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 AUTHOR
 PofLegend
Joined: 5/14/2015
Msg: 1
Sweet or Creep?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Background:
Met a girl off POF (her first online experience, first guy she ever talked to, gave number to, met etc) we hit it off first date, things took off. Slept together on 2nd date, saw each other every single day for a week, I drove 45 mins every day to see her, slept over at her house, we went out on dates together, I met her best friend, she became my realtor (I am buying a condo DT so it was perfect she is a realtor), I really liked her and I wanted to push for a commitment.

After a week she freaked out said this was too much too fast for her and she said this isnt what she was looking for. I was pretty hurt and confused because I felt I offered everything a man should, and she just said we arent looking for same things. I am still hurt over it since it was a week ago I am still confused what happened. SOOO.. I respected her request and didnt text her for days, went on a trip to the Okanagon over the weekend and I get a text in middle of night "do you want to come over" from this girl.. I saw it in the morning when I woke up, I was like WTF? Why ask me that after no talking for 4 days in middle of the night? I wasnt even in town, so I replied the next morning said I can stop by the next day, she blew me off said she had plans. I tried again next day and she said she is busy again.. What is her deal, so confusing?

Question:

I really like and miss this girl.. I want her back. I met her best friend, and I was thinking of contacting her through Facebook and asking her friend on how to get her back? Her best friend would have insight into her would she not? Would it be seen sweet or creepy to contact her friend to ask for advice?

Looking for experienced views, ty.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 2
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 8:57:25 AM
As much as i hate dr. phil, he does have that great phrase "the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour"

She's a flaky game player it sounds.

I say run. run fast, and run far.

Or fight for it if that's what you really want badly, but don't say I didn't warn you.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 3
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 8:58:39 AM
Why would you push for a commitment? If you're doing fine and you want a commitment, a woman will get one out of you after she figures out you aren't a cereal killer. Out of all of the things guys might have to take the lead on, getting a commitment after having sex is not one of them and you are much better just letting that come up when it does. What's confusing to you is you were too easy and eager. The one thing that leads to a woman asking for a commitment is you not assuring her of monogamy. If that doesn't do it,then she really is out to just play the field and you are sol for anything but an fb, at most.

------------
Would it be seen sweet or creepy to contact her friend to ask for advice?
------------
Creepy. If you are really interested, wait a few months, contact her directly and ask her out to dinner or whatever. Don't ask twice or it's back to creepy. If you go out and end up having sex, don't be a lap dog again.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 4
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 9:04:02 AM
What gets that woman off is the idea of using men. So next time she calls and wants you to come over, tell her that you can't because you have to water your dog. But if she wants to come over she is welcome, but please wear no panties. And by the way, you're not available during the day because you don't have a dog and will be looking for one.

In other words. Don't play to her b u ll. Women like that are more interested in the manipulation than really the relationship.
 PofLegend
Joined: 5/14/2015
Msg: 5
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 9:12:33 AM
She really is a relationship girl though. She is tender, sweet and kind. She said she is a great girlfriend, and all her relationships lasted multiple years. She never dated online, always dated inside her own circle/clique. She said it takes her a long time to get to know someone before she considers dating them or going into a relationship with them, and since she doesnt know me well at all she can not give me the type of emotional and spiritual connection I want. Even though I treat her well and she is attracted to me, she still looks away when we kiss, she doesnt text unless texted to first, and doesnt suggest to hang out unless I push for plans.. Makes sense? Cause it does not to me..
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 6
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 9:25:51 AM

we hit it off first date, things took off. Slept together on 2nd date, saw each other every single day for a week, I drove 45 mins every day to see her, slept over at her house, we went out on dates together, I met her best friend, she became my realtor (I am buying a condo DT so it was perfect she is a realtor), I really liked her and I wanted to push for a commitment.

After a week she freaked out said this was too much too fast for her and she said this isnt what she was looking for. I was pretty hurt and confused because I felt I offered everything a man should, and she just said we arent looking for same things



Wait....... a week?!!!!!!!!!!!!

