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 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 1
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My cat and I moved in with my boyfriend in mid August of this year. Both cats are neutered females, with his cat being four, mine is three. At first, both cats hissed at each other upon sight. My cat has come around and tries to be friendly, but generally gets ahiss or a paw somewhere. Both cats get wet food twice a day along with their dry food. His cat prefers to nibble throughout the day on her wet food. Mine pretty much eats it before it hits the bowl. Once she eats hers, she goes for the other cat's. Personally, I think she does it in retaliation for the other cat being mean.

Any thoughts or suggestions?
 PennyAnte
Joined: 11/9/2014
Msg: 2
cat problems
Posted: 10/31/2015 6:19:35 AM
I don't think cats are vengeful like humans. Perhaps if you stop personifying your cat you will realize that they are just cats doing what cats do... as in being a CATS. Hope that helps.
 StarClassic
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 3
cat problems
Posted: 10/31/2015 7:13:05 AM
^^^ for the most part I would agree Penny, but Some cats can be vindictive. My brothers cat is such an example.
Cat was at the back door hollering to go out so his wife went to let it out. Once she opened the door the cat just stood there. Looked up at her and then looked out the door. Did this several times Look at her, look outside. Well she got frustrated and gave the cat a boot to get it outside so she could stop the flies coming in. Wasn't five minutes and cat is doing a Jesus impersonation hanging on the screen hollerin' to come in. Wife unit goes, lets the cat in and he made a beeline for their bedroom where he sh!t in Her side of the bed.
 CallaLily004
Joined: 6/27/2015
Msg: 4
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cat problems
Posted: 10/31/2015 7:20:13 AM
I agree with user142536 but with a bit of change regarding time frame. His cat has been accustomed to a routine and therefore, it will take time to adjust to something new. My suggestion would be is to put both bowls of wet food out in the morning (even in separate rooms) and after 15 minutes, whatever his cat doesn't eat, take it away and serve it a dinner time. If you leave out for a free-for all, your cat is going to get huge. ;-) His cat is not used to going all day without picking at the wet food and therefore, when served at dinner time, I'm sure his eating portion will increase and visa versa in the morning. Try this out for a couple of weeks and see if his cat's pattern changes to match your cat. As long as the dry food is out all day, his cat won't be starving (if this may be a concern of your boyfriend.)

Good Luck... hope all works out.
cat problems
Posted: 10/31/2015 9:54:44 AM
Stand guard for a while with a squirt bottle full of water. The one cat comes to eat the other's food, squirt. Hehe.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 6
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cat problems
Posted: 10/31/2015 12:50:28 PM
Being mean or abusive to a pet is never okay, it's not called for and when you are disciplining, just like with children, it won't work if you are not completely consistent. Hissing is normal, it does mean one cat is mean, it most likely means it's scared. This all may never change, it is after all the boyfriend's cat's home, she has reason to not understand and to feel scared/threatened, just as your cat must be confused and feeling the same way. One cat is no more likely to change it's eating habits as the other cat won't be doing.

We have three, Sadie was here first, then three years later tiny kitten Chloe shows up and let me tell you, Sadie thought this was the dumbest idea ever to come across. She was having none of it, no material instinct in Miss Sadie! Chloe was a purring machine who cuddled up on you, sweet as pie, but she was also quite sick it turned out and we almost lost her. Chloe was getting all the attention and Sadie didn't like that at all, so we separated them, giving Sadie most the house. After Chloe got well, they never did bond but they learned to tolerate each other. Sadie is the give-me-the-food-now! type and Chloe just munches when in the mood, but there wasn't a big problem because Sadie mostly likes wet food and Chloe mostly likes dried. Then last year the kids came home with a big, muscular male cat who was 5 years old and had been given back to the rescue center when his owners divorced, we have no idea how he was treated but he wasn't doing well in the center so the owner took him home with him. Dexter is lovey dovey, playful and would love nothing better than to cuddle up with the girls or play fling the mouse/chase the ball with them. The girls think he's a pain in the butt. Dexter eats like a horse and has quickly gained to the point of being called clump-a-dump. Now eating is really a mess, Dexter doesn't always eat everything, but he does push the others out of the way to check out what they have, in case it's different than what he has. Sadie is put out and slaps him and hisses, Chloe runs away but she may also slap him. He's just confused but has learned to hiss back but you can tell his heart is not in it. He's been here a year, they have been here several years, nothing has changed about how they get along, although they do tolerate each other now. So I'm guessing it's possible your two might learn to mingle but I'm betting you should just accept without blaming one or the other and let them be themselves.

