Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > receiving oral sex uncomfortable?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Ohsochic83
Joined: 5/24/2015
Msg: 1
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I have never been a fan of receiving oral sex because it really doesn't feel good. It's uncomfortable, possibly too much pressure is my best guess. This could possibly be remedied by having the man back off and be a little less enthusiastic but I have a very hard time speaking up and saying what I want in bed, definitely something I need to work on, I know. Any other ladies have this issue? I would like to work on it because I feel like I am missing out! I almost feel defective in a way for not enjoying it because so many woman rave about it so much!
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 2
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/6/2015 11:01:14 AM
In instances such as you have described, the sole solution will be to speak with your partner.
Try it while in the midst. "Yes, baby, yes...lighter, yes, lighter, yes, yes, yes!" He will oblige your request.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 3
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/6/2015 11:56:25 AM

In instances such as you have described, the sole solution will be to speak with your partner.
Try it while in the midst. "Yes, baby, yes...lighter, yes, lighter, yes, yes, yes!" He will oblige your request.


Yes. Most men aim to please, but they are not mind readers.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 4
view profile
History
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/7/2015 1:15:40 AM
Would not the guy realise you are not really enjoying it or do you fake it???? It is easy enough to give suggestions as to what you prefer. Men are not mindreaders for sure. Had had the issue but soon remedied with a bit of guidance. I dont like oral sex with anyone other than who I am intimately involved with so it would be discussed.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 5
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/7/2015 5:19:26 AM
If too much pressure, ask for less.

Sometimes having him circle the clitoris with his lips and breathing warm on it is enough to not be too much but keeps the pleasure increasing without hitting 'too much'.
 Ohsochic83
Joined: 5/24/2015
Msg: 6
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/7/2015 7:25:49 AM
I don't fake it...it's too uncomfortable to even allow it so either I avoid it completely or if it gets started I redirect pretty quickly. Speaking up seems easy enough but I am a person who has a hard time 'critiquing' anyone for the most part in life or in bed, and I am not really one to talk much during sex either. My issues I know. Guess I need to get over this if I want anything t change!
 Ohsochic83
Joined: 5/24/2015
Msg: 7
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/7/2015 7:29:03 AM
Sometimes having him circle the clitoris with his lips and breathing warm on it is enough to not be too much but keeps the pleasure increasing without hitting 'too much'.

Thanks for the suggestion!
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 8
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/7/2015 10:07:50 AM

.......hard time 'critiquing' anyone for the most part in life or in bed,


OP, This is NOT a matter of "critiquing" ones actions in bed. IT IS about finding the courage to be open/up front/direct, with what you want/need/desire with sexual intimacy.

As eric suggested, in the "heat of the moment", ask for or emphasize with words, and/or actions/body language, with what feels good.

NO need to fault the man, /judge him, or complain when something is not good. This approach doesn't go over well, with men or women.
Instead, emphasize/ask for, /direct his actions to what you do like and to what feels good to you. He will take the hint, AND appreciate it.
A man or woman wants to have great sex! It starts with a man or woman who is able to participate whole heartedly!
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 9
view profile
History
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/7/2015 6:31:21 PM
I agree it is not criticising necessarily. Just letting the guy know what you like and where and when you like it. The days of women just lying there and thinking of the shopping list, are long gone, hopefully!! Or avoiding what could be a pleasurable experience with a little guidance.

Do the men you have sex with ever voice their preferences? I am sure a man would soon tell you if you are not doing oral sex, i.e. blow job, the way he likes it. If not, he should.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 10
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/8/2015 3:50:03 AM
Speaking up seems easy enough but I am a person who has a hard time 'critiquing' anyone for the most part in life or in bed, and I am not really one to talk much during sex either. My issues I know. Guess I need to get over this if I want anything t change!
--------------------------
Go ahead and "critique." People who can't accept feedback will never be any good at anything.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 11
view profile
History
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/8/2015 1:13:19 PM
I will never understand how one can be comfortable enough to be naked and engaging in sexual activities with a partner....but not comfortable enough to says what feels good and what doesn't?????
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 12
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/8/2015 2:13:41 PM
ohsochic83- If you enjoy a man stimulating you with his fingers, then ask yourself, specifically, what did he do that felt good.
If light pressure was what you enjoyed during manual stimulation, it's likely you would enjoy the same thing during oral sex.
You are doing to have to get over not being able to say what you like.
I used to be the same way, long ago.
I assure you, things will VASTLY improve when you get past that.
I also assure you that every one here on pof will agree with me when I say it is a TOTAL turn on to find a lover who tells you what they like and asks you what you like.
All the raving, it's not for nothing, when you find a patient lover who does it right, there is no going back, that's not a warning, I consider that a VERY good thing.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 13
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/8/2015 3:09:23 PM
Several things come to mind.

