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 AUTHOR
 jade746
Joined: 4/11/2014
Msg: 1
Flakey men on this site.Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Hi,

I get quite a few messages from men but the first thing we obviously are drawn by is the photo.
So I guess a lot of really nice, funny, intelligent men have written to me and have gone to the trouble
of actually reading my profile and sending me a lovely, witty message that actually comments on what
I have written in my profile. I must confess that if I don't like the photo then I just don't read the message
as I haven't got time. I would like to write back to them and thank them for their message but saying
no thanks as I am not a rude person by nature.

Now the attractive looking men that write to me seem to have very little say, some of them seem to be illiterate and they hardlymake any effort at all in what they write. However, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and have
engaged in conversation with them, even dumbing down a bit to try and get onto their level. What I'm finding
though is that we will chat for a few hours and then they just disappear. I'm not looking for
a commitment and will just take a sexual arrangement, I have plenty to
say and try to make my messages as engaging as possible. I've even arranged to meet a few of them and they just either disappear or back out at the last minute. I wonder why they even bothered
contacting me in the first place, telling me how sexy I am blah blah blah. I'm finding this extremely frustrating.
Do some men just like to see how many women they can get to respond to them to bolster their ego?

Have any other women experienced this or is it just me as I'm starting to take it personally?


Jade

Alos
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 2
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Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 10:20:09 AM
It's the same for everybody. There's a lot of fall out. Only very few first contacts lead to actual meetings.

It's a complete waste of energy to worry about the ones who disappear.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 3
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 10:30:43 AM
I kind of look at online dating like applying for a job. you have your cover letter and resume somewhat in your profile. You get a message, you meet (granted employers don't stand you up, but there are some flaky ones that don't know how to keep an appointment/calendar, but generally they'll be there), you go, interview goes well. you send a thank you card (like the follow up msg/text), but they disappear. some email you the turn down email, that's fine, but others just say nothing and disappear.
And it's like "why did you waste my time them calling me in, you read my qualifications, you know I don't have experience with xyz but you say you will train (like the person who says they dont care if you smoke, then turn around and say they cant date a smoker as an excuse). Or they'll be filling you with praise (like the two-faced meets).

You aren't the only one, men and women both experience it a lot. Don't let it get to you. Like the flaky employer/hr/interviewer, you just shrug your shoulders, know it make them and their company look bad, and move to the next one.
 BeautyBabie
Joined: 11/25/2014
Msg: 4
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 10:44:25 AM
I have made a post about this and mean exactly what you're saying about the ones who I find attractive. I always have to dumb myself down a little bit if I want to speak to them because they seem ignorant or illiterate. Thanks for phrasing it so perfectly.
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 10/8/2015
Msg: 5
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 10:44:33 AM

the attractive looking men that write to me seem to have very little say, some of them seem to be illiterate and they hardly make any effort at all in what they write. However, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and have engaged in conversation with them, even dumbing down a bit to try and get onto their level.

I'm not looking for a commitment and will just take a sexual arrangement.


Interesting, you don’t need to join an online dating site for casual dating and booty call fun. Maybe you could try responding to the “really nice, funny, intelligent men that have written to you that have gone to the trouble of actually reading your profile and sending you a lovely, witty message”. Instead of focusing on “the attractive looking men that write to you that seem to have very little say, some of them seem to be illiterate and they hardly make any effort at all in what they write”.

After all, you are not looking for a commitment and will just take a sexual arrangement.
 ThePig0fTheOpera
Joined: 10/23/2015
Msg: 6
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 11:06:50 AM
If you're only it for a bang, why do you care one way or another about their intellect or what they have to say?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 7
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 11:20:54 AM
So you are saying that even when you offer just casual sex they vanish?
Maybe that is why if that's the case.
I have never understood the why people want to dumb down instead of smartening up :/
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 8
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 11:37:43 AM

I have never understood the why people want to dumb down instead of smartening up :/


BRAVO, ouija and any others who appear to be of a like mind.

WTF?????????????
WHY on earth would ANYONE, male or female, seem to think the sure way to attract the opposite sex is to
??????"Dumb down"???.
FTS, no way, no how.

I am me, before, during, and if there is an after, 100% of the time. Accept me, take me, like me/ love me as I am. Like wise for him/them.
There are times to compromise, come to the middle of the road, but never "Dumb down".

