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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men fee      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 PofLegend
Joined: 5/14/2015
Msg: 1
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I am in a early stages of dating a woman and I just noticed that everything we do is on her terms.

We meet when it is comfortable and convinent for her.
We live 45 mins away so I always volunteer to drive to her because I know if I asked her to do it she would find an excuse not to.
When we have sex it is when she says we can or when she feels like it.
When we text I am the one always trying to reach out to her and she replies on her own terms if at all, sometimes hours after my own texts.
When we go out it is how she feels if she is tired we stay in watch a movie, only when she is the mood we go out to do something active.
The relationship progresses on her pace, if she doesnt want to give us a tittle or commit to not see other men she wont, only after she decides we are a couple are we an official couple.

So I am confused here, if a woman has all the power why do women love a guy who takes charge? How can a guy take lead when a girl pretty much has the final say on how fast the relationship goes, how does a man take back control?

What do I have to do to make the relationship more equal?
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 2
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 4:26:20 PM
After all your threads I've reached the conclusion you're a beta male. I would'nt worry too much about the dating, texting etc. you won't be around long enough for it to matter. Just saying......
 PofLegend
Joined: 5/14/2015
Msg: 3
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 4:39:04 PM
I am not a "beta" male I am one of the top daters in POF history, been here for 10 years, dated around 200-300 women on this site, had several long term relationships. Can write a book on dating and relating.

I have come across one woman lately in all my 15 years of dating experience that has been a game changer for me, and this is something I am still trying to get over. I am a dominant type of a guy, who always set the pace, set the limits for girls, always knew what to do and how to be... this girl is the first one who pretty much made me break my own rules for.

Which is why I am trying to understand and come to terms of what has happened by seeing what the POF community has to say about it. Beta male lol, good one.
 DeepakChoprahWinfrey
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 4
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 4:40:12 PM
Sounds like you're dating somebody you're not compatible with.

Why won't he talk about his feelings more ? Why won't he lose weight ? Why can't he be more romantic ? etc

" He's my diamond in the rough but I'll change him "

Flash forward to the crash and burn.

Why do people desperately cling to people they don't fit with ?

Edit to post 3 :

Ok you're not a beta, then WHY have you let her dicate everything so far ?

Youtube a song by 38Special called " Hold on Loosely " for starters.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 5
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 4:55:38 PM
You're more hot for her than she is for you. Live with it, or walk away.
 Janet4now
Joined: 5/10/2015
Msg: 6
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 4:59:48 PM
The one that cares the least has ALL the power... the more inequity there, the greater you'll notice the difference.

Sorry.
 Debisue64
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 7
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Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 5:02:21 PM

I am not a "beta" male I am one of the top daters in POF history, been here for 10 years, dated around 200-300 women on this site, had several long term relationships. Can write a book on dating and relating.



Oh gosh.. so your the authority.. you should know the answer.

Watch the movie "he's just not that into you"...
 PofLegend
Joined: 5/14/2015
Msg: 8
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 5:02:48 PM

The one who cares the least has all the power


I dont believe this is true, this is a messed up way of looking at things. No way that works that way. No one would be able to date if people didnt care equally, or one had more power than the other. The reason why people click is because it is mutual, the reason why people hang out and go out is because they feel comfortable and into each other.

If someone cared a lot a lot more for another or held all the power then that person would find them selves alone pretty soon after the first few dates, think about that one.
 PofLegend
Joined: 5/14/2015
Msg: 9
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 5:06:07 PM

Oh gosh.. so your the authority.. you should know the answer.

Watch the movie "he's just not that into you"..


The thing is she is into me, a lot. She loves my attention, she loves our sex. She laughs, jokes with me, when she is in the mood she would go down on me, massage my back. Its not like she doesnt care at all.

I am not sure what is going on because if she didnt want to date she wouldnt make any time for me, but she does make time if i insist to see her, or if i text her enough she would respond, if i insist on meeting she still does it. So in a way she does care, and she is into it, I am just wanting to know why she feels she can run the show?
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 10
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 5:12:48 PM
She could be dangling a relationship carrot, and won't give you the label you covet until you up the courtship a bit.

How much have you spent trying to dazzle this indifferent girl that is 'keeping you on the hook' with little tidbits of NSA sex?
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 11
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 5:13:41 PM

I dont believe this is true, this is a messed up way of looking at things. No way that works that way. No one would be able to date if people didnt care equally, or one had more power than the other.


Yes it is true. Look at your current situation, she's calling all the shots and you're jumping through hoops everytime she jerks your chain.

You just don't recognize it for what it is. That's why you're on here whining about it.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 12
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 5:39:00 PM
Here's my advice:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXb0zcEM-rI
 PofLegend
Joined: 5/14/2015
Msg: 13
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 5:43:16 PM

How old are you? Have you ever been in a relationship with a woman before? Women tend to love controlling relationships and your woman has whatever the hell it is you have going with her well in hand.


I am 31, and no they do not.. Certainly women do NOT LOVE controlling relationships, they hate control. They want the guy to be in control, all my life women let me take charge, set the pace etc. This is the first time ever in many many years I met a girl so beautiful, so sexy, that she can afford to be a **** because she knows she is hot. I dont want to lose her so I put up with her bs, but I am here to figure out how to take back control.

Sure every time I bring it up she gets all moody, says I am being too intense, deflects it, says I am not understanding her just feeds me bullshit anytime I try to take back power, so I am out of options I am looking for advice.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 14
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 5:53:04 PM
I feel that this may end in a Peace Bond :(
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 15
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Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 5:54:12 PM
OP
met a girl so beautiful, so sexy, that she can afford to be a **** because she knows she is hot. I dont want to lose her so I put up with her bs


You can't, she's in control and she knows it.


but I am here to figure out how to take back control.


