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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 MissScawlett
Joined: 3/26/2015
Msg: 2
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ? Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I have a theory, based on my own similar experiences. Men like to collect numbers -- kind of like saving them for a dry spell, for lack of better explanation. They're really not that interested, but they might be at some point if no one better comes along. So they'll continue pursuing other women and when their dream girl doesn't pan out, they go back to the back-burner girls. Then, out of nowhere, you'll get a text that says "hey baby" ... and you'll have no idea who they are. Then they'll get mad because you don't remember them.

It's all part of some silly game I guess. Like I said, this is just my theory lol
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 3
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/11/2015 1:51:29 PM
This is a question asked here probably more than any other.

I will assume that when you mean you "spoke" to two men, you were "typing" to them?

There's alot of fakes, flakes and fantasizers out there in online land. Kids screwing around pretending to be adults, married guys who want a momentary mental fling..whatever it was, it was never real, and you simply reached their threshold of what they were willing to do. If you had just been typing back and forth, and they didnt want to talk on the phone, chances are they were hiding something..either they were not who they said they were and were just yanking your chain, or they got spooked and decided not to take it any further.

Online dating is FILLED with unhealthy people..cheaters, liars, fakes, flakes, scammers, people pretending to be something they arent..people screwing around with you, whatever. If you want to do the online dating thing there will be that certain element of "time wasted"....I no longer use online dating, but when I did, I made it a rule to meet within a week, if not sooner, so no time wasted.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 6
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/11/2015 2:01:37 PM
A 10 year old could type and lead you on...typing is fake, Nothing is real until you meet. Next time, plan that first meet up within a week, dont let any "conversation" linger on for too long, it's just not real. Unfortunately, you probably gave a kid or a married man a good laugh.

One must learn to "date defensively." :P
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 7
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/11/2015 2:06:24 PM
Spell it out in your profile (that's what they are for) clearly and concisely what MUST happen once contact is made, regardless of who initiates.

Strict adherence to this ^^^^ is at least part of the reason I've never had a bad meet using any OLD site.

UNLESS of course you are one of those STs (Serial Typists) which include probably the vast majority of women on this site. It's just the Nature of a FREE OLD site and nothing more.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 9
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/11/2015 2:43:40 PM
Some people get a cheap cell so you aren't giving strangers your real home/cell number
There are people just like the chit chat/ego strokes.. doubt it was anything you said. Yea, keep the typing to a minimum and move to setting up a meet that sorts out the time bandits fast enough
Welcome to the forums btw :)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 10
view profile
History
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/11/2015 4:26:02 PM
Rule of thumb, you meet within two weeks or just move on. I would always exchange numbers before I agree to a meet. I want to hear his voice and speak with him as a live human being. Also if something comes up we can contact each other if there is a delay or a hitch with the appointed meet. I would use a prepaid phone for any dating contacts and keep it all separate.

Some men just like to play games and do not want to actually meet up as they have lied, they are married, or not who they say they are. No loss. Women do it too. They often get cold feet and I can understand that.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 11
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/11/2015 8:22:14 PM
Once I start talking to a guy and we both seem interested, I try to exchange numbers in the first conversation then talk on the phone. If he keeps going in and out on the POF site and does not suggest a date or even swapping numbers, I stop responding. Lots of people just want to hang out on the site and chat to whoever, I'm not into that.

If he gets a number and doesn't call - well... it happens IRL too. Bummer.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 12
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/11/2015 8:45:06 PM
This is common with OLD. There are many different possible reasons why it happens. Both men and women do this. They found another person that they liked better. They got cold feet or decided that they weren't ready / available to date. They were married / in a relationship or dishonest about something else in their profile. They weren't that interested to begin with and use OLD as a way to pass time when they are bored. You said something that caused them to lose interest etc.
 Rocketboy91
Joined: 9/8/2015
Msg: 13
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/12/2015 12:35:02 AM
Sorry that happened to you, some guys just never grow up. I had a similar thing happen to me, I was supposed to meet this guy but he totally flaked out on me because on the baled on me and decided to get drunk. I waited for hours, it just kept on getting later and later, next day I texted him and heard nothing from him. As for the whole giving out your number to these guys, I'd do this. Get a googlevoice or a hushed number (yes, there is an app called hushed which gives you a disposable number), give him that number. When he can show you that he's trustworthy, then give him your real number. I learned that lesson the hard way. Guys are just asses and I'm sorry that happened to you.
 Rocketboy91
Joined: 9/8/2015
Msg: 14
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/12/2015 12:40:35 AM
Oh heaven's sorry for the typo, phone does that sometimes
*on the night* we were supposed to meet, he bales on me to get drunk.
 tequila157
Joined: 9/3/2015
Msg: 15
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/13/2015 10:17:23 AM
I do the same thing lol. I guess they weren't that serious.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 16
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/13/2015 10:55:20 AM
I don't give a number out until I have met a man and know that I actually want to go on a date with him. A person can lie on the phone just as easily as in writing. Meet and meet fast. That is the only way to see if you are both being honest and want to meet a person in real life. If a man I have exchanged messages with doesn't want to meet within a couple weeks (one is best) I move on. I don't want to waste time messaging and/or talking on the phone (which is like torture for me). The time vampires out themselves pretty quickly.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 17
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/13/2015 3:11:55 PM

I don't give a number out until I have met a man and know that I actually want to go on a date with him.


