Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Is this Racist or Not ???      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 QueenPyro420
Joined: 6/15/2015
Msg: 1
Is this Racist or Not ???Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I've had many friends with different ethnicities, but I have never found any guy that is not Caucasian attractive enough to think of myself in a relationship with.. It's a preference of mine that we click together and Ya, so far, I just can't seem to find any interest to date them... it seems being choosy about the kind of guy I look and feel good with gets me nothing but loneliness.... =o( I've declined a guy cause he was metis and he said I was racist & i'll be alone forever if I don't give everyone a chance.. It may happen one day, that I find an attraction, it may not. but yeesh, I do not want to think of myself as an easy woman, I just want to find love, not be picked on because I didn't pick him.........

A Queen waiting for her one true King.....
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 2
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 3:33:04 AM
It's a preference. Just like the men who mislabeled you as a racist have their own preferences, which may or may not include you even amidst their rants!

Whether or not it's racist to decline a man's attention is a non-issue, as dating is not an equal-opportunity exchange. That said, you are limiting your pool of potential daters if you're very selective as to whom you'll date. You're not OBLIGATED to date people whom you don't wish.

You may have to accept being alone for awhile if you insist on meeting a very specific man. You may also decide to give somebody else a chance; but, again, you shouldn't be obligated to do this because somebody is mislabeling you as a racist or because of threats or because of anything else other than your choice to decide who enters your home, life, and someday, body and heart.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 3
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 4:19:00 AM

( I've declined a guy cause he was metis

if that's what you actually *said* to him, no wonder he called you a racist. turn down anyone you want for any reason, but they don't need to know what it is. nobody wants to be rejected and insulted at the same time.
"thanks for your interest, but I don't think we're a good match. best wishes on your search."

other than that.... if you didn't pick him, then everything he says should be like water off a duck's back.
 QueenPyro420
Joined: 6/15/2015
Msg: 4
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 5:09:33 AM
I really can't stand to message anyone without knowing what they look like, & i hate blind dates!!! is that wrong?? this guy sent a couple messages before I asked him to see a pic, he didn't show it, then i asked what mixed ethnicity he was, and when replied metis, I said sorry, he couldn't help me out cause I wasn't finding metis guys attractive... I wasn't trying to be hurtful, I didn't want to lie or be searching forever for a suitable let down that's not just a ignore them button... i don't find what i feel and said to be wrong...
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 5
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 5:15:55 AM
you can change your profile settings here so that people must have a picture to contact you.


I said sorry, he couldn't help me out cause I wasn't finding metis guys attractive...

that was callous.


i don't find what i feel and said to be wrong...

really?? then why bother wringing your hands over why he called you a racist? why not take pride in your brand of honesty and just move on.

in the future, I would suggest you turn down men who belong to races you consider unattractive more generically, and sooner, by using the form letter I provided, without actually getting into a discussion about race and then making THAT the basis for why they aren't in a position to help you.

ugh.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 6
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 6:53:59 AM
Racist? Not necessarily. Lack of tact? Yes. The OP could have said "Sorry, but you aren't my type" or even "sorry not interested" would have been a better response.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 7
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 6:58:33 AM

I really can't stand to message anyone without knowing what they look like, & i hate blind dates!!! is that wrong?? this guy sent a couple messages before I asked him to see a pic, he didn't show it,


He had something to hide. Go to your mail settings and tick "users must have picture for first contact" or whatever it says, so they have to have a photo to send to initiate contact with you. The fact that he jostled your wishes for a picture should have been a case for automatic dismal, block.



then i asked what mixed ethnicity he was, and when replied metis, I said sorry, he couldn't help me out cause I wasn't finding metis guys attractive...


What ever does this mean? Hep you out of what?



I wasn't trying to be hurtful, I didn't want to lie or be searching forever for a suitable let down that's not just a ignore them button... i don't find what i feel and said to be wrong...


People don't need a reason as to why you don't find them attractive, at this venue. Of course he had a knee-jerk reaction to your response, regardless of whether it was racist or not. A more general: "I don't think we're a match" should suffice for your purposes.
 MissScawlett
Joined: 3/26/2015
Msg: 8
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 7:11:03 AM
"A Queen waiting for her one true King....."

I think this is more your problem than racism.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 9
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 7:17:42 AM
No, not racist, but in the future, simply don't respond.

I'm not clear whether or not you told him he was unattractive?

If so, that is uncouth behavior, IMHO.

While you don't owe him an explanation, I don't think it's necessary to explain why.

Of course, someone here will chime in and say different...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 10
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 7:31:48 AM

"A Queen waiting for her one true King....."
I think this is more your problem than racism.


I guess Prince Charming doesn't have a high enough rank.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 8:15:33 AM
Do not reply to people without photos and don't pursue men blindly. Spending time texting back and forth with a man that may be 8 or 80 because you don't know what he looks like, is a waste of time.
Asking someone's ethnicity is tacky. He reacted as anyone would after you tell him you find an entire people unattractive. Brute honesty was not necessary in this case.

