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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling      Home login  
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 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 1
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: maulingPage 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I'm a senior senior.

Over 65 but not 80

I like male company and meet nice men. But what is with this mauling, touching, grabbing? (I'm taking first or second date).

Everything about me is conservative, quiet, professional--- so I want feedback.

How about comments from the senior crowd?
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 2
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/5/2015 4:42:41 PM
I'm 62. Close enough?

Without even reading your posting history, 2 things spring to mind. One is fixable and the other one is not...

Unless you are willing to move?

IF your stated city of residence is correct? My oldest son has lived in your city for 39 years now. He grew up there. He seems quite proud to proclaim it a little red neck hick town even today. I haven't been there in many years though so maybe it's a different city now?

The second possibility is a broken picker. One that needs to go in the shop for an overhaul. Or maybe where you live, those litte blue pills can be bought cheaply and conveniently at the 7/11 or feed stores?
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 3
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/5/2015 5:54:21 PM

OP: I like male company and meet nice men. But what is with this mauling, touching, grabbing? (I'm taking first or second date). Everything about me is conservative, quiet, professional--- so I want feedback.

On another thread, you posted:

I …wonder how to tell if a man is interested? I had one plutonic relationship---I thought he was a regular but proper sort of fella. A month into our dating I asked him ever so delicately about his interest in being intimate.

QUIET---- About seven days later, he wanted out of our friendship.

It seems you give men a narrow window of opportunity for touch, or you might possibly have an itinerary for touch. Second dates feel like mauling and grabbing to you, but if a man waits a month, you question his level of interest.

Men in your age range (and mine) are sometimes quiet about intimacy for a reason. Those who behave as you described in the opening post get what they want often enough to keep trying. The elusive gentleman who connects within your window of opportunity ... your sweet spot ... is a rare one. He has potential with you.

By the way, when a man hits a woman’s sweet spot, it’s usually because he has been paying attention. The best we can do, as women, is to choose men wisely and give clues to help them find our sweet spot.

 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 4
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/5/2015 6:15:17 PM
"But what is with this mauling, touching, grabbing? "

Seduction is very different from acting like a clumsy 14 yr. old.

I only had one man try the grabbing at me like I was a piece of meat. I asked him WTF? He said that his ex wife of many years didn't like to have sex with him but if he grabbed at her over and over, she would give in. I repeated WTF? Who lives like that!
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 5
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/5/2015 6:25:57 PM
If a man is grabbing and mauling you, on a first meet as a stranger, slap his face. It is actually assault. He may think twice about doing it to another woman.

Who are the nice men?? The ones not doing the grabbing I am presuming. A bit of a mixed message there.

I went to the movies once with a guy on a first meet, big mistake. He was huge like a bear and he grabbed my hand so hard it hurt. I was not attracted to him in the least. . I could hardly wait to get out of the theatre and get away but still he called me for another date.!!! Men need to pick up on body language and read the signs.
 pinedrop
Joined: 7/29/2015
Msg: 6
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/5/2015 7:30:09 PM
How about comments from the senior crowd

Well this is hard to comment on as no old guy has tried to maul me lately. If he did I would quickly explain that his touching was not wanted at this time and i will let you know when it is acceptable. Physical touching is a form of sex that some women do not feel comfortable with until they do. It is important to let someone know how you feel before things go astray.

Some guys are just too anxious sometimes and it makes them look desperate. At the same time it is not always easy to read the other person. Some women do not mind physical touch while others do. I dated a women for awhile who stated that touch was sex. That was OK with me if that is her feelings. She felt that sex blinds rational emotions from proper decision making. I agree but have to admit after a couple months of this I lost most interest in just being her date.

At the same time i have dated women who were the exact opposite of this lady. So what is a guy to do? We are all big people by now and so let your date know how you feel about sex and touching. Don.t make him figure you out just say what you expect and if he can not handle and leaves, at least you did not waste your time. IMO
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 7
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/5/2015 8:05:44 PM
pinedrop --your post has good points

The men that I would like to see again, I do try to communicate that its too soon. They are ok with it if they like me.

This post was out of frustration as the search for a partner continues.

In other cases, I suppose I could call the next day and ask if they would be more reserved--- but I have never done this.