It's a catch 22 situation. I can see not wanting to give out your phone number to a stranger you might never meet or meet once and it's obviously not a match. And not everyone wants the hassle of getting a cheapo phone with a new number just to use for dating, or google voice or whatever it is. But some people won't agree to meet without at least one phone conversation to verify a person's gender and age (to hear if it sounds like a kid's voice), although that can be faked in some cases since you can't see the other person. And I would never do a video chat with some if they request it before meeting for two reasons:
1. I don't want to video chat with a stranger I never met. If we can't meet briefly in person, it's a no go.
2. I have an older desktop computer that has no camera or microphone, so I can't video chat even if I wanted to.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 18
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/13/2015 4:33:21 PM

I don't give a number out until I have met a man and know that I actually want to go on a date with him.


A phone conversation is optional. But I would like to exchange numbers before a date / meeting in case one of us is late, wants to change / reschedule plans at the last minute etc. Not everybody has a POF app on their phone. Even if they do, it can be easier and quicker to call someone. The other person may get the phone call / voice message sooner than an email message on POF.

People can get a cheap prepaid cell phone if they don't want to give their real number or you can block that person if necessary. Besides many people have no problem giving their number to a virtual stranger after a brief conversation at bar / club, or some other establishment. That person is just as likely to be a jerk, creepy, stalker, or violent as someone from online.
 geekgrrrl
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 19
view profile
History
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/13/2015 5:05:51 PM
This is a recent message I received and conversation that followed. This person had not contacted me previous.

Him: I liked your profile and would love to chat with you. Maybe explore the possibilities.

geekgrrrl: sure lets chat

Him: If you prefer my Cell is ********** we can chat via text

geekgrrrl: I would prefer to chat right here for now.

Him: Ok no problem

Him: Just thought it was easier

geekgrrrl: I find it easier to type on a full keyboard then on a cell phone

Him: ok

Him: Or just call

Him: Whatever Is Easier For you

geekgrrrl: Chatting right here would be much easier for me.

Him: That's fine

That was the end of the chat and I've not heard from him since. Yes I could have called with a blocked number, and that is how I call the first time if I call though it's usually not well received that I have done so. I do not want just anyone to have my number. I have received text messages from people years later I once spoke to years ago and never met. I don't feel its a huge problem to engage in a little bit of chat through pof before moving to IM, text or phone. I don't like to call someone I don't know and have them attempt to turn it into sex chat. Why subject myself to that when it's not wanted? I always get a phone number and confirm it before actually meeting.

fyi it's possible to send a text message from yahoo to a cell phone however the receiving party usually doesn't like that form of communication which leads me to wonder why they are so determined to obtain my number.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 20
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/14/2015 4:35:50 AM
It's easy, because you're online with a bunch of people that you're probably never going to see in person, and if you do, you probably wouldn't recognize them, so naturally, people agree to meet because it's apparently really hard to say no to someone that you don't know and are never going to see in person.

Welcome to online dating, where no means no, and yes means no.

What I'm finding works best is don't plan a date, just go on a date "now". (obviously talk first). If they want to meet you, they'll be willing to meet you instead of sitting home watching tv. If they really can't but want to, they'll probably give you a better day/time. If they don't want to, they'll probably actually say no.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 21
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/14/2015 8:53:37 AM
No phone number, no date. Period. It is more dangerous to give your real email than it is to give your number to someone. If that person becomes annoying, you can block them on your phone or better yet, contact you provider and block them at that level.

The thing is this, if in your emails you were not able to develop a sense of trust to where giving your phone number was okay, then I would not even want to meet you in person. The only times that I have gotten stood up have been when I did not make it mandatory to have a phone number. So never again.

With that said. When I ask for the phone number, it's so if someone is running late, or have something come up, they can call the other person. I don't like to spend hours on the phone before the date. So after they give me their phone number, I call them. Usually they do not answer, so I leave a message, saying my name, and that now they have my number as well. They usually call. We talk for 15 minutes and get a feel and that's it.
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 22
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/14/2015 9:10:04 AM

No phone number, no date. Period.


Fine. My profile says if it is a deal breaker so be it.


It is more dangerous to give your real email than it is to give your number to someone.


I would not give my email to some guy I am messaging on a dating site with the intention of meeting/dating until after we met. Same as with a phone number.


If that person becomes annoying, you can block them on your phone or better yet, contact you provider and block them at that level.


Sure but that does nothing to stop a person from listing your number places - like Craigslist - I have had it happen and it was not amusing. In fact it was pretty fvcking awful. All because I realized he was lying and chose not to meet him. I am also not going to get a dating phone. I am not a criminal who needs a burner phone.


