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 northernstar2015
Joined: 1/20/2015
Msg: 1
honesty regarding sexual capabilityPage 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I have dated several men from the site, its frustrating when they get a gal in every other way and then mislead about their sexual capabilities, or lack of. How does a woman tactfully ask the question of sexual activity ability of her prospective partner?
 J3LV3HL_WV3JP
Joined: 4/5/2015
Msg: 2
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 1:47:15 PM
Unfortunately, as you approach that age these things happen. And it's obviously important to women that a guy can... "perform". I've had women ask me straight-out, and it didn't bother me. I get it. And honesty is the ONLY policy.
 MissScawlett
Joined: 3/26/2015
Msg: 3
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 1:54:14 PM
Good question, OP. I've often wondered the same thing. I don't think it needs to be brought up right away, but if it looks like things are going to get sexual, I guess that would be the time to say something.

At this age, ED is a very real problem for a lot of men. Even much younger guys have that problem occasionally. It's a hard topic to bring up. No pun intended.

 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 4
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 1:56:27 PM
I wouldn't think this was necessary to talk about unless you guys were going to have sex? I mean, I wouldn't be talking about it in the initial chat/text stages. As other posts here have mentioned, there's sometimes too much questioning and interviewing upfront which can be a buzzkill. I certainly wouldn't want a guy asking me personal sexual questions before we even met. And oftentime, that early on, people may be caught off guard and distort the truth.

I've experienced a couple people who have had issues...possibly due to a number of things, age, anxiety, high blood pressure medication, too much alcohol. This was something of course that could not be hid during "the first time"....and I gently questioned what he thought it might be, to see if he had anything worked out. He kept saying it was nerves, but still..I sort of had my answer...there was going to be a problem.

Also, I think sometimes too much porn can do this, too...this same person was totally OK masturbating to porn (or phone sex) but could not keep it going when we were together.

We did break up, but it was because of his drinking, not necessarily because I wouldnt or couldnt deal with the erection thing.

And..who knows..maybe the alcohol played a part. *shrugs*
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 5
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 2:53:30 PM
I think if you're going to have sex, then it should be ok to talk about it. what I don't get is how people aren't shy about getting down with each other but somehow they can't have a conversation about something that the other person would clearly like to know about first. what kind of a man accidentally forgets that his d1ck doesn't work?? this is not something you should have to ask anyone about; this is the kind of information that should be freely given. if someone is deliberately withholding significant info, then buh-bye to their selfish ass. how happy do you think any man would be if you didn't let him in on the tiny little fact that you're frigid (for example)?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 6
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 3:04:49 PM
You'd think the Man ( or woman if she has issues) would be upfront being fornication. Must be uncomfy having to make up excuses...Motown had great advice
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 7
view profile
History
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 3:08:52 PM
I went through a period of about a year and half where I was not able to perform reliably due to some medical conditions I had going on and some of the medications, and when I met someone new I made sure to bring it up to her.
I started doing it that way since I knew there was a chance that there could be issues, and that the thought of issues would increase the likelihood of there being an issue due to the nervousness that it may happen this time and I dont want her finding out while we`re in the moment.
Performance issues were never predictable and it happened about 50% of the time.
But with it out in the open beforehand, the pressure of it becoming an embarrassment was lifted since there was advanced warning.
And in fact I think failures would have been higher than 50% of the time without having this talk with them.
I did often wonder if some of those girls took it as a challenge to see if they could get me aroused despite the problem?

I cannot understand how a guy who knows he cant perform well anymore doesnt disclose such a thing sometime before finding out during a failure, unless thats how he always performed his whole life?
When I lost some of my stamina and hardness it was a big difference to me. I felt that for the moment it wasnt a proper representation of the real me due to my injuries and medical treatments affecting my usually astute capabilities and I treated it like George Costanza did when he wondered if women knew about shrinkage.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 8
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 3:08:54 PM
Don't underestimate the data you can get from a test drive. Sometimes you have to make relationship decisions based on that data. Shrug.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 9
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 3:44:26 PM

what kind of a man accidentally forgets that his d1ck doesn't work??


LMAO

You have a way with words, Motown !
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 10
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 3:46:44 PM
Test drive?????
Love the analogy.

