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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do men really expect to find "the one" on a site like POF?      Home login  
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 jj02015
Joined: 7/6/2015
Msg: 1
Do men really expect to find "the one" on a site like POF?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
So before I actually made my account, being the exploring and curious type of person I am; I made a fake female profile, with some photos of a random super model off of google images and a very brief description. I wanted to read some of the messages men sent to see what they say, and wanted to read a handful of profiles to see what men really expect on a site like this, and how they go about it. I noticed that a large portion of the men actually expect to find "the one" over the net, and don't seem like they even put the real world into priority. Many come across as desperate, and I truly felt sorry for a lot of guys on here, that I just know probably get literally zero messages or responses..

Even though I am 20, I've been on POF for about a year. I've gotten a lot of dates, and officially dated 4 women, but after a while I decided to break it off as I felt it would not go any further than what it came to. The best girlfriend out of the bunch happened to be a woman who was new to Canada, and did not yet develop the westernized snobby attitude that many young women seem to have, especially with the ego many develop after having a pof account for a short while, and with the amount of attention they receive. I've noticed that a lot of the women on pof aren't exactly "high quality" in terms of commitment material, if that makes any sense. I don't expect at all to find "the one" online, and have had better experiences in the real world and meeting people in person, than I have online. I did put a bit of effort into creating my profile, and never once have I sent a message that had anything like "how are you" "hows it going" as I know this leads absolutely no where for men, which they don't seem to understand.

My question is : Do you guys actually expect to find "the one" over POF? do you put that much effort to actually thinking that pof is the only place you're going to find a girlfriend? I'm asking because from my experience with speaking to others, it seems like this is what they rely on. I do however think a site like this is much more beneficial for those over 40 years old oppose to people my age. I would like opinions from men, and from women. Thank you.
 TimidTraveler
Joined: 6/21/2014
Msg: 2
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Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 2:35:00 AM
For some it's easy to walk up to another person and strike up a conversation, for someone like me it's just an stress driven nightmare. It is a generalized, informal statistic that around 40% of the population have low self-esteem, I fall under that category. If you combine that with high introversion, little to no self-confidence, and general anxiety going out to crowded public settings to meet others, particularly strangers, it falls more into frustration than entertaining. I have tried doing the public outings, unfortunately I find myself unable to utter a single word or stutter constantly when trying to converse, it always ends up with me walking away flabbergasted at my inability to talk. I have tried to do Speed Dating where you are forced to talk to another person which I thought would help, but it was no different than trying to do it myself or even worse we sit for 5 minutes with nothing to say at all.

To answer your question in my situation is no, I don't really expect to actually find anyone on these sites, but it's the only way I can formally communicate with women in general even if it goes nowhere beyond a couple of emails back and forth. I have much better chance at human contact in forums like these than ever going out where frustration gets the better of me. However for someone like me and there are many others out there, this may be the best chances we have to talking to someone else outside of our small social circles, if it exists at all. I am 35 years old and accept that I will probably never experience what it's like to date or have a relationship, that I will live a persistent lonely existence; that doesn't stop me from at least trying in a format where in lack of abilities aren't a complete obstacle to further my attempts to find someone.
 jj02015
Joined: 7/6/2015
Msg: 3
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 2:41:03 AM
Well it seems like you're pretty smart..You're an accountant. If you believed in yourself a bit more, you'd do a lot better in the dating world. I know it's obviously more complex then that, but that's just how I see the basics of it.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 4
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 2:47:43 AM
From experience my logical answer is no.
But I am forever hopeful.



_______________________

My scientific brain has just kicked in.

___________________________
You state 40% of the population has low self esteem.
And of course if you take the world's population self esteem rating of 1-100 and deem 40 to be the bar then yes, the people who are 0-40 on the self esteem measure have low self esteem.
And the 60% above this arbitrary line have high self esteem.

Then of course you have the people like me in the 95-100% percentile who think we are absolutely fabulous.
Or is that people 5-100% with 5% having low self esteem if the bar is set at 5.
It all depends on where you set the bar.
__________________________

If you really have low self esteem then on line dating can destroy what you have left.
You are wonderful, and you need to believe that so that someone else can believe you are wonderful.

I would like to see 100% of the population have high self esteem.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 5
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Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 4:25:25 AM
People have individual personality traits,some never met a stranger.some know nothing but strangers....we are all different and find different things easy or difficult,we have exaggerated the effect of what we think of ourselves and how it affects others,if I don't like someone I don't care what they think of themselves because I must make my own decision,if you can make me like you based only on your opinion of yourself then I am a weak and needy person and cannot think for myself....con men and women work on the principle of controlling and manipulating others.

