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 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 2
Can I have some opinions on this please?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Has this happened to anyone else? (I know it has)
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Of course. It's just part of the deal.

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What do you think of this situation and is there a way I can tell for future reference to save myself wasted time and money?
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Depends on the kind of photos you can get her to send.

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I always walk out on a woman if she EXPECTS me to pay, if she offers to pay then I'll pay for the whole thing. Expect me to and you will find out I went missing halfway through the date and YOU will be fronting the bill. Fair.
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As far as I'm concerned, it was all just part of dating and I really didn't care about paying. I just didn't call back if I wasn't interested after meeting in person, for whatever reason. I only walked on one date and that was because she had a shitty attitude. She was attractive, but I wasn't about to deal with an attitude and ended it before we walked as far as the table.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 3
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 4:06:25 AM

Can I have some opinions on this please?


Rest assured you will get the opinions you seek. :)


I always walk out on a woman if she EXPECTS me to pay


How do you know she expect's that prior to the tab coming?

So you will eat and or drink and just walk out if she doesn't reach for her purse? Umm...I'm thinking that's theft of services. But you do what feels right. :)
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 4
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 4:26:31 AM
Her dishonest profile aside, her other mistake was asking YOU out, for a date -- but not because of her concealed body type.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 5
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Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 4:30:57 AM
Yes, you'll get opinions. Misrepresentation happens. Or they just ignore your preferences.

I keep meeting men who have trouble just walking across the parking lot when I have hiking listed as one of my interests. They pay no attention to that. They have the nerve to think maybe they can find love despite having health problems.

One guy on here describes himself as a few pounds over and I can see by his photo he must be about 350lbs. I recently dated someone who was 275lbs so I have that frame of reference.

Rude, uptight controlling men describe themselves as easy going. Men present themselves as normal when they have all kinds of psychological problems. Shallow men act as though they are entitled to someone with depth of character and pretty too.

The nerve of some people.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 6
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 4:51:22 AM
yes, op. people will misrepresent themselves (surprise) in online dating, because online dating makes that easy for people to do. I once met a guy who described himself as 'a few extra pounds' and that's what his FULL BODY pictures showed. but someone showed up who looked like the Michelin man.


is there a way I can tell for future reference to save myself wasted time and money?

oh boy, the man wants a guarantee. yes. you can stop using online dating.
 J3LV3HL_WV3JP
Joined: 4/5/2015
Msg: 7
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 5:10:07 AM

Has this happened to anyone else? (I know it has)


Many times, to a far worse degree.


What do you think of this situation


Sounds about average. Everyone wants someone "out of their league". And there are plenty of examples of people getting it.


is there a way I can tell for future reference to save myself wasted time and money?


Three words; "full body shots". Demand them. If they don't provide one, they're hiding something.


I always walk out on a woman if she EXPECTS me to pay


This part I have to disagree with. Look up "chivalry" in a dictionary. It's apparently a dying mentallity.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 8
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Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 5:14:48 AM
It must be hard work to keep your body ultra thin.......

I really don't know why you didn't mention to her that she doesn't look like her photos suggested.
Instead, you led her on....being a "gentleman" when you were with her, and then blocking her the moment you left.
 Brisco414
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 9
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 5:14:56 AM
I honestly believe the ones that are overweight see themselves differently in the mirror. One of my closest friends tips the scale at about 200 pounds. She thinks she needs to lose 20 pounds ...nope, more like 70 -- she's about 5'7". She doesn't see herself as fat and seeks out men that are athletes and in shape.

What happened to you happens all the time ...especially when you get older. I've learned to expect the worst, part of the process.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 10
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Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 7:15:19 AM
Going forward ask for a recent full body shot prior to meeting. Or change your profile to say that you are looking for a woman that is very physically active and enjoys gym dates.

What Brisco says is true, not all people that carry extra weight think of themselves as larger than average. I go to a ladies gym and most of the women that are there 2-3 times a week me are not bone thin, they are middle aged and have had multiple kids and even grandchildren. But we all think we look good. I don't fool myself into thinking I have the same body I did at 18 but I'd kill the man that called me large. LOL
 import_from_uk
Joined: 5/12/2015
Msg: 11
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 8:03:20 AM
Daymn. You seem to have the ability to see everyone for who they are but yourself.

So, they lady didn't fit your definition of average. We see plenty of men describe themselves as athletic who really should put "skinny runt". It's so subjective. Average size to her might be different to average size nationally, or you view of average, or average weight that's she's been or any number of things. It's not always intended to be deceitful but I can acknowledge that sometime people are a little naive in the judgement of themselves, especially when it's an element they aren't wholly comfortable with.