These men really don't know how to give oral. What gives you an orgasm, clitoral stimulation or vaginal stimulation?
During penetration, does it make you really wet or you dry out? Do you ever masturbate? What do you do to achieve it?

This is very important, because if you are hypersensitive it means that the man has to be extra careful and understand what you're feeling. It's almost like simply blow air on your clit, then hit it with the tongue, once or twice and see your reaction. If that does not work, then what works for you, penetration?
 Ohsochic83
Joined: 5/24/2015
Msg: 14
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/8/2015 4:09:11 PM
I can be a pretty passive person overall...this goes way beyond the bedroom! I don't enjoy manual stimulation either...also way too much pressure. I pretty much am always pushing their hands away as every single man just goes to town. I do masturbate, using a vibrator, and I orgasm from that, or during sex, from clitoral stimulation. Just not direct stimulation as that is too much. More indirect stimulation. I just need to learn to speak up, and not look at it as a critique. I know most men are willing to please, just as I want what I am doing to feel good to them.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 15
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/8/2015 5:28:03 PM
ohsochic83- I didn't get the way I am overnight, it took time, so no judgement, but I will say I realized that not communicating my wants and needs was not helping me.
What you said about not liking manual stimulation either, for the same reasons, helps me make more suggestions.
You are very sensitive, which means you will have to have a good , patient lover who will take the time to focus on you in bed, they are somewhat rare, but they exist.
If you are fortunate enough to find a lover who will ask what you like, tell them or show them.
There are even men who are confident enough to encourage you to use a vibrator even if you are with them, if that is what it takes for you to orgasm.
Some will take it as a critique, but don't let that be your problem, that is on them.
I don't have a long list of lovers, but the ones who will care that you enjoy yourself are out there, this I know for sure.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 16
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/9/2015 10:15:31 AM
Being vocal doesn't mean you have to be demanding. Just making SOME noise - whimpers or moans or giggles or whatever - it's all good for feedback and communicating what you like. Just stop biting your lip - that's his job!

If he's got any hair on his head you can grab it and steer him gently like a video game, too. If you play the game effectively, he might let you steer the 'joystick' as well.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 17
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/9/2015 11:20:32 AM
It sounds like you're guarded, like you are tense during the whole act, you worry too much. You are not relaxed enough to let things happen or you're with someone who wants to consume you in a single breath. Not everyone knows how to perform or how to let someone perform.

Prior to meeting my last sex partner, I was always the one directing the show, and performing all the tricks. I didn't let them do anything, fingering or masturbating me felt uncomfortable (plus some people have never heard of a manicure), like I was dead or something, same thing with oral, I'd totally redirect and switch to performing instead. I don't mean to say that I'd be on top all the time or that sort of taking over, but that I'd allow them to do what I wanted them to do, what felt comfortable for me.

My last sex partner took my limitations as challenges, he was determined to overcome any barrier. He was bothered by the fact that I wanted to do everything, and there were things he wouldn't allow me to do, which I conned him into doing anyway. He took it upon himself to find ways around my own preferences. He turned it around to him commanding the whole show and it was actually amazing, not a single regret.

One day, my back was hurting and I took a muscle relaxer (I was at my then boyfriend's house) and we were watching Big Love, and he started fooling around with me. I was sort of paralyzed by the meds, slowly drifting into a high and then into sleep. I was not in a position to redirect anything, I was sort of gone to another world. He decided to perform oral (even when he knew I didn't like, he figured one day I'd "get it"), and I ended up having the most intense orgasm ever, and then falling asleep without so much as a goodnight to him. I haven't shy away from it ever since.

