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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 1
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to researchPage 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
According to various happiness research it seems to be consistent that men are happier when married and in a relationship and less happy when single.
From the research the opposite is true for women.


My experiences since becoming single following a 23 year marriage is that most men prefer their singledom and the pursuit of multiple, younger women. Certainly there is a plethora of marriage jokes describing women as - ball and chain etc

Most women I know prefer singledom to a bad relationship but all would adore to have a good relationship with a good man.


Do you agree with the 'research'?
 Moderate_Recall
Joined: 3/1/2015
Msg: 2
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 3:19:19 PM

Most women I know prefer singledom to a bad relationship but all would adore to have a good relationship with a good man.
Do you agree with the 'research'?


If you could post a link to the most recent research article about that, some here would be happier...

Self-reported surveys and their advertised results in pop magazines are always suspect and most likely skewed in some particular person's bias.


For both sexes, it seems apparent that most people would be happier IN a successful relationship with someone they actually care enough about to feel "love".

Humans are social beings, and most are much happier when with someone they feel cares deeply about them.
 07songsungblue
Joined: 7/10/2015
Msg: 3
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 3:25:52 PM
You do know where this thread is going don't you? So before it heads into all men are pigs, all women are frigid, mean are perverts and rapists and all women are victims....

I would agree with what the "research" says about men being happier married. But I also think women are happier married too. BUT, both genders are happiest in a happy marriage.

I had a 31 year marriage and was happy. I'd be more than happy with another happy 30 years of marriage or living together, happily. I like "together".

I don't think you need a PHD to figure out that a bad relationship is....bad and no one is happy.

I'd be happy if I won the lottery too.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 4
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 3:37:30 PM
I think the responses may differ based on age ranges. In my age range I believe more men would be happier to marry than women and more women happier to be in a well rounded relationship.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 5
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 4:01:13 PM
sealady111- Hmmmm, was the survey of married people or single people that used to be married?
Is there a link to the survey and the results?
I need more information before answering.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 6
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 4:04:23 PM
Here is a link to the most recent published here. This is not the first I have seen.
Perhaps we should all live in small towns and be in defacto relationships with no children?

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-07-15/happiness-greater-for-people-in-small-towns-de-facto-survey/6620706


Happiness greater for people in small towns, de facto couples according to annual HILDA survey
AM By Angela Lavoipierre
Updated 15 Jul 2015, 11:39pm

Women smiling
PHOTO: The annual survey interviews people about their happiness and its factors. (Flickr: angela7dreams)
MAP: Australia
Researchers believe they may have found the secret to happiness, with Australians who live in towns with fewer than 1,000 people being significantly happier than those in big cities.

Conducted by the University of Melbourne, the Household, Income and Labour Dynamics Survey (HILDA) is the most comprehensive of its kind in Australia — 17,000 people are interviewed about their happiness and its factors.

The report's author, Associate Professor Roger Wilkins, said there were a number of factors that impacted on happiness.

"The traditional big ones are our health, relationships ... being unemployed is extremely bad for your happiness," he said.

Media player: "Space" to play, "M" to mute, "left" and "right" to seek.
00:00
00:00
AUDIO: Listen to Angela Lavoipierre's report (AM)
The survey revealed some unexpected patterns in our national happiness that some people may find depressing.

The key findings include:

Men are more satisfied with their partners than women
People who live in towns of fewer than 1,000 people enjoy higher levels of life satisfaction
Women living in Queensland appear to be the happiest
People in de facto living arrangements are more satisfied with their partners
Happiness wanes the longer a relationship lasts and once children arrive
For example, Associate Professor Wilkins said the happiest among us were those who lived in towns smaller than 1,000 people.

"We don't probe into why people were happier in those small towns, so it's really a point of speculation as to why we find that effect," he said.

"The sorts of things that you think of are lack of traffic congestion and bigger cities tend to have more crime."

The survey also has some bad news if you are a woman in a relationship.

"Men get more of a kick, if you like, to their happiness from being married and they also tend to be more satisfied with their partner than women do," Associate Professor Wilkins said.

"Which is not to say that women get nothing out of relationships, but certainly not as much as men it seems.

"And also in terms of their health too, there's quite a significant health benefit it seems to marriage for men, but not women."

De facto relationships and the impact of children

In fact, Associate Professor Wilkins said de facto relationships fared much better than marriage overall.

"De facto couples, on average, report higher levels of satisfaction with their partner than married couples," he said.

"Now there's a few reasons for that; one is that they're less likely to have children, and we find that children do have a negative impact on relationship satisfaction.

"They are, I guess, a source of some tension in a relationship — you know, who's going to do the child care and so forth.

"And also people who are legally married tend to have been in those relationships longer than de facto couples and so we do find a negative effect of relationship duration on satisfaction with the relationship."

Associate Professor Wilkins said one of the things not picked up in the survey was that children themselves were a source of happiness.

