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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?      Home login  
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 BrooklynJax
Joined: 3/28/2015
Msg: 1
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
First time poster...

I only ask this because "divorces" have a negative connotation that once someone sees it, they have internal u-turn signals going off. I'm new to the "dating" game again and it's not that I feel old and out of touch, but getting to know someone beyond the initial "Hey" or the first date has me baffled. I'm a divorced, confident, 32, technology professional and collaborate with some of the best thought leaders our country has to offer but when it comes to dating/love-dar, I'm apparently behind in versions and need updates.

This is really just a post to see what people think, not necessarily to generate pity or picking someone up.

Cheers,
JK
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 2
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/1/2015 12:56:40 PM
Honesty is the best approach. So if you hide it and then go out on a date, it will come out, and then the other person will not feel that you are transparent and will wonder what else are you hiding.
 BrooklynJax
Joined: 3/28/2015
Msg: 3
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/1/2015 1:07:06 PM
Honesty is always the best route. I've tried both methods. Being up front, first thing that is said or bring it up later.

Seems like whenever it does, the hesitation is clearly there, in-person anyway. Could only imagine the behind the screen reaction...
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 4
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/1/2015 1:09:14 PM

Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?


Can't be any worse than dating never married in your 50's.

Sometimes I wonder if there is an "ideal", non-red flag dating prototype.

Maybe never married late 20's and that's it.
 BrooklynJax
Joined: 3/28/2015
Msg: 5
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/1/2015 1:17:39 PM
I wish I could like that post fullmoonguy. What is truly ideal? That's probably the best way to look at it.

Maybe I'm just over analyzing this...
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 6
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/2/2015 9:58:57 AM
The part about the word 'divorce' that is toxic towards new relationships is the time frame, not the word. If you are going through a divorce currently, forget it - many just simply won't deal with 'separated' as a policy - there's too many risks if you are not truly honest about your past relationship, and a lot are not even honest with themselves about grief and pain and loss and such.

If the divorce was 'recent', sometimes that can be equally toxic. Women don't want to be the 'rebound' relationship and therefore stay away from recent divorcees until maybe six months after so they have 'cleared' a proper time to grieve, mess around and re-establish themselves. Keep in mind, it's a personal choice of each person - not a policy across the board - there are exceptions.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 7
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Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/2/2015 10:07:21 AM

Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?


Absolutely!!! I took my divorce as an opportunity to start out fresh with a "clean slate" and oh-boy, did I ever have a good time!!!

I have to say dating in my 30s and post-divorce has been the greatest time of my life so far! It just keeps getting better for me..............

Take some time in getting over the emotional scars of divorce and don't rush. It does take some time. Also, work on improving the things you can and don't worry as much about things you can't. You'll be amazed at how things turn around.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 8
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/2/2015 10:22:16 AM
BrooklynJax...be assured that divorce is not an enormous curse that has befallen your life.
We have all had thoughts it was a huge strike against future success. You will soon see it has virtually no bearing.
Good luck with your ongoing romantic search. There is a lid for every pot and you'll find a great person soon. :-)
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 9
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/2/2015 10:42:42 AM

The part about the word 'divorce' that is toxic towards new relationships is the time frame, not the word.


There is some truth to that, but that only applies to people who are looking for all the stars to line up and to immediately point into relationship land.

OP,

I personally don't care about the "divorce" status. If anything, it means you were brave enough to make such commitment. For me, it would only matter if they were so used being married, that they expect to be married again, that's a no-go for me.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 10
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/2/2015 10:05:00 PM
I got divorced when I was 29. Ended up in a 9 year relationship a couple years later.

So no, I didnt find that part of my life to be that difficult. I would never hold a divorce against anyone. In fact, I prefer it to a "never been married." At least I know the person made a commitment to someone and TRIED to get along, regardless of how it turned out in the end.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 11
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/3/2015 1:13:38 AM
Being divorced in your 30s isn't weird, no. At all. You're more worried about dating & handling the dating scene and not screwing it up. I think maybe you Want being divorced to be a problem underneath it all because at least then you have a "culprit" to your anxieties & lack of knowledge/skill to the scene. It's an easy "reason", right? lol

No man, you being divorced in your 30s isn't an issue. Come on, you should know that. :)
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 12
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/3/2015 8:15:53 AM
Dude...

1 divorce? Really?

Get a few under your belt and try branding that package, lmao.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 13
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/3/2015 9:14:50 AM

I would never hold a divorce against anyone. In fact, I prefer it to a "never been married." At least I know the person made a commitment to someone and TRIED to get along, regardless of how it turned out in the end.


