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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from th      Home login  
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 Non-conformist
Joined: 12/15/2012
Msg: 1
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What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go? Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I have chatted with a few people from on here, and most of them expected that I din't talk to anyone else while chatting with them. One, in particular, even planned out our next 40 years together and we have not even met.
Although all of us, secretly or to too secretly, want to find that forever life mate, we also know that it'd take a lot of kissing frogs before we find that special person. It is hard work and dedication to find that special person. It is like they want to skip all that hard work and just stamp the " Forever Life Mate" on your forehead soon as they begin talking to you. Kind of frustrating and comical! Is anyone out there going through the same frustration?
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 2
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 8:39:15 AM
Your problem is usually more common the other way around. Many women expect the man that just because they chatted, or even went out on a date, that they should close their accounts, and be done.

The only way you are going to avoid that is to put something in your profile that indicates that just because you just met, it does not a couple makes. And yes, you can be one looking for a long term, monogamous relationship, and also not closing your profile simply because you responded to some guy saying hi.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 3
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 8:49:18 AM

most of them expected that I din't talk to anyone else while chatting with them.

dating sites are full of lonely, desperate people.


Is anyone out there going through the same frustration?

for some strange reason I never run into these. i'm missing the mommy gene and they must somehow intuit that i'm not going to take care of them.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 4
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 9:30:45 AM
UPDATE: Patient, grasshopper, patient!

There's your problem OP^^^ Look familiar? At least from my viewpoint. But I am fortunate enough to live in a huge metro area where there are E N O U G H ladies willing to MEET in the flesh F2F usually within a few days. A simple translation is that they are NOT merely STs [Serial Typists] looking for nothing more than a typing buddy which the vast majority of ladies on this site are. It means they are SHARP enough to realize that even if they are a Scaredy Cat, there are multiple easy, cheap, convenient ways to have an adult ORAL conversation and remain perfectly safe. They are NOT looking to or think they can "win me over" by the way they arrange symbols maybe for hours, weeks, months or even years and pushing the SEND button. We gave up mere grunting and grinning tens of thousands of years ago because ORAL conversation is vastly superior. IMO, nothing more than body language/facial expression F2F for 10 seconds is superior to umteen hours of pushing buttons and hitting SEND. Yeah, a Gene Hackman or Morgan Freeman might be able to mask most of their body language in a first meet with a stranger but even THEY can't control their eyes/pupils.

However I fully realize, a woman's viewpoint [safety wise] could be one of caution in weeding guys out...

1] INSIST on a daytime first meet in a very public place. IF they do not match their pic[s] or description of themselves, the meet is over. Or should be.

2] If a guy can't be troubled to have put more than a 30 second effort into creating his profile, he can't possibly be anything more than a 4F bum in search of a ten minute [or less] Relationship. Return his email/contact him at your own peril.

People make this way more complicated than necessary.

Oh and one last thing and this might just be me. I realize some folks have "busy" lives and/or are "important people". However, IF she should answer her phone a SECOND time during a first meet... it's over. She is simply too busy or too important a person that won't mesh well with my own lifestyle.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 5
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 9:39:09 AM
I cannot account for their expectations of me, but I think they prefer to think they are the only person I am dating at the time. Many did ask if I was seeing someone at the moment, which immediately turned me off, it comes off as selfish/controlling/weak to me. We have to understand that the reality of dating is that most first dates will end at first dates, so does it matter how many other people you are seeing, versus that you see a specific person for some time and it gets to the next round?

I'm not worried about how many other people he is seeing, time has a way of filtering out people all on its own. There should be no initial emotional investment and therefore nothing to spare for anyone's sake, especially when you haven't even met. I eliminate those who ask, because his focus should be on meeting me, not finding out what or how many he is up against, have some confidence.

Some people have on their profiles "not interested in serial daters", that's fine, but are they also not serial daters or just not looking to have competition? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

In either scenario, not interested.

They want to know that they are the only contender vying for your attention? I'd question why I would want what no one else wants?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 6
That they look like the OP,dayum
Posted: 5/15/2015 9:55:51 AM
in every place, there are control freaks. perhaps its a compliment of sorts, they think you are such a prize they don't want to lose you.

sometimes, we find low quality products b/c they exist in life. other times, we find low quality products b/c we're shopping at WalMart. If you are chosing who to chat with, and they keep turning into the same type of character...you may be the constant, while they are the variable. there may be a character you seek out, that leads in people to becoming "Take charge" types. I'm not sure that all adrenal junkies are trying to control things in their life, taking charge of where their life is going but....maybe some are.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 7
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 10:04:38 AM
Non-Conformist...the good news is you are likely to one day encounter a person with a very similar outlook about the notion of "relationship pace" as they compare to your own comfort level and values. That's the beauty of meeting others!
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 8
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 10:18:14 AM
Why don't you just ignore all of the future fantasizing and just see what happens? No matter what anyone imagines will happen, rarely does that imagined scenario play out.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 9
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 11:32:26 AM
Yes, I’ve experienced men like this. Men think women are the ones who dream up romantic fantasies because they don’t date men, don’t know how other men behave with women, and think they know it all.

