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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Are 21st century, western women intimidating?      Home login  
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 Millionpaws
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 1
Are 21st century, western women intimidating? Page 1 of 66    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
Are we?
Is a woman who is educated, uses contraception wisely, has confidence, a good career, owns property, a nice car and yacht intimidating??????

Have we destroyed the traditional, male / female dynamic that has existed in the past?

Does the man have to earn more money?
Be taller?
Be able to slay the woolly mammoth?
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 2
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 1:14:36 AM
Intimidating is an odd choice of words on many levels.

The ONLY item in your initial list that I would expect/need/demand in a partner is Confidence which can only come from within. The rest of them have little to no appeal to me personally how "successful" a woman might seem to be. [to the rest of the world]

Maybe I could trade a few of the others you mentioned for attractive, intelligent, independent, lives in the RW and is OM? [Open Minded]

I didn't think so but it never hurts to ask does it?
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 3
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 3:02:32 AM
Some men will be intimidated and some not.

"Have we destroyed the traditional, male / female dynamic that has existed in the past?"

The answer to this will depend on how the dynamic is defined.

As for me I don't care if he makes more money than I.
But the woolly mamouth?
Well yes....I am holding out for a hero.
I often wonder where have all the good men gone?
And where are all the gods?
Where's the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
I ask myself.... isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
And so.....late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need.....
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 4
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 3:23:41 AM
Are we?
----------------
Not in the least

------------------------

Is a woman who is educated, uses contraception wisely, has confidence, a good career, owns property, a nice car and yacht intimidating??????
-------------------------
Why would any of this shit matter? One major problem with women is that because they think all this shit matters, that guys must care about this shit.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 5
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 3:46:50 AM
1. unless guys want to have sex with you, they don't care about what you think, do, or say. sometimes they even feel that way about you when they want to have sex with you also.

2. any man who thought you were 'intimidating' would never, ever admit it. but he might try getting you to have sex with him to make him feel better about it.

those are your basic rules.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 6
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 4:07:08 AM

Is a woman who is educated, uses contraception wisely, has confidence, a good career, owns property, a nice car and yacht intimidating??????


I'll counter with, is a woman that "has" was you say, suppose to be intimidating? As in, what's with the "good career, owing property, having a nice car and a boat", and why do you think that "having" these things something "important" or of "value"???

I always have wondered why one gender looked around at these types of "things" that supposedly another "has" and thought, hey, getting this "stuff" will make me "better"???? Sometimes it's best to think before "wishing" for that supposed better, greener backyard. In other words, it would be wise to not fall into the trap. That would show me "intelligence" more than anything. Or, at the very least, experienced, used wisely.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
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Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 4:14:09 AM
This comes up often, out of more than one situation.

Generally speaking, the answer is a firm "No."

This is because "intimidating" is entirely misunderstood in almost every relationship context that it is brought up in.

The most common sense, is that some people want to behave rudely to everyone else, under the pretense of "being brutally honest," and then after they have driven away everyone's interest in them thus, they fantasize that others found them "intimidating."

Slightly more subtle, is that along with the development of independent means of fending for oneself, came various social sensitivities, and those sensitivities lead to people sending and receiving confusing signals from each other. Political sensibilities are the most obvious. Not Republican/Democrat, or Liberal/Conservative stuff, it's more the collection of little expectations people assemble in their subconscious, to tell them whether or not the other person is interested, or even friendly...and which each person puts into place in their own behavior, to signal their availability, strengths, weaknesses, and more than anything else, their personal boundaries and "red flag" type concerns.

Simple example, is the often discussed concern about who pays for what, during initial dates. There are tons of people who consider it of TREMENDOUS import, who pays, and for exactly what, but even more important is who ASSUMES what during that first few dates. Lots of people are flexible from a financial standpoint, but draw huge and permanent conclusions about the other person, based on one or two instances of financial interaction.

Anyway, what I'm trying to get at, is that in almost every situation that I've seen someone use the word "intimidating," it would have been MUCH more accurate and illuminating for them to have used one of several other words, such as "abrasive," or "overly critical about small things," or even "paranoid."

