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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Women who live in NYC.. a question      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 2
Women who live in NYC.. a questionPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
This is more of a technical shortcoming of the POF.com website than it is a true dating issue.
A simple coding solution would be a mechanism by which to exclude certain states from a search.

When I was using the dating side of this site, I would often get Staten Island or Long Island matches...no thanks.
Even though they might only be 20 miles distant that could be several HOURS away depending on time of day.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 5
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 3/25/2015 5:51:48 AM
Born & raised in NYC here & have been living North since '87 & currently have some property in CO now...
but, NY is a state of mind, the travelling esp. in Manhattan may be preferred by subway, bus or cab.

A woman who lives in NYC or the burbs, well it is sooo densely populated that they CAN limit themselves to other NYers only.

My advice? set your zip code either further north or west or south of where u live, I didn't look at your profile, but I assume Jersey?

oops- CT- well then set it further EAST or just set the mileage to 25 miles...
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 6
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 3/25/2015 5:56:34 AM
OP resides in Connecticut.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 9
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 3/25/2015 9:32:02 AM
There's no obligation to meet anyone from a list, and it's easy enough just to ignore and pass over any profiles that don't suit you, so I don't see a real problem, other than wasting a bit of time sifting through the list. That's like complaining about having a list of profiles where some of the women are less than an 8 or 9 in looks, and you won't settle for anything below an 8.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 11
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 3/25/2015 12:40:34 PM
MCL4...don't even bother with profiles that only list a state. Way too vague.
That is something gender-neutral and an indicator of someone just dipping a toe into the dating pool.

A person could pick a town 3-4 miles from their *actual* home if that concerned about security.
No sense writing when you already know the person is somewhat elusive and/or nervous.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 14
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 3/25/2015 2:02:08 PM
POF will default to broader searches if matches not found locally.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 16
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History
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 3/25/2015 2:34:04 PM
The answer might be because MANY outside of NYC will put NYC zip codes to attract NYC men because of the millions of potential matches. Matches that they won't get if outside the area. So they show up in your search since they probably don't live far from you in reality.

When ever I saw ones seeking MANHATTAN only, it spelled a few things:
1. they only want walking distance and most don't have cars in the city so it makes sense.
2. Looking for a well to do guy or a guy with a pad to crash in to save on their commute. Makes sense since traveling 30 miles into the city can take over an hour and whats NOT to love about a mate that has a pad in a city where a studio rents for 3k a month? Lol.

Back when I use to see matches I noticed many as far out as Philly...so who knows!
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 19
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History
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 3/28/2015 4:49:19 PM
You're not alone in this puzzle. I get profiles for 50+ miles away, but almost none in my local area. The very first thing I look at in a profile, is the distance. Dating does not include spending an hour one way driving to a date.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 21
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 3/30/2015 8:04:19 AM
One assumes you will be arriving into the city via Metro North train to Grand Central Station?
Why not coordinate a pleasant lunch in Manhattan so she can rendezvous with you via subway?
Good luck with your upcoming date. Hope you two get along well.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 24
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 4/1/2015 9:53:32 AM
Perfect. Sounds like you two have a plan. Good for you. Enjoy.
That's great...it will be cool and dry...perfect outdoor dating conditions!
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 27
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 4/2/2015 7:32:54 PM
Nice job!
It is terrific to read a "good news" post.

 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 30
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 5/27/2015 7:22:31 PM
Arranged marriage here in the states? Are they even legal? You got to be kidding me.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 33
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 5/29/2015 8:25:30 AM
MCL4...that is such a major bummer. Such unfortunate news to hear.
You had two dates, had planned a one-week trip to Florida, were contemplating living together, and perhaps marriage.
Sorry to learn the rug was pulled from beneath you by the other man whom she has been arranged to wed.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 35
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 5/29/2015 9:19:11 AM
Good for you for speaking your mind and letting her family know your viewpoint.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 36
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History
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 5/29/2015 12:39:47 PM

I grew up around Dominican people, the women are very money hungry, status hungry, and see men as ATMs unless they fall in love with a loser. Their motto is "Pelalo como a un platano" meaning "rid him of all you can and then leave him". This is one of the reasons why I couldn't relate to people in my neighborhood, their way of life and culture is totally bizarre compared to my own culture.

