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Show ALL Forums  > Profile Reviews  > Some success, but I think something is wrong.      Home login  
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 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 2
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Some success, but I think something is wrong.Page 1 of 1    
HI Quantum,

First things first you have only been on the site THREE DAYS so you really shouldn't worry this isn't an instant thing. If you want instant try something like tinder.


Secondly you are an attractive guy (to the best of my judgment) so I can't see you having many problems on this site.


Thirdly for a first attempt your profile is pretty good, far better than many we see on here. You have a nice selection of pictures and a clear bright smiling headshot for your main (you would be shocked at how many fall at this first simple hurdle.)


Your text is pretty good but could be tweeked.



"If you don't want to date me - that's fine, I get that, but you're wrong and I hate you." -Workaholics


I'm not a fan of this, I know it's a joke but it's a little negative. The other thing is you have a headline (which is great by the way) so this just looks like you are trying to have a second bite of the cherry. It doesn't add anything, so get rid.




When I was eight years old I played soccer. We had twin girls on our team and one day, a boy on the other team was especially violent with them. Eventually we were going for the ball, he and I, chasing it as it ran out of bounds. I made a perfectly-legal slide tackle (to hear my dad tell it, I was five feet out of bounds already). The kid went tumbling away down the hill. He was crying. I got red carded and removed from the game. My coach and half of the parents whispered quiet words of approval as I passed. Nobody started a slow clap but that story is pretty indicative of me as a person. Don't mistreat women. Chivalry is still important.


I like this story but as a cold open it is kind of slow and takes a while to get to the point. Your about 7-8 sentences in before you have actually said anything about yoruself, it's asking a lot of women to read it all and stick with it. I'd start with a quick snappy positive introduction before this story. Something like....



I'm protective and incredibly loyal. I'm generous and trusting to a fault. ENTP. Very affectionate.**


This would make a nice open. Just ditch the ENTP. Do you really think women have some little log book of Myers Briggs codes that they look up. This will be meaningless to 99.99% of people



Me:
-I'm not good at holding back. I don't play games, but I probably come on too strong for most people. I won't hesitate to tell you how I feel.
-I value honesty and openness in a woman (and myself).
-I also value tacos in myself.
-I do work out and stay healthy, don't worry.
-I have my own place. I also have my own pants and won't try to get into yours.
-I'm stubborn as hell and too proud to ask for help, even when I need it.
-People think I'm exceptionally bright, which is weird, because I do stupid **** all the time and make terrible decisions.
-Finishing BS in Astrophysics at UWM and prone to nerding out.
-I like to send flowers.
-If I ever have a ferret, I'm going to name him Ferret Bueller.


Personally I don't like lists. I think it shows intelligence and creativity to write a neat flowing paragraph that don't all start with "I" rather than a bullet point list. It is actually harder to read this way, turn this into 1 or 2 short neat paragraphs and you are more likely to get people to read it all. Ditch the 'stubbon' one (never hear a woman say 'I'm looking for a really stubbon guy') and find a better way of saying "stupid ****"



You (just mild preferences, not a "shopping list"):
v Intelligence is probably my number one turn on.
v I can safely introduce you to my family.
v Flirty and transparent.
v You consider yourself kind of a "girly girl" and would be thrilled to get Louboutins for Christmas.
v You are the woman with whom I may travel to exotic locales and spoil whilst there.
** The big one: you'll reciprocate the love and affection I'll give you, because I give everything when I love someone. Touch and affection are all I need in return.
v Hypothetical: you burn your mouth on food freshly arrived. You reach for your drink, saying, "it's hot." I smile and say, "not as hot as you." If the prospect of an eternity of that sort of behavior excites you, message me.
× You aren't a couple.
× You won't put me in your basement murder dungeon. Being murdered is a major turn off and I probably won't talk to you again.


You say it's not a shopping list, then it kind of reads like one. Again turn this into a well written paragraph.



