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 AUTHOR
 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 1
people who come and go in our livesPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I sold my house to move to a smaller house and recently found out that my ex moved back in with his mother because he's the logical choice to help out with her, in her last years. Now we live a couple streets apart. I would love to go over there and catch up with him. It's not that I want to get back with him at all. That's the reason I won't go there. I would not want him to get that idea. I do wonder what's been going on with him over the last 10 years though.

What about you? Do you just hate all your exes and couldn't care less how they're doing, or do you wonder about them and if they ever straightened their lives out or how they've been doing?
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 2
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 12:20:40 AM
I have remained friendly and connected on FB to most of my exes..even my first boyfriend ever! My ex husband, a guy I dated 30 years ago, one I dated for 9 years..many! In fact I am having dinner with one of them next week. We play catch up fairly regularly.

I am completely in favor of staying in touch at whatever degree is comfortable for you both.

As far as your situation, you are both adults. You're curious. So, reach out. Life's too short to not at least try.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 3
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 12:36:13 AM

Do you just hate all your exes and couldn't care less how they're doing, or do you wonder about them and if they ever straightened their lives out or how they've been doing?


I don't "hate" anyone.....however with the exception of only one, I'm really not interested in knowing how they're doing. Must be mutual I suspect because I've never had one look me up either. It's all good.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 4
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 4:25:19 AM
I don't hate my exes.

They are not my friends, nor my enemies.

They all check on me occasionally now that I am single.

I assure them I am happily single and that gets 'em quiet for a few months, lmao.

But no, I have no desire to check up on them.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 5
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 4:42:40 AM
I still have exes in my outer orbit.... people I keep up with facebook from time to time. we'd prolly still get together for an occasional drink if any of us lived in the same state. I don't like harboring a grudge with people from my past and I guess I tend to attract the same kind. the only one i'd have no interest in talking to AT ALL is the guy I married. he is truly an ass, but still... no ill will, just a black hole of anti-interest.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 6
view profile
History
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 5:23:51 AM
Why not give him a call and suss out his reaction? If you were amicable then by all means catch up. Civilized mature people do that.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 7
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 6:48:57 AM
It is assumed that love and hate are opposites. The truth is, hate is not the opposite of love. It takes just as much energy to hate a person as it does to love them.

There were very good reasons for my two divorces. Alcoholic/abuse, and neglect/abandonment.
I am indifferent to my ex's. I could care less where or how they are.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 8
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 6:57:01 AM
Well...I did lend my couch to an ex for a week, naively thinking it would be a cost effective date week.

Wow, was I mistaken. I paid dearly for that week indeed.

I received daily personality assessments and requests to be taken to restaurants greater then the Outback steak house.

The highlight of the week was her complaining about the salad I prepared for her.

Couldn't I make it more spicy?

I sure did! I put 2 tablespoons of Salsa made with the Jolokia ghost pepper on her lettuce.

"Stephen!! This is hot!!"

A Kodak moment :)
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 9
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History
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 7:03:08 AM
I cut mine out of my life completely. I was friendly towards my ex-in laws, until they refused to pay back some money they owed me. I found out that her new husband is very controlling, so I won't bother her- she's got enough issues with that one. Besides, when she called, it was just a one sided convo, what an I doing and such, but no sharing of info on her part. A year ago, I just said nuts to her, and just stopped answering her phone calls. I think of her occasionally, but never in a good way. A few of my friends met her a couple months ago- I asked them if they still had their wallets after that meeting. I didn't ask about her- that's old forgotten business in my book.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 10
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 7:18:46 AM
I don't have a lot of ex's in my closet.
My first boyfriend was my husband, I still see him and I'm
friends with my outlaws and the rest of his family, so we catch
up regularly.

A few that I met and dated I'm friends with on facebook.
We don't really catch up, but we see what's going on there.

I have no problem being friends with anyone as long as I
like them and they don't cause any drama or stress in my
life.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 11
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 7:27:45 AM

What about you? Do you just hate all your exes and couldn't care less how they're doing, or do you wonder about them and if they ever straightened their lives out or how they've been doing?


There is too much love, attraction and emotion involved. If I kept in close contact with most of my ex-GF / ex-wife we would start to feel attracted to each other.

My ex-wife doesn't have a phone of any type, nor does she use a computer at all. So if I wanted to contact her, I would need to use US Mail or contact the parish priest where she last lived. Likely she is still there. The last time I saw her I visited Dallas and took her out to dinner, that was 5 years ago. I don't have any idea what has happened since that time. I contacted her that time through the church and someone that knew her. But even with just the dinner I started to feel a mutual attraction.

One ex-GF we would likely get into verbal fight, the other ex-GF we would likely end up in bed.

And if I did get in contract with them, I could tell them the news that I am happily married to a woman 20 years younger than them. I am sure that will be the highlight of their day.

And my ex-GF, the one where we would likely end up in bed, she is now married and her friend tells me she has early on-set Alzheimer's. Probably she would remember me since this was a 10 year relationship from when she was young.

I am curious if my ex-wife became a nun, but only mildly curious. If she did, then I would guess she wouldn't want to talk to me. If she didn't, it wouldn't be pleasant for her to know I was happily married.

Nothing seems like a postive for me and it would cause more drama and stress in their lives for me to try and get in contact with any of them.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 12
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 7:55:16 AM
I am friends with my ex wife. She kept the house and my old cat. She is in a relationship with a guy that has diabetes and a severe heart condition. She commiserates on occasion. Do I want to know more about what is going on in her life? Not at all. Since then I had two other important relationships. One ended up horribly and the other ended up amicably. I am not interested in seeing them or keeping up with them or contacting them or them contacting me. In one of these relationships a few years back I would call one of the kids on her birthday to wish her well. She used to call me daddy. But the last year I called and talked to her (with permission from the mom). The mom later on texted me and said that the kid would prefer if I did not contact her anymore. Regardless of who was behind that decision, I honored and did not call them again.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 13
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 7:55:44 AM
I have only had three relationships that were meaningful enough to call exes, the rest (the other 3) were just essentially dates.

The first was in college and lasted 1.5 years. She turned down my proposal and accepted that of another that she became romantically involved with while we were together. I don't hate her, and we got together to talk the year after my divorce. She told me that her "catch" would beat her, and that she would sit on her porch crying that she had turned me down. After our meet, however, we both felt that it was good we didn't become a couple; neither was right for the other.

The second was a long distance relationship, which was difficult. Without going into details (other than there was no violence - nip that concern in the bud), I was the one who blew that relationship. We have not contacted each other, but her brother did tell me that she found a nice man, and I am happy for her.

The third was my ex-wife, and we were connected at the deepest level (even for some time after the divorce - and she even said that she hated that). Her cumulative actions since the divorce have made me hate her, and I will no longer communicate with her unless it is through e-mail. I feel bad for her fireman boyfriend; he knows not what he has got himself into.
 import_from_uk
Joined: 5/12/2015
Msg: 14
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 8:32:02 AM

I sold my house to move to a smaller house and recently found out that my ex moved back in with his mother because he's the logical choice to help out with her, in her last years. Now we live a couple streets apart.


One of the advantages of moving country is this never, never, will happen.


I would love to go over there and catch up with him. It's not that I want to get back with him at all. That's the reason I won't go there. I would not want him to get that idea. I do wonder what's been going on with him over the last 10 years though.


Since you live in such close proximity, and since he's living with his Mum who is likely a long term resident, there are more options for finding out than popping over in person and opening that whole can of worms. Curiosity killed the cat. It's clear you think that it might be misunderstood if you made contact so if you really don't want to create the wrong impression.


What about you?

I'd leave well alone.


Do you just hate all your exes and couldn't care less how they're doing, or do you wonder about them and if they ever straightened their lives out or how they've been doing?


I don't have a lot of exes and certainly don't hate any of them. I guess, if I'm honest, some I'd be more curious about than others and my actions would vary dependant on who it was.

I have an almost 19 year old son. His father and I were in a long term relationship for several years and we split just after his 1st birthday when he'd admitted that he really didn't want to be a father after all. Now, he hoped that our son would be open to communicating with him. I'll admit, it was good to learn he'd laid some demons to rest. I was saddened to learn he's facing some health issues and I'd wondered at times over the years how he was and how his Mom and sisters were. It was good to fill in some blanks but if I'd been the type to snoop around FB, I could have gotten all that information myself. I have no intention of seeing him if I ever visit the UK and I have no intention of inviting him here to meet with our son. If my son chooses at some time to go and see his father, that's totally his decision to make and I'll fully support him in his decision.

Anyone else, I don't have strong feelings either way. It's neither a case of not caring nor curiosity. Simply, enough years have passed that it's insignificant if that doesn't sound too callous.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 15
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 9:32:11 AM

I would love to go over there and catch up with him. It's not that I want to get back with him at all. That's the reason I won't go there. I would not want him to get that idea. I do wonder what's been going on with him over the last 10 years though.


Is this woman code for: "I want to know about his love/sex life for the last 10 years."?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 16
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 11:44:31 AM
Aren't all of these people "exes" for a reason?

Or they would be "nows".
 shirleywonton01
Joined: 4/30/2015
Msg: 17
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 1:06:37 PM
I was raised in a culture that does not condone keeping ex's in your life. It is considered disrespectful to current partners. It can also scare away a great potential new one too. If you want a close tight relationship, don't drag you ex's along for the ride. If you loved someone deeply there will always be the potential of reconnecting.
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Ex's
Posted: 7/9/2015 1:49:18 PM
I am forever connected to my ex husband b/c we have 3 wonderful children.

I wonder about him and connect with his family by internet or when I visit Bangkok.

My former husband/ex is very ill. I want a progress report b/c he was part of me & still is in the children.

Ex boyfriends? hope they are all finding what they want.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 19
Ex's
Posted: 7/9/2015 1:52:36 PM
Exes can still be good friends. I have an ex of 30 years whom I am still very good friends with. There's no set rules that says you cannot speak to or have contact with someone you no longer date.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 20
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 3:03:57 PM
What about you? Do you just hate all your exes and couldn't care less how they're doing, or do you wonder about them and if they ever straightened their lives out or how they've been doing?
-----------------
Why is not liking your exes related to not caring how they are doing? I don't dislike any of my exes, but I have no interest in them, so how they are doing or anything else about them is of no interest to me, either way. They are all people in my past who have no reason to be in my present or future.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 21
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 5:17:13 PM
scorpiohippychick- I only have one ex.
I don't consider my relationships before I married at 20 to be anything serious enough to think about.
My ex is a little boy in a mans suit, he is selfish and self absorbed and he got that way for a reason. He has a very unhealthy attachment to his mother, who admitted to me when we were married that she thinks he can do no wrong.
Revisiting that takes me to a bad place, so I do all I can to not revisit the torture I subjected myself to for so long.
I tried, more than once, to maintain civil contact because we share children, but he always makes it about him and I can not keep doing it.
He's 52, if he hasn't grown up by now, he isn't going to.
In another thread I said I don't understand why people stay in contact with ex's, if it's over it's over.
I still think TOO much involvement with an ex is not a good thing.
However, I realize that my situation influenced my opinion.
Sometimes people can have civil break ups, they just realize that they weren't working as a couple, but check in now and then to make sure the other is ok.
I'm realizing now that not everyone has an unhealthy ex and sometimes they keep in touch, I see now if that works for everyone, and they truly aren't tempted to get back with the ex, then go for it.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 22
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History
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 5:35:04 PM
Don't have a long list.

One is my ex, and still mother of my children. I don't care what she does in her life, we just coordinate as required.

One is among a small set of people (a package deal) who I would be happy never to hear from again. No hate, not even a whisper of it. Too much negative history, and zero human compatibility.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 23
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 5:35:35 PM
when people check outta my Life they don't check back in. No exceptions
I joined FB and it was like the ghost of Xmas past - I mean did they check daily? Shudder
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
History
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 5:39:23 PM
I only have one ex I wouldn't speak to, it's a long story but he's a horrid person. The rest when I've seen them we speak, say hi, there's nothing in common to go further with nor do I want any other contact with them, nor them with me I assume, but no I don't hate any of them, except the one and I don't waste my time thinking about him except when something like this comes up, mostly I don't think of him at all. I don't have any reason to date anyone who would be so overly harmed by me knowing men from before and speaking to them, I wouldn't bother with someone with such deep issues as thinking he was being wronged that I might speak to men.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 25
view profile
History
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 6:08:00 PM
I am only in contact with my ex-husband because of our daughter. He is always trying to "worm" his way back into my life in a more personal way, even though he lives with a woman he is miserably unhappy with. Every time he suggest something (like a "family" outing), I firmly tell him that "I have no desire to reconstitute the dysfunctional family situation" that led to our separation and divorce (almost 25) years ago, and that he is also being disrespectful of the woman he lives with.

As for two other exes -- one I have tried to contact after I learned his older sister had passed on -- to give my condolences -- and my phone call was met with vitriol -- so I never contacted him again. The other....well, he's not mentally stable, and I have no desire to have any contact with him.
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