You can't. You're the fill in until someone better comes along.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 16
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 6:01:33 PM

Sure every time I bring it up she gets all moody, says I am being too intense, deflects it, says I am not understanding her just feeds me bullshit anytime I try to take back power, so I am out of options I am looking for advice.


Simple. Stop chasing her. If she's this "hot" one of two things will happen, she'll start chasing you because being so hot she certainly can't have someone ignoring her.....or she's moving on to the next one because she's so hot she can.

Get a backbone man. No one's so hot they should be able to turn you into a wussy.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 17
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Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 6:48:36 PM
OP, I don't know what your issue is or why you are so incredibly desperate. But I can tell you this much. Until you fix whatever it is, you'll never be in a healthy relationship.

This woman is not interested in you. You should really work on trying to stop obsessing about her.

People going on a couple of dates and then deciding that they're not interested in continuing happens ALL the time. I don't know why you find that so hard to understand.
 PofLegend
Joined: 5/14/2015
Msg: 18
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 6:48:43 PM
I am miserable lol.. So true.

I said I dated 200 women in a certain time, but in reality a lot more than that. Let's just say I lived a fantastic life in that regard, but with this particular girl I am not sure why she got a hold on me. I know I should let her go, she demonstrated nothing but indifference towards me so I think I will do just that, just took some time for me to realize it.

I also notice a pattern with her, check this out: When I give her attention she eventually gets bored of it and seeks it else where such as POF or other guys etc.. If I pull back and do my own thing she then does not get enough attention and seeks it else where again, rinse repeat.

Girls like that are not satisfied unless it is done over an extended period of time on their terms, users/abusers eh? I never found one who got to me before but she did, and never again will I allow a girl to hurt me like that. This experience just made me stronger than ever, and I applaud her for that.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 19
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Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 6:55:35 PM

Certainly women do NOT LOVE controlling relationships, they hate control. They want the guy to be in control, all my life women let me take charge, set the pace etc.


How is life on Mars?
 import_from_uk
Joined: 5/12/2015
Msg: 20
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 6:57:58 PM

So I am confused here, if a woman has all the power why do women love a guy who takes charge? How can a guy take lead when a girl pretty much has the final say on how fast the relationship goes, how does a man take back control?


It's a generalisation but most women aren't looking for a man to take charge, they are looking for a man who is an equal. When you act like a whipping boy, you'll be treated like one. An adult relationship isn't about any one individual being in charge, it's about respect and equality. If you stopped caving into being treated like crap, she'll either move on or realize you won't accept it. The bigger issue is, why do you put up with it when you clearly aren't okay with it.


What do I have to do to make the relationship more equal?


Grow some balls and stop enabling her.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 21
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 7:08:50 PM
good gravy, I pretend to be arrogant and I don't reach this level.

look up "oneitis", sonny...you got it. check cliff's list for more information.

and yes, the one who cares more, has less power. the one who cares less, has more. that's not unusual. ask anyone in sales. the more you want her, the more you put up with her nonsense. you don't see what's obviously there, since you've blinded yourself to what you want.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 22
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 7:13:45 PM
I feel for you, Op, I really do..... My life's story.....

I must have been through about a million girls....
I'd love 'em and I'd leave them alone........
I didn't care how much they cried,..... No Sir........
Their tears left me cold as a stone......


But then, You know what happened?


I fooled around and fell in love.........

VVVVV ......Msg 26.......
ETA:....Tom..... You spoiled it........ Give them a chance to Bite, before admitting it's just a Song.....
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 23
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 7:22:08 PM
if every single thing you say is true then I believe you are in trouble or you are going to be at some point in the future should you and her take it to another level such as her saying she loves you. I think you already love her.

don't ignore the red flags like I did. but I was told the same thing that she was no good for me and I didn't listen because it felt so good to be in love. if you continue on she's going to cause you more pain than you knew existed.
women like that can just walk away from you and throw you into the trash like last weeks newspaper. I didn't believe she would do that. but she did. don't ignore the red flags.
but like the song says......

I must have been through about a million girls
I'd love 'em then I'd leave 'em alone
I didn't care how much they cried, no sir
Their tears left me cold as a stone

But then I fooled around and fell in love
I fooled around and fell in love, yes I did
 PofLegend
Joined: 5/14/2015
Msg: 24
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 7:27:01 PM
Thank you all for your comments and insight.

I trust that one day she will become in touch with her true feelings, mature a bit emotionally and be ready for a great guy, I will cut my ties and move on to someone who recognizes me from the start and doesnt keep me around for weeks on her own terms to prove my worth.

Thank you again, hope she reads this read one day and sees what people have to say for real.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 25
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Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/23/2015 7:49:43 PM
You "insist" on meeting?? You hound her with texts???

It is early days and she is into the sex right now or into the power she has over you. You are an attractive man but she is toying with you. That is about all that is apparent. She likes the fact that she is so desired. She has you by the balls and in all your hundreds of dates experience, you don't see that???

She runs the show because you allow it. You could play a game, turn the tables and play hard to get and then see what happens.

I think you are getting off on the cat and mouse game and if she was suddenly to get keen, be too available, you may run for the hills.

It wont last long. Don't get too involved now. If she is on POF as you are inferring, I am sure she is seeing others.

Tgif33 is so right. I can see the red flags waving from here...

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