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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....      Home login  
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 BlondeCinderella
Joined: 12/2/2013
Msg: 1
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....Page 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
It's seems the longer I live....the more "criticism and condemnation" I encounter. And it seems, the older the man, the more critical he is........

Examples: "I eat WAY too much meat", "I eat WAY too much candy", "I spend WAY too much money on 'unneeded' stuff", "I spend way too much time doing 'unimportant' things", blah, blah, blah. Huh? I pay for EVERYTHING myself. I expect no one to buy me even one piece of chocolate (but I admit I do buy a LOT of it with my own money).

I'm happy, content, cheerful and enjoy each precious moment of living and at nearly 60 years old my time is running short, Darlin'....so why begrudge me what few "simple pleasures" I enjoy before I'm planted 6 feet under (which is fast approaching).......

I openly and genuinely give out compliments, kindness, a loving heart and good cheer and in return I receive resentment, criticism, ridicule and bitterness.

I, honestly and genuinely, don't care what other people do with their time or money.....so why are people (men over 50 in particular) so concerned with MY money and MY time? Share and bear your soul if you've got the guts Daddy-O.....

"If you see someone without a smile.....please give them yours" and puh-lez don't be stingy with your love - let's generously give all the love we have to give and make the world a better place to live.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 2
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/8/2015 6:51:26 PM
Sounds like they are interested in you...

I would only speak up and criticize someone I cared about.

Come to think of it, I know someone cares about me when they give me sh!t. A friend will be honest and not tell you what you want to hear.

I think you need to view their criticism as interest in you.

Whether or not it's platonic interest remains to be seen.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 3
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/8/2015 7:00:32 PM

The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is..."

I disagree. I surround myself with positive people. When I encounter a Debby Downer, I avoid that person.

The man I'm dating is 65, a clinical behavioral therapist with a master degree, who is athletic and energetic. John is kind, respectful, funny, thoughtful, calm and a wonderful lover. A Buddhist, John meditates daily. Yesterday he wrote me this letter:

"Mission accomplished is a gross understatement for my experience on my adventure to be with you. You awe me, Kathleen. You speak your truth and you listened to mine. I feel heard, respected, and want you to know that you were, as well.
I have a new feeling deep in my heart. I would like to explore so much more with you. Let’s do this so soon.
Peace, love and hugs,
John"

 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 4
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/8/2015 7:32:23 PM
once again literate hiker has a perfect life and never encounters anyone with imperfection. oh to be so lucky.

bitter older men are more critical. maybe they feel a loss of control and death approaching. maybe they control by being critical.
They are interested? that is like when people say that they only unkindly tease people they love. some people like that. some. may they find each other.

There are men who are not bitter. They are usually at home with their wives. LOL!
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 5
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/8/2015 7:38:53 PM
I have had the same experience as you have, BlondeCinderella. I used to prefer the men I dated to be about 5 years or so older. Something happened when I hit my late 30s and into the 40s. They didn't like the things I liked, and they behaved as if they felt they had to "take care" of me or "guide" me. I had to explain my silly hobbies (like my competitive dance classes, and listening to rap music), liked to wear the odd trendy thing, liked funky nail polish colours, etc, occasionally splurged on something frivolous but fun, etc. They were like my father, my lawyer, my accountant, my human resources advisor, my doctor, and my therapist all rolled into one.

I started dating my age or a few years younger, problem solved.

PS - what kind of blasphemy is "you eat too much candy?" :)
 stormy2728weather
Joined: 4/3/2015
Msg: 6
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/8/2015 7:44:52 PM
I don't have a new lover, it's not all about me, I can stay on topic because it's not all about me and the seemingly perfect can well be a flash in the pan for some, again. And no, I don't find men my age to be overly critical and yes, I surround myself with positive and upbeat people of both genders.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 7
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/8/2015 8:08:34 PM

Deetristate: once again literate hiker has a perfect life and never encounters anyone with imperfection.

Of course I have dealt with negative people. Everyone does.

stormy2728weather: And no, I don't find men my age to be overly critical and yes, I surround myself with positive and upbeat people of both genders.

Good for you!
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 8
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The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/8/2015 8:12:10 PM

bitter older men are more critical.

Dee hit it on the head..."bitter" older men.

Believe it or not, some of us are the opposite of the Demidar types....(gives candies and chocolates to all the ladies)
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 10
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/8/2015 8:44:34 PM
Msg 8 : You are right I am the opposite of you , I am the opposite of a mangina .
To Opp : Do not let any one tell you how to live your life . If some one doesn't accept another just how they are with all their attributes and faults , they are not worth spending time with .
msg 11 : You sound just like a feminist , not making any sense at all . Perhaps some one should check your depends for you ?
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 11
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The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/8/2015 8:48:52 PM
Wow! So you're the opposite of me AND a mangina.
That means that I'm in the middle, the "mangina" is the extreme left and you're the extreme right.