"So while having a child might cause a decrease in satisfaction with your partner, you also gain the satisfaction associated with having a child," he said.
 ezfred
Joined: 6/20/2015
Msg: 7
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 4:21:26 PM
It's known that people (male or female) are often happier when they have a routine or pattern in their life.

There are lots of studies that men who are married or frequently engaged in long term relationships live longer healthier lives, though must be other factors. Maybe the "chase" wears them out earlier :-)

But studies likely reflect most healthy relationship of course.

I suspect though, it's all most likely related to having significant other people in your life. And the positive effects from that.


most men prefer their singledom and the pursuit of multiple, younger women.

Maybe, BUT ONLY if that pursuit has some reasonable success. Likely not true for MOST men.

Women --- the role, function, situation has changed quite a lot in the last 50 yrs or so. I would suspect, it's approaching, whatever, it is for men.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 8
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 4:38:53 PM
sealady111- Thank you for the extra information. :)
I don't know what to make of the "small town" thing.
I grew up in one and now live in a much bigger city, I haven't observed this, nor have I ever heard the correlation suggested before.
What I have seen goes to directly back to some things you said in your initial post.
In particular the last line.
What defines a "good man" is subjective.
However, the most common complaint I hear from dissatisfied women is having more than their fair share of responsibility's in the household.
This becomes especially pronounced once a couple has children.
Given that both people have to work these days to make ends meet, many woman find themselves having to come home from work and do most of the housework.
Now, I admit that this was true in my marriage, and isn't for all marriages, but, most of the women that I talked to (and myself) have/have had this issue as a part (sometimes a big part) of why they aren't happy.
My ex always pressured me to go back to work asap after our children were born, but whether I worked or not made no difference as to the simple fact that what I did in the home did not change because I worked.
He wanted his cake and eat it too.
Before anyone says it, if a couple decides that the wife will stay home and the man will work and that works for them, then that's fine.
Also, I know there are SOME men who do more than their share of the housework, or at least their share.
I'm not a member of the "man haters" club.
I am simply speaking about my experience and that of many other women who are unhappy in a marriage.
I see men and women on these forums who are married or in a committed relationship and happy and the majority of the time they talk about give AND take, respecting one another.
I don't think that is a coincidence.
I can certainly say that, for me, this is THE biggest issue (not the only issue, but the biggest) in looking for a partner again and I don't believe I'm the only one.
Single and happy is VERY much preferable over partnered and miserable.
 07songsungblue
Joined: 7/10/2015
Msg: 9
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 5:09:43 PM
A guy friend of mine, a widower, said to me a few years ago that he missed having someone to "do nothing with". I asked him to explain and he said - I have a few friends I hike with, I have friends I have dinner with, I have friends I share a beer with at the Pub but I miss coming home and having someone to do nothing with; look up from my book and she is there, I putter in the garden and she putters in the kitchen, I reach across the bed at 3 am and feel her warmth, we're doing nothing...and everything.

When it's good, it's awesome. And awesome beats alone every time. JMO.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 10
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 5:41:13 PM
Based on the survey results, it appears that the optimal dating strategy for men is to just look for sex.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 11
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 5:47:23 PM

There are lots of studies that men who are married or frequently engaged in long term relationships live longer healthier lives, though must be other factors. Maybe the "chase" wears them out earlier



I saw something on TV about this a while back. It seems that some wives "mother" their husbands a bit. For example, the wives would cook healthy foods, get hubby to go to the dentist and doctor etc.

There was a Seinfeld episode where George, newly single, was "eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery" for dinner. LOL.

Of course, not all men are like that, but I sure have encountered my share of singe dudes who had nothing in the fridge but beer and leftover take-out.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 12
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 5:59:54 PM
No, I don't think that's it. I think men should just not live with women. Get married, form long-term relationships, just never live together.
---------
I guess you didn't read the part that said women were more interested in long term relationships as opposed to marriage and that women were less satisfied with their partners than were men.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 13
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 6:02:33 PM
People who want to be pissed off because they always have an axe to grind based on their consistently dissatisfying personal relationships will find a reason for it, that part isn't gender-dependent because nobody wants to accept any personal responsibility. Much hay can be made if you're a perpetual victim.

Another generality is that men prefer to spread their seed far and wide until they're old goats, whereas the only biological imperative for women to want to settle down is at a younger, childbearing age when a male's loyalty has the most value.

So yes there is an advantage for younger men to whore about while there's an advantage for women the same age to seek a dedicated mate. but then it reverses because there's an advantage for older men to find a nursemaid to take care of their tired old asses whereas there's an advantage for women the same age to get rid of the dead wood in their lives and finally be free of the incessant demands of high maintenance dependents. So yes it depends on age and gender.

