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 throttle_junkie
Joined: 7/13/2013
Msg: 1
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profilePage 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I've been a member for several years and met a few lovely women. That said I wonder if anyone else reads a profile and will not consider meeting based on entries. For me at 63 I have several:

1. I'll only date someone within 5-6 years of my age
I find that age is a common level of life experience that brings to the table a lot of common background.

2. If someone if 57 years old and up and hasn't had a single relationship that lasted at least 10 years
OK, I'll admit that it's likely that a person has had a LOT of relationships go sour including myself, but to be dating for some 45 or so years and NEVER had a long term relationship? Something is not right there.

3. Someone looking to get married
Been there, done that, not interested.

4. Sport nuts
I'm not a sports fan.

5. Smokers or substance (legal and illegal) abusers

Obviously the opposite of the above are all a plus but here are a few more:

Gals with animals, children, those who have some compatible interests
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 2
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 8:07:50 AM
a lot of people do not read profiles, or so I hear.

even if they don't, i'm sure just about everyone has deal-breakers. maybe finding them a little too late will make more people wish they would have read the profile.
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 3
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Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 8:22:45 AM
I don't list deal breakers on my profile, but if I was looking, a guy can read my profile and find things in it that would be deal breakers for him.

If a guy was looking for ....
.... A sugar-mama, he would have to skip my profile because I don't have much money.
....a woman who dresses up a lot and is very feminine, would find I hate sorting laundry and cram all in one load. All my pics have me in t-shirts, except two pictures, where I'm in a uniform from my military days.
.... A mother for his children, would find I don't want any.
.... A thin and athletic woman, I'm a BBW.

These may be deal-breakers for some guys...they click next to look for someone more compatible. Too easy! 😀
 Olivoil
Joined: 5/3/2015
Msg: 4
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 8:54:51 AM
gals with animals? are you really that needy?
and isn't that a dog you're walking on the beach with?
 throttle_junkie
Joined: 7/13/2013
Msg: 5
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 9:00:17 AM
Needy? Are you reading impaired?

I have a dog, a woman WITH a dog is unlikely to have allergies, fear of dogs, AND has to go home at some point to let her dog out :-)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 6
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 9:43:12 AM
^^^^^
OP - no need to be so rude
PS you are so fussy re spelling
it is MUSSORGSKY... you have it wrong on your profile :/
Yea, you are welcome
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 7
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 9:44:21 AM
Currently, I'm in a 'not looking' stage but I don't really think there's much I would consider a automatic 'red flag'.

If there was a constellation of characteristics in their profile (yep, I read them) that indicated a bad match with me, I'd probably politely say 'no, thanks, good luck in your fishing'.

For instance:
sports + NASCAR + separated
sarcastic sense of humor + a lot of talk about ex + reference to feminazis
video games + no outdoor interests
I'd probably pass on these guys.

I also look for anything they have posted in the forums. Anger, bitterness, arrogance, passive-aggressive, defensiveness tend to not be attractive to me, attitudes that are too young or too old (not necessarily age although there is a close correlation).

I travel occasionally so distance wouldn't be a red flag, merely a caution. Pluses include pets, reader, history, science-fiction/fantasy, board/card games, volleyball, horseback riding, national parks, museums.
 throttle_junkie
Joined: 7/13/2013
Msg: 8
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 9:48:20 AM
"it is MUSSORGSKY... you have it wrong on your profile :/"

Why THANK you!

I'm not fussy, you didn't actually READ what I said... "and ask me how to spell a word"

And the person who challenged me about the dog issue was being rude.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 9
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Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 9:58:10 AM
Actually, I always skip over profiles that are as long as junkie's. Who the heck wants to read a five page essay?

If you have "issues", then you can always arrange your mail filter to prevent quite a lot of people that you consider as deal breakers to contact you.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 10
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 10:01:19 AM
Listing deal breakers in your profile is negative. Nobody wants to be around a negative, confrontational person.

Say what you WANT in a match, instead of what you don't want. Write in positive terms. This English idiom rings true: You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 11
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 11:13:30 AM
If a man makes any reference to losing half "HIS" stuff, I quickly dismiss him.