I’d go with it. Tell him you want a great big five carat rock on your finger and a mansion with a heart shaped swimming pool and a butler named Jeeves. Tell him you can’t wait to make the arrangements for your Buckingham Palace wedding and to send his limo driver round so you can meet in person before you tie the noose. I mean the knot.
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 10
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 12:02:25 PM
Never had this problem, I don't chat or text. Prefer to exchange couple of emails, talk on the phone, and arrange a meet. It is all explained in my profile introduction.


It is like they want to skip all that hard work and just stamp the " Forever Life Mate" on your forehead soon as they begin talking to you.


Years ago met a woman on Match. During the course of our second date she wants me to move in with her, I turned her down. It was so surreal. I got out of dodge likes the Dukes of Hazzard.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 11
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 12:46:12 PM
Before you start pulling fire alarms out of fear of someones intentions being too heated or forceful, keep in mind you can DREAM UP just as much drama in your OWN noggin about their intentions.

Some people think, "I've got a good feeling about this," means they're ready to take you to visit the parents for Christmas or start thinking up childrens' names. What was just said? A simple expression of positivity, nothing more. CONTEXT is everything.

Just make damn sure whatever statements made by the other party are clarified for context and truth. One very harmful aspect of starting conversations online through messages and texts - is that sarcasm or joking humor can't be detected easily by the other party. Sometimes it can't be detected AT ALL. That's not the 'fault' of the other person specifically - it's BOTH your faults for believing you can convey the same kind of conversation through a keyboard that you can on the phone or face to face. I like the metaphor; It's the difference between shooting a bullet, or throwing it.

As far as exclusivity, I think anyone expecting (or demanding) it while online is a fool. You are still an internet stranger to them until you meet, so until that time, you are still nothing more than another 'character' in this online 'video game' we are all playing. I really don't care what intentions may be while online - just when you decide to meet, that you are committed to THAT act, and will direct any further online correspondences similar to someone who wants to date. I can't stand super short answers and people that cannot reply back with enough words to be 'conversational' because that tells me the interest is simply NOT there. One should be able to focus on the conversation while having it.

That being said, People are at home doing whatever the hell they want to do, including making dinner for the kids or laundry or god forbid, in the middle of a busy freeway - they WILL be distracted. It's only decent that they TELL you they have other things going on, and can't really talk - yet so many don't say anything out of fear or whatever. That's part of learning the style of text communication - people don't need instant replies every time, just enough information to know what's going on.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 12
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 12:55:02 PM
Honesty and interest in getting to know me.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 13
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 1:06:00 PM
When I send a woman a well-written, thoughtful, good humored message containing a question about something on her profile, my expectation is that she will either not reply at all, or will send me a one-word reply more-or less answering that well thought-out question I asked about something on her profile.

On rare occasions, women will send me nasty, abusive messages for having the temerity to even view their profile, and sometimes just for being on POF, looking for something that they believe I shouldn't be looking for on the same dating site that they are using. How dare I?
 Non-conformist
Joined: 12/15/2012
Msg: 14
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What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 2:58:44 PM
Thank you, all, for your responses. Each of you brought up a good point. I really appreciate it!
I just want to make a correction to the wrong termonology used by me, "chatting". I did not mean chatting as in texting/emailing back and forth for weeks on end. I meant, "interacting". Interaction via email (phase1) a day or two, call/text on phone (phase2) a few days. Face to Face meeting (phase3), normally that same weekend. Phase2 is where they start to demand exclusivity. Frustrating, but i now just chalk it up as the price of weeding out the wrong ones to find the good ones and there are many good ones out there. Good luck fishing to us all:)
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 15
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 3:49:20 PM
Well Nc, with your clarification, it appears you are following a good timeline. Not sure what to tell you other than anyone with those kinds of things coming out of their mouth before you even know each other is likely not playing with a full deck for one reason or another IMO...

NEXT!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 16
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What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 4:09:33 PM
For completeness sake...

* there's no such thing as "what most men expect." Even if you tote up a list of what each guy wants and find out that a majority want X, it doesn't tell you a damn thing about the individual you are dealing with, or about to deal with. Think of it like the correct understanding of probability of heads or tails coin flips: no matter how many times an honest coin comes up heads, the likelihood the next flip will come up heads is still only fifty-fifty.

* I've noticed from reading what they say, that a lot of men and women both, want to form at least a temporary committed relationship, as a way to date seriously. That is, they fully understand that both of you are still just sizing each other up, but they want to do that WITHOUT the confusion of having other people involved simultaneously. It's a perfectly logical and equitable dating strategy for people who do seriously want to find a long term mate.