Something to consider: a lot of the time when SOME people use the phrase "too much emotional baggage," they are referring to EXACTLY the same thing you are, when you suggest that you are being found to be "intimidating."
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 8
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 5:38:58 AM
Just because someone is intimidated by you doesn't mean that you are inherently intimidating.

Kind of like implying / infering.

Some people are intimidated by intelligence or beauty or wealth; other people are excited by it.
It doesn't mean that the intelligent or beautiful or wealthy person is intimidating.

I think Igor has several excellent points about assuming intimidation.

I'll also mention that, in my experience, the people I've met who have had 'intimidating' credentials (i.e. movie stars, politicians, Nobel Prize winners) have always gone out of their way to make other people feel welcome to the conversation and have usually elicited their opinions.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 9
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 5:58:46 AM
a long time ago I went out on a couple of dates with a guy who told me over dinner that he 'can see where a lot of men would think i'm intimidating'. at the time my ego took it as a compliment (and that's the way he meant it), although I thought about it and decided it was your basic bullshit. calling a woman is 'intimidating' can be a covert way of saying that she clearly isn't a pushover. as if that were special. as if women prefer a man who likes his women gullible and sort of dumb, especially when there are certain men who feel a need to remain 'in control' lest their masculinity be threatened.

he became visibly annoyed at the end of the 2nd or 3rd date when I said I didn't want to be in a relationship with him. yeah f#ck you too buddy.
 Oldmanhome
Joined: 5/21/2015
Msg: 10
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 6:00:26 AM
Nothing to do with what material items a woman possesses, far more to do with her looks or her brains. Rich women are never intimidating. Beautiful women could be, although I have never experienced that. Smart women also will likely be intimidating to a not so smart guy. The average guy is not smart, merely average.
 Oldmanhome
Joined: 5/21/2015
Msg: 11
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 6:10:16 AM
Madam motown, you have a very hard edge to you that might intimidate some men, might simply turn off other men. We are what we are. It would be good for women to realize older men such as myself are not looking for a challenge or a competition in our relationships with women. More than anything, us older guys want peace over drama..
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 12
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 6:29:10 AM
^^^ my writing has a hard edge. but if I were to get involved with another man, i'm not actually gunning for a contest of wills.... just someone who isn't a regular pain in the ass would be awesome. I agree that when it comes to the people in my personal orbit, I want peace over drama just as much as you do.

as for your statement that the things I say might intimidate some men or simply turn other men off, "I don't give a f#ck". do you go around commenting on the things that men say as either 'intimidating' or a 'turn-off' or 'competition'? I sort of doubt it. I so I wonder why you're framing the things that I say in those terms. I don't edit my language based on gender.

meanwhile... I wasn't actually invented to turn on as many of you as humanly possible, although I realize this is the raison d'etre that a lot of women have clearly adopted for themselves, having been socialized to do so from an early age. if that's your definition of 'peace'.... not my problem. so yeah in that context can see how my language might be 'intimidating' or 'a turn-off' to certain men.

uh oh, some man got intimidated or turned off.... OOOOH i'd best adjust my behavior right away..... (?)

no.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 13
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 6:29:37 AM
"You need to dumb down your conversation," a man told me within 10 minutes of meeting. "Men are intimidated by your intelligence and class." I was appalled.

"Speak for yourself," I replied. "Obviously you are intimidated by my intelligence. I refuse to act stupid to mollify the insecure ego of a sexist man." That went well.

Most men enjoy my intelligence and strength. I love engaging in witty banter with an intelligent man. The resulting playfulness and levity are stimulating and fun.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 14
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Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 6:39:26 AM
Personally, I like educated, financially secure, intelligent and successful women. Don't find them intimidating at all.

Why, exactly, would I seek out any other kind of woman?

What a silly question. Man + Woman is a partnership. I just don't think it works if one partner is significantly unbalanced compared to the other.