But surely you would need more than the one test drive.
Perhaps he was having a bad day.


Yes I do understand the question.
I have met lovely men and then got to the point of intimacy and ........

Weeeelllllll

Yes there is more than one way to skin a cat but I think you and I are both sensual women who want to have a healthy sex life with our lover.

It can be a very delicate situation and the male ego can get a battering.


 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 11
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History
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 4:10:43 PM
When initially talking to someone, I just am looking to see if I want to meet them. Then if I might want to go on a date with them. Then see how the dating is going. So knowing about their sex life doesn't usually come up right off, but there are of course hints and their actions to go on. There are lots of ways to have a satisfying sex life whether a person has a problem or not. I want to know the person before I want to have sex with them. To each his own. But yes, honesty is the best, if you need to know, ask and pay close attention to reality.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 12
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 4:16:00 PM
Have sex with him sooner rather than later, so you know right away.

----------------
How does a woman tactfully ask the question of sexual activity ability of her prospective partner?
----------------
Ask him if he wants to get naked.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 13
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 4:25:42 PM

Test drive?????
Love the analogy.

It's pretty much the same idea.

But surely you would need more than the one test drive.
Perhaps he was having a bad day.

Yep, sometimes you need a second one to be sure the data isn't skewed.

Yes I do understand the question.
I have met lovely men and then got to the point of intimacy and ........

Weeeelllllll

Yes there is more than one way to skin a cat but I think you and I are both sensual women who want to have a healthy sex life with our lover.

It can be a very delicate situation and the male ego can get a battering.

True, true. But men get over it. Honestly I'd rather a guy walk soft on it than try to sell me. The sales pitch always gives you higher expectations and creates an inevitable lesser reality, not to mention that for me it doesn't work. If I want to sleep with you then I do. If I don't a sales pitch won't change my decision.

What is it they say in marketing? If it's not brand new or greatly improved it should sell itself without advertising. If you have to pitch it all the time it's a pretty safe bet sales are down.

 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 14
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 5:29:39 PM
You girls can talk and ask all you want.

But, remember, most of guys lie thru our teeth, and will say anything to get anything. Even if we are unable to get it even when it's given to us. We men, are phucked up.

Don't worry though girls, you are running a close second.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 15
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 5:48:19 PM
Out of all the men I used to play golf with there were three who acknowledged using viagra....

One was in his mid 70's and tried to buy viagra like a drug addict.

The second was a younger guy who seemed to use it similar to a party drug.

The third guy told me he had planned a special getaway for him and his wife and had gotten a prescription from his doctor unbeknownst to her....the big night came and as his wife went in to bath he got the bottle out and read the directions, after reading them he decided that if one was adequate then two would be monumental but as this was a special night by god three it would be...when she came out about an hour later he was laid out on the bed with a horrific headache and high blood pressure. She had to take him to the er.....they spent the rest of the night there. I laughed about that the rest of the round.

Back on topic, I have to believe this ED epidemic isn't as prolific as the commercials would have you believe. ymmv.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 16
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 5:54:14 PM
Just look for guys sharp enough to spell it out in their profile in a "tactful" manner. I know/have met MANY ladies 50 years and up who have the same "concern" as you.

The OTHER side of the coin [and WHY I bother to put it in my profile] is that MANY ladies over 50ish are not at all happy with themselves on the outside which [I'm willing to bet my last dollar] probably accounts for their lack of interest in playing naked/making love. Many "possibly" lack confidence that they are sexually attractive.
 123nightmoves
Joined: 6/2/2015
Msg: 17
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 6:14:47 PM
This happens to both genders at this age...some have problems and some have a lack of desire. This isn't a male problem only. I have asked, right after the chats about intent for dating or long term.."what about sex and intimacy?" And I'm more than prepared to answer back. Be an adult, ask the question and when asked yourself, answer honestly.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 18
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History
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 7:11:40 PM
All kinds of potential challenges involved with this.

Sex, when done as something OTHER than masturbating to a live stimulus, is an interdependent enterprise. One of the things that can ironically result from this, is that the LESS someone cares who they are with, the MORE likely they are to be able to predict how well they will "perform." Perhaps this is one reason why I hear that some people who have so-called affairs, have less trouble "performing" with their cheat-ees, than with their official mate.