And many people instead choose to date multiple people at the same time, in order to compare how they feel about each. That's fine too, if that's how they work best. But the two kinds of people aren't compatible.

* Part of why some people don't want to be one of several "relationship candidates," is because they have had lots of negative experiences, finding that the person who they were seeing, who genuinely didn't even realize they were doing it, was actually using multiple-partner-dating as a way to avoid getting serious about anyone, or simply to get lots of varied entertainment.

So it's not JUST that these people want instant control, or instant forever relationships. It's also that some DON'T want, at their elder status, to return to "playing chase" like a high-schooler.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 17
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What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 6:42:40 PM
I expect to not recognise the person I've chatted with, on the first meeting. The few I have met, over half have posted photos that, do not look like them.

I expect to carry the conversation. A few times, I wished that I had brought a crowbar to pry conversation out of them.

I expect, that my time was wasted. So far, it has,

I expect to be stood up. Yup.

I know not to expect anything.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 18
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 6:47:56 PM
SunshineGirl:
Tell him you want a great big five carat rock on your finger and a mansion with a heart shaped swimming pool and a butler named Jeeves. Tell him you can’t wait to make the arrangements for your Buckingham Palace wedding and to send his limo driver round so you can meet in person before you tie the noose. I mean the knot.

HILARIOUS! What a great idea.

The last man I dated wanted to move in with me immediately after he fell in love with Wenatchee during his initial, six-day visit. NO WAY. My alarm bells were ringing.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 19
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 7:12:39 PM
non-conformist- There are a LOT of people here on POF, if someone knows the numbers, feel free to post them, but here is my point..................
If there are as many people here as they say, the odds are we are all going to come across any number of types of people, the pushy/desperate ones you describe (yes, I've encountered them, the type that makes me RUN!), the flakes, the players, the crazies.
Somewhere out there are the good ones. If I didn't believe that, I would give up.
I don't believe that, so I'm not.
I'm here, trying OLD, but I hold out the most hope for IRL.
You just can't replace starting out face to face and staying that way.
 You_Never_Knew_Me
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 20
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 8:04:24 PM
I have no expectations of strangers
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 21
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/15/2015 8:46:59 PM

One, in particular, even planned out our next 40 years together and we have not even met.


Sounds like a keeper.


it'd take a lot of kissing frogs before we find that special person.


Well, you best make sure none of those frogs is a wild golden poison dart frog- the deadliest frog in the world, with enough poison to kill 10 adult humans- or you won't be finding that special person at all.


It is hard work and dedication to find that special person.


Brutal, even.


Is anyone out there going through the same frustration?


No, not that same frustration.
More like the frustration of unappreciation, which is a more recent phenomenon compared to years past.
 ItsNotAlwaysArt
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 22
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/17/2015 4:39:06 AM
Zero expectations really from a chatwell........me, its not an expectation, rather a at arms length inspection?
It probably seems petty, but I'm quite curious if the woman can spell reasonably well, hehe, or cheat and use spell check like I do, structure thoughts and carry on a decent conversation.
I'm not valedictorian, but I think I rank above toaster somewhere, intelligence is sexy...as we get over 50 physical beauty fades, but a dummy is always a dummy, lifes too complicated to expansive not to find an equal (upstairs) eh?
 Siennarh
Joined: 5/1/2015
Msg: 23
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/17/2015 6:55:23 AM
The longer they talk, the more they expect...the possibility of... as soon as possible...
SEX
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 24
What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/17/2015 8:53:48 AM
Talking about the next 40 years together=future fakers.


baggagereclaim.com
 Qura
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 25
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What do most men expect when they chat with a person, online, from the get go?
Posted: 5/17/2015 9:37:14 AM
People who have been unsuccessful in finding a life-time partner are often desperate--and they were always desperate, which is why they have been unsuccessful. These are folks who have no clue that *they* are the problem. They think all others are as willing (and desperate) for a relationship, so that all you have to do is mutually agree to be together--and voila, it works! Then as each gets to know the other, they find out they can't get along (or worse), and it all falls apart as quickly as it began. Back to lonely and desperate.

Such people--male or female--put "being in a relationship" as the real prize, not "finding the right person." "Finding the right person" does, in fact, mean kissing a lot of frogs. . . or frogettes, I guess, for the guys out there who are choosy. It means being willing to remain alone until that person comes along.

The desperate do not wait for the right person (though they think they are). Their desperate need not to be alone drives them and they don't even realize that is why they "fall in love" so quickly, and why they constantly end up alone again and having likely been through a pretty awful time b/c they "fell in love" with someone they didn't know at all--and learned quickly that person wasn't the fantastic person imagined.

SO, when someone shows evidence of rushing--you have your clue. Don't over look it or think it doesn't always matter. It does. These folks are not yet happy and whole; they do not feel confident about their life, and they are looking for someone to "complete" them. Move on and don't look back!

Good luck!
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