As a Nurse: sex and HIV are related! ... surprise ): ... Some older people believe it cant happen & yet HIV is increasing rapidly in the senior population.
 professora
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 8
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/5/2015 8:13:35 PM
Kay9876- that platonic (I spelled it wrong before) was completely different than greeting, meeting and then deflecting intimate touching. The man being discussed ( in the prior post that you included here) was ONE month of dating. I was crazy about him and he revealed eventually that he hadn't been intimate for many years --with anyone.

You said---"It seems you give men a narrow window of opportunity for touch"--- first or second date verses a month? Too narrow?

I think its so frustrating at this age but you are correct; if a man is paying attention, and wants a connection, there would be more sensitivity to a woman.

SO-- I guess of these nice guys were not interested one way or the other....just in getting some senior jollies.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 9
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/5/2015 8:42:13 PM
" So what is a guy to do? We are all big people by now and so let your date know how you feel about sex and touching. Don.t make him figure you out just say what you expect"

What is a guy to do? Seriously?

I don't think you meant that it is a women's responsibility to tell a man on the first date that it isn't okay to paw and maul her.

Pawing and grabbing at another person (male or female) is minimum a huge turn off. I find it hard to believe that men would think a women who spent her time grabbing his junk while out in public on a first date was playing with all her marbles.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 10
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/5/2015 8:48:08 PM
Keep in mind if he is a gentleman who works / worked in Corporate America his pace might be artificially slowed.
My industry is male-dominated. My business unit takes mandatory training designed to prevent sexual harassment.
We have to take these courses every six months. I am convinced it has an effect on male/female relationships outside of the workplace as well. It is a stretch, yet certainly within the boundary of being a distinct possibility.

Good luck with your romantic search.
Hopefully you find a decent and kind gentleman who is straightforward and assertive without being pushy.

 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 11
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/5/2015 9:05:14 PM
Once you key in on the fact that EVERYONE shows you by their actions what they want you to be to them....online dating gets much easier!

When I first started back in 08 it was one guy after another mauling me and I was so hurt and humilulated -- I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong...and that was basically the right approach...ONCE I quit concentrating on men and what they were doing and looked at my actions I was able to discover this pattern...a man would get sexual in a message, I would correct them about the inapproiprateness of it and they would apologize only to do it again a bit later on in talking..so when we met they had already informed me of their desire to be intimate...I refused to see what they had already shown me and thought by saying something when they had verbally been out of line they would know better physically.....

Then I discovered the biggest truth of all...There is another person dating...it's not just all about me...someone else has expections from meeting someone!!!!! Gosh image that!

See we want to say OH DARE HIM! but in realitity who are we to judge...some women might actually welcome their advances or might actually leading them on and starting sexual flirting in initial emails...just because it's not something I might be comfortable with doesn't mean it's wrong or bad...it just means it's not something Im comfortable with...so who's responsibility is it now to be clear about their expectations?

I also discovered that as my interest (especially sexually) went up then I didn't mind when someone was being a bit more "freindly" on a first meet / date--longer deeper kisses...sure thing if I am into them... so then the light bulb really went off about this other person and my obligation to them...if i knew I had no sexual interest in a man--then why should I be meeting them? Wasn't it in his rights to have a woman who found him sexually attractive?

So OP imagine the man of your dreams meeting you for the first time, don't you want that thrill and excitment ...that spark of desire to be in his eyes when he looks at you? Not saying he has to act on it--but don't men deserve the same basical consideration? They just want someone who will be as passionate with them as they want to be with that person.

So cliffnotes for the reading impaired:
1. Learn to look and listen to what people are saying and doing to discover their intent.
2. Dating involves two people - so expectations if you don't want to be mauled need to be expressed and don't met if the person has ever made any sexual overtures to you.
3. What is your own obligation to someone sexually before you met? Why are you meeting that person? If he were to get frisky would you mind or be turned off...if you would be turned off then you have to wonder why you are meeting!
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 12
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/5/2015 9:11:32 PM

As a Nurse: sex and HIV are related! ... surprise ): ... Some older people believe it cant happen & yet HIV is increasing rapidly in the senior population.