Personally, I never want to have to worry about my partner after I am gone.

What is hard to find these days is women who are educated, financially secure intelligent and successful. Most of them have mates that appreciate their value and have no intention of giving them up for the joys of the single life.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 15
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 7:29:16 AM
I don't really find anyone intimidating.
I don't know anyone who is intimidated
by me.

I try to balance my attitude.
Even if I know I'm smarter than you,
I won't tell you that.

I think the problem is, most people like
to feel needed or feel they bring something
of value or are appreciated in the relationship.
Someone who feels they have it all and needs
nothing from anyone else may leave a void in
the other person's feelings.

Just my opinion of course.
 eternalrealist2015
Joined: 4/23/2015
Msg: 16
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 7:34:51 AM
I got a first contact message from a man who attempted to differentiate himself (I guess?) with me by saying that he appreciated the fact that I was intelligent unlike most of the other guys I encountered who he was sure were intimidated by it (and he knew all that HOW?)

I responded 'thanks, but I've never had any negative statements made towards me about 'my smarts''. So OnT - I don't think that men dislike an intelligent woman at all.

Back to somewhat OffT - said guy turned out to be one of these 'always right about everything, somehow knows me better than I know myself!' I talked to him on the phone a few times, never met. He bemoaned a great deal how the last woman he dated (for a year) never talked to him about anything.

oy vey.
 springorfall
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 17
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Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 7:47:03 AM
I wonder if, sometimes, people who say they are intimidated by another are using that as an excuse to back away. I would guess that people are often less intimidated, rather than put-off by perceived arrogance or vanity. Or maybe they feel that the other person is 'out of their league' if they are richer or exceptionally good looking, so won't even attempt to get to know them. I also think that sometimes someone may be looking for a more dependent type relationship, so would be reluctant to be with someone who has their own financial security or career - not intimidated, but just not seeing the character of person they're looking for.
 eternalrealist2015
Joined: 4/23/2015
Msg: 18
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 8:12:10 AM
I will admit that I've considered using the 'I think you are simply too good looking for me' excuse to not go out with someone I recently met - he was very good looking but the reason I wouldn't want to see him again was that he came off as arrogant, not much fun to get to know (so many deal breakers and must haves which he rattled off, ack) and all around too much work.

And I guess I assume that his unlikable (to me) personality may have been formed due to his good looks - sometimes we let the beautiful people skate through on that, maybe - so it wasn't completely out of left field.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 19
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 8:29:36 AM
I dont think men are "intimidated" by women all that much. I think it's a nice excuse women can tell themselves because a man isnt interested sexually.

"He's just intimidated by me."

How so? By what, exactly?

It isn't intimidation, it is a lack of interest.

There is also this: As women we are taught to value being educated, being strong, independent, etc..and I think we expect that men also, are going to value these things above all else because we do. When they don't, and they don't pursue us, we simply chalk it up to "he's just intimidated."

Being horny for someone gives men ALOT of courage and motivation. The lack of it will relegate any woman to the back of the line. And it's not because she is just SO amazing, SO smart and SO capable that men just have to leave her alone because they feel inadequate.

She doesnt make their penis hard, thats the main thing. That's really about it.
 Oldmanhome
Joined: 5/21/2015
Msg: 20
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 8:31:53 AM
That is an interesting hypotheses Madam eternalrealist. I suppose we all have our anecdotal experiences. It seems to me that the least attractive women are often the angriest and nastiest. Good looking women on the other hand are oftentimes sweethearts . . . maybe because life has been so good to them. We can all draw whatever conclusions we want about the source of a person's personality.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 21
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Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 8:33:31 AM
^^^^^^^

What Volkano said.

A man who says she's intimidating is just not interested.

If they think you're really, hot they get over their intimidated feelings right quick, in my experience.
 eternalrealist2015
Joined: 4/23/2015
Msg: 22
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 8:45:27 AM

That is an interesting hypotheses Madam eternalrealist. I suppose we all have our anecdotal experiences. It seems to me that the least attractive women are often the angriest and nastiest. Good looking women on the other hand are oftentimes sweethearts . . . maybe because life has been so good to them. We can all draw whatever conclusions we want about the source of a person's personality.


