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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Need some help deciphering someones behavior      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Funky_Monk
Joined: 4/3/2010
Msg: 1
Need some help deciphering someones behaviorPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So I was dating this woman I really like for about 3 months and lately it's started to cool off and I'm not even sure if I want to stay as friends. So what's bothering me is her indecisiveness and flakiness. For example one night we talked about hanging and she asked me to come over to hang. so I said immediately after that I was hopping in the shower then heading down and I'll be there soon so 15 min later I stated heading down to her place, so when i was en route I sent her a text and said I was on my way then I got a text back "oh your coming? I'm actually not feeling like hanging out anymore, are you mad?" and I said "no but it is a little frustrating, lets just hang out another time" Her: "Oh my god your so chill and understanding!"

So stuff like this happened a lot here's another example:

Her: want to go for sushi
Me: yea I'm down for that, when would you want to go?
Her: I can be there in 15 min, wanna meet there?
Me: Sure I can meet u there but I'll need a few min. because I'm just starting a soup stock
Her less than 1 min later: Are we eating there though? I already ordered takeout but if so I'll call and either cancel or delay
Me: Why would you order already I'm confused?
Her: because I didn't know if we were eating together

So this whole conversation took place in a 15 min span of time.

Then yesterday I asked her if she wanted to get together and go for a bike ride or a walk and I could come check out her new place. At the start of her conversation she clearly said she was planning on having a chill night of reading and yoga and mediation ect. and she invited me to do that with her but it's really not my thing when hanging out with people, I can dig meditation but that's something I do an my own. So I said i wasn't really into doing that. Then she texted me back shortly after asking if i wanted to meet her at the beach. So I said yes but i was just getting back from mountain biking, covered in mud and needed a shower and i had to ride home take a shower then ride to the beach wich is about 40km of riding. So as i was stepping out the door I got a text for her saying "Hey I don't wanna make you ride all the way down here for nothing but the sun goes down in about 40 min and I'm not staying out much past sundown" So I said we'll would you wanna do a night ride or go for tea? Her: we'll I honestly thought we were gonna meet up earlier, and you said you didn't want to meditate or read ect."
So I just said I'm just gonna stay in and we can hang out another time.

I just don't get that, you know I'm far away and it's going to take me a while to get there, you agree to hang out why can't someone put off their meditation or home yoga time to go on a short bike ride or a tea with a friend? Am I over reacting or would this piss anyone else off? She's super sweet and very beautiful and I was starting to really like her but I just don't understand her behavior.

Another time we spent the night together and she slept over and we had a great night, the next day she had some stuff to do in the morning and I walked her to the door and went to kiss her goodbye and she turned her face away and said "why are you being weird?" I just don't get that, any other girl would think it was weird if I DIDN'T kiss her goodbye.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 2
Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/22/2015 11:56:14 AM
OP, the mature me would say just simply cut ties and move on.

The immature me would wait for the next invitation, tell her you were showing up, and then 5 minutes after you were to arrive when she asks you where you are, tell you that you didn't think you were getting together and you got into doing something else, and perhaps you could meet tomorrow. Lather, rinse, repeat.

What's good for the goose, is good for the gander.
Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/22/2015 12:05:04 PM

So I was dating this woman I really like for about 3 months and lately it's started to cool off and I'm not even sure if I want to stay as friends.

what's to decipher? you and she have incompatibilities significant enough that you're planning to split up over them. quit griping and do it.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 4
Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/22/2015 12:05:29 PM
Is she 15?
Oh wait.. let me guess, she has a banging body ..right? Yup, you said it. Very beautiful.

Either way, date a girl that has a clue.
And another thing, if you can hear, try calling instead of relying on texts all the time. Hmm??
Texts, imo, can create alot of confusions. Phones are good for confirmations, clarifications, to hear the voice, their nuances. Hell, you could even throw in some phone sex.


Wait.. I think I'm being harsh on the girl. Maybe sit her down and talk with her. Help her.................. get a clue :D
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 5
Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/22/2015 12:10:28 PM

The immature me would wait for the next invitation, tell her you were showing up, and then 5 minutes after you were to arrive when she asks you where you are, tell you that you didn't think you were getting together and you got into doing something else, and perhaps you could meet tomorrow. Lather, rinse, repeat.

What's good for the goose, is good for the gander.



I utterly LOVE this!
*stands up applauses*
 Funky_Monk
Joined: 4/3/2010
Msg: 6
Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/22/2015 12:17:07 PM
I suggested talking/making plans on the phone, and said when texting things get lost in translation, but her replay was "I'm not much of a phone talker"
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 7
Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/22/2015 2:31:41 PM

The immature me would wait for the next invitation, tell her you were showing up, and then 5 minutes after you were to arrive when she asks you where you are, tell you that you didn't think you were getting together and you got into doing something else, and perhaps you could meet tomorrow. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Aside from the lather, rinse, repeat -- I wouldn't find say that's immature. In fact, that could be a good thing. At worst of course, just a possible waste of time (but possibly a time saver; see below). But at least the other person would get the message and end up doing less of that later in life if you let them know why, etc.

OP, she's doing that because she's iffy about you. She's not That into you, so she's going to have one-foot-in/one-foot-out. Thing is, you're experiencing this first-hand in action, and she doesn't realize it. You should point it out to her but not argue with her about it. Put that concept on the court... then do what's quoted here (and only do it again if she didn't get the message the 1st time). She'll end up feeling left-out/not-so-wanted, which will make her want you more -- or drop you if she really isn't that into you. Either way, you actually can save some time if your emotions are otherwise going to make you kinda-chase her anyway.