If, for example, the OP or someone like her were to ask ME in advance, how well I can perform sexually with her, because I AM an honest person, I would have to answer "I have no freaking idea whatsoever." This is because I have found myself, the sex is an extremely interactive thing to do. I am a very emotional person, and fairly egotistical as well, and I've had enough negative experiences in my youth, that I can only predict that SOMETHING will happen once we are interacting.

And one thing which I am fairly certain can go wrong, based on some very bad times with my ex, is that if I run into a partner who has a wall of expectations built of prior disappointments, and they let those concerns rule the sex, things WILL go wrong.

One of the things I've always wanted to have, is a partner who both loves me, and just likes to have sex with me. I've never experienced that, because everyone I've dealt with has either just wanted to have sex with ANYBODY (not remotely interesting to be someone's sexual garbage can), or they had so many special requirements before sex happened, that they were essentially a sexual inside out minefield, likely to switch off at any moment.

So the OP does have a real potential problem. In a real way, the act of asking about sexual performance issues in advance, can actually cause sexual performance issues in a reasonably sensitive person, and if she runs into a guy who can live up to bragging he might do, it will tend to indicate that it doesn't matter that it's her that he's with.

Bottom line, there's more psychology to good sex than physical abilities. Always has been.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 19
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History
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 7:34:53 PM
Now I'm curious. And a question for the women on here. Are you offended by the man using "Outside help"? I saw on the 'net a couple weeks ago about a pill that helps out the ladies with lubrication issues. I certainly wouldn't mind if I had lady that needed that sort of help. I'll freely admit that I'm not on all the time. I found it easier to ask my physician for them. My reward was that he had samples, and gave me some. Buuut, at eight bucks a crack, she better be worth it!
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 20
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 7:46:23 PM

...............most of guys lie thru our teeth,.....


LOL Yep!


Bottom line, there's more psychology to good sex than physical abilities. Always has been.


Now THIS I believe!
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 21
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History
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 8:02:23 PM
If he boasts about his oral skills, that's a clue.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 22
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 8:05:28 PM
yowser


Buuut, at eight bucks a crack, she better be worth it!
I just know there is a joke somewhere in that statement.

I just googled cials/Viagra prices, 22-40 each without insurance. I had NO idea it was that expensive. I saw a historical graph of sales Vs unit growth of Viagra, sales are at an all time high while unit growth had declined. These sorts of prices explain it all.

BUT you had a good question, do women object to men using Viagra?
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 23
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 8:13:06 PM
^ How long does it take to take effect?
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 24
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 9:02:04 PM
Well BEFORE this thread gets to 100 pages, I'll just throw in a simple FACT in case anyone has forgotten/never read...

REGULAR aerobic exercise (for men or women) along with a "good" diet and laying off booze, drugs and cigarettes is THE closest thing to the "Fountain of Youth" that scientists are aware of. This is well documented and has many "nice" side effects of all kinds.

Of course... following. any, some or ALL of this ^^^^^ is a matter of personal CHOICE.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 25
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/22/2015 9:43:43 PM

Now I'm curious. And a question for the women on here. Are you offended by the man using "Outside help"? I saw on the 'net a couple weeks ago about a pill that helps out the ladies with lubrication issues. I certainly wouldn't mind if I had lady that needed that sort of help. I'll freely admit that I'm not on all the time. I found it easier to ask my physician for them. My reward was that he had samples, and gave me some. Buuut, at eight bucks a crack, she better be worth it!


^^^ I would prefer not.
Here in Oz, Viagra or Cialis or similar is over $20 per tablet.

Now when I am in a relationship the 'sex sessions' can be multiple times a day on weekends and holidays.
Plus at least once a day, preferably twice daily on normal days.
A wonderful way to get ready for sleep and a heart starter for the day as a minimum.
An afternoon delight after work is also wonderful.

That could get very expensive.
Or require lots of advance planning or him being continuously medicated.

All this talk of sex and I am on the longest dry spell of my life it seems.
Grump Grump Grump.
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