This profile reads as I imagine Doug Funnie's journal did to outsiders. Dear journal, today I wrote an internet dating profile that doesn't have any flow or structure to it, but at least nobody is messaging me about my boobs.


I loved Doug, think this can go though, kind of makes it a bit too 'joke heavy' and doen't add anything.


Hope that's helpful
 tennistown
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 3
Some success, but I think something is wrong.
Posted: 11/8/2015 1:49:01 PM

Is there something specific that might be driving off those I message first?





Yes, I see two specific things hampering your return messages.





From the top down.

Profession --- Secret Agent





Even before your gallery of picture are presented
some "basic" information is listed.

When they read "secret agent" as your profession,
it casts a temporary spell of unbelieveability to your profile.

That makes for entertaining reading perhaps.
But for "real" quality replies, you might avoid. . . .

Secret Agent
Underwear Model
Real Estate Tycoon

. . . . as your listed profession.





Finally,


Mail Settings
To send a message to QuantumCoherence you MUST meet the following criteria:
Female
Age between 18 and 36.
Live in United States
Live within 75 miles.
You must have a picture to contact this user.



There are multiple reasons why the above "Mail Reduction Filters"
are a bad idea. I wont go into them in depth here. But know this. . .
You will get less mail, not more mail, with them in place.
Eliminate them all!
Good luck.
 Swimalittlecloser
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 4
Some success, but I think something is wrong.
Posted: 11/8/2015 3:30:21 PM
Welcome to profile review,

I was very surprised when I saw that you are 29 because I would have expected your profile pictures to have a lot more maturity in their subject matter and projection.
That may be one of the things that is causing a females to pass, they may not even bother to read.
Females on here (in your age range) are looking for a hookup or a serious relationship and your pictures aren't leaning towards either of those.

Your pictures scream "A guy friend to take shopping"

You may be misguided in thinking that mirroring a girls profile is the way to go, wrong.

Take some new pictures, cut back on the cute, stop with the faces, pictures of you doing active things (sports etc), no costumes, pictures of you at work (serious/responsible) and a picture with family.
These will give you the visibility of a grown MAN, with a job, active hobbies, responsibility, grounding, etc. which takes you out of the cutie friend zone.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 5
Some success, but I think something is wrong.
Posted: 11/8/2015 7:27:52 PM
God help me, I liked it.

Even the duckface photo was in context (too dark a shot, but funny).

Other than the "I hate kids" answer for the kids question, this profile would've probably got a response when I was looking (hypothetically, of course).
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 6
Some success, but I think something is wrong.
Posted: 11/8/2015 7:48:44 PM

God help me, I liked it.
I laughed at this because......me too!

The campy humor, the Doug reference, the duckface, all of it.
Maybe because my 28 yr old son is eerily similar and I understood?

BTW you resemble Kyle Busch (and I am properly embarrassed to know what he looks like).

I found the -, v, **, x a bit distracting...was trying to figure out if it was a code, but I failed.

Perhaps dial back on that sentence with the L word sprinkled all over.

A very fun read.
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 7
Some success, but I think something is wrong.
Posted: 11/9/2015 12:59:03 AM
I love it.
Looks like you have won over the ladies on here.
Now to find single ladies in your area and age who can read and appreciate you.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 8
Some success, but I think something is wrong.
Posted: 11/9/2015 5:46:12 AM
Hi Mike
It was cute. Funny and cute. Not sure it is the right bait tho
You as an Interest /// shudder. No - try hard to remove any images of putting the lotion from the text.
You want her to be transparent? How M. Night Shyamalan of you :)
Remove KISS from the first date which is actually the first meet.
You're adorable - you will do fine
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Some success, but I think something is wrong.
Posted: 11/9/2015 10:36:33 AM
I got as far as your interests. Christopher Nolan and Fargo (and I'm assuming you're referring to Noah Hawley's series - with all due reverence on my part to the Coen Brothers).

I need read no further.

Assessment of your profile: Aces.
Show ALL Forums  > Profile Reviews  > Some success, but I think something is wrong.