I find it interesting that there were votes to delete the thread on the grounds that it is a "reduntant subject" might as well delete might as well delete 95% of whats here if that is the standard.....relationships are not as complicated as we make them and there is nothing new under the sun.
 Paladin2015
Joined: 5/29/2015
Msg: 6
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 5:07:52 AM

For some it's easy to walk up to another person and strike up a conversation, for someone like me it's just an stress driven nightmare. It is a generalized, informal statistic that around 40% of the population have low self-esteem, I fall under that category. If you combine that with high introversion, little to no self-confidence, and general anxiety going out to crowded public settings to meet others, particularly strangers, it falls more into frustration than entertaining. I have tried doing the public outings, unfortunately I find myself unable to utter a single word or stutter constantly when trying to converse, it always ends up with me walking away flabbergasted at my inability to talk. I have tried to do Speed Dating where you are forced to talk to another person which I thought would help, but it was no different than trying to do it myself or even worse we sit for 5 minutes with nothing to say at all.

To answer your question in my situation is no, I don't really expect to actually find anyone on these sites, but it's the only way I can formally communicate with women in general even if it goes nowhere beyond a couple of emails back and forth. I have much better chance at human contact in forums like these than ever going out where frustration gets the better of me. However for someone like me and there are many others out there, this may be the best chances we have to talking to someone else outside of our small social circles, if it exists at all. I am 35 years old and accept that I will probably never experience what it's like to date or have a relationship, that I will live a persistent lonely existence; that doesn't stop me from at least trying in a format where in lack of abilities aren't a complete obstacle to further my attempts to find someone.


Pick some better friends...someone should have dragged you to a titty bar and got you drunk by now....everyone is good at something you can do in adult atmosphere where there are women present.....take up billiards or darts or even poker..Since I have had more time on my hands I've gotten really good at playing pool again.....go see a live band......you wont need to talk.....cant hear anything anyway....just sit and smile and enjoy the music...ask a girl to dance...

If you can post your feelings to the entire planet hooked up to the net.....shouldnt asking a girl out be easy in comparison?

She will either be interested or not...got nothing to lose by asking.

Arent you talking to a room full of strangers when you post?
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 7
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Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 5:51:54 AM
At your age I would expect you to be meeting women in real life, not online.

At your age I would expect you to be dating around, not looking for "the one" for some time.

No one should think POF is their only method to find "the one."

Some people, a small minority, do find someone on POF and go off into the sunset, happy.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 8
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 6:05:05 AM

I made a fake female profile, with some photos of a random super model off of google images and a very brief description.


It's hard to meet The One when people put up fake profiles. How long did you keep the charade going and exchange messages, pretending to be a woman?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 9
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 6:10:33 AM
One?????

I'm still stunned there isn't a line up at my door every morning, waiting for me to come up out of my drunken slumber.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 10
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Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 6:23:59 AM
Finding "the one" among all of the cleavage and backside shots? Good luck!
 Paladin2015
Joined: 5/29/2015
Msg: 11
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 6:29:01 AM

One?????

I'm still stunned there isn't a line up at my door every morning, waiting for me to come up out of my drunken slumber.


Heh heh....when I first signed up on a dating site I was hammerd by pretty women in their 30's chatting me up and I thought I was gods gift to women....for about 24 hrs ...then I found google image search and figured out the site was riddled with scammers....

Talk about having one's bubble burst....how rude.

: )
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 12
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 6:35:58 AM
jj02 ---
Don't have expectations (either positive or negative), simply live things as they happen.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 13
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 6:38:47 AM

Finding "the one" among all of the cleavage and backside shots? Good luck!


Are you referring to the ones that have sexy pictures, then say "If you're after sex, don't contact me"?
 Paladin2015
Joined: 5/29/2015
Msg: 14
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 6:41:52 AM

Are you referring to the ones that have sexy pictures, then say "If you're after sex, don't contact me"?


Ha...like Krogers putting up a sign "if you are hungry dont shop here"....usually the same type of Female that cant figure out why she gets used by douchebags.....SMH
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 15
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 7:10:02 AM
Age has ZERO to do with it. Online Dating, just like meeting in the RW, Speed Dating, meetup groups, and Singles events/Fishmeets all have their advantages and DISadvantages There are tons of Dating sites. Fish is totally Free and a sharp person will realize that being a paid member is not necessary in order to meet people. It appears to be necessary now for some members in order to to be a "regular" Forum contributor.

