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 Axis555
Joined: 3/29/2015
Msg: 1
The fish that got awayPage 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Hi everyone, something has been troubling me for some time and I really need to have a bit of a vent and I am curious to know if anyone else has experienced something similar and if anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it :) but don't be hard on me this is a very sensitive issue and it's hard to even talk about...

More than half a year back I became friends with a lady, Cassie. After some time, maybe a few months, she told me she had feelings for me. I had feelings for her but at the time I was unavailable and I didn't trust her (long story why I didn't trust her, basically she was becoming friends with people who I'd classify as my enemies). We became rather close though, but not sexually, she tried to be sexual but I spurned her advances so it was pretty much one sided 'affections'. So after maybe a month this other man pops into the picture and demands that Cassie stop talking to me and initially she didn't, but it really put strains on our friendship.

She would tell me how upset he is and how he sees me as a threat (??? even though I wasn't at all, I was dating other women as well). I couldn't tell if she was trying to manipulate me or not, I wasn't sure. I thought it might of been her way of giving me an ultimatum. But basically... she ditched me as soon as some random guy came into the picture and demanded it, now she won't talk to me and seems to hate me and I can't do ANYTHING about it.

We haven't talked for more than half a year now and she hates me because she ended up getting even closer to my enemies and they made stupid lies up which Cass supported, that I was desperate for her and she rejected me (when it was the other way around). I think she only joined in because she was hurt that I 'rejected' her but still...

It's been killing me inside, for a long time. I thought she cared about me, but she ditched me as soon as a random guy gave the word and let these scumbags make up lies about me that they spread around. The worst about it is I still care about her and I can't stop thinking about her. So many nights wide awake with tears pouring down my face, thinking about how I miss her while I know that she hates me and doesn't care about me anymore.

Now when I look for women to date, I find myself trying to look for women that look exactly like her or at-least have some of her features... her pale skin and soft body, her light blue eyes, her dark blonde hair, her feminine hands. I can't help it, it just won't stop

Thanks for taking the time to read this, it was so hard to write. Any advice or opinions you may have are appreciated
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 2
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 10:37:32 AM

I had feelings for her but at the time I was unavailable and I didn't trust her (long story why I didn't trust her, basically she was becoming friends with people who I'd classify as my enemies). We became rather close though, but not sexually, she tried to be sexual but I spurned her advances so it was pretty much one sided 'affections'.


Dude, grow a pair. Why should she even give a crap about you? She liked you, even made an advance towards you, YOU ditched her. You made your bed at that point. What that means that yes, a new guy enters her life and tells her, is either me or that dishrag that you still have some feelings for.

If I was her, I would have done the same thing. It's like the saying goes, you snooze, you lose. So move on.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 3
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 10:37:55 AM
I think you're taking this way too personally. she didn't really 'ditch you', because you had her in the friend zone anyway. she 'ditched you' because most people get uncomfortable (understandably) when the person they're dating wants to maintain a special friendship with someone of the opposite sex, especially someone they haven't know for very long. people are willing to make certain allowances for real (long-term) friends. six months or so couldn't be that much of an investment.

so put yourself in her shoes... how would you feel if you were dating someone who had or wanted to have sex with some guy and she was still working to keep that connection going? i'm pretty sure it would piss you off.

why are you dying inside anyway over someone who -- you say -- you didn't even trust? don't you think real friendships (gender aside) have to be built on trust? what is your axe to grind over this, because nothing adds up? so your ego, rein it in.

you didn't even want her, so meh. people are allowed to turn you down and let you go, too.
 Axis555
Joined: 3/29/2015
Msg: 4
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 10:46:58 AM

YOU ditched her.

I didn't ditch her, she ditched me. Our friendship obviously meant nothing to her, since she ditched me as soon as commanded.


Why should she even give a crap about you?

Because according to her she did


even made an advance towards you,

Advances, plural


What that means that yes, a new guy enters her life and tells her, is either me or that dishrag that you still have some feelings for.