That's good to know.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 15
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/8/2015 10:50:14 PM

Believe it or not, some of us are the opposite of the Demidar types


@DF I think you just coined a new term :p

@ Op:
It's not just men as they get older--it's women too. Straight out of the gate and dating in our teens, still pretty flexible. As they get older, even in 20's and 30's + men and women who, for whatever reason, are unable to match their fantasy of perfection with a real person tend to get critical and judgmental.

Some of them turn into downright grouches .
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 16
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/9/2015 12:50:29 AM
Ever heard the term "Grumpy Old Men"????

Some people are just grumpy.
I also try to avoid them.

Love your term... "Get your flirt on"
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 17
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The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/9/2015 1:46:52 AM
Keep away from the angry, bitter and resentful. Simple. Some people are mean spirited, resent the happiness of others and what you do with your body what you spend your money on, is your business. Older men are often dealing with physical ailments, may be unhappy with the way life has turned out and have baggage. I wonder if men feel the same way about ageing women.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 18
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The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/9/2015 4:29:24 AM
I think that the correct, and more subtle realities are being overlooked with this.

The implication is that age itself CAUSES people to become critical, grumpy, and negative. That's not remotely true, even in most cases where it appears that someone you know HAS become more negative with time.

The thing is, it isn't TIME that does this to people, as much as it is what happens to them DURING the time that they go through.

I think the thing to watch out for, isn't so much people who are upset about things, as people who have come to believe that fussing is a normal and logical thing to do in relationships. Control freaks are the classic extreme of this.

I myself am an example of someone for whom experiences, no matter how sour, have given me greater perspective, and MUCH greater appreciation of all sorts of small human behaviors which make life a positive experience. I am LESS likely to complain about someone close to me, because I have been through so much, that I know how very difficult and complicated life actually is.

On the other hand, those of us who don't complain, might not be your perfect match either. Just search through and read all the posts where someone uses the phrase "red flag" here, and you can see the millions of ways people can decide to quietly walk away from each other.

But all in all, from a practical viewpoint, I would suggest that when you do run in to people who start trying to force change on you, or who complain about you as you describe, the logical thing to recognize is that you and they are simply incompatible.

And if you think you see a rising number of males like this, consider that as time goes by, that more and more of the positive thinkers and more caring ones are finding mates and disappearing. The sieves of life thereby deliver up more and more of those of us who are available because we ARE defective.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 19
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/9/2015 4:45:43 AM
Over the years, I finally figured out the last thing people wanna hear is that the things they are doing don't fit into what I believe. With that, I decided to change my thinking. Into what you may ask?

I don't give a flying phuck anymore.

My health is much better. I sleep extremely well. Anddddd, the bonus of it all? The stupid people are nothing but an imagination in my mind. And I laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

And then I sip.

Now they don't call me grumpy but, instead, crazy.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 20
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The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/9/2015 5:32:05 AM
Clooneys
I am beginning to understand why you have had three marriages if you criticise those you care about. That to me is the antithesis of caring and acceptance. I know people who say they criticise for the other person's good. Baloney.
A friend being honest is a different thing altogether.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 21
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/9/2015 5:58:57 AM
Irritability in Men and Mood Swings in Men

Mood swings in men are a primary symptom of andropause. Irritability as a result of a hormonal imbalance is a reality, especially for men between the ages of 40 and 60.

Irritable Male Syndrome

Irritable Men Syndrome or Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS) is the term used to describe the mood swings in men.Irritability in men is often a result of high stress cortisol levels and low testosterone levels. Some men respond by acting out while others hold these feelings in and become depressed. Behaviors characteristic of men with Irritable Men Syndrome include:


•Angry
•Sarcastic
•Tense
•Argumentative
•Frustrated
•Demanding
•Sad
•Impatient
•Anxious
•Hostile
•Unloving
•Withdrawn
•Defensive
•Dissatisfied

The Solution: Treatment for Irritable Male Syndrome

Men experiencing Irritable Male Syndrome or Irritable Male Syndrome are often in denial and find fault everywhere except themselves. As a man, it is difficult to recognize and admit that there is something wrong with yourself, that something has changed; hormonal problems are too often viewed as a women thing.