Are you wearing your pants too tight? You may be producing your own over-sensitivity. There are men who "cum" too quickly because they don't do it often, so any sensation throws them into overdrive. One of my friends had that issue but once he met a woman who wouldn't let him rest, he was able to build enough desensitization, to be able to last, and now leads a better sex life. Maybe the fact that you don't let them do anything is keeping you over-sensitive, try to let it happen and see what happens over time.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 18
view profile
History
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/9/2015 5:46:18 PM

Any other ladies have this issue?

Yes... but the opposite problem I think. I need heavier pressure and specific sensation compared to a light touch and flicking.


I would like to work on it because I feel like I am missing out! I almost feel defective in a way for not enjoying it because so many woman rave about it so much!

Not defective. Not all women (people) enjoy oral sex, and you don't HAVE to in order to have a fulfilling sex life.

Best thing you can do is speak up. If it's a regular, ongoing, long-term partner, talk with them about it...outside of the bedroom!! Explain that it feels weird and you'd like to try something different next time. Be prepared to explain what feels weird about it, or what it is you want to try that is different. Speak up during. Honestly it might seem cold and clinical the first time, and once you figure it out (if you figure it out), you shouldn't have to say it again, until there is a change in partners or something like that.

I like it when you...
It feels good when you...
Can you please do more...
Next time we can try...
I need you to do exactly what I tell you to do... (make a game out of it maybe)
 Ohsochic83
Joined: 5/24/2015
Msg: 19
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/9/2015 8:29:39 PM
This is all very helpful everyone so thanks! Of course I will just have to put this information in my back pocket for now but hopefully in the near future I will put everyone's advice to good use ;) Except for making sure my pants aren't too tight...that I can do now!
 Dan6308
Joined: 10/23/2013
Msg: 20
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/10/2015 2:00:33 AM
You don't have to be critical, just tell him what you want: "could you press more lightly, like that yes..."

If he's not too sensitive to suggestions, he'll do it.
 wooweewoo13
Joined: 7/7/2013
Msg: 21
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/10/2015 3:04:10 AM
Hmmm...sounds like your not comfortable in your own skin.....lol.....love giving oral but woman as the norm arent like guys in the way as you know need and love kissing and touching along with long foreplay...always good and sets the stage for lack of better terms for her to have great orgasms!.....orals a forte of mine and not to sound stuck on myself about it do consider myself good at it.....BUT preparations important in treating any partner....and Ive had woman who said they werent comfortable with oral changed their mind once they gave me a chance.....lol...relax and enjoy!
 wooweewoo13
Joined: 7/7/2013
Msg: 22
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/28/2015 4:35:12 AM
Well apparently your not comfortable and yes Ive had woman shy away from it but after the so-called preparation for lack of better terms any woman Ive given oral sex with have enjoyed it totally.....Your a woman and as such need the time for romance,preparation as in kissing and touching that relaxes you during love making.....and I mean TIME!....Ive enjoyed giving as much as they have enjoyed recieving and the big secret is teasing....which is hard for some but in the end the rewards are immense!.....good luck!
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 23
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/28/2015 3:45:07 PM

Not defective. Not all women (people) enjoy oral sex, and you don't HAVE to in order to have a fulfilling sex life.


I agree. There are women ( and men as well ) that like giving oral better than receiving. There are other people that aren't big fans of giving or receiving oral. They like other sexual activities better.
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 24
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 6/28/2015 4:49:53 PM

I have never been a fan of receiving oral sex because it really doesn't feel good.


I Think that you haven't found the right man.Not all men are good doing it.
The man who REALLY knows how to do it, will turns you kind of "addicted" to that....Trust me...:-)
 gh_lpn
Joined: 3/12/2015
Msg: 25
receiving oral sex uncomfortable?
Posted: 7/8/2015 9:34:17 PM
I'm afraid of myself now.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > receiving oral sex uncomfortable?