As a Nurse, you don't know the main reason STIs rates are climbing among Seniors? Since Women of this age, can't get pregnant, the Condom use rate is much lower.. Don't have unprotected Sex for 6 months & have regular STI testing during that time period... When my late wife was undergoing Chemo. we regularly used Condoms, for My Protection. We also used them, do to the Blood Transfusions She received. The same reason She had regular HIV tests. that She might contract HIV from that source...


But what is with this mauling, touching, grabbing? (I'm taking first or second date).
Everything about me is conservative, quiet, professional--- so I want feedback.

How about comments from the senior crowd?


SO-- I guess of these nice guys were not interested one way or the other....just in getting some senior jollies.


None of us were there & everyone is going to interpret, mauling, touching, & grabbing from their own viewpoint....
These Men could be real Cads, or just normal Guys, & you could be a Cold Fish, too....
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 13
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/5/2015 9:27:00 PM
I just had a man ask if skinny dipping could be a first date? lol

Do you have to wear a condom whilst skinny dipping?
 sibyll01
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 14
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/5/2015 11:54:24 PM
If one considers the body language that generally accompanies an antagonistic confrontation;
the challenger will generally invade the personal space of an adversary. This can include an "In-Your-Face" type
of physical gesture, bumping into, pushing, grabbing, & other displays of disrespect for the personal space of another individual.

Seduction is A Dance.
Ideally, each of the partners in that dance are attuned with the movements of the other.
If there is not enough of a psychic/emotional foundation between the dancers for this to be realized;
than the dance can not be something of grace that processes a graceful, exhilarating "flow"
but an awkward, uneasy, & clumsy expression.
Any manner of heavy-handed, insensitive invasive personal space
gesture is not an element of seduction- irregardless of "age".
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 15
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 4:13:09 AM

My business unit takes mandatory training designed to prevent sexual harassment.
We have to take these courses every six months. I am convinced it has an effect on male/female relationships outside of the workplace as well.


I'll second that.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 16
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 5:45:48 AM
Seems some women are far too passive re OLD. If a Man is making a sexual comment to a freakin stranger you can pretty much cash the cheque he's going to try to make a move - you have given him the green light. IDK, do people feel flattered by that kind of unwanted attention?
If men were shut down when sending/ saying junk like Hey sexy, you look hot they would stop.
If you get mauled on a date then act accordingly - don't allow it then feel badly afterwards.
"yummy" seriously icky Grandpa :/
Plus side I guess I should be happy the 71 yr old still was active.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 17
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 8:23:55 AM
I don't know about mauling and grabbing.
I've never met anyone that did that.

I don't have a problem with touching...if I
like the person. I like the hand on the back,
the touching when making a point or comment,
It's easy to tell from my mannerisms and facial
expressions if the touching is unwanted.

Honestly, my tolerance for any touching or sexual
comments or innuendos is directly related to my
feelings towards that person.

If I don't like you, everything you do is going to be
wrong.

hahahaha! :o)

and PS...not sure this is just a senior thing or why
being a "senior" should make things different.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 18
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 9:04:14 AM

I don't know about mauling and grabbing.
I've never met anyone that did that.


LOL I did a few years back.
At the end of a meet date/dinner/wine festival, got into his car, just to stay warm, get out of the wind.
I was very surprised when he grabbed at my crotch. He was surprised when I snatched his hand away and flipped the door handle to exit. The end!
LOL He contacted me again a year later. He forgot who I was. When I reminded him, he apologized and stated, "Well it was all your fault, for being good lookin' ". (Yah ok, moron)


If I don't like you, everything you do is going to be
wrong.


browneyesboo, I like the way you think!

I agree, don't think this scenario is age specific. At any age, if someone gives you the heebie jeebies, disconnect!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 19
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 9:46:45 AM
"3. What is your own obligation to someone sexually before you met? Why are you meeting that person? If he were to get frisky would you mind or be turned off...if you would be turned off then you have to wonder why you are meeting!"

There is a big difference between people who spend their lives chasing sexual encounters never to find what they are looking for in a lasting relationship, and people who only enter into a sexually relationship with someone, because they have taken the time to get to know them and truly think them.

No one has a sexual obligation to someone before they meet. Imo, only people who are never sexually satisfied think that way.