???Flakey men???? Just my opinion, but I think you get, what you seek.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 9
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 12:00:57 PM

I'm not looking for
a commitment and will just take a sexual arrangement, I have plenty to
say and try to make my messages as engaging as possible.


I don't see what your problem is. Other than, you seem to be trying too hard. And if you try too hard, then you come across as desperate. And desperate will not get you laid. Also, if you judge men by looks, yes you're going to run across a lot of men that since they get women easily, they don't have to do any work. It's like the super hot woman, that simply says HI, and has a profile that say nothing but five cliches and she still gets a ton of guys responding.

Also, if you make it too apparent that all you want is sexual arrangement, many of the guys that may be looking for long term, even if it starts quickly and sexual, they may completely ignore you right away, because they don't want to put the effort, only for you to find a better guy next week.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 10
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Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 1:28:06 PM

So I guess a lot of really nice, funny, intelligent men have written to me and have gone to the trouble
of actually reading my profile and sending me a lovely, witty message that actually comments on what
I have written in my profile.

But then -

I must confess that if I don't like the photo then I just don't read the message as I haven't got time.

In which case -

It may be a bit presumptuous to say that these men were nice, or funny, or intelligent; or that what they wrote was lovely, or witty or even remotely consistent with your profile. You actually don't know and it may not be fair to guess otherwise.
 prairiefire60
Joined: 10/10/2015
Msg: 11
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 1:35:17 PM
Maybe Craig's List or Ashley Maddison might be a better fit for you.

You are doing the same thing to "nice" men that you accuse "attractive" men of doing to you. Imagine all the fustrated "nice" guys out there reading profiles and composing thoughtful message only to have them go unread because some princess couldn't be bothered reading them before she deleted them.

I really had to dumb myself down for this response.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 12
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 5:24:58 PM

Now the attractive looking men that write to me seem to have very little say, some of them seem to be illiterate and they hardlymake any effort at all in what they write. However, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and have
engaged in conversation with them, even dumbing down a bit to try and get onto their level



Okay. Let's make sure everyone is clear on how YOU have handled YOUR online experience. The not so pretty boys(men) do not get any "benefit" from you but, the pretty boys do, despite YOUR knowledge they are not very bright do????????

And you then define THEM as "flakey"?????



Honest to phuck, I'm getting to old for this shiat!!!!!!!
Is it any wonder I drink like I do, and will be single the rest of my life?


I'll answer, cause I know it's tough one.


It's no wonder at all.


And yes, I am being as polite as possible on this one.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 13
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Posted: 11/2/2015 6:15:03 PM
This place has got more flakes than a Kellogg cereal processing plant. With so many, it's inevitable that more than a few might escape.

Sometimes it may seem there is not enough milk around to drown all of their flaky lamentations. But, there will always be both flakes and milk. At least, as long as a well balanced breakfast is concerned.... OP... May your flakes here on Online Dating always be frosted. And I also hope your milk is always pasteurized. Carry on.....
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 14
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Posted: 11/2/2015 6:18:00 PM
You`ll get flaked on a lot in online dating for any number of reasons, one being you cant ever be sure who you`re really chatting with it could be someone catfishing such as a 15 year old or an elderly person.
Or they may be just whom they claim to be but their pics are out of date and they realize that meeting would reveal that so they chicken out.
In either case they would likely try to engage you in sexual talk/messaging and to keep off the subject of actually meeting, I`ve had women do this to me.
If they are real as they seem then it all boils down to, they just werent interested.
Interested enough to engage you for a while in chat but not enough to actually meet.
All you can do is keep rolling on, and just dont take online as a reliable means of finding anyone.
It can be another possible avenue of finding something but going out and meeting people in public is actually more reliable in my experience.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 15
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Posted: 11/2/2015 6:18:43 PM
Ahh, yeeah, isn't this a case of the pot calling the kettle black???

I've no idea how you'd classify me. (nor would I care) But all you are doing is promoting the players, but calling then stupid in the process. Then you call on the smart men for stimulating conversation, but friend zone them because they don't measure up to your sexual demands.