The thing is this, if in your emails you were not able to develop a sense of trust to where giving your phone number was okay, then I would not even want to meet you in person. The only times that I have gotten stood up have been when I did not make it mandatory to have a phone number. So never again.


I usually get rid of the time wasters in the messaging stage. As soon as I suggest meeting they either ghost or they say yes and then cancel. Incidentally the times I have actually been stood-up as in I am there waiting have all been men I have shared my number with. So that definitely has no effect. All it does in ensure that there is a thoughtless cad out there who you now need to block.


With that said. When I ask for the phone number, it's so if someone is running late, or have something come up, they can call the other person.


Just send me a POF message if you are running late. I'll see it as quickly as I would a text. No worries.


We talk for 15 minutes and get a feel and that's it.


That sounds like torture. I don't want to talk to ANYONE on the phone for that long. It give me a headache just thinking about it.

Trial and error has taught me not to give out my number. Have I missed some dates because of it? Probably. Have I dodged bullets because of it? Definitely. When a man gets angry and sends a vile message because you don't want to talk on the phone you know you were right in making sure he didn't have your number.
 Witnesstomythoughts
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 23
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/14/2015 9:25:45 AM
As much as it pains me to disagree with a hottie like Spottie ^^^^^


A phone call before a first meet is mandatory FOR ME for this main reason :

If the phone convo doesn’t flow easily , it won’t at the first meet either and I would much rather do it on the phone and pass than feel awkward and uncomfy in person.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 24
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/14/2015 10:13:48 AM
FACTS are not particularly popular here... but it never hurts to remind people.

Does it?

Arranging various letters and numbers in different sequences for the other party to interpret is THE easiest way to MISLEAD someone. Not that anyone would lie or fudge the facts when using OLD. Say it ain't so.

Hundreds of threads over countless years all point in the same direction. The fewer buttons pushed [on any device] and the quicker the phone call and/or meet, the greater the chance for NOT being disappointed with an actual F2F meet.

There are of course, tons here who have zero intention of meeting which is their choice of course.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 25
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/14/2015 2:10:49 PM
People, including men, have the right to change their minds at any point. Get over it and grow up.

You don't have a foundation for a relationship until two months of dating.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 27
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/15/2015 6:16:57 AM

If the phone convo doesn’t flow easily , it won’t at the first meet either and I would much rather do it on the phone and pass than feel awkward and uncomfy in person.


I don't think that is always the case though. I know people that don't like talking on the phone and are more comfortable with face to face conversation.


I am also not going to get a dating phone. I am not a criminal who needs a burner phone.


Prepaid cell phones can be inexpensive. If you explain why you have one, most people would be understanding and won't assume that you are a drug dealer or you are cheating on your boyfriend / husband.


Just send me a POF message if you are running late. I'll see it as quickly as I would a text. No worries.


As mentioned before, not everybody has a POF app on their phone. If they do and are late due to being stuck in traffic, it can be illegal and dangerous ( distracted driving ) to use your POF app. It's easier and safer to call. Also, I had various dating apps on my cell phone and I didn't always receive any messages right away.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 28
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/15/2015 6:56:11 AM

(I say) Not all men will collect numbers like you claim and stop generalizing the whole male population you don't know all men, but I will say that many women play games, love games and tease blokes, flirt with blokes, but have no intentions of dating those blokes.


I personally know a couple girls that go out to clubs and bars and flirt with guys all night so that they don't have to spend a dime, and then go home to their boyfriends and not with the guys they had buying them drinks all night.

It's just that for some people, nobody else matters. You can lead them on, be really mean to them, talk down to them, make fun of them... But long as everything works out the way you want it to work for you, everything is perfectly fine. And if these forums are any representation of the general population, you're not allowed to be mad at them
 spot4username
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 29
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/15/2015 7:05:47 AM

Prepaid cell phones can be inexpensive. If you explain why you have one, most people would be understanding and won't assume that you are a drug dealer or you are cheating on your boyfriend / husband.


I was being facetious. I very rarely use the phone I have. I'm not buying another one for "dating" to be used once or twice a year. That's just silly and wasteful.


As mentioned before, not everybody has a POF app on their phone. If they do and are late due to being stuck in traffic, it can be illegal and dangerous ( distracted driving ) to use your POF app. It's easier and safer to call. Also, I had various dating apps on my cell phone and I didn't always receive any messages right away


That's their problem (not using an app). It isn't like they will just be discovering that they don't have my number. I'm old - I remember calling restaurants to let a patron know if someone in a party is running late back before cell phones, emails. apps. I imagine that system still works. In fact I know that it does.
 Witnesstomythoughts
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 30
so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?
Posted: 9/15/2015 9:25:34 AM
"If the phone convo doesn’t flow easily , it won’t at the first meet either and I would much rather do it on the phone and pass than feel awkward and uncomfy in person."


" I don't think that is always the case though. I know people that don't like talking on the phone and are more comfortable with face to face conversation. "






It may not always be the case Southcity but I'm not willing to roll the dice.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > so phone numbers given out or not, that is the question ?