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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Love or Hate these profile specifics...      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 1
Love or Hate these profile specifics...Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
This is just my opinion, but it seems like there are a lot of profile specifics people use extreme opinions to sort out 'Bad' profiles from 'Good' ones where there is absolutely NO middle ground... you either love it, or hate it. If a person holds ANY interest in those activities, they are OUT, or totally IN.

Some examples;
Smoking or not
Photos of fishing/hunting
Motorcycles
Politics of any sort

Aside from getting into extreme debates about polarizing political topics like abortion or capital punishment, why is it that a photo holding a fish is 100% wrong, or 100% right? Or is it? We usually have to assume if they say they don't want short people or religious types or other types of specifics in their profiles, that they do indeed mean ALL the time with no exceptions - right?

I'm just wondering why the all-or-nothing attitude seems to hold so fast to every little decision we make from this online dating process, yet we all know in real life decisions are rarely made so decisively. I feel it's made first dates difficult when people are expecting, even demanding a person who is polarized to every topic so they are 'easy' to figure out - and if they are gray about any choice - it's seen as a sign of 'weakness'. I admit "Maybe" drives me crazy for some questions, but I believe it's more about impatience - people don't want to waste any time figuring someone out - they just want a person served right off the menu.

What topics out there do you believe should stay polarized, and which ones do you believe people should be a bit more flexible when searching for a date? Do people ALL hunt just for sport, or do some do it for food? How do you know?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 2
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 10:05:28 AM
I don't think there's a one size fits all answer. if someone has a really bad experience with a gun owner, for example, they may never feel comfortable around another one. so for that particular person, its a sticking point.

we can't make everyone happy. and now I have to look at my toe.

as for gunlovers, I enjoy the one who doesn't have to let me know about it, yet never served in Vietnam.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 10:09:09 AM
"I'm not looking for a hookup"...but their pictures say otherwise. Pictures can speak louder than words.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 4
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 10:16:33 AM
I fully agree ghosts from our pasts always tend to haunt our current decisions.

Speaking of guns - it's amazing how people can surprise us. A lifetime friend and neighbor of my parents who has always been an active outdoorsman and naturalist shocked me a couple years ago when he invited us over to see his gun collection before he put them up for sale. I knew the guy for my entire life, and knew he would occasionally go on pheasant hunting and fishing trips, but I had no idea he had close to 300 guns in his basement, some of them worth a small fortune. That 'hobby' had been going on for close to 30 years, and I had utterly no idea. There's so many things that people never find out, no matter how long you know someone.
 07songsungblue
Joined: 7/10/2015
Msg: 5
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 10:36:25 AM
If my late husband was putting up a profile he would probably include the picture of him standing beside the marlin he caught. The thing is, it was one day of fishing and he was on vacation and rarely fished...but it was a great picture. So, I don't get why folks get all torqued up about a picture of someone fishing or golfing or on a motorcycle and if they add it to their "interests" it is and interest and not their life. Does someone who puts down "reading" as an interest do that 24/7?

I can see issues like politics or religion but how political?? Or how religious? I'm an atheist but if I met up with someone and we hit it off and he likes to go to church on Sunday, I wouldn't stop him...why should? I did stay away from the "wants a God fearing woman" profiles. But most of this stuff is minor unless the person is a little fanatical.

I see a lot of "all or nothing" attitudes in the over 45 crowd. At times I'm quite surprised actually.
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 6
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 10:58:42 AM
I wish I had an answer for you.....or for myself, for that matter.
It doesn't give us older people much hope when the young, healthy, smart handsome, nice guys aren't having much luck.
Is it the "candy store" attitude on line or the "demographics"....why some succeed and others don't.
I do know....I'm fairly picky....starts with the "picture".
Something has to click....when I read a profile.
First off, I like to see some "effort" put in and I don't like to read negativity....yours looks great.
Women your age, that are single.....are at the tail end of raising their kids and may not be taking dating too serious...my guess!

I have my deal breakers....No Smoking or Alcoholics...surprised how many try to conceal it...I've got a nose like a blood hound.
After my last few dates...I have kept "hid" mostly...reaccessing(sp) my views and wants now.
Absolutely, everyone I know that met their SO on line said....it took time...lol.
Good Luck!
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 7
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 11:49:16 AM
I love motorcycles, like fishing and to discuss politics. I guess I am sh*t out of luck
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 8
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 12:00:06 PM
Can't really come up with much ..
I prefer they can see their reflection in a mirror.
Funny how many non smokers with " no smoking" message me. Then they try and play lets make a deal
" just no smoking in my car, or my house" which is I think code for if I did meet you I'd spend countless hours telling you how bad smoking is"

Golf. I just don't want to learn how to golf. I can do the polite golf clap however
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 9
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 12:01:46 PM
When looking at pictures in a man's profile, the first thing I notice is a sense of attitude.
Does he appear happy?
Does he have pics taken OUTDOORS ?
Did he avoid the ever present WTH, bathroom mirror, selfie? (GAG)
To me THIS was an "all or nothing".