What's even worse, if he refers to "loosing" half "HIS" stuff...LOL

Also...cats. I can't stand them.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 12
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 11:23:19 AM
Dealbreakers are easy. She must be Intelligent enough to write enough in her profile, that I get a sense of who she is, what floats her boat and what kind of man she is looking for. Four or five lines as a minimum. The length is totally irrelevant. No such thing as too long as I AM looking for a LT partner. It's good that she has certain preferences, but if I get the sense that she is CLOSED MINDED, there will never be a F2F meet. A phone call perhaps to be sure that I did not misinterpret her profile. If she is "silly enough" to try to use the "safety card" [I need to push buttons with you for at least several hours, days or weeks before I am willing to TALK to you or meet" thing? NEXT. Women who live in the RW know better. "Regular" smoker or regular drinker? NEXT. Drugs? NEXT. Occasional smoker I would risk. I have known a rare 2 or 3 people in my 62 years on the planet that DO only have 2 or 3 day.

And a huge red flag is when Forum input [if any] doesn't jibe with their profile. What people post to the world trumps any claims in their profile IMO.

Pluses? She works out on a "regular" basis doing something and likely eats "good" most of the time. She knows what endorphins are. She knows who Helen Fisher is and understands what Chemistry is and isn't. If she has eight pics up, at least a few are casual, OUTDOOR pics where she looks happy and/or relaxed/not worried that heaven forbid, other people would EVER see her w/o perfect makeup, hair and clothes. Other pluses are any musical ability, loves Nature and appreciates our planet and loves animals. Especially pooches.

And if she just happens to like Survivor, N&A and documentaries? I might be willing to give it a go w/o that crushing club of Chemistry over the head in that very first 30 seconds.

Maybe.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 13
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 12:00:11 PM
OP - my reading skills are fine :) From your profile
"Dislikes:

Um, not being able to enjoy the LIKES above
One more... people who can't spell, turn off their spelling checker. don't look words up and ask me how to spell a word."
So you dislike people who can't spell. Or use a comma LOL
SLAFFA - now I have to go google Helen Fisher.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 14
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 1:00:17 PM
No players, not looking for a hook up , etc.

Perhaps the common negatives I encounter.

I'm not looking to prove that I don't want to have sex...

Any mention of meeting a 'financially stable' man?

Pass. Please define what that means at least.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 15
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Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 2:00:34 PM
I see plenty of "Skip'' profiles. Sports fans, music lovers, world travelers, God comes first, partiers, and hopeless romantics.

I can put up with "My grandchildren are the greatest thing since the invention of sliced bread" I can put up with. (within reason)

Since I ride, I tend to steer clear of those who mention the word "harley". You won't like what I ride, the way I ride, and chances are I'd have to force you to wear a helmet-at gunpoint.

I'll ignore the merely obvious deal breakers.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 16
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Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 2:02:02 PM

clooneystutor
Any mention of meeting a 'financially stable' man?

Pass. Please define what that means at least.


I think the reason you see that in a woman’s profile varies directly with her age. In my age bracket, I assume that means she does not want to support a man. When I see it in a younger woman’s profile, and especially if she has expressed some kind of interest (wink, flirt, meet me, message) in a much older man, like me, then I assume she is looking for a “sugar daddy”.



No players, not looking for a hook up , etc.


I always find that very amusing when I already know that the woman in question has a profile up on AdultFriendFinder, AshleyMadison, FetLife, etc.



throttle_junkie
1. I'll only date someone within 5-6 years of my age

That is a very narrow age range. I am 64, a year older than you, and have dated women 9 years older, and 15 or more years younger. If we have fun together, where’s the harm? You say that you don’t want to get married, so why are you here if not to go out on dates and have fun?



2. If someone if 57 years old and up and hasn't had a single relationship that lasted at least 10 years
OK, I'll admit that it's likely that a person has had a LOT of relationships go sour including myself, but to be dating for some 45 or so years and NEVER had a long term relationship? Something is not right there.

Once again, far too narrow minded. Just because her life experiences haven’t mirrored yours, does not in any way indicate that she is a “bad person” or “undateable”. I actually tend to enjoy women who are rather different than me, who have had different life experiences.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 17
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Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 2:12:20 PM
I don't generally critique other people's profile, they either sound interesting or they don't. That said, I found OPs to be very well thought out and easy to read. It is long but it's not a wall of text. I can't tell his tone from reading it but I didn't find it off putting. I think if someone was a match, they'd feel confident to contact him.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 18
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Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 2:15:18 PM
To throttle_junkie
My list of things to look out for is similar. But I think your profile is too negative, and your main photo looks unfriendly. You're probably a great guy, but you aren't giving off that vibe in your profile or here in the forum. Mellow out a bit.

