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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > 3rd date really?      Home login  
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 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 1
3rd date really?Page 1 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
Recently I met someone from the okayC site. We had a great first meet and he made a date right away. The date went well other than he got a little carried away with goodnight kisses.

I tried to do a thread search but wording is everything.

Are you really comfortable with a person, enough to get naked after 3 dates? I feel like I still don't know a person and good grief, I'm no spring chicken. The days of sex for recreational reasons are gone. I feel like I have to care about a person and be really comfortable with him before there is going to be that kind of intimacy.

I've read the forums enough to know that guys don't want to spend money on dates if they don't think it's leading towards the bedroom. I'd rather go dutch treat if that's the case.

I'd like to know what the over 45 crowd thinks!
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 2
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 1:29:08 AM
For your question, there is no set time/limit on a number of "dates." The time is right for you when the time is right for you. If you both agree, and are willing to deal with the consequences, then good for you.
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 3
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3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 2:25:22 AM
I am missing the bridge from lots of good night kisses to 3rd date sex. Was there an actual conversation? While spooning usually leads to forking if done right, lots of kissing doesnt. If I am interested in a long term relationship with someone, I don't have sex right away. I believe in strong communication and convey this openly.
 castlehillsmile
Joined: 11/4/2015
Msg: 4
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 2:38:12 AM
Be prepared that if you do not play by 'the 3rd date rules' that he could vanish.
But then he could vanish even if you do.

To thine own self be true.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 5
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 3:52:32 AM

I feel like I still don't know a person


At what time does anyone really "know" another? How long does it take, in reality?



The days of sex for recreational reasons are gone.


Do you mean that the only reason you will have sex nowadays is to be impregnated? As in, really, there is no other reason to have sex if it isn't gonna be for "fun" or "enjoyment", which I personally find very recreational.

If you want to have sex, you can. If you don't, you don't have to. This should have been ingrained into your brain decades ago. I don't understand why you are questioning yourself at this time of your life??????
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 6
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 5:13:32 AM

The date went well other than he got a little carried away with goodnight kisses.


How did it go from a lot of kissing on a first date to what to expect by a third date? Go at any pace you want. Just find someone who is willing to go at your pace. What guys don't like is when women treat sex as a reward for proper behavior and jumping through hoops. Guys want women who feel the same way about sex as they do. It's called compatibility.
 OswaldSpengler
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 7
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 5:32:53 AM
Been dating a wonderful lady for years now. We met here , in the swamp. We decided not to wait for the obligitory 3 dates. 1 was fine. A good friend lost his wife of 50 some years. His most fond memory was NOT waiting !!!! You're so correct , Maleman . it's called compatibility. Men liking sex need to find women liking sex. Pretty simple , eh?
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 8
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 6:45:26 AM
Some men enjoy the chase.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 9
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 6:53:13 AM

Some men enjoy the chase.


Yes. And that can be nice, too.

OP, if the chemistry is there, you don't even have to wait until the 3rd date. Has happened to me a few times, but it's rare. Mostly I don't like to be put under pressure that I "have to" have sex because it's the 3rd date. But usually if I don't want to have sex with a guy by date 3, I'm not that into him.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 10
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3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 7:00:40 AM
3rd date sex is not the rule, but it's a great incentive.
If the guy insists on sex on the third date and you don't....then don't!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 11
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3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 7:51:12 AM
I like to know the person I'm being intimate with, I want to know if I like them, if they are respectable, if they would like to get to know me, etc., so no sex by the 3rd date as some kind of idiot rule and no making out on the first date because of course that would lead to someone believing that sex would happen quite soon. I think if one isn't ready to have sex with someone, and so that someone moves on, then they have both done the right thing. If I were to have sex with a complete stranger, it would be my responsibility for doing so and I would in now way think that would mean relationship by the third date, which many people seem to jump to. I'm not into making nothing into something, then feeling used and whining about it.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 12
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 8:28:21 AM


The days of sex for recreational reasons are gone.


This is sad. I understand being comfortable first, but something about that statement sounds like you've given up?



I've read the forums enough to know that guys don't want to spend money on dates if they don't think it's leading towards the bedroom. I'd rather go dutch treat if that's the case.


I'll try not to beat this dead horse further, but I've never complained about the cost of dating, but the amount of effort I put into the romance often yields the desired outcome:)

Now, back to your situation. It sounds as if you don't feel a spark with this guy. Not because you didn't want to have sex, but because you're just not sure about him.

I don't have a timetable for sex, but sooner is better, lol.

I generally think 3-4 dates is enough time to see if the attraction is mutual.

YMMV
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 13
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 8:35:30 AM

Some men enjoy the chase.


So true. I enjoy being chased by women.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 14
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 8:53:50 AM


I've read the forums enough to know that guys don't want to spend money on dates if they don't think it's leading towards the bedroom. I'd rather go dutch treat if that's the case.