Try to figure out a plan when they can both feel loved and respected, an by the way StarClassic, what that cat wanted was for the door to be left opened so it could come and go as it pleased. A cat door would have been a good idea. As for pooping outside of a litter box or outside, that usually means the cat needs to see a vet. Sadie will do that when she has an urinary infection. But please do not hit or kick or otherwise abuse animals.
 Chris_P_Bacon__
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 7
cat problems
Posted: 10/31/2015 1:08:50 PM

Any thoughts or suggestions?


I know this wonderful Asian couple that own a Chinese restaurant and on the weekends they run a cat rescue shelter where you can drop off your unwanted cats to be rehomed.

I think you should just give up and take the cats there.
When you're done, get yourself some of their cashew chicken. It's to die for.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 8
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cat problems
Posted: 10/31/2015 2:05:52 PM
I've dealt with a lot of different cats. They all act like cats, but they are far from alike. Kind of like people always act like people, but there are a lot of different kinds of people.

The first thing I see in this scenario, is that there are actually at least TWO things the cats have to work out.

The first is, that runningout's cat has to deal with both a new competing cat, AND a brand new house/territory at the same time. That's a huge situation. Even if all you'd done is moved the one cat into a new house that someone else owned, the cat would have to both learn the new territory, AND figure out who was in charge of what, AND come to understandings about where it's okay to be, and where things like the catbox is and the food.

Moving into a new house with an existing animal already "in charge" of it, means figuring out whether territory is to be conquered, or adjusted to, as well as how each cat relates to each human. It's very complicated from the cat's point of view.

For the most part, the cats will work out their own equilibrium, but I recommend you use at least verbal cues, to let them know that you disapprove of physical altercations.

For the food situation, I'd reduce the amount of food served to smaller portions. That way, if one gobbles everything, they wont get fat.

It also seems to be true, that SOME cats have a sort of ritual, where they purposely nibble their food, and then leave it for a while, and then come back again, as though they are testing the environment. One of your two cats follows that idea and the other doesn't. Not much to be done, again, save that you serve the food separately until they adjust to each other.

More than anything else, the point I'm making is that cats relating to each other are similar to humans relating to each other, in that there are several different aspects of relating that they have to work out. Each one may take a different amount of time. And remember too, that both cats will be watching the two humans, to determine which they have to see as dominant, and THAT will take time as well.
 o0BrownEyedGirl0o
Joined: 11/12/2014
Msg: 9
cat problems
Posted: 10/31/2015 3:41:52 PM
Jackson Galaxy has a lot of great ideas on solving cat problems. Don't know if he is still on Animal Planet or has written a book but there are very simple ways of solving these types of problems.

http://jacksongalaxy.com

(and apparently he does have a book).
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 10
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cat problems
Posted: 10/31/2015 5:17:14 PM
Cats are vindictive. Do something they don't like, and they will let you know. I've had cats that only like certain people. One comes to mind, she only trusted smokers. And she hated all other cats. She never liked a litter box, had to go out to take a dump.
One, my ex had, hated me. We brought him into our home as a young 'un, he never took to me.

Cats are fascinating critters. Each have a very unique personality. Working at other people's residences, and that I like cats, some will hide, while others think I'm the greatest invention since dry cat food. At one job, I had one come up to me. We were instant friends. I turned to my customer, to see her looking at me with a wide eyed stare- This cat is known as the shadow. She was friendly to no one- even the owners. Some just think I'm going to konk'em in the head and whack off their tails. They hide. Oh well, they are just entertaining.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 11
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cat problems
Posted: 10/31/2015 10:35:02 PM
My post should say it doesn't mean that the one hissing is mean, the hissing is just the reaction to fear or confusion.
 eternallyeternity
Joined: 10/28/2015
Msg: 12
cat problems
Posted: 11/1/2015 5:06:34 AM

Stand guard for a while with a squirt bottle full of water. The one cat comes to eat the other's food, squirt. Hehe.