Very refreshing to read this from a woman's pov!
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 14
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/3/2015 11:02:33 AM

Get a few under your belt and try branding that package, lmao.


my mom had 3. In her last relationship all of us family said "if you want to be happy, for god sakes don't marry him". :)
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 15
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/4/2015 12:44:28 AM
I don't see a divorce as some weird, suspicious thing. Been there, done that.

I've also been in a 9 year relationship which didnt include marriage, and that ended too.

So......people only have ONE shot at getting that marriage or relationship to work...or that means our judgement is off?

Almost everyone on this planet has an ex.

You seem to have some impossible to reach standards which would require perfection, as well as being able to read the future.

There are LOADS of reasons why marriages, friendships, business partnerships and relationships end. People are cheated on, people grow and change, stresses and strains can shift things around, and many people find the stuff they were able to tolerate at the age of 21 doesn't work once you hit 30. (raises hand)

I guess the Beatles shouldn't have gotten together either..they only lasted about ten years together.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 16
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/4/2015 4:20:15 AM

For me, it' more of a red flag if you've had a failed marriage than if you've never been married before. Jmo.
I would wonder why it failed and why you couldn't make it work. I understand that things happen and maybe you weren't a match...but then I'd question your judgement.


That's your preference.

Personally, I don't think it's any of your business why a marriage failed, even if it were the one responsible for the divorce. So what? What judgement? Sometimes relationships don't work out for their intended purpose and evolve into something else, like into a relationship between co-parents or friends...
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 17
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Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/4/2015 8:31:32 AM

At least I know the person made a commitment to someone and TRIED to get along,

all you KNOW is that person underwent a ceremony. the rest is guesswork.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 18
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/4/2015 11:49:08 PM
Either scenario has it's risks.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 19
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Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/5/2015 5:04:21 AM
I don't think I would get involved with someone that had just divorced within the past year, since I now know it takes many people at least that long to sort of recover their balance again.

Other than that, it wouldn't matter to me so much.

And your 30s is prime time, enjoy it!
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 20
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/5/2015 9:33:17 AM
Whether a person is divorced or never has been married, there are many variables to make an assessment about that person based on just their marital status.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 21
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/5/2015 10:03:10 PM
I'm sure many people over 40 that have never married,

have been found by the right people on more then one occasion.
 WillyT990
Joined: 7/11/2015
Msg: 22
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 7/16/2015 7:23:54 PM
Not too long after my divorce was finalized, I got on this site or one like it and one of my matches was a local woman who was around a year younger than I was who had never been married. Considering this was around five years ago, that would have made her 34 or 35. Well, she looked good enough in her pics, had a job, a home of her own, no children etc. So, I sent a hello message and waited.

A day or two later, she responded back in a kind of distant way and asked if I'd ever been married, and if so, why was I now divorced. I responded that yes, I'd been married for nine years and that my ex-wife turned out to be someone other than the person she presented herself as when we met and at the time we married. Somehow, it didn't seem appropriate to say that I was divorced because after my wife lost 50 lbs, she decided she wanted to date someone she met at the gym while married and blamed her urges on me, but that's another story for another day...

Well, I didn't hear back, and the next time I looked at her profile, she'd turned her headline into something like: "Are there *any* men on here over 30 who haven't already been *divorced*?!?!?!?!" A few days after that, her profile disappeared.

Guess it's all a matter of perspective
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 23
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 7/16/2015 8:31:50 PM
^^^I've had men I never met interrogate me seriously about how come I didn't have kids if I'd been married. To quote our own Clooneystutor, "Meh. Discard and move on."
 WillyT990
Joined: 7/11/2015
Msg: 24
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 7/16/2015 8:57:05 PM
Hey NJGirl, Something that used to annoy me when I was married was all of her relatives doing that "Hey, y'all've been married X years, ain't it about time you had some kids? Why, I remember how great it was when we had our first..." ad nauseum... Fingernails on a chalkboard...

It can be a little bittersweet to be the odd man out, though. All my old friends now have children, and it seems I'm the only one who has any kind of freedom anymore.

It's not required just because a person is married, and there are plenty of people out there who shouldn't have had any and don't deserve the ones they had.
 UZEASY
Joined: 8/3/2015
Msg: 25
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 8/9/2015 5:56:17 AM
Pushing for someone for having kids I think is not realistic. My ex and her family was pushing a lot for it. I feel glad that it didn't get materialized or else I might had a stroke by now.
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