Slept on the second day. Met best friend who becomes your realtor. You pushed for commitment.
By the week's end, she's freaked and you're butthurt becase............you offered everything a man should....................in one week?!!!!
Well no kidding, she'd be freaked!

I get the sleeping together part. I get the seizing the opportunity to net a good realtor. I get the attraction part and offering committment. What don't get is pushing it ... in the first week. Getting butthurt ...... after the first week.
And on top of it all you want to go all stalkerish by seeking the best friend to solict advice on how to keep the girl.

edit*
she doesnt text unless texted to first, and doesnt suggest to hang out unless I push for plans.
^^^
Then you're going to have to be vocal that she has to make the plans in order to let you know she wants you. Let her know you appreciated and liked her texting you, asking you to come over. That encouragement will net more assertiveness on her part.

Dude..oh dude.
If the table was turned, you'd think she's an clingy, immature and crazy stalker.
Slow the heck down. It takes way more than a week to get to know a person before you push anything and you should never push either.
You are going way too fast and too hard. Seriously need to look into that and find out way you are behaving this way.
It's unhealthy for you and any woman you meet.

Apologize to the girl. Say, she's right, you are going WAY too fast. Leave the ball in her court by saying you still like her and would like to get together when you are both available, let her lead and then....leave her alone. If she wants to give you a second chance, she will. If she does... slow the heck down. No more unhealthy behaviours.

good luck
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 7
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 10:39:39 AM

To be fair to the guy, she is as responsible as he is for the pace in which things have progressed.



I fully agree!
But he's the man right? He's in the lead and he even said, she prefers for him to "push the plans"
But rgardless, ..... she's just as much to blame.
Excellent point to bring up .*thumbs up
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 8
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 10:44:51 AM
@POFlegend


She said it takes her a long time to get to know someone before she considers dating them or going into a relationship with them,


really! then how were you able to bang her on just the 2nd date?


Makes sense? Cause it does not to me..


It does not make sense because you are making assumptions about her that may not be true


Would it be seen sweet or creepy to contact her friend to ask for advice?


A bad move, because her friend will immediately contact her of what you wanna do, and it might backfire!

The thing to do is just to send a nice box of Roses
with a note attached saying that:

"you are sorry for being too pushy and didn't mean to pressure her for a commitment so soon, and you would like to take it slow"
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 11:05:16 AM
Just guessing but I doubt this was her first time for any of this, what better place to pick up people for sex than the internet. You went along with everything then a week into it you wanted a commitment, she said no, but obviously she's up for sex when she's in the mood, and you didn't deliver on time and now she's bored. It seems pretty simple. You want something she does not want and she told you that straight up but you are confused because you want it to mean something else. She's not interested in more than causal sex when she's in the mood. She wants nothing else from you. I don't see that she's playing a game, she told you as soon as you jumped to conclusions. She isn't using you anymore than you were using her, she also didn't think that in a week you would become serious, you had sex, it was fun, then you went to a place she has no interest in, so it's over unless you want to see her when she gives you a late night call, because that's all she's offering.

Contacting her friend would be creepy.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 10
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 11:08:31 AM

She really is a relationship girl though. She is tender, sweet and kind. She said she is a great girlfriend, and all her relationships lasted multiple years. She never dated online, always dated inside her own circle/clique. She said it takes her a long time to get to know someone before she considers dating them or going into a relationship with them, and since she doesnt know me well at all she can not give me the type of emotional and spiritual connection I want. Even though I treat her well and she is attracted to me, she still looks away when we kiss, she doesnt text unless texted to first, and doesnt suggest to hang out unless I push for plans.. Makes sense? Cause it does not to me..


Now you're starting to drink your own koolaid, dude.

It doesn't matter d i ck what she says. It's actions, actions, actions that do the talking. If she waffles, pulls back, and plays that yo-you sh i t. That is WHO she is. The rest is excuses. Men that accept that yo-yo from a woman, or really from anyone, that is what they will get.
 Siennarh
Joined: 5/1/2015
Msg: 11
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 11:25:19 AM
Hence why you don't jump in a woman's pants straight away before you actually know them and both are committed to each other.