It's a good method to employ, IMO. When someone you're dating does things that nobody would like, but they can't or they refuse to see how/why it's a real problem and that it's just nothing -- great. Show them how it is. Sometimes that can turn a light-bulb on in their heads. Yes, if you're in chasing mode, your "gut" (emotions; never always follow that) won't want to do that because you don't want to risk losing her, as you'd fear her walking -- even if she does understand she was being unfair/self-centered.

If you're not chasing her, then it's an easy concept. Do what's quoted a time or two so she gets what She herself is doing...

Oh wait.. let me guess, she has a banging body ..right? Yup, you said it. Very beautiful.

Yeah, that will make a guy keep running around in circles for a gal who's unfair to him. After a while, said gal will think "Well, he's not an idiot. He knows what he's doing. If he doesn't like it, he can walk." Which is true to an extent... but it still contributes to her being bad at the same time as well.

OP, are you sure you were Actually Dating her -- and not just kinda/sorta dating her where nothing ever came to fruition? She's just wanting to keep you on the back-burner. This usually happens after 3 weeks (or 3-4 dates) or so, not 3 months. Although some people "linger" for months chasing someone who only has half-interest depending on the hour of the day, it doesn't mean they're actually Dating the person just because a lot of time has elapsed.
 Qura
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 8
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Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/22/2015 2:52:32 PM
You are 2nd best to some other things--maybe lots of other things. This is not the position you want to be in, so end it now if you are unhappy.

On the other hand, if she isn't prioritizing you and you are still having fun with her at times, stop prioritizing her, keep looking for a better match, relax about how she is, and enjoy what you *do* have with her.

The key is, you choose. Then be happy with it, either way.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 9
Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/22/2015 3:34:46 PM
"I suggested talking/making plans on the phone, and said when texting things get lost in translation, but her replay was "I'm not much of a phone talker""

Don't take this personally, but it actually sounds like you're wanting confirmation or a go get her....when she doesn't even want to talk on the phone, which you obviously do. It's a lot of work and a total waste of time trying to convince someone you want to do something they don't want to do, and it's a lot MORE work keeping on doing that. What she's telling you about talking on the phone REALLY is I don't want to inconvenience myself, or I don't want to communicate with you enough to talk on the phone when I prefer texting. Trust me, if you cave with her, she'll be leading you around by your nose, getting you to do everything she wants while she won't lift a finger to do anything for you.

Sorry, guy, but that's the truth.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 10
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Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/22/2015 9:12:43 PM
What's to decipher?
She's got you whipped....either do as you're told and shut up or dump her.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 11
Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/22/2015 9:32:11 PM
Chilling, texting..hanging...all this vague language.

Anyway, she's got all the power here, because you're the one who wants her more than she wants you. In fact it sounds like she could take you or leave you. Stop pursing this, you're allowing her to screw around with you, being vague, changing plans at the last second.

She's not into you.

Don't be her plan B. Be GONE. Man up and cut her off. I sure wouldn't put up with this. What on earth is there to gain? Just the glimmer of hope because she's sooooooooooooooooooo beautiful?

Go find someone who actually likes and respects you, if you're strong enough.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 12
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Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/23/2015 4:57:00 AM
Doesn't sound like the brightest bulb on the string.....

LMAO

As charmin said,....but I bet she's HOT, right?!?!?!

LOL
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 13
Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/23/2015 5:32:56 AM
Behavior isn't always reasonable, and behavior isn't always honest...

Your interpretation of what factors into relevance... is a special collection of nonsense. How are we supposed to decipher behavior, based on what you consider relevant?
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 14
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Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/23/2015 11:44:47 AM
No, she's NOT super sweet. She communicates poorly, she sends mixed messages, flakes on you when you're on your way to see her. Think about it, when a woman is really into a guy, does she treat him like that? NO.



Am I over reacting or would this piss anyone else off? She's super sweet and very beautiful and I was starting to really like her but I just don't understand her behavior.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 15
Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/23/2015 11:56:57 AM
CaliRedx- What she said, x2!
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 16
Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/23/2015 12:02:19 PM

She's super sweet and very beautiful and I was starting to really like her but I just don't understand her behavior.


And she has the brain and attention span of a gnat.

Mystery solved.
 eastiowalady
Joined: 2/24/2014
Msg: 17
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Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 3/25/2015 4:13:44 PM
Best Response in the forum. I like your style.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 18
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Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 5/30/2015 7:27:13 PM
She is using you at her convenience. You are probably on the back burner for when other plans dont work out. She has you by the balls.Of course she is beautiful and can get away with that behaviour, at least with you. About time you turned the tables and dish out what she had done to you.

She is just not that into you. Occasional sex, yes. Having read that great wall of text that is what I am getting. She is holding you at arms length and the fact that she didnt want you to kiss her after a night of sex must tell you she is not in love with you in the least. If you are happy with that, then continue to see her and bang her. Until one day she just disappears altogether.

. This can be typical male behaviour and now you get to feel what it is like, I guess.
 SiennaKitten
Joined: 5/29/2015
Msg: 19
Need some help deciphering someones behavior
Posted: 6/3/2015 12:32:02 AM
Stop faking it and just tell her you're pissed off. Love the dedication though, got to say.
She seems like one of those people that just does things without taking others into consideration and being generally
aware of whats going on. Stepping into the 'not being a full tin' zone. Hard to say. Seems true though if already at this stage there is so much weird planning and meet up issues.
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