I could care less if he has a fish, a dead deer, a rifle/shotgun, blah blah, in his picture.
All of this is relative to where I live. In Michigan, hunting and fishing is a way of life.
He can have a dog, or cat (maybe I should add , a LIVE dog or cat, LOL) in his pics and again I could care less.
If he shows off his hot car or truck? Good for him!
If he shows off his motorcycle? LOL, YAH, baby, NOW we're talking!

The bottom line to me is, show me you are happy with yourself.
( AND if you have a pic of you on your motorcycle? We are good!)
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 12:29:59 PM
I don't see that it matters if someone has die-hard preferences or if they just go with the flow, as long as they are happy with their choices. If you aren't happy, it's not the fault of the people who are wrong for you who are to blame, it's you hoping that you can change people or things to your needs. It's okay that 90% of the people you meet are not going to your partner in life, you should be looking for those few who would be a contender. People take rejection/someone not working out way too personally.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 12:31:35 PM
For me: Christian?
Is she smiling? Does it look like a real smile or just a quick upturn of the corners. Does she appear happy, satisfied? I look at the eyes.
Does she exude an aura of youth?
What's her profile like? Can she write? Does she know who she is well enough to write something engaging; can she spell (or take time to use spell check), can she write coherently, does she come across with something that indicates her mind is more than a kilometer wide and a centimeter deep?
Smoker? Boo!
Does she look and indicate she is physically active? What does she do?

Ultimately if there is enough to issue a go order, and this aspect is very broad, is this a face I would enjoy seeing first thing in the AM?

TK
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 12
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 12:54:10 PM
I'm just wondering why the all-or-nothing attitude seems to hold so fast to every little decision we make from this online dating process, yet we all know in real life decisions are rarely made so decisively.
------------------
Because people generally aren't very smart, they usually will jump at the promise of anything that appears to be a magic bullet and they don't seem to figure out there are no magic bullets. With online dating, they see the possibility of zillions of potential dates, so they impose all of those "requirements" that they couldn't obtain otherwise. (Obviously, if real life dating was providing all of the potential partners they wanted with all of their requirements, they wouldn't be dating online.) When it doesn't work, then instead of doing the smart thing and examining their approach to selecting people to meet, or if what the want is a mythical being, they just continue to do what they've always done. Most people would rather believe their failure is everyone else's fault rather than think about how to succeed. The former requires less effort. This is not unique to online dating.

On the other hand, complaining that most people behave as described is behaving just as described instead of figuring out how to select people who are smarter. Instead of forever wondering about why people are like they are and complaining about it, try figuring out why you keep selecting people who are like that or at least how to improve your odds of selecting someone who isn't so stupid.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 13
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 1:48:35 PM
Sorry to burst your bubble, but we all have such absolutes. I have plenty.
For instance. If they say that they are Christian or born again, that's a big no no for me.
If their photos have a dog in front of them and you can't see part of their body, that's a big no-no for me.
Gym rats.
Don't like women in residential real estate or stewardess.
Women golfers.
Women with cliches like walk on the beach, no players cheaters and lairs. Why? Because that is all the attract.
Women what has profiles with nothing and then say if you want to know more just ask me. Boring.
Women that claim to love sports, but what they really mean is that they like to watch football on TV.
Women that say that they do not need a man to complete them and that they have everything, I think they should just buy 7 feral cats and be done with.
Photos where you can't tell which one is the main woman and have other attractive people even on their main photo.
Women in lingerie shots with a lot of cleavage. Yeah, I found it annoying.


Okay, women that attracted me.
Muddy women that do outdoor sports.
Women with numbers, well that means the above, they compete.
Women in foreign locations.
Women with weird photographs that cut off part of their face. Yet have other photos that well, show the complete person.
Women riding bicycles.

Little disclaimer here. I am in an awesome relationship, so I don't look at women or are interested in anyone.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 14
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 1:58:46 PM
Not real fond of...

I have traveled extensively abroad and would love to continue doing so with that special one. :/ um..huh
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 15
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 2:11:35 PM
Pics that show their tattoo(s). Tattoos are a total turn-off for me. I've seen people in real life and some pics here of people who have tattoos on their back or the back of their neck. What is the purpose of having a tattoo you cannot see? And how many people who have tattoos of Chinese scripture can actually read and write Chinese? It could say "You're an idiot for spending money on this crap" in Chinese, and the person getting it wouldn't know the difference.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 16
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 2:30:35 PM

Aside from getting into extreme debates about polarizing political topics like abortion or capital punishment, why is it that a photo holding a fish is 100% wrong, or 100% right? Or is it?