We all have our likes and our dislikes, but always be kind when someone shows interest in you.
 overunity
Joined: 8/16/2014
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 8:16:17 AM
"A Queen waiting for her one true King....."

I presume that would be The King Of Candyland?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 8:22:10 AM
We all have our preferences. I prefer women of the darker persuasion. I'm down with the brown.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 14
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 8:37:46 AM
As mentioned earlier, simply tell future men "you two are not a match" and leave it without further explanation. You can try this on the other men sending notes to your inbox whom you must reject. Keep us posted how it goes.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 15
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 8:38:43 AM
I won't date women. Is that sexist?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 16
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 8:51:53 AM
I won't date women that used to be men. Is that sexist?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 17
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 9:04:48 AM
OP - you can set your mail - there is a list as you have already seen since you utilized some of it.
If you want put in your profile you will only date white Men ( not sure who that means but)
What is the " help you out" bit?
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 18
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 9:11:29 AM
^^^
Exactly.

Are you referring to Eastern European whites, or the North American types?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 19
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 10:07:10 AM

We all have our likes and our dislikes, but always be kind when someone shows interest in you.

Agree. Unless the person is deeply offensive with his words or actions, just 'being' doesn't need to be returned with hostility. You don't need to fully apologize to an internet stranger, but you don't need to offend, either. Some people can't handle anything less than a 'yes', so it really wouldn't matter how gently you let them down - but I wouldn't throw an issue back in their face that they cannot change. I realize others are not very nice and don't reply in kind, but that doesn't make it right. Just make sure you know your own actual reason why.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 12:29:18 PM

I have never found any guy that is not Caucasian attractive enough to think of myself in a relationship with

It's Racial, yes. Is it Racist? No. A guy I knew loved Asian girls. Loved 'em. Is that racial? Yes. Is it racist? No.

Not wanting to get involved with a particular race because of an underlying belief/sight that they're not good partners by nature -- yes, that's racist. Racism can affect our personal tastes. So some may jump to conclusions that racism is the instigator. For me, I find Indian women the most unattractive. BUT, I will say, a gal of ANY race *can* be attractive. It's just so few and far between for me for an Indian gal, I *will* stereotype when someone says "There's this Indian gal you might like," by responding "I highly doubt it. Unless she's a model and also doesn't smell like curry like some (honestly) can, I highly doubt I'll be attracted." Do I think by race they're inferior? Heck No. The only stereotype would me guessing about my attraction to said person I've never seen on a statistical basis of my appeal, but also knowing I could be wrong, so if I saw said Indian gal -- I would want to (just in case) see for myself what her attraction level to me is.

With a lot of people though, they're only going to want to date within their own race for their own comfort-zone. They don't want to bring someone of a different color or slightly different color but different nationality home to maw & paw or to the children. That concept being a turn off can bleed into their lack of attraction, too. On the other hand, some LIKE that idea, so they'll be MORE attracted to those who are of a different ethnic/national variety.

So yes, people have racially-affected tastes. Only a fool would say that many many people don't. But that doesn't mean they're Racist (thinking one race is inferior/superior to another), even though racism can be the reason of racially-affected tastes.
 QueenPyro420
Joined: 6/15/2015
Msg: 21
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 4:17:33 PM
thanks for all the replies, it is appreciated. i havn't heard anything more from that guy, and i think I'm on track to have a reunion with a guy I've met from this site many years ago =o)
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 22
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 8:24:02 PM
It's not racist to be attracted to any particular type. But, as others mentioned, you should be more tactful. Because there are racists and some members of ethnic groups will be a little more sensitive about comments that sound racist.

And VolcanoKing isn't a good sport. She may not be sexist, but she's not going to give you the birthday present you ask for.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 23
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/25/2015 8:58:08 PM


A Queen waiting for her one true King.....


Please get your head out of fantasy land. You're not a queen, princess, or goddess. You're a woman, and any man you may meet and form a relationship with is just that....a man.
 427cammer
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/26/2015 5:40:54 PM

Is this Racist or Not ???

I dunno... would it be racist if I said thad I'd only date black women who looked like Halle Berry, or Pam Grier, or one of the women from the Cosby show?

What if I were to say that as long as their skin was not too dark, their forehead was not too high, their nose too broad, their lips too big... their butts too big.....

Have I crossed a line yet?

Yeah, I'm guessing it's a little racist, probably not serious enough that everyone should hate you though.


I've declined a guy cause he was metis

Yes, telling him this was pretty vulgar.

BTW, I'm Metis.

^^^^... not that this really means anything, but I'm betting there are probably good looking Metis guys out there that you'd never guess....
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 25
Is this Racist or Not ???
Posted: 6/27/2015 7:32:38 AM
I read a profile recently form a woman who specifically excluded Dutch people. That was her absolute no go. First, I figured that's pretty weird. But it got me thinking: the only time I've reported a profile was from a woman who specifically excluded anyone Jewish. That seemed like straight up hate to me. This just seems odd. I'm feeling a little hypocritical right now.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Is this Racist or Not ???