Being vulnerable with someone so soon allows your heart to be chucked away and hurt, far more than if you waited and held back sensibly.

This song and lyrics are very relevant in my opinion... love it. Apply it - to your situation! ;)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxxajLWwzqY&index=5&list=PL8MQivHZSJxywjMLz2uoCMAzgazL5FStr
I got this feeling on the summer day when you were gone.
I crashed my car into the bridge. I watched, I let it burn.
I threw your shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs.
I crashed my car into the bridge.
I don't care, I love it.
I don't care.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 12
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 2:04:23 PM
I'm on team InnerGorilla. agree 100%. As the saying goes (here I go with another saying, stop that Alli), "actions speak louder than words".
 import_from_uk
Joined: 5/12/2015
Msg: 13
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 2:41:09 PM
I'm not sure how things could have moved any faster - met, intimate, staying over, daily seeing each other, crossed into a professional relationship and wanted a commitment. I think most would find it too fast when they finally came up for some air.

That said, after a few days to catch her breath, it seems she missed the attention. It's hot and cold regardless of my view of the speed of it all.

Even though you met her friend in the short period of time, I think it's more creepy than sweet to consider using that friend as a means to gather information to fall back into grace with her. Sure, my friends would have that insight but their loyalty would be to me, not some guy who was around for a week who wanted leverage to get back in.

Consider this from the other side - if you have a good friend, who you trust, that loyalty likely was built up over years. If you had been full on with a girl for a short week and then dumped her like a hot potato and blocked her for a week, would your friend give out confidential information about you, just because you got a booty call in the middle of the night? Likely not. They'd think she was some total nutbar and either put up a protective wall around you or think she's a total nutbar and encourage you to stay well away from the bunny boiler.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 2:43:53 PM
daynadaze broke it down perfectly.

Chick wanted to have a FWB, a **** buddy, some casual sex, the first date was just to see if you weren't crazy when it was established that you weren't she had sex with you.

Maybe she's in denial about what she really wants or maybe she's playing games but she doesn't want a commitment she just wants to meet up with you and have sex without the commitment and when doesn't happen she's bored. I guarantee that if you see her, you'll have sex and then she'll get distant again until she's horny and she texts you at 3 AM wanting to see you again Then she'll freak out and want her distance. If you ignore her or tell her you're not interested in sex, she'll call it quits and claim that the two of you don't have chemistry or you're too nice or some bullshit. Then a few weeks later she'll be horny and will contact you again wanting to meet up.

I should know because I've been through this several times.
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 15
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 4:21:25 PM
I take a woman at her word.

if she says NO then i'm on my way.

time for you to walk.

lick your wounds and hit up the next one in line.

after all, there are millions.
 Qura
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 4:49:43 PM
High school, except you are 31, so it is creepy.

"She is relationship material. She is sweet and kind. . . " (You wrote something like that.) You are jumping to a lot of conclusions based on 1 week of knowing her. EVERYONE is on their best behavior for the first few weeks, months, of getting to know someone. You know nothing about how she might be under pressure, under stress. How a person behaves in good times and in bad times (bad times that last weeks, even months, perhaps) is an indication of whether or not they are "sweet" or "kind."

Why rush to conclusions and to commitment so fast? Sure it scared her--and that ought to be a wake up call for you, about yourself. You are making judgments based on very superficial criteria. Give yourself a chance to get to know someone--really get to know them, their integrity--before you draw any conclusions about their suitability for long-term. In the meantime, enjoy and have fun. Get that infatuation high. But don't let it drive your behavior or your judgment. Time is your friend.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 17
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 5:47:10 PM
To all the people saying She just wants NSA, FB, FWB, or such... Remember we're only getting one side of the story & only the small part that they have posted about.......

Like so many threads on here about what's happening or what happened, we're only seeing a small slice of the Picture....