Although Irritable Male Syndrome is most often caused by high stress and/or low testosterone; high estrogen levels can also cause irritability in men. The main source of this imbalance is a declining level of testosterone associated with andropause and aging. Other factors can contribute to the andropause-related mood swings in men including weight gain. This creates fat cells which produce estrogen from testosterone. The higher the estrogen levels and the lower the testosterone levels, the greater the likelihood of irritability in men. Furthermore, high levels of the stress hormone cortisol diminishes testosterone levels, causing the same increased likelihood of mood swings in men. Certain medications can also cause hormonal imbalances.

https://www.bodylogicmd.com/for-men/irritable-men-syndrome

Google "Irritable Male Syndrome"
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 22
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/9/2015 6:06:29 AM
You know Letitia,

you might be on to something.

My breasts seem rather enlarged lately.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 23
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/9/2015 6:09:20 AM

"If you see someone without a smile.....please give them yours" and puh-lez don't be stingy with your love - let's generously give all the love we have to give and make the world a better place to live.


In other words, he's too cheap to pay for the first date and so needy he wants to move into your home after a week and complaining about paying $35 for your dinner. **** that.

It's best to let broken-down "sauerkraut picklers" find other people of their caliber; they're in abundance throughout POF. Your search may be more difficult; however, you need to find somebody who isn't going to bring you down to their level of morosity.
 Fire_and_Ice4_You
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 24
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/9/2015 6:45:15 AM
@DietFree.....You're a handsome man who doesn't sound bitter and you actually respect women.
Of course, other insecure *cough* men.... are going to name call and be jealous!
@dragon....Manopause....lol.
Thank goodness for decent, loving, respectful undamaged, sane men....
OP....I don't know if this is a joke question or what but at your age...make your own decisions.
 stormy2728weather
Joined: 4/3/2015
Msg: 25
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/9/2015 7:17:20 AM
"If you see someone without a smile.....please give them yours" and puh-lez don't be stingy with your love - let's generously give all the love we have to give and make the world a better place to live."

and then this:

{In other words, he's too cheap to pay for the first date and so needy he wants to move into your home after a week and complaining about paying $35 for your dinner. **** that.}

How the heck did you determine the above from the original posters line??? Where do you people come up with this stuff? You sound like a grumpy old lady.

And yes, sometimes folks just need a little poke to see a sunnier side of life. Generally, if you smile at someone they will smile back.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 26
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The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/9/2015 8:42:11 AM
I've encountered this a few times.

Example;
him - why don't you dye your hair?
me - I used to do that but decided I just don't want to go through all that anymore.
him - but most women dye their hair.
me - I just don't want to do it anymore.
him - you should get a nicer car.
me - gone silent as I have a 2011 Honda Accord and feel it's more than adequate.
him - you should go shopping at Nordstroms and Saks.
me - no, I often shop at Goodwill.
him - are you serious???
me - yes I am.
him - you should have a more recent photo.
me- didn't bother to respond. At least he was able to recognize me, I would have walked right past him.
We are no longer dating, lol.

Example #2
Upset with me because I left bigger tips than he felt was appropriate. I explained I like to leave generous tips as I was a waitress once. He accused me of being passive aggressive over this. I told him nobody tells me how to spend my money. And yes, I paid for my own meal. His profile says he is easy going.
We are no longer dating.

Example #3
Offered him fresh fruit, peeled, on a plate. He said I shouldn't assume he will want to eat the same things I do. WTF! He was apparently not capable of saying no thank you. I ate it myself.
We are no longer dating.

Others;
Shouldn't you put newspapers down on the basement floor? He came into the basement uninvited.
You should fix that broken doorbell. Yes, I should do that, or you could fix it for me. He didn't.
You should wear a watch, how can you make appointments on time? I met you on time without one didn't I?

Either you like me and we can go forward, or if you don't like me just say thanks but no thanks.

I'm not going to change my hair or car or shopping habits or generous tipping or watch wearing or fruit offering for you. So there! LOL.
 Axis555
Joined: 3/29/2015
Msg: 27
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/9/2015 9:05:50 AM
In my experience older men have always been very accepting and less critical and judgmental, like the over 40s. I don't think it's the same for older women though, they get more feisty :)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 28
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/9/2015 9:19:10 AM
Some people just feel the need to tell others what to do
Like me LOL Bossy as heck. But if someone tells me to not do something-
small meltdown.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 29
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/9/2015 10:21:45 AM

How the heck did you determine the above from the original posters line???


Cheapskates tend to be demanding and controlling.


Where do you people come up with this stuff? You sound like a grumpy old lady.


Considering that you're stated age is a more than a decade over mine -- perhaps it's older, if I remember at least two of your previous 'nyms -- I'd reserve the "old lady" snark for the people who complained in these forums, about women who do meet people and have relationships.


And yes, sometimes folks just need a little poke to see a sunnier side of life.


No. people don't have the right to poke me -- figuratively or otherwise -- and tell me how I need to feel or what to do with my body.
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