This of course is the most cynical interpretation possible, because so many human beings fit that model.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 6:05:47 PM
Everyone gets pissed off occasionally but mature people discuss the issues and deal with them, in a partnership that is genuine. I do feel that some women expect too much from men and that they be mind readers. Some men dont take the time to really communicate and there are faults on both sides. Not just one sex or the other.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 15
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 6:16:54 PM
il capitano- Generalize much?!
I can only speak for myself, but what you said doesn't describe me.
I'm a pick your battle type in my personal relationships.
I could care less if the bed is made, which way the toilet paper goes, there's no recipe to follow, heck if a man offers to take care of the meal, he can order pizza as long as I get a break from cooking, I mostly shop from thrift stores and don't wash anything that isn't soiled or doesn't stink.
I'm not hard to please.
We are talking about him ignoring diaper changes, rarely shopping or offering to do laundry, etc, things that HAVE to be done.
It was pulling teeth to get him to do anything.
It was do it or ask again and again and then I was a nag.
I own NO real jewelry, I rarely buy anything new, a vacation to me is a day at the beach or a long drive.
My truck is used and I paid cash for it.
All I wanted was for him to do his part.
The simple things matter to me.
Listening, respect, give and take.
For example, if I were to tell a man what my favorite flower is (roses), he could bring me ONE and it would probably bring me to tears. Not because of how much he spent, but because he listened to me.
Don't paint ALL women with the same brush.
My ex is a self absorbed narcissist. The only person that matters to him IS him, maybe I should put you two in touch. :(
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 16
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 6:26:08 PM

I also think women have close same-sex relationships where they reveal a lot of their feelings and confide in each other and maybe men have less of that. So being in a romantic relationship can be a kind of haven for man where he can be himself.


I think there is something to this. Men tend to open up emotionally to their romantic partners, and sometimes no one else. Then, when the woman is gone, they really DON"T have anyone to talk to about their feelings.

I think people should be supportive of their partners need for other friendships.

A friend of mine used to get pissed that her hubby played basketball with the guys a couple of times a week, which I thought was crazy. He was doing something that benefited his health, which indirectly benefits his family, AND developing and maintaining relationships with his peers, some of whom had been pals since the college days. Good, clean fun, IMO. The guy in question did his fair share of chores in the house, and the children were older teens.

The number ONE thing I hear married women complain about ( assuming no abuse or cheating) is UNFAIR division of labour in the home.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 17
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 6:39:52 PM
il capitano- I'm not sure if you are being sarcastic or sincere, but I try to be a glass half full type of person, so I'll hope you meant that.
Fair being fair, I've come a LONG way since my divorce, but there is still some work to do.
Truly, I don't hate men, that would be awful for me. Hate is poison and I'm straight, so hating men would be rather self defeating. ;)
Cheers. :)
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 18
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 6:40:18 PM
Interesting...

I thought I read somewhere that after 65, it's the women that are prolific and the men more then willing to settle down.

Perhaps because the financial playing field is much more equal for retirees?
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 19
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 6:45:16 PM
il capitano- ok, I KNOW you are being sarcastic with the post about alone time in a relationship.
Actually, I agree with you on this one.
Unless BOTH people like to be in each others pockets, time away from each other is a good thing.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 6:56:45 PM
" form long-term relationships, just never live together. "

That would be my idea of heaven on earth.
This from someone who had a good marriage. Just goes to show how some of us feel differently about marriage at different stages of our lives.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 21
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 7:22:23 PM

THE VAST MAJORITY OF men are stupid


Oh, come on now Cap, that can't be true! Surely some of them must be capable of independent thought, even if there is no woman around to tell him he's wrong! LOL

I'm teasing you! LOL
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 22
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 7:24:27 PM

However, the most common complaint I hear from dissatisfied women is having more than their fair share of responsibility's in the household.
This becomes especially pronounced once a couple has children.
Given that both people have to work these days to make ends meet, many woman find themselves having to come home from work and do most of the housework.


I agree. No doubt why men like being married more.
 ezfred
Joined: 6/20/2015
Msg: 23
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 7:36:45 PM

THE VAST MAJORITY OF men are stupid


Oh, come on now Cap, that can't be true! Surely some of them must be capable of independent thought, even if there is no woman around to tell him he's wrong! LOL

I'm teasing you! LOL


If a man, in a forest, voices an opinion and there are no women there to hear it .... is he still wrong.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 24
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 7:53:51 PM
maybe women get told that marriage is a wonderful thing, the whole princess met her prince thing, and they find...not a thing about them changed.

its interesting that the men are satisfied, apparently with no connection to their partners' happiness. It would be real interesting to do this again a decade from now, when lesbian marriage is common. Will women continue to be unsatisfied with their partners if their partners are female? then the issue might be marriage, not the man.

I grew up in a small town. its a place some people move to, and enjoy escaping the BS of a city, and having a yard. Others never left a small town, b/c they had no drive to make it big in the big city.

children can be a diversion. how many new parents stop having date nights, focusing on the new offspring instead. I've known a few marriages that had to go to counseling and learn it was time to dump the kid on the grandparents and have a night together again.
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 25
Men happier married vs Women happier single - according to research
Posted: 7/21/2015 8:00:01 PM
A little birdy told me this tonight:

Do you know why Mayberry on the Andy Griffith show was such a peaceful town? Because no one was married, except for the drunk, Otis.
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