But come on, you are pissed at the lady for being a little less than honest with herself and have the same trait yourself. You mention a whole host of self-descriptions which first glance, I'm betting a lot of us aren't seeing in you.


I spend time exercising to look good ...I didnt' want to be rude...being a gentleman
All subjective conclusions.

You aren't behaving as a gentleman. You are slating her for an action which you present in yourself. There's more than a little sprinkling of hypocrisy in your post.


when it came to buying the drinks, me being a gentleman, offered to pay.

Right so you were pissed that she dared to order a £5 glass of wine. You have no idea if she intended picking up the bill having asked you for a meet but you rode in on your white charger and in order not to look like a scum bag, you offered to pay with a hidden expectation that she turn down that offer. If you didn't want to pick up the tab, why did you offer? Was it to present a false impression of genuine willingness? How does that not make you shallow? It was another hidden test that without you sharing the rules, she was doomed to fail so you could bulk out you complaint about what a dreadful human being she was. How's that working for you?

Most adult people who didn't want to pick up the tab, wouldn't have. Most adults who wanted to split the bill, would have put down the money for their share of it. Blows my mind that you would offer to pay as some sort of passive aggressive action to express your view she should, and then wonder why she didn't realize.


I always walk out on a woman if she EXPECTS me to pay, if she offers to pay then I'll pay for the whole thing. Expect me to and you will find out I went missing halfway through the date and YOU will be fronting the bill. Fair.
Your mother must be so proud. Me? I taught my sons not to be jerks. To clearly state expectations if they have them. To not test people. To behave in an adult manner and if something doesn't go the way they hoped, to be accepting enough to not whine after the event if they miscommunicated.

Was it really so hard to say "I presumed you'd be picking up the bill since you invited me and since you ordered quite an expensive drink that's beyond my budget". Or even "Here's my share of the bill". Or, gasp, if you say "I'm paying" to actually do so willingly vs make an empty offer and then resent it?

It's really not overly complicated.

May I ask...had she been what you consider to be average sizes, worn the same outfit, behaved in the same manner, ordered the same glass of wine, would you have posted here the exact same comments just without the size issues? Or would you have made the same offer to pay, with totally no issue in doing so despite the cost of her drink, and meant it and been totally happy having done so?

Personally, I think she wasn't dating out of her league. She down graded fully. That comment isn't anything to do with you feeling she'd misrepresented herself or even that you don't want to date larger people but it's solely based on your behavior. When you slate someone so publicly you need to be sure your own actions aren't questionable and you failed epically.

Wouldn't it be hilarious, if her size selection is a test to see the quality of man, if he's honest, able to communicate, non-judgmental, able to see her personality, core values, and passive aggressive. I guess we'll just never know.
 import_from_uk
Joined: 5/12/2015
Msg: 12
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 8:05:37 AM
Irony alert Having just looked at your profile, I was entertained to see "I don't play games.". Say what????
 import_from_uk
Joined: 5/12/2015
Msg: 15
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 8:37:34 AM

Also, that "I don't play games" comment. Highlight how you know me and would know that I would play games would you? Or are you just an arrogant fool trying to make pathetic attempts to dig at me because you saw others doing it and thought you would jump on the bandwagon? Not a game player whatsoever.


You totally did play a game.

You offered to pay, even though you had already baulked at the cost of the wine she ordered, and then you ranted about how she should have paid, that if she had offered, you'd have paid, that you never pay unless your date goes to pick up the tab first. How is that anything but playing games?

When you misrepresent your intentions or make offers with the expectation of them being turned down, that is playing games.


You don't know me, don't make judgement. I don't worry about your life, don't worry about what I'm about.


You don't know her but have made judgements about her looking for an attractive man (you - highly subjective) and trying to secure someone you deem out of her league purely based on her weight. The problem when YOU post judgemental comments publically, is you hold yourself up to the same level of critique. Can't you even see your double -standards?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 19
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 8:59:30 AM
I'd say you are thin not average - and you changed it already once. So yes some people don't see themselves the way others do.
Instead of being all eye knuckling just put in your profile you only date thin, fit women. Easy peasy.
Not sure why you bought her a drink - if you were so offended by her " lie" you could have simply left. So that makes me wonder if you hoped to get something in return for the lone glass of wine :/
You have skype, use it - scope her out before you spend coin again.
Your a student - how many " gold diggers" are after students do you reckon?
For here btw that was an inexpensive glass of wine, and I am surrounded by wineries.
Better luck next time
 import_from_uk
Joined: 5/12/2015
Msg: 21
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 9:01:38 AM
Okay, you asked for opinions but it's clear you aren't even considering them. Did you actually want opinions or were you seeking validation that you were right to feel and act as you did?