Some people feel strongly about killing for their own reasons they don’t have to explain. To you, a woman who doesn’t want to date men who hunt or fish may seem silly, but to me, it’s a simple matter of respect.

Online profiles *can* make it easy to spot deal breakers. Why take a chance with a guy with obvious deal breakers, when it’s really easy to just move on?

I prefer meeting people in real life.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 3:33:51 PM
Big factor completely overlooked about this:

How people like to talk.

It's been very popular for a long time now, to express everything in extreme fashion.

Exaggeration is very often SUPPOSED to be a funny way to talk about something.

Thus, lots of profiles with demands that future mates have all or get nothing in all kinds if ways. It's not as bad as you think, in other words.
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 18
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 3:44:56 PM
Opie, you are too sensitive. Just click next.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 19
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 4:49:40 PM
Large ashtrays in the pics. Worse if kids are near the ashtray.

Gym rats. I'm not gonna start eating baby food or cobras for breakfast.

If it's written like an HR document? Puke, cough, yuck...I need some reality. Drop the pleasant, life is harmony and rainbows crap. Too much positive works as a negative, for me anyway.

Exciting, grab life by the balls profiles? Sounds expensive. When does she do laundry or grocery shop? Where's the down time?

Any mention that his is her time ? Next...

Not really a deal breaker, but it's amusing when someone describes themselves. That's fine, but my perception is more relevant then yours.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 20
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History
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 5:42:08 PM
cooldog
You are typical of a lot of men who judge women by their appearances. If they show flesh, they must be easy or up for it. Not so. Women are more complex and may like to lure you in for kicks and ego boost. You can bet that those who expose themselves to any great extent and are overtly sexy, will not be wanting to meet you in the flesh anytime soon. No sane sober woman decides she wants to bonk a man she has not yet met IMO. Men can be different......

and....
All that crap about "beauty is on the inside, don't care about looks, searching for my soulmate and someone to complete me" is a turn off for sure. Not to mention "down to earth" and "love to laugh". "My friends say I look much younger than my years". . hooohummmmm

Clooneys
I have a large beautiful ashtray I bought in Turkey, it never gets used. Just saying..
Kids in any profile pics would be a turn off for me in any event.

 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 21
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 5:46:20 PM


No sane woman decides she wants to bonk a man she has not yet met IMO.


Insane women have invited me over after a phone call.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 5:48:27 PM
CrookCatcher...
Not real fond of...

I have traveled extensively abroad and would love to continue doing so with that special one. :/ um..huh



Of course they love to travel...as long as you foot the entire bill!
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 23
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 7:41:52 PM


Not real fond of...

I have traveled extensively abroad and would love to continue doing so with that special one. :/ um..huh


Of course they love to travel...as long as you foot the entire bill!

Not necessarily.
Due to my work, I have traveled extensively and lived overseas for years. I would love to continue traveling internationally with... well, almost anyone these days. However, I also love road trips and traveling in the USA. Many people in the US have an under-appreciation of the marvels to be seen here.
Why don't you like it, CrookCatcher? Is it your assumption that Cooldog65 is right? If this is a common reaction from men, then I'll have to make sure it isn't in my profile...

As for specifics, I'm not particular except about a few criteria - people that use illegal drugs or drugs illegally, alcoholics, separated but not divorced. The rest is up to communication and the first meet.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 24
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/23/2015 8:01:56 PM
I saw a funny one on a woman's profile. "If you drink whiskey and take Ambien every night to go to sleep, keep it moving you're an addict even if your drugs are legal." She had about 35 of these including, of course, "if you're looking for a hookup..."
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 25
Love or Hate these profile specifics...
Posted: 7/24/2015 4:34:11 AM

I'm just wondering why the all-or-nothing attitude seems to hold so fast to every little decision we make from this online dating process, yet we all know in real life decisions are rarely made so decisively.

that's because it's easy to use online dating as a tool to filter out the people you want absolutely nothing to do with under any circumstances. but in real life, you aren't going to bed with your friends and acquaintances who probably have some qualities that would annoy the hell out of you if you were.

it's the difference between a decision you've already made and a million other little things that depend on the circumstances.


but I believe it's more about impatience - people don't want to waste any time figuring someone out - they just want a person served right off the menu.

the impatient people are more concerned about 'not wasting time'. desperation is a completely different kind of motivation than having a list of reasons for not being in a hurry, but most impatient people have their dealbreakers too. they probably just have fewer of them. I am the antithesis of being impatient when it comes to meeting someone here. and I already know that if you are (list), there is nothing about you I want to 'figure out'.
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