 80's: son's mom and I exchanged simple gold bands, no stones.

If the diamond or other expense of the ring is a reflection of my "success," then chalk me up in the failure column.

As for the ring being something for the hens to cluck over and a warning to other roosters: not buying it. If I have to "mark" my territory like some feral mongrel to lay claim to a simpering vixen, I've obviously hitched my wagon to the the wrong filly. Seems to me that any woman strong enough to put up with me is strong enough to let other broncos know she is "taken" or has otherwise found her heart's desire.

TK
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 17
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/21/2015 10:29:59 PM
I think the average couple pays for their own rings and wedding and honeymoon, since most of them are both working and likely living together. But yes, engagement rings are as expected now as their were in the 20th century, and most women worked back then too. It all depends on which traditions you want to practice. I know several women who bought their husband's wedding band, he bought her rings, or they bought them all together based on both their incomes. There are still patents paying for weddings and dresses but since most people work, that's not expected so much anymore, but that goes back to how you want life to go. I don't think any man should buy a ring or whatever if he doesn't want to, nobody is forcing you, if you don't like these things, don't do them, if the woman doesn't like it, you aren't a match.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 18
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 12:34:34 AM

Sadly, a co-workers brother was expected to provide a ring of at least $15K in value.


Well, she has set her price. Recommend that the services to be provided and the duration thereof be confirmed before the formal presentation of the bauble.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 19
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 2:44:04 AM
While I highly doubt that I'll get married at this stage of the game....

I have never been married and yes, should that happen, I want the proposal and the wedding band not so much an engagement ring, although no harm in a few Socially responsible Canadian diamonds... ;-)

If I had my druthers, we would buy each other's bands, with consultation, as they are the one wearing it, and they would be meaningful to us.

Something simple...not into flashy jewelry myself....

As far as the monetary value of the 15k preferred diamond...Well many men believe that their car is a reflection of their 'worth' and that's the same way many women value the size of the diamond on the engagement ring....Or at least that's how I understand it, and I could be wrong....

For others it's a symbol of a feeling an expression of how they 'value' you as a woman and their partner...

For me, it's a tangible reminder that somewhere in this big and sometimes scary world, there is someone to whom I 'belong' and who 'belongs' to me.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 20
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 3:35:41 AM
^^beautifully rendered.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 21
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 4:43:10 AM
Actually we should go back in time before just men gave such expensive pre wedding "gifts" if the woman is getting a gift of a costly ring.

I think in India men are presented with a woman that has been acquiring gold for many years as a dowry.
Gold has value and always will in our life time.
Pressed carbon, is actually worth very little.

Men used to get land, sometimes homes, farms, goats, cows, horses and things of real value.

I much rather have that home, real estate or a down payment on a new Honda myself if hes going to insist on spend money like that.
Ive had the jewels. Not impressed.They don't have meaning/value to me.
You pay 5-30 grand for a ring, the marriage may not last or you get in a bind and then you find out its not worth much at all compared to what you spent..

Get the land/home whatever..even stocks.

It was still tradition where I grew up to get the man a engagement gift many years ago.
It wasn't the equivalent of a ring in most cases, but I had a house and he didn't, so he came out on the good end. The dam thing fell out of my setting-and was lost/vacuumed up or swept out.
The house still stands today back in that town.

No, rings like that are for people imo ( usually young) who need to impress or need to feel some extra validation.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 22
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 5:07:28 AM
"I much rather have that home, real estate or a down payment on a new Honda myself if hes going to insist on spend money like that.Ive had the jewels. Not impressed.They don't have meaning/value to me."


My late husband had the same opinion with regards to diamonds and jewelry in general. I'm not going to lie I used to love all jewelry but now I tend to be more into costume jewelry cause it's just more fun.

But did you know you can have a person's cremains made into a diamond?
So I guess some diamonds really are more about the sentimental value. :)



IOp.....each couple should decide what is best for them in all aspects of their future together.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 23
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 5:44:42 AM
^^^ LOL^^^
I adore diamonds. I probably will never be asked for my hand again but if so..
said hand best have an Asscher cut diamond on the ring finger.
But if we are avoiding tradition -
It can be blue :/
 You_Never_Knew_Me
Joined: 3/16/2015
Msg: 24
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 6:22:52 AM
^^^^^
Ascher cut diamond????? Great, now I have to do research before I go to church.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 25
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 7:01:14 AM
Many diamond rings and wedding bands end up in pawn shops when a marriage tanks. Would women flip out if they found out that their guy bought a "second hand", previously owned diamond ring at a pawn shop because it was a fraction of the price of a brand new one? Speaking of second hand, I've seen wedding dresses for sale at second hand stores. How many women dream of going to a second hand store store to buy their wedding dress? But guys wear second hand clothes on their wedding day, when they rent a tux that could've been worn by a hundred other guys previously on their wedding days. A lot of guys would be just as happy getting married wearing cut off shorts, flip flops and a t-shirt. They might even iron the t-shirt beforehand.
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