The topic aside, I've found that method (in moderation) a training method that hadn't worked well for my daughter's cat. In fact, it created a rift in the relationship between the cat and the rest of us. I'm not suggesting, though, that people stop doing from what works for them; but it might not be doing what's in the best interest of the cat(s).

Just my opinion. Here's a similar opinion:

http://www.catbehaviorassociates.com/the-squirt-bottle-controversy/
 earwigs_have_wings
Joined: 10/16/2014
Msg: 13
cat problems
Posted: 11/1/2015 6:56:47 AM
My two cats don't like each other but tolerate each other. My second cat has been with us for one year. I found him in my backyard meowing non-stop (the irony is my other cat was found in my front yard). It was a cry for help. Nobody claimed him so he became mine.

I had both my cats spayed and neutured and since they are the opposite sex there is no desire there. My female cat growls, hisses and SCREAMS at him every day and also b*tch slaps him in the face. Despite her warnings he seems to be the dominate cat. While both are eating he inhales his food and will go over to my female cat's bowl to demand that she leave and give the food to him. She leaves. When I see this behaviour I either remove my male cat or verbally disapprove with a stern 'no'.

You would think when my female cat who was the resident cat at the time last year would have been the dominant one. Even though the male cat never hisses, growls, or makes a peep he would be the 'less' dominant cat. But he's not. He chases my female cat around and harasses her and will jump on her and while they wrestle she vocalizes loudly. I don't interfere because I think both cats need to figure out things for themselves. However, at night they can both be found sleeping on the same surface half a foot away from the other.

The cats who hiss like your boyfriend's cat from my experience does not want to befriend the newcomer. Afterall, the newcomer has invaded their territory, routine, sleeping surfaces, litter boxes, water bowls, and of course---food bowls. Darn cats! However, for some cats they will take to the new cat and be found sleeping in a little cat ball together which is endearing. I fostered a kitten a few years ago when my female cat wasn't spayed and she loved him and they could be found sleeping in a cat ball. Aw---I miss those days!
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 14
cat problems
Posted: 11/1/2015 11:58:34 AM
Op,
Congratulations for being an animal lover.!
You now have 2 kids,... I mean 2 cats, and if you are asking for advice, it means you will treat and love both of them in the same way. Do not show affection to only one, try to get them both together and scratch their belly at the same time, talking to them and smiling, they soon will understand that they do not have to fight for your affection and they will get along better. Please tell your boyfriend to do the same and you all will soon enjoy a happy family...:)


Below is the advice that I liked from other posts, I think will help you understand what is going on with your cats.


Hissing is normal, it doesn't mean one cat is mean,it most likely means it's scared. This all may never change, it is after all the boyfriend's cat's home, she has reason to not understand and to feel scared/threatened, just as your cat must be confused and feeling the same way.



Afterall, the newcomer has invaded their territory, routine, sleeping surfaces, litter boxes, water bowls, and of course---food bowls



One cat is no more likely to change it's eating habits as the other cat won't be doing.



I recommend you use at least verbal cues, to let them know that you disapprove......



The first is, that runningout's cat has to deal with both a new competing cat, AND a brand new house/territory at the same time. That's a huge situation. Even if all you'd done is moved the one cat into a new house that someone else owned, the cat would have to both learn the new territory, AND figure out who was in charge of what, AND come to understandings about where it's okay to be, and where things like the catbox is and the food.



Moving into a new house with an existing animal already "in charge" of it, means figuring out whether territory is to be conquered, or adjusted to, as well as how each cat relates to each human.



.When I see this behaviour I either remove my male cat or verbally disapprove with a stern 'no'.

 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 15
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cat problems
Posted: 11/1/2015 12:43:53 PM
It is important that the nibbler gets to eat their fair share of food, so you will need to monitor that, feeding time should not be stressful.