There's not enough information, to do anything but Jump to a Conclusion.......
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 18
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/20/2015 8:14:53 PM
dollars to donuts, you will find...her friends are her friends b/c they feel comfortable with how each other run their lives. if you think your lady can't give you the straight story...her friends may have that in common. I'm going to agree with tgif--trust a woman when she tells you something. especially something you don't want to hear.
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/21/2015 12:21:11 AM

She really is a relationship girl though. She is tender, sweet and kind. She said she is a great girlfriend, and all her relationships lasted multiple years.


She can say anything she wants, they're just words, you have to go by what she does not what she says she does.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 20
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/21/2015 4:53:04 AM

saw each other every single day for a week,
After a week she freaked out said this was too much too fast for her

ugh, all these people who think they are so in love or some bullshit after a couple of dates, it's ridiculous. it almost always ends just as quickly as it starts. when the oxytocin and excitement of a kid @ xmas wears off, people snap back to reality, and that's always a downer and confusing because reality doesn't sparkle like a fairy princess.


Why ask me that after no talking for 4 days in middle of the night? I wasnt even in town, so I replied the next morning said I can stop by the next day, she blew me off said she had plans. I tried again next day and she said she is busy again..

just based on that, she sounds sort of unhinged to me. she's probably even more confused than you are. I don't know why you'd miss that. i would run in the opposite direction if I were you. confused people do not make good partners. be that as it may, just give her space and maybe she will stop being a squirrel. the only thing that will bring her back is a chance to miss you and the feelings to go with it.

it's really bad idea to contact her friend.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 21
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/21/2015 5:22:35 AM
The fact is...women need a bit of mystery, challenge, romance, and sadly drama so to act the dunderhead trying to get it in early to prove your machismo is a boy move. It is irritating. Whatever happened to suspense vs earthiness and earthboundedness. It is prosaic to just mount the poor woman before you know a thing about her, or act the hormonal teen, but it is what passes as " romance" these days, anticlimactic boorishness, then more musical chairs with fresh strangers...and the next horror is premature domesticity where the dullards want to trap you within their four walls than do anything interesting...
Not saying op, you meant to turn her off but timing and courtship and some discretion is what confident people do. Jumping on her to claim a throe of passion to someone you met a few hours prior is just more turf claiming, lest your conquest elude you. I see it as neurotic and a game. Bam, having sex means nothing. It makes for false intimacy and people pull back and say was that it...ugh. Anyway smothering and enmeshment are not attractants, nor instant dating or a supposed relationship.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 22
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/21/2015 4:51:00 PM
The interest isn't mutual.

I'm not a fan of playing the Mr. Mysterious game to create attraction.

As others have stated, behavior and actions trump words.

The right person for YOU will be grateful for your commitment and not scared off. You are not the right person for her, however.

I'm seeking a mutually clingy experience myself.

One day you'll click with someone and realize all this angst and turmoil you're feeling now is not healthy or NORMAL.

Man up and...walk away.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 23
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/21/2015 6:42:36 PM
Dude, you're telling yourself you know what this girl is all about after such a short time. You really don't know.

Also, is her friend hot?

If so, go after her.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/21/2015 8:39:11 PM
You are just FWB with her. She slept with you very soon and all she wanted was that. Asking for commitment within a such a shoft time and it scared her off and it would me. She is not necessarily a flake. You are there for her for sex when and if you are available, that is all. You hardly know each other and she is wise to react the way she didI

Do not ask to get her back, as you never had her, in the first place. She will view you as a stalker. Let it go. If she contacts you again for casual sex it is up to you to respond or not. Hopefully you used protection because this girl is probably very active, sexually.

She probably introduced you to her best friend in order to perhaps get some business from you. Nothing confusing about it all that I can see.
 PofLegend
Joined: 5/14/2015
Msg: 25
Sweet or Creep?
Posted: 5/21/2015 11:07:12 PM
No this girl is not very sexually I can not believe that. She said she only been in stable relationships with serious boyfriends.. She only dates people she knows, and she is very cautious. She only went online first time those 2 weeks ago when we met, and I blew her off her feet and that is why she and I got into bed so fast, not because she is like that with other guys.

But now it went all down hill and I ended up hurt because of it, I am sure it was not for sex.
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