I met a ton of great ladies over a five year period when I was "active" and had pics up. I averaged roughly 1 meet a month along with hundreds more at Fishmeets.

But... I am lucky enough to live in a very large Dating area where there are plenty of ladies who 1] have no trouble sending the first email and 2] are sharp enough to realize the key to OLD is MINIMAL TYPING of any kind.

OLD has evolved into a way for folks to be "I'm so much Cooler Online" by the endless pushing of buttons. The same applies to these Forums.

Finding the "One" is ultimately a numbers game no matter which method one uses.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 16
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 7:31:31 AM
About to be age 57 here, and I don't expect to find "the one" here or in the real world.
 Paladin2015
Joined: 5/29/2015
Msg: 17
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 7:37:54 AM

About to be age 57 here, and I don't expect to find "the one" here or in the real world.


I've already done "the one" for 31 years....right now I'd settle for "one of the many" ....(lame trek reference)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 18
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 7:54:13 AM
Probably not as most people, regardless of age don't know what they want.
Only Neo was the " one"
Meanwhile I think OLD is a great way to meet people you wouldn't in RL.
 Paladin2015
Joined: 5/29/2015
Msg: 19
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 8:20:18 AM

Only Neo was the " one"


"The needs of the many out wiegh the needs of the one" SPOCK

"sometimes the needs of the one...outweigh the needs of the of the many" KIRK


Meanwhile I think OLD is a great way to meet people you wouldn't in RL.


Ok....what does old mean....who you calling OLD?.....LOL

No really....what does it mean?
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 20
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 8:38:50 AM
OnLine Dating

FYI: the quote actually went (ST II):
Spock - "In any case, were I to invoke logic, logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."
Kirk - "Or the one."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1mE_lyVKRQ (1:40 in)

or (ST III):
Spock: "Why would you do this?"
Kirk: "Because the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYvlhHPLzCA (0:17)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 21
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 9:02:30 AM
Loathe ST
"I am the beginning, the end, the one who is many" Borg Queen
I like sexy picture attempts - I will spare you from the naked 80 year guy ( yeppers, was on his profile page) PLus side it was a selfie
 Paladin2015
Joined: 5/29/2015
Msg: 22
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 9:24:28 AM

I like sexy picture attempts - I will spare you from the naked 80 year guy ( yeppers, was on his profile page) PLus side it was a selfie


So you did get my pic....how come you never replied?

*snicker*
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 23
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 9:55:43 AM
Actually, the amount of luck you've had online is incredible compared to many men your age here who come on lamenting they cant even get replies from women. You've actually done extremely well.

Also..before you are tainted entirely at your tender age from the horrors of American women you may want to turn to some Russian or Asian dating sites that can set you up with some non Americans..or, better yet, do some traveling. Expand yourself out of your area-spend some time in Europe or Asia.

As far as what men are looking for, the VAST majority online are looking for a hook up...that doesnt mean they are not looking for "the one"..but the name of the game is to have sex on that first date then back off...that seems to be how it's all being played. Sex first, then possibly, he might come back for more. That doesn't mean he will stick around, but these days, it's entirely backwards. Online dating for many men is essentially free sex. Dial-a-F*ck.

A smaller amount of them are looking for "the one"..of course. Not everyone is a cheap john. But the vast majority, based on what I experienced, are looking for free easy and fast sex. Well...let's be fair..sex and companionship without any real commitment. This seems ideal for the sort of demographics of men online.

Also I want to point out that I do not that think that "most men in general" are just looking for sex on the first date. The guys who love monogamous, committed relationships are already married and have girlfriends..online caters to the "leftovers"...the social retards, the angry betas, the players, the broke, despairing, the bad attitudes. It's alike a dumping ground for those who just can't seem to get it together. And I'm not excluding women here either. I just want to point out that the type of people I found online VASTLY gravitates more towards those who either do not *want* a relationship or are unable to *add anything positive to or maintain* a relationship.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 24
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 10:35:38 AM
I must agree with the above... I think that I both don't want a relationship and don't have much to offer at this point... Which wasn't always the case... And it's not going to be getting any better.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 25
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Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/18/2015 10:40:54 AM

I would like to see 100% of the population have high self esteem.


In a truly humane and compassionate world, 100% of the population would have higher than average self esteem.
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