Those types are treating women like prostitutes to buy sex with under the guise of a "date with a gentleman".
Those types aren't decent human beings. You don't want them.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 15
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 8:59:55 AM

The date went well other than he got a little carried away with goodnight kisses.


“ other than “ ???? – this should be a plus not a minus IMO



Are you really comfortable with a person, enough to get naked after 3 dates?


If the chemistry is right then my answer is DEFINITELY !
The one time a “ meet n greet “ lead to a hot n heavy make out session we ended up in bed the very next time we got together . It doesn’t usually happen this quickly for me but when the heat is on I’m not going to turn my back on it !


The days of sex for recreational reasons are gone.


Speaking of CHASING , for me the days of chasing are gone. By this stage of my life , if a woman wants me to chase her she’s simply not my type. My type realizes that life is precious and playing ego games like “ I want him to chase me to stroke my ego “ and/or “ he MUST chase me to prove how much he wants me “ , etc not only reveals a juvenile mentality but is a waste of time IMO


I feel like I have to care about a person and be really comfortable with him before there is going to be that kind of intimacy.


That’s your choice, doesn’t have to be everyone’s. Find someone who agrees with you and you’ll be fine.

BUT…expecting someone to change to your way of thinking if they don’t is a losing battle.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 16
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 9:04:08 AM

Are you really comfortable with a person, enough to get naked after 3 dates? I feel like I still don't know a person and good grief, I'm no spring chicken. The days of sex for recreational reasons are gone. I feel like I have to care about a person and be really comfortable with him before there is going to be that kind of intimacy.

Go with how you are feeling.
There are no 3rd date, 30 day or whatever rules.
You need to be comfortable and if he isn't okay with that, your not a match.
When dating, I never ran into anything that seems like a big deal in the forums.
No 3rd date rule, no "I bought you dinner so you owe me sex", no men concerned about paying for dates, etc.
Why would you let yourself be pressured into something you don't want to do?
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 17
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 9:15:05 AM

So true. I enjoy being chased by women.


You little subbie
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 18
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 9:26:37 AM
There is no set-in-stone timetable for me.
It is just when it feels natural and right.

My best matches from a historical perspective is when we "chase each other until we catch each other" arrangement.
Just be truthful, straightforward, honorable, and fair. Most things will find their own level in a good environment.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 11/7/2015
Msg: 19
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 9:59:34 AM
Three DATE rule?? I thought it was a three MESSAGE rule! I've been a very busy little Matterbaby :S
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 10:15:28 AM
I see it this way. If someone is really interested in you they will actually want you to be ready for it no matter what the timeline is. If you aren't 100% into it and ready to go it's not really in your best interest for someone to want you to do it anyway just because it's what they want.

I wouldn't want some guy who's not ready to put out for me because it's what I want. It's best when both really want it (for the sake of what it is).
 crabdipper
Joined: 11/7/2015
Msg: 21
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 10:33:20 AM

The days of sex for recreational reasons are gone.

I haven't noticed. From my experience it has been just the opposite. Especially, as we get older. I understand your concern, but that doesn't seem to be the reality.


Are you really comfortable with a person, enough to get naked after 3 dates?

Yes, when the dates are going great it is usually before the 3rd date.
No, when the dates are not so great. I'm not interested in sex if I'm not interested in the person.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 22
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 11:32:13 AM


As an aside it seems to be mainly women who think that men enjoy 'the chase'. I for one would rather feel that a woman would be comfortable in her own body and her own sexuality for all that bullshit.


That, in itself, "the chase," can be sexually exciting for both, consenting people involved.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 23
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 11:36:56 AM
Them weekend excursions where we're chasing each other...oh yeah..
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 24
3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 1:22:03 PM

The date went well other than he got a little carried away with goodnight kisses.


Your answer is hidden right here before your very eyes. "he got carried away." What that tells me is that you are not quite fond of this guy. That you are trying to convince yourself that eventually you will like him, when in reality you don't. It tells me that you lack passion, that you are a controlled person that does not trust your own instincts. Perhaps got burned before. Nothing wrong with that. But... while I don't believe in 3 day rules, I believe that each time you spend time together builds up. so instead of carried away, which means you would prefer MORE control, he had a heated kissing exchange.

If I was the guy, and head through the grape vine that this is how you felt about me. I would cancel the third date. No reason to waste my time or yours.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 25
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3rd date really?
Posted: 11/20/2015 1:42:19 PM
On the third date would be fine if I am attracted to the guy and feel comfortable. I agree that too much making out on a first meet with a relative stranger would not be appropriate for me. If you feel uncomfortable then you have to let him know that you like to take your time. If he is genuine he will understand and wait. If not, you have lost nothing. You don't have to allow him to pay for all the dates either. In fact he shouldn't. It is only fair in this day and age that you pick up the tab occasionally or reciprocate in some way.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > 3rd date really?