As for things like squirting or whatever you use, a loud clanging for a second will get their attention, and it's better if they don't see you do it. If they think crap, this happens when I do this, they learn much faster. If they see you make the loud noise or squirt them, they take it as an attack from you and that makes you something to fear. Again, this stuff can be tricky, but it's your job as a pet owner. Pets & children take a lot of time and care. My granddaughter has a set of little plastic hands that she got at a birthday party she attended, they work well. The cats don't like the noise, I can shake them to make the loud noise without them seeing me doing it. When I am telling them NO! and they know it's coming from me, I'm consistent and I'm saying it like I mean it, if they don't stop, I go and pick them up and remove them from the situation, not in a mean, angry way, but they do know I mean it.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 16
cat problems
Posted: 11/1/2015 12:45:21 PM
http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/cat-behavior/introducing-your-cat-new-cat
runningout this^ ^ ^ ^ ^^ may help.
I have had cats, related to each other, get along splendidly and they never accepted "the stranger". Had 2 stray cats, the male showed up, with chemical burns on his feet and legs. A week later, female shows up at the back door. They HAD to be buddies prior to showing up to the back door. They were inseparable. Female had to be put down this past spring due to oral cancer. The male cat continues to "cry", looking for her. It's unreal
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 17
cat problems
Posted: 11/6/2015 11:15:48 AM
My fiance has an outdoor cat. I have an indoor cat. They are both females, and both almost look identical. Mue and Luna. Mue does not understand the inside of the house world, so she will stop by the door but never come in. Luna in the other hand always craved to go outside on the old place, but I didn't let her because there was a big road behind my house and coyotes. In the new house, there are no major roads and even though people have seen coyotes, there are a lot of outside cats. So I let her out. They don't get along too well. Mainly my cat is very territorial, while Mue is a very accepting cat. The good thing is that the two of them defend the house against other cats that come by. My only concern is that we have an owl that is big. But I don't know if it would try to eat the cats.
cat problems
Posted: 11/6/2015 4:33:49 PM
That's a nice situation. A guard-cat for the outside, and one for the inside. Wonder about the owl though, what kind is it? I'd think of how cats will snatch birds, but then an owl is no simple bird. Might be enough of a standoff.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 19
cat problems
Posted: 11/6/2015 10:06:55 PM
runningout- Both cats are adjusting and being territorial/adversarial.
That's normal.
You train ANY animal by setting limits.
Feeding time should be at the SAME time of the day, otherwise an animal will generally make a pest of out of themselves.
I feed mine in the morning and at night, I try to feed them around the same time, too.
Now, the sharing issue.
They may or may not learn to like each other, but a shared bowl is OUT of the question.
Animals are VERY territorial when it comes to food, they are animals.
Get them each their own bowl and water dish.
Put their eating places in different rooms and DON'T let them out until they finish.
They eat then, or the food goes away.
Then BOTH cats will eat when they are fed.
Give them as much equal attention as possible.
Don't make the mistake of favoring your cat or him favoring his, you pet his, he pets yours, they both get equal snuggle time, from each of you.
If they fight, same thing, they both go to time out, doesn't matter which started it, 10 minutes should work.
They may never REALLY like each other, but when animals know the humans are in charge, they WILL, (mostly) behave. :)
 StarClassic
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 20
cat problems
Posted: 11/7/2015 8:11:48 AM

Then it got to the point where they would be on the table when I was eating, I would put them on the floor and they would hop right back up on the table. I tried every thing.


Did you try double face tape? The stuff that comes with plastic window film is great because it won't pull finish off, unless the finish is bad.
I broke my cat of getting on the kitchen counters with clear double face tape.
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 21
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cat problems
Posted: 11/7/2015 2:25:25 PM
Thanks for all the responses. Before I had posted this, when I gave the kitties their wet food, I was putting princess's food in the living room so I can make sure that my cat wasn't eating it. Unfortunately, now she won't eat her food in the same room as my cat. Which is nobiggie. I don't use a water bottle as my cat loves water so it does no good. Both cats do not like human touch, My cat only comes around me to try tosuck my ear lobe. My friend and I both give equal verbal attention to both cats. I just want them to feel comfortable with each other, not listening to constant hisses in the same room.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 22
cat problems
Posted: 11/7/2015 2:57:58 PM
runningout- My grandmother was a bit obsessed with cats, so I learned the hard way how they behave.
Their eating areas SHOULD be separate and NOT in your living room.
They see that as YOUR territory, they want their own, especially where they eat.
We have a walk in closet and that is where my daughter's cat gets fed.
We feed my dog in the bathroom.
They tolerate each other.
You are doing ok, just keep up feeding them on a schedule, feed them in a different place and in time, they will adjust.
They will probably keep giving each other dirty looks and hissing, cats do that. :D
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