That seems more understandable when put like that, but I never tried anything with her. The threat was her, not me. But you are forgetting the crap she helped make up about me.
Would you of done that too IG?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 5
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 10:51:07 AM

Now when I look for women to date, I find myself trying to look for women that look exactly like her or at-least have some of her features... her pale skin and soft body, her light blue eyes, her dark blonde hair, her feminine hands. I can't help it, it just won't stop

My advice: stop pining away from something you don't and can't have and never really wanted in the first place. With respect to the above quote, don't do any other female the disservice of attempting to have a relationship with them based on appearances being like the one you are now obsessing about. It gets creepy and almost stalker-like when you will only look for someone who has the appearance of someone else to that extreme.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 6
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 10:51:19 AM
Dude, the moment you neg a woman sexually, more than likely she will accept that she may have feelings for you, but she is going to feel rejected, and ditched. After that you were sort of a friend, someone that eventually did not like that much either since as you said, she made up things about you. That she chose your enemies, and some other guy is testament of how she really, really feels about you. Actions, actions...everything else is b u ll sh it.
 Axis555
Joined: 3/29/2015
Msg: 7
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 10:57:05 AM
So IG you're saying her actions are showing she didn't really care about me at all?
I don't know, I think I knew that, that's why I rejected her, I knew there was danger there because she was not impartial and if she got too close to my enemies it could be very bad if she had gotten very close to me prior.
Even though I knew about it, still hurts.

Not sure what is meant about the 'ego' business, define that?
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 8
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 10:59:26 AM

Not sure what is meant about the 'ego' business, define that?

your pride is hurt.


I didn't ditch her, she ditched me. Our friendship obviously meant nothing to her, since she ditched me as soon as commanded.

oy. you don't listen, you're unwilling to pay attention to anything but your own petty frustrations, you're inconsistent as hell in the things you say about this woman, and you have an unhealthy fixation on someone who was never even your girlfriend.


But you are forgetting the crap she helped make up about me.

terrible, I know. why aren't you glad she's gone?


Now when I look for women to date, I find myself trying to look for women that look exactly like her or at-least have some of her features... her pale skin and soft body, her light blue eyes, her dark blonde hair, her feminine hands. I can't help it, it just won't stop

may this serve as a warning to others.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 9
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:08:29 AM
ignore the tickle in your pickle, and consider your story if it was your male friend, Cass. He seemed cool a year ago, except that he preferred the company of people you consider an enemy (so what would you two have in common?). he wanted to hang with you, but some part of you didn't trust him. then Cass gets a new friend who wants Cass to stop hanging out with you. Cass choses your enemies over you.

sounds like Cass sucks as a friend, huh? not much of a good investment, unless he's paying for the beer. so what makes Cassie different from the mytholical Cass? Cassie has some different body parts, and at one time she wanted to share them, and now she's not so interested in sharing those body parts that puts a tickle in your pickle and makes you feel like you're a want-able man.

she wasn't trustworthy then, she's less now. you two weren't meant to be.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 10
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:11:51 AM
She didn't ditch you because of some random guys demands
She gave you the chance and you ditched her for some random women.

What was she supposed to do? Sit around waiting alone
whilst you dated others???!!

Why if you were so smitten with her didn't
you make yourself available when she began
Coming onto you?

It's not like you were married.You were dating
other women and she went on to do the same.

Now you're crying yourself to sleep?

Sounds like a case of wanting what you threw away.

Funny I guessed you were in your early 20's.

Stop crying. And next time a woman you want tells
and shows you she wants you what are you going to do??
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 11
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:19:46 AM

It's been killing me inside, for a long time. I thought she cared about me, but she ditched me as soon as a random guy gave the word


You made it clear that she wasn't to be more than a mere friend -- you refused her. Did you expect her keep you in her life when she found somebody else who is romantically interested in her? Some friend you are.

Your pathetic whining is based on selfishness. How dare you write and post this drivel.
 Axis555
Joined: 3/29/2015
Msg: 12
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:21:53 AM

She gave you the chance and you ditched her for some random women

I was with the other woman first actually but okay. I didn't want to leave the lady I was already with, I'm just not that kind.