They are users, in relationships, in friendships, in every aspect of life, you are only good to them as long as you are of use to them. If you deny them a favor, you become the scum of the earth, they will badmouth you to everyone, and will never speak to you again. They believe in maximum reward, minimum effort, so anything that implies they'd have to earn something, they just don't participate in. You never know where you stand with them, especially if you're not of their same culture. You'll never meet people more selfish, self-centered, and inconsiderate as them



LOL--Don't hold back. I dated one and some of what you say was definitely true , they like to extract like vampires!

TBH you could generally replace Dominican with Russian/Ukrainians/etc except the badmouthing and contempt isn't there, unless you aren't one of them.

But the cheating factor is similar!
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 52
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 5/31/2015 11:51:05 AM
BelleAtlantic- I did what you asked and came here and read everything you posted.
My opinion still hasn't changed.
I do like you and think you are a good person, but your attitude about Dominican women still isn't good.
I don't believe all Dominican women are like that.
Some women can be real itches, users, cheaters, etc., but ALL women, of an entire culture?! No.
It seems to me like you had some bad experiences with SOME Dominican women and feel like they are all like the ones you came across, I don't see that as being possible.
I have heard about the reputation of Northerners, New Yorkers in particular.
I only went North once, to my former sister in laws wedding in Long Island.
I came across some rude people and some nice ones.
When I met the rude ones, I didn't think they were rude because they were Northern, I thought they were rude because they were jerks.
Maybe I'm a bit naive, I admit I've never traveled out of the US and I don't know anyone that is Dominican, but if I did meet a Dominican woman like that, or traveled there and meet women like that, I would STILL think it was that woman who had a problem, not representative of their culture and I would still believe that there was good women who were Dominican.
It isn't about the culture, the place, it's about the person.
Everyone has a choice, how they think, feel and act.
I don't think there is any country that you can go to and everyone is going to think and act the same.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 54
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 5/31/2015 7:22:16 PM
Belleatlantic- I'm not sure who said you are racist, but I just see someone who has had a very negative experience with Dominicans.
You can't say you have met good Dominicans if you haven't, but I would not want someone to visit some parts of the South and think the people there, the attitudes there, are representative of the South, as a whole.
I have been blessed to be born and raised in a part of Alabama/the South that is culturally blended and has influenced who I am.
This area of the South is a huge tourist destination, we are situated on the bay and near the Gulf, so although I am not well traveled, I have still had the chance to meet people from all over the world. (although not Dominican, YET)
If I grew up somewhere in the South other than here, places where things have not progressed as they should, would I be different?
I don't think so.
Even if I had, I couldn't claim to live in a complete vacuum, people can be around awful things growing up, but when we become adults, we start to see how other people act, live, and think, we have a chance to change and realize right from wrong.
These Dominican women you meet have left their country, they know not everyone behaves that way and even the ones that don't, unless they are so isolated they never read, watch tv or for whatever reason have NO hope to behave differently, they are making a choice.
I truly hope you meet a Dominican woman who has made a different choice, because I still think they exist.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 57
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 6/1/2015 4:00:11 PM
BelleAtlantic- I believe you, about the Dominicans you have met.
Your mothers story hits close to home, I lead with my heart and I'm a giver and sometimes that comes back to bite me.
I've had people use me too and it hurts.
What I have learned to do is cut those people out of my life and be more careful.
Our strategy with people is somewhat different. I too, keep people at a distance and I take small steps letting them in and trusting them, if they break my trust too many times, I will cut them off cold.
My tendency to lead with my heart is exactly how I wasted 22 years of my life.
Those closest to me know I haven't become jaded so much as wiser.
When I advice people on here, it's often the voice of experience talking.
I feel for your mom, been there done that, but even the hurtful things have taught me lessons, some of them the most valuable.
I still hope to make it to Florida, I would really like to meet you and KJ. :)
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 59
Women who live in NYC.. a question
Posted: 6/2/2015 1:24:31 PM
BelleAtlantic- It's in July? I thought it was happening in September.
I probably won't make it if it's July.
PM me if anything changes.
Give your mom a big (((HUG))) for me, she sounds like a wonderful person. :)
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Women who live in NYC.. a question