And I was just supposing that about this particular person, because (based on his comments) he very CLEARLY knew his 'value' in terms of his appearance and based on many of the things he said, his appearance seemed to have shaped him. Maybe it was his sense of entitlement that came roaring through. I personally don't find that attractive.

I try not to paint everyone with the same brush... This experience won't stop me from meeting someone based on their looks (ha).

I have met very attractive men who also were really nice guys. I've met less attractive men who were jerks (bitter and nasty, as you say) and less attractive men who were absolutely the guys I most wanted to get to know/pursue because they were so darn nice/easy to communicate with/fun.
 Oldmanhome
Joined: 5/21/2015
Msg: 23
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 8:46:13 AM
I agree with you Madam Volkano with this caveat. I don't think it is a matter of intimidation as much as a matter of resignation at times. So many men are so used to being kicked to the curb by women who have lots of things going for them that they simply assume that such a woman may not be interested in them and thus rather than try and be rejected, choose not to try at all. Not necessarily a good way to go . . but I am sure this may often explain a man's reactions around particular women.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 24
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 9:29:21 AM

. So many men are so used to being kicked to the curb by women who have lots of things going for them that they simply assume that such a woman may not be interested in them and thus rather than try and be rejected, choose not to try at all.

as if men had a special monopoly on being rejected. as if only men wanted to be appreciated for more than their physical appearance.
---> "She doesnt make their penis hard, thats the main thing. That's really about it."

most adults who are reasonably mature for their age accept rejection as just another inconvenient but normal fact of life.... they don't resort to coming up with inventive names ('intimidating') or making snap judgments about the opposite sex based on their physical appearance.


least attractive women are often the angriest and nastiest. Good looking women on the other hand are oftentimes sweethearts

really?? so this is routine for you. speaking of anectodal evidence, that's something I've never observed as being a gender-based behavior. so it may have something to do with the way you treat the women you deem to be 'least attractive'.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 25
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 9:33:22 AM
That isnt QUITE what I meant oldman, but, since you are a guy, and..I am assuming this is an experience you've had, then this also must be considered.

But this also seems to imply that women of many talents and abilities, with a busy and full life simply "kick men to the curb."

I dont know...I've been around the world many times, and I've seen a busy world out there filled with people dating, loving, working and laughing together.

If a woman "kicks a man to the curb"....you mean..."isn't interested in you" then that's all that it means and that is only what it means. It is not her "having alot going on for her" that makes her disinterested. She is disinterested because she can't imagine making out with you/making love to you. It's the same reason why men don't make any moves. People dont reject you because you're too smart or too witty, too educated, too interesting. They reject you *because they are not interested in you sexually.*

Yeah, women do this too. I've had some opportunities to date in the last 5 years. Not many, but when I have decided to decline, it is not because I am so vastly educated, a home owner, a world traveler or a "quirky artist". I say no because I cannot in any depths of my mind imagine the guy going down on me. Or kissing me, or even cuddling. I don't feel that "zing". I don't WANT him to try to touch me. It's pretty basic.


You can pay for a college education, work hard for years to get ahead, be financially responsible but if someone doesn't feel that electric zing, that tingle down between their legs that urges them to meet that special call, nothing is going to happen.

At the very least, with all the disappointments I have had personally, I don't blame men for not feeling it with me. They can't help it, and nor is it my job to "help them start to feel it." <-------crucial!!!!

Also, re: the comment about pretty women being nicer, unattractive women being nastier. Having lived and worked in LA/Hollywood most of my life and being amoung the hottest, I can tell you 100% this is not the case. Personalities vary widely. I know some very very cool/sweet/fun "not so stereotypically cute" people and some pretty smokin' hot people who have turned out to be cruel, dysfunctional and screwed up. I apply this to both men and women.

That sort of comment sounds more like sour grapes than anything based in reality.
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