Well Clooney, to me, financially stable means you can afford to date, and you don't live in a motel, (Mike did), you don't rent a room from your ex GF (whathisname did), you don't live in subsidized housing (Harvey did). You own a car, and can afford to put gas in it, for a date. I think "financially stable" is fairly clear. I guess it isn't on the POF forums.

As for the sex part. I want to find a man who wants sex. But I've met too many who want sex NOW, as in RIGHT NOW, TONIGHT. I want it once I get to know a man, and like him a lot. Not today. No fondling in the parking lot, no home visits on the first meet. I've experienced all that, and more, as if we were teenagers. Act like a grown up man and if we continue to see each other, then there's a real good chance of sex. But the men who made it clear they wanted sex like NOW, just get abducted by aliens after I very politely decline. And I'm soft about it, I don't react all offended. I say something like, "No, I'm not that fast" Or "No, I need to get to know you" Or nothing at all if they have managed to convince me there shouldn't be a second date. So if a woman says that in her profile, it's probably because she's had similar experiences. If all else looks good, don't rule them out too quickly.


No players, not looking for a hook up , etc.
Perhaps the common negatives I encounter.
I'm not looking to prove that I don't want to have sex...
Any mention of meeting a 'financially stable' man?
Pass. Please define what that means at least.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 19
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 2:51:13 PM
Sorry Strawberry, but I make an effort not to sound negative on my profile and she should do the same.

Would it be attractive for me to list no gold diggers or meal whor!s on my profile?

Like that would be an effective deterrent anyway?
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 20
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 2:52:36 PM
"As for the sex part. I want to find a man who wants sex. But I've met too many who want sex NOW, as in RIGHT NOW, TONIGHT. I want it once I get to know a man, and like him a lot. Not today. No fondling in the parking lot, no home visits on the first meet."

One of the main reasons why I left online dating. I remember on one of my last dates the guy *pouting* and pissing around because apparently I wasn't going to give him my home address so we could go back there for sex...even though I specifically said that wasn't what I was looking for BEFORE we even went out.

As far as all the dealbreaker lists, I found that setting ANY sort of criteria was flat out ignored. I still got the one night standers writing. You still get the men out of your age range (way too old or way too young) trying to "convince me" they were different and to try them out..still got the way out of shape men who didn't' see themselves as out of shape.

People skim over your profile, or think they are an exception, etc and NO MAN sees himself as overweight or out of shape, they come waddling in regardless of what you write.

Settling standards in online dating, I found, never mattered.
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 21
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 2:57:25 PM

Since I ride, I tend to steer clear of those who mention the word "harley". You won't like what I ride, the way I ride, and chances are I'd have to force you to wear a helmet-at gunpoint.


I am going to steal this line from you, lol
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 22
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 3:12:52 PM

People skim over your profile, or think they are an exception, etc and NO MAN sees himself as overweight or out of shape, they come waddling in regardless of what you write.


VK, in all fairness it's that way on the other side as well.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 23
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 3:27:26 PM
I have always said, no matter what is discussed here, that women are just as moronic. I'm surprised you haven't seen me mention that before? Women are NOT exempt.

Just bear in mind I don't date women, so all my experiences are from a hetero female perspective. My reporting on my personal experiences, and it being all men I have dated, does not, has not and will never preclude women from being just as stupid, idiotic, deaf, dumb and blind.

Hope that clears it up!
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 24
Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 3:29:46 PM

Obviously the opposite of the above are all a plus but here are a few more:

Gals with animals, children, those who have some compatible interests


Your list was about deal breakers, and your line here are a few more implied more deal breakers.

You don't write clearly.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 25
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Dealbreakers and +'s in a profile
Posted: 6/21/2015 3:33:01 PM
You don't have to apologize to me, it was just a suggestion. Sure, she shouldn't have anything negative on her profile. But maybe she never heard that "rule." Maybe she's fairly new to OLD. Maybe she's only had 3 meets and they all acted like horny teenagers. Maybe she's just the one for you, and you'll be passing her by.

I once wrote to a guy who said "no gold-diggers" I figured I'm not, so why not see what happens. He asked for my email to send me photos, I gave him my OLD email. The first photo he sent was of... HIS AIRPLANE! LOL. Yeah, good luck finding a woman who isn't a gold-digger when you flaunt your stuff like that.

And you're right, the wrong people are never deterred from writing to us anyway.


Sorry Strawberry, but I make an effort not to sound negative on my profile and she should do the same.

Would it be attractive for me to list no gold diggers or meal whor!s on my profile?

Like that would be an effective deterrent anyway?
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