I call that being cold and calculating - at the very least. I'm reminded of a quote that Nipsy Russell once said- "Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone".
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 16
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 6:35:08 PM
Jade746- Reading this post and your profile is a bit like a roller coaster ride.
You want casual, but you don't.
You want attractive, but won't dumb down.
You don't want unattractive, even if they are witty and smart.
Flaky MEN???
Hmmmmm, one of the funnier things I've seen on here and ironic. :D
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 17
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 7:18:32 PM
jade746...your POF profile and this thread will lead you to the perfect man for your personal situation.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 18
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Posted: 11/2/2015 8:12:59 PM
A couple of things in reaction, OP:

1. I can't tell from your side of things presented here, how you ACTUALLY come across to these men who you complain that you've tried without success, to persuade into accepting meaningless sex with you. I HAVE known a number of women in my time on the planet, who were absolutely certain that they were presenting themselves as a temptress of the highest order, ready to deliver sex on demand, who actually came across to pretty much every male on the planet as demanding, confusing, petty, and worst of all, incapable of delivering INTIMACY. Believe it or not, there aren't that many nice males in the world who want to have sex with a woman who seems to be uninterested in him as a human being. This despite the many who loudly claim the opposite.

2. There have been many studies, and a tremendous amount of prayer and wishful thinking, but to date, there has NEVER been any statistical correlation in either direction found between:

* physical attractiveness and ability to converse in an involving manner;

* dressing well, and having a compatible personality;

* being incredibly sensual and desirable, and being sane;

* being exactly what we think we are looking for, and being exactly what we are looking for;

* taking a good picture, and looking that good in person;

* saying what we are looking for in our online profile, and actually looking for those things;

* saying what we are looking for in our online profile and actually RECOGNIZING those things when they are slapped directly in our faces;

And so on.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 19
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 8:19:08 PM

What I'm finding though is that we will chat for a few hours and then they just disappear. I'm not looking for
a commitment and will just take a sexual arrangement, I have plenty to say and try to make my messages as engaging as possible. I've even arranged to meet a few of them and they just either disappear or back out at the last minute. I wonder why they even bothered contacting me in the first place, telling me how sexy I am blah blah blah. I'm finding this extremely frustrating.
Do some men just like to see how many women they can get to respond to them to bolster their ego?

Have any other women experienced this or is it just me as I'm starting to take it personally?


I've never had it happen to me. Your insistence on intelligent discourse seems incongruent with sexual intercourse.

I'd lay odds that those men going *poof* on you think that you're way too high-maintenance for what little you're offering them.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 10/14/2015
Msg: 20
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 8:25:57 PM


Now the attractive looking men that write to me seem to have very little say, some of them seem to be illiterate and they hardly make any effort at all in what they write.


It really sucks, huh?

The physically attractive folks are stupid!

I think you'd be better off using Tinder, where only appearances matter.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 21
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/2/2015 8:32:24 PM

I must confess that if I don't like the photo then I just don't read the message as I haven't got time.


You don't have the time to read the message, but plenty of time to peruse his profile photos?
On the other hand, you'll forgive a handsome man stupidity, dumbing down your conversations?

I would think you have your priorities backwards except you say you are just looking for a quick fvck.
If that's the case, you really should be a lot clearer about your intentions in your profile.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 22
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Posted: 11/2/2015 9:51:20 PM

And yes, I am being as polite as possible on this one.


Yes. The query and ensuing discussion presented here is what we can now refer to as a "challenge thread". The OP establishes the parameters of the challenge which, in this case, was "politeness". We, the responders, do our level best to meet that challenge. Walt, you may have snuck in on the positive side of the ledger. But it was close.
 ThePig0fTheOpera
Joined: 10/23/2015
Msg: 23
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/3/2015 12:26:13 AM

No offense but I think you need a profile review.


That's the last thing in this world she needs. That section is a f*cking joke.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 24
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/3/2015 1:11:31 AM

Is it any wonder I drink like I do, and will be single the rest of my life?

Hey, cheer up!
 jade746
Joined: 4/11/2014
Msg: 25
Flakey men on this site.
Posted: 11/3/2015 1:42:15 AM
Hi Lili,

I think you are right. The thing is when you start messaging someone you build up a kind of a connection
and then it's difficult to just let it go. I keep moving on but getting a bit tired of moving on. I'm at the
stage now that it seems to be par for the course that I'll start chatting to a man and then he will just disappear.

Jade
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