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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond      Home login  
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 bigstan0187
Joined: 11/17/2014
Msg: 1
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Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I've been seeing this girl for about 2 months. Nothing serious. She had been initiating flirting and hinting at plans up to a week ago when she just went cold with one word responses. Her grandma was dying of cancer and I offered my support and let her know I'm here for her. She blew me off. I said I understood she was upset but didnt have to push me away. She replied with the following text:

"pushing you away? you practically friendzoned yourself. Listen i know you had good intentions but I've tried so hard to flirt with you and all you do is take me seriously and come off as a to my friends. I appreciate the flowers but I had to open my mouth to get them. Not once have you tried holding my hand, take me out to a real dinner date or even call me beautiful. Forget the fact that you didnt pull a move on me. Thats ok anyways because when you kiss me its like you're kissing for the first time. You have a strong personality and would be a great friend but as a boyfriend I'm sorry but the game you have isnt what I'm looking for. You always have to be right and any conversation we have turns into a playful argument. I cant stand that. Listen my grandmother is practically on her death bed, and has hours left. I'm learning the hard way that life is short. So im just gonna say it. I just dont think what you have to offer is good enough for what i need. I dont want to come off mean but i practically have to spell everything out for you"

There is plenty of this that is untrue but I havent responded to this. No sense arguing when shes like this. What should I do from here?

Should I just give her space and reinitiate again at a later time?
Should I just walk away and never respond again due to her being disrespectful and insulting me?
Should I just go no contact and wait for her to contact me (if at all) and then take things from there?
Is she completely done with me and I have zero chance as it seems to be or is that just the grief, anger, and frustration from the death coming out towards me?
Any help and advice would be appreciated
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 2
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Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 11/29/2015 6:20:26 PM
Isn't this fairly obvious? You're done. Walk away and hope you're the right one for somebody else.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 3
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 11/29/2015 6:26:51 PM
You can respond whatever you want but she's done with you. It's not "when she's like this." She's DONE with you.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 4
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 11/29/2015 6:40:55 PM
Just walk away. Plus, it will drive her especially nuts when you don't respond.
Change her contact info in your phone from her name to simply "Telemarketer" so you don't inadvertently answer a call.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 5
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Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 11/29/2015 6:48:35 PM
She has given you a chance but you have been friendzoned I am afraid. After all the connection was nothing serious, right? A lot of angst for a casual thing and she sounds very demanding. Let it go. In fact I don't think you have a choice really and any further contact can be construed as stalking.

Spend your energy into getting some exercise and get fitter, if you are overweight as you say you are???. You will then have more options with the ladies.
 Viper1j
Joined: 2/6/2015
Msg: 6
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 7
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Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 11/30/2015 9:23:22 AM
Walk away and don't look back. She has told you very clearly that there is no spark and she is not interested in seeing you.
It does not matter if she is right or wrong.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 8
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 11/30/2015 9:33:21 AM
I dunno.
Looks like she was looking for something serious and you weren't.
She was flirting and hinting (according to you), but you didn't even
make a move.

She's no longer interested.
No. Don't respond.
Give up...she did.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 9
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 11/30/2015 10:34:29 AM
She invested a lot in her response. So, perhaps she invested in the relationship. The question is, did she invest in you? Maybe she only latched onto you b/c she needed someone at this time. Maybe she likes guys who go 2 months and don't think its serious.

only she knows. You know the phrase, if you like something, set if free and see if it comes back? Try that. Chances are, everyone above is correct and things are not meant to be. but chasing her won't tell you for sure, you have to give her the room to make a decision. otherwise, anything you do is making the decision for her.
 CheezePissa
Joined: 11/25/2015
Msg: 10
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 11/30/2015 12:00:43 PM

Is she completely done with me and I have zero chance as it seems to be or


Stop right there. She is not being disrespectful, she is simply telling you the facts. It's like ordering a pepperoni and mushroom pizza and showing up with a green peppers and onion pizza. It's a pizza, but it's not the pizza she wanted.
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 11
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Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 11/30/2015 3:47:14 PM
Read what you have typed. You said it was nothing serious. You also said she had been initiating flirting. Put on your big boy undies and take some responsibility. She has given you some valuable advice. She clearly stated what you are offering is not what she is looking for. Move on and learn from your mistakes. I think she did the mature thing. She told you that what you are offering is not what she wants. Time will not change that. If you have learned anything, women want to feel wanted.
 crabdipper
Joined: 11/7/2015
Msg: 12
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 11/30/2015 4:01:37 PM
This has to be total BS.

33 years old and barely touched her in 2 months ?
If this is true THAT was your biggest problem.

When I was 33 a simple phone conversation with a woman I was interested in would make my pants tight.
22 years later and nothing has cha .................Oh sh!t, gotta go. My phone is ringing.
 Olivoil
Joined: 5/3/2015
Msg: 13
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 11/30/2015 4:09:08 PM
Why do people even bother when it's clear that you two are not a fit. I would think she has blown it with YOU at this point. So why are you wondering what to do?
Do you really want to be with the kind of woman who 'rips you apart'?
Decide how you want to be treated, and then go for that. It's not that hard.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 14
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 11/30/2015 4:13:21 PM
bigstan0187- What I am seeing is a total lack of communication until it was too late.
That goes for BOTH of you.
I'm not hearing her side, but from what you are saying, it seems like she expected you to be on the same page with her, read her mind, which was a mistake.
With you, it seems like this wan't all that serious, with her, a little more so, but she's laying ALL of this at your feet like she wasn't present.
If I were you, I would NOT contact her again and if she contacts you, you better decide what YOU want.
If you aren't wanting serious, there is NOTHING wrong with that, you have to tell her and see what she wants.
Me, I wouldn't even consider talking to her again.
Why would you?
I read something once, I've never said it here before, I've been saving it for JUST the right time.
I think THIS is the time............
NEVER let ANYONE tell you, more than once, they don't want you.
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 15
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Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 11/30/2015 6:15:01 PM
I see a huge problem, because she clearly told you that you weren