Seems to be some folks rushing to find what they haven't yet been able to find imo.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 21
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 9:52:22 AM

"Well it was all your fault, for being good lookin' ".


Well, there's your answer right there!! Stop looking so appealing and ugly it up! lol

I don't think this is age specific. Guys who are senior morons were morons when they were younger. You just happened upon one of them. If you happen upon a bunch of them, then maybe your picker techniques need to be refined.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 22
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 10:29:49 AM
OP thanks for sharing your sexcapades with us and providing some material for comment. You are a very articulate woman and sound like a real firecracker which is great that you have the spark. The vibe I get from your writings is that you have sky-high expectations and are very judgmental. This isn't meant to be a negative comment, since you do sound pretty logical at all times, but it can be the kiss of death if the guys you're meeting have nothing to prove and are at the Carpe Diem stage. The issue is you seem to enjoy the drama that accompanies it and think like a much younger woman. Maybe you should look for other educators that share your mindset if you can find them in the institutions at which you spend time. I recall La Belle as a hick town growing sugarcane when I made runs to Clewiston, but it has been many years since I've been there.

I do think you need to spend time with men with a more youthful mindset and getting into something like tennis if you like it might be a good idea and are in shape for that. Join a YMCA/JCC/JCA with nice facilities and take part in the classes and activities they plan, for example.

There are many opportunities. Now if men get frisky, you can use the age old slap to put them back in their place until you can control them to perform when you say "go". Jeje, that will be a challenge ;) I'm not sure that will pan out. As the dating pool contracts and goes vastly in favor of the males, you might consider relaxing your detail-oriented eye and be less critical of the manners of some of these men. Or maybe just consider you really are fine being alone or maybe with your pets /grandchildren ...

Mauling is a judgmental word BTW. Most other women use words like frisky, paw, etc. Mauling is painful and very rough, but it sounds like a dramatic "look at me" or "look at them" dig because you went out with someone you weren't attracted to in the first place or wanted to control. I mention this based on the implicit statement of the thread title that relates mauling in the same phrase as "wanting to touch too soon", not that that injury or roughness is out of hand, so I'm tending towards drama. I only can take what you wrote at face value though since we don't have video replay to see what you mean and otherwise only have your words to work with, which don't indicate anything other than awkwardness of your first encounter when signaling to you.

He might just be answering the question you found so perplexing you recently posted about the frustration of knowing in advance: Could get it on and was he interested in physical intimacy at all? ... While the men may be quite different, yes, it seems pretty simple to pick up on his message now, doesn't it? I'm wondering if you have a Goldilocks' Syndrome ...
Good luck, and I hope you find your tinderbox. Cheers.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 23
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 1:04:11 PM

Pawing and grabbing at another person (male or female) is minimum a huge turn off. I find it hard to believe that men would think a women who spent her time grabbing his junk while out in public on a first date was playing with all her marbles.


I agree with this as well...........

As I get older I place much more importance on how we get along casually and I think it is VERY important to be "conservative, quiet, professional" in the first couple of dates.........

"Conservative, quiet, and professional" all lend well to mutual respect, and anyone I would classify as dating material I would want to hold in high respect. As such, groping and mauling certainly ARENT ways to gain mutual respect.

It is disturbing to read how many (older) women have stories like this............
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 24
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 2:41:43 PM
I've been grabbed, mauled, tongued on first meets.

One was a man in another state, we had communicated extensively before meeting and he never let on that he would do such a thing. I had the impression he was Not likely to behave that way.

I don't think it matters what a woman says or does. Some men are clumsy and just go for it.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 25
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 2:53:39 PM

If men were shut down when sending/ saying junk like Hey sexy, you look hot they would stop.


^^^ Many do get shut down. Hence the block and delete buttons.
Used twice by me this morning.

Doubt I am the first woman to use them.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 26
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Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 3:27:52 PM
I guess I have a problem with the Term Mauled, as some are using it.....

To me, Mauled is way up there on the level of Violence...

Touched- Grabbed- Fondled- Groped.....

Scratched-Clawed-Mauled........

To Me, if You've been Mauled, that's to a level, that a Police Report should be Made.......
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