Why if you were so smitten with her didn't
you make yourself available when she began
Coming onto you?

She was becoming friends with my enemies and it was concerning, and I questioned how much she
actually cared for me.

Thanks a lot gtomustang... but I am bisexual ;)


she wasn't trustworthy then, she's less now. you two weren't meant to be.

Sigh, I know. It just turned out terribly. Everything spiraled way out of control. I
liked having her as a friend, I never tried anything with her, I respected her.


Sounds like a case of wanting what you threw away.

I suppose so... but was it a case of me throwing her away when I was right in doing so, or was
I terribly wrong?
Maybe I was right in doing so, considering the lies she made up about me and how she joined
my enemies.
 Axis555
Joined: 3/29/2015
Msg: 13
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:26:59 AM

Your pathetic whining is based on selfishness. How dare you write and post this drivel.

???
what ran up your ass and died? :)


Some friend you are.

You mean, some friend she was. We were friends, she couldn't help herself and then when she couldn't have me she decided to ditch me and torment me instead.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 14
view profile
History
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:33:42 AM
What I get out of this is that you don't like her, you don't like what she says about you, you never really wanted her, she was a fantasy because you like her looks, but not her. So now you've made her into your ideal while for whatever her reasons are, she hates you. Sounds like you have a fixation problem and she has found out things about you that others have also found out and they do not like you. I can't imagine having so many enemies who would go to the lengths of spending that much time talking about you. You might want to deal with your part in all this and stop thinking about a girl who doesn't want you. She's not your problem, your fixation on a 'type' is what's ruining your life right now. She or these others have no effect on your life, this is what you are doing. If you can't quit obsessing then I'd suggest you get some therapy, this is not a good mindset you are in, it could lead you to do something stupid or harmful to others. You can keep at this and become so bitter and resentful that you convince yourself that your actions are caused by others, then you could lose all ability to see the truth and really mess up. It would be unusual for so many people to see you one way and all be wrong, you might want to take a good look at what they are saying, if you want to gain some self-truths. It's possible for everyone else to be wrong, but it's not usually the truth, when many people feel the same way about you, it just might be true.

Sine none of us know what people are saying about you, why they are saying these things, and why you were unavailable when this girl wanted you, etc., there's really not enough info.
 Axis555
Joined: 3/29/2015
Msg: 15
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:38:41 AM
I don't have a billion enemies it was just a few. I don't really want to get into it, but I had a falling out with a friend because of his behaviors and the others who are also enemies (by proxy) are his girlfriend and their friend.

Thanks daynadaze for your post :)
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 16
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:47:56 AM

I don't have a billion enemies it was just a few. I don't really want to get into it, but I had a falling out with a friend because of his behaviors and the others who are also enemies (by proxy) are his girlfriend and their friend.


What up with THESE ENEMIES. I don't have enemies. I can't go into a list of people that are my enemies or anything like that. People that have been in my life path that they did not like them, I did not hang out with them. I was done and out. Other people that at some point we did not get along, some then became my friends.

There's maybe a ton of people that don't agree at all with what I have to say here in the Forums, but I don't even consider them enemies, because on the next subject we discuss we get along fine.

So perhaps dude, you need to stop being so paranoid. Or write off these people and be done with.
 stormy2728weather
Joined: 4/3/2015
Msg: 17
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:49:50 AM

Your pathetic whining is based on selfishness. How dare you write and post this drivel.


Three quarters of the threads start this way and three quarters of the corresponding comments are this way as well....whiny and selfish. So it goes.

The OP sounds like a high school student instead of a grown man. You were hurt, move on. Get over it and quit looking for a clone for a replacement. As someone said, "grow a pair". I've seen less whining from folks getting over a 30 year marriage or the death of a spouse.
 Axis555
Joined: 3/29/2015
Msg: 18
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:51:38 AM


What up with THESE ENEMIES

Some people are just psychopaths. The people that I classify as my enemies became my enemies because I didn't like their nasty behavior towards others and decided not to be friends because of it. Then they started to harass me and my girlfriend (my girlfriend at the time).
 Axis555
Joined: 3/29/2015
Msg: 19
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:54:48 AM

Three quarters of the threads start this way and three quarters of the corresponding comments are this way as well....whiny and selfish. So it goes.
The OP sounds like a high school student instead of a grown man. You were hurt, move on. Get over it and quit looking for a clone for a replacement. As someone said, "grow a pair". I've seen less whining from folks getting over a 30 year marriage or the death of a spouse.


How is this supposed to be helpful at all? just wondering? :)
I thought the forums were supposed to be people giving others helpful kind advice, not ripping them to shreds and possibly causing ACTUAL harm to people that come here for HELP?
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 20
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:57:08 AM
You originally stated you were dating other(s)

If she proved disloyal as a friend and sided with your enemies
why are you pinning over her?

Doesn't sound like you considered her a friend let alone
Someone worthy of tears and sleepless nights.

What's the real problem???

It can't be the loss of her.

Maybe some other unresolved abandonment
issues that this has triggered??

What happened to the woman you were in a relationship with?

Forums are far from coddling so put on your thick skins. :)
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 21
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 12:03:48 PM
...
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 22
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 12:08:21 PM

How is this supposed to be helpful at all? just wondering? :)
I thought the forums were supposed to be people giving others helpful kind advice, not ripping them to shreds and possibly causing ACTUAL harm to people that come here for HELP?

^^^ you don't have to like the delivery. pay attention to the content or just ignore it. nobody is forcing you to do anything here. but if the free advice you're getting here is not up to your standards or if you otherwise feel harmed by what you're reading, then you shouldn't be here. you should be talking to a professional who will be more qualified to get your attention and who will be paid well to sit and listen to you spill by the hour.

meanwhile here you are wringing your hands and blaming this woman for dumping you after what was apparently some kind of a whispering campaign amongst a few of your 'psychopathic' enemies. now you're being persecuted here? you should at least be consistent so as not to challenge the patience of those of us who think YOU DON'T LISTEN.

you do have a flair for the dramatic, i'll give you that.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 23
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 12:08:27 PM

I thought the forums were supposed to be people giving others helpful kind advice, not ripping them to shreds and possibly causing ACTUAL harm to people that come here for HELP?


Believe it or not, you can get some awesome advice here in the forums. But realize that most people that post on the forums are not looking for advice by validation for some ridiculously stupid thing they did. We seen it over and over.

So take the comments that mean something to you or help you see a better perspective and ignore those that you do not like.
 stormy2728weather
Joined: 4/3/2015
Msg: 24
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 12:13:37 PM
OMG, someone needs a hug. See, you're of the generation that got a free pass, you didn't have to earn the blue ribbon on sports day, you just had to show up. You were told from birth how special you were, anything less than that would ruin your self esteem or dampen your spirit. You didn't earn anything...you just got by because you were you and special.

Well, life ain't like that anymore. You have to go out and make your own way, no more free passes, no more coddling and you aren't any more special than any one else out there.

Helpful advice? Okay. You had a little "love setback", this won't be the last time you get rejected for one reason or another. Life is like that. Advice - learn from this, figure out how you contributed to the breakup because you DID contribute to the breakup. Don't make the same mistakes again. Grow from this. Forget about this gal, she's probably forgotten about you already. Onward and upward. Next time, and there will be a next time, you may find love. Or, you may find love and it doesn't work out for what ever reason and again you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, figure out what went wrong and then move on.

And if you think "advice" on here is harmful, go see a professional. The folks commenting on here are adults, we've been there/done that and you, by your comments, act like a child. Grow the fvck up.
 Axis555
Joined: 3/29/2015
Msg: 25
The fish that got away
Posted: 4/14/2015 12:14:49 PM
I just feel as though some people come here to just try to attempt to shove their opinions down others throats.
Like WHY do people come here? what is the purpose of the forums?
to help others in dating issues etc or just to spew judgmental and insulting opinions at others at will?
Clearly such 'pseudo' advice and opinions would not be helpful in the slightest.
I suppose the question of 'what the actual purpose of these forums' would have to be answered to say what is right and wrong. Some replies are plain against TOS though.
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