What you are failing to consider, is that you viewed her as having lied, but she might not have misrepresented herself intentionally.

Everyone has a different perception of average. Someone, like you, who admitted to being naturally slim, and who, without being rude, is fairly young, would have a totally different perspective of what average is, compared to a 30 year old, especially one who has struggled with weight issues. It's much like the term "middle aged". For someone who is 16-18, middle aged is likely someone in their 30's. For someone who is in their 50's, middle aged is often late 40's, early 50's. It's all relative to ourselves.

I totally understand that you feel she misrepresented herself. I get it. But my point to you is, even if she did, sometimes before concluding they are a liar, we have to understand or at least consider, if she did so intentionally. Does she look in the mirror and see someone who is what you call "large". Or does she look in the mirror and relative to her life, her experiences, the people around her, or even a little denial/niavity, see an average sized person?

My posts have been trying to show you that one person's definition of "anything" doesn't equal everyone else's.

You consider that you don't play games. I consider that offering to pay a bill when you didn't expect to be taken up on that offer and resent being taken upon that offer, is game playing. Does that mean I view you as a liar for making the statement in your profile that you don't play games when in my mind you clearly do? No. It just means your perception of game playing is wholly different to mine.

You consider you have acted in a gentlemanly manner. I consider that posting about an unfortunate experience, in a public forum and drawing conclusions about their personality, viewing yourself as above their league, called her a liar, etc far from gentlemanly. Again, it's about your perceptions and mine with regardless to what "gentlemanly conduct" entails.

So, if you are able to understand that, can you also understand that her intentions might not have been to lie, misled, get someone out of her league under false pretenses and all of the conclusions you've drawn from the experience? It might simply be that her definition or "average" doesn't match yours.

If you are able to consider that, then return to the beginning of the thread and read it through bearing in mind some definitions aren't firm and fixed and equal to all. And then, look honestly and see if you can understand why you've had some of the opinions you've had.

If you aren't able to consider that, then there's little point anyone trying to explain why we feel you are being overly harsh.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 22
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 9:04:51 AM

The more you say, the more I am inclined to see you misrepresent yourself


You misrepresented yourself and blamed somebody else for misrepresenting themselves on their profile.

If you offered to pay, then you pay. Don't blame. And don't blame her or your insidious mind game, because she isn't the slimmer lady you expected to arrive on that date
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 25
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 9:18:00 AM
Actually yea you did say that.
Date who you want but check them out before meeting so you don't get all butt hurt
er, see your def of ripped is different than mine. Plus you say the pictures are old ish. Should be current just as you expect hers to be my friend.
btw, you are being pretty testy for someone who asked for opinions
I guess we should have said
" how dare she trick you and get a lone glass of wine too, bytch"
there, better?
Btw, your posting history is available to anyone
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 27
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 9:20:25 AM
hi OP, I think you did the right thing by being polite to her. I don't get the point of making a scene. I could have said to Michelin man, wow you don't look anything like your pictures, I hardly recognized your hugeness when you shuffled in, *snort*. what would that have accomplished? people who work that hard to misrepresent themselves look ridiculous enough without any help from you, they are just trying to get through the next absurdity, at least let them save face. we had a drink or two and a bit of a chin wag, "alrighty it was nice to meet you, but I don't think we're a good match" and then I left and never saw him again. not much time or money involved in that. life goes on.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 31
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Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 10:05:47 AM
If you walk out expecting her to pay for your share of the bill, it's rude, tacky, and theft.

You do have something of an attitude.
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 32
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 10:40:21 AM
OP, I mostly agree with your with your assertion that this person was both deceptive and exploitive. There are a couple of things that you need to think about in reference to this situation. They won't help you to avoid bloated thieves but they will make positive action more clear when the garbage pigs do trick you.

First of all, you have the concept of gentleman confused. A gentleman is courteous to ladies. Every female in a bar is a serving wench, a whore or slovenly trull -- never a lady. They are all completely unworthy of a gentleman's consideration. You are thinking that not responding directly to blatant fraud is being a gentleman. In actual fact, sticking the grasping slut with the bill was the gentlemanly thing. A good blue print for how a gentleman acts is "My Secret Life" by an anonymous gentleman published in the early 20th century.

Secondly, remember that THIS IS POF... the dumping ground for the chronically unsuitable. This one was fat. The next one might be crazy. The one after that might smell to high heaven. Women of any worth don't whore themselves out online. They neither want to nor have to. Expect a disreputable individual. When you discover the deception then decide whether the juice is worth the squeeze. If not then treat them as you please knowing that they deserve no better. Sounds to me that you are close to getting that part right.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 33
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 10:55:50 AM
Before you go out with women, check their photos. If they are hiding behind children, dogs, hugging family they are hiding something. If their photos are blurry, are always in a group with their friend, it means they are very insecure and if the photos are not old, she may not look like that anymore. Check also hair styles. At your age, more than likely you're not going to run across women with 80 or 90s hairstyles, unless is your mom. But still beware.

With that said, remember that karma is cruel and balances the universe in the most perverse possible ways.

So next time you go out with a Fattie, be a gentleman and tread her with respect. Also, rather than calling her a lier, just be her friend and have yourself a good time. Practice your conversation skill, but also do not mislead her or pitty fvck her or anything like that. Or like some idiots that have posted in the forums that like to screw fatty girls as practice.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 34
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 11:38:44 AM

I turn up at this bar, and this familiar looking larger woman walks in. Guess what? It's her. Now I have nothing against larger women, I just don't want to date them. I spend time exercising to look good and I want a partner who does the same.



Not this shyt again *rolls eyes
Ever occur to you that her "average" is your "fat". And your "fat" is someone else's "average"
In other words, what YOU think is right or wrong could be the opposite to anyone else.
You have a preference of what you want, so be it but don't fukin call someone a liar because their definition isn't exactly as yours.



I am disappointed because when I spend time trying to be honest


You ???..... honest?
This is where you come off as an ahole.
I'm cutting out bits from your opening post


it was too late to run away


Now I hadn't mentioned her profile featuring lies on it


I obviously blocked her number


refused any more contact with her


Honest eh?
An honest person wouldn't run away. Would speak up about the lies. Wouldn't need to block her number or refuse contact.

You know the saying, "for every finger you point................................ " that's right, look at all those fingers pointing back buddy.
Just put it in your profile that you PREFER slim/athletic women only. Problem solved
Sheesh
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 38
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 12:07:42 PM

you aren't going to notice someone is 200 pounds heavier than their photos are you?



Are you trying to tell us she is 200 pounds heavier than her photo??
If she is.. I'll eat my words.

Is she??? Hmmm???



You are just angry because you are no doubt one of those women who misrepresent yourself. Get over it.


I'm 5'4, 135 pounds in size 8-10 (which is loose on me) clothes. Am I average??
You tell me Mr. I'm so honest.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 39
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Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 12:22:54 PM
jfh1989 , No, didn't say that at all. But people have been trying to explain to you there are differing versions of misrepresentation. You're not getting it are you?


But nothing wrong with lying and misrepresenting yourself at all though.


antirepublican, it's not at all reasonable to refer to wait staff so dismissively. I'm not going to bother addressing the rest of it.


Every female in a bar is a serving wench, a whore or slovenly trull -- never a lady. They are all completely unworthy of a gentleman's consideration.


And some of you people need to learn how to do the quote thing. See that line where it says "This allows you to quote a previous post." ?
You type in bracket quote bracket before the text you wish to quote, and at the end you type in bracket slash quote bracket. Try it. If you have questions, post 'em.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 40
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 12:23:06 PM

me being a gentleman, offered to pay. Now I hadn't mentioned her profile featuring lies on it.. Which I found annoying to begin with, but then she goes on to order a £5 glass of wine. In my head I am thinking "This is getting far too much now, first she lies and now she is trying to milk the date


Offering to buy a drink then resenting it is NOT being a “gentleman.” If you had a price range of a drink you’d be willing to pay for her, why didn’t you say so? “I’ll buy your drink but it must cost no more than a dollar.” Why is it her fault that a crummy glass of wine cost five bucks?


She is overweight and instead of looking for overweight men who are in her league, she is trying to go for attractive men.


First you presume to decide her “league” for her; then you declare yourself “attractive.”
Let me assure you, pettiness and cruelty ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE.


What do you think of this situation and is there a way I can tell for future reference to save myself wasted time and money?


Put on your profile and/or first message, in bold caps:


I always walk out on a woman if she EXPECTS me to pay, if she offers to pay then I'll pay for the whole thing. Expect me to and you will find out I went missing halfway through the date and YOU will be fronting the bill. Fair.


Let all the women know your intentions beforehand. THAT is “fair.”
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 41
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History
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 12:49:18 PM
More often than not women I have met off dating websites weighed in excess of what they appeared to weigh in their profile photos. Most of the time the photos were out of date in other ways as well. For some, their appearance had changed, even to the point they were unrecognizable from their photos.

To top it off at least 80% of the women I met had lied about their age, some by many years!

For the above noted reasons I no longer waste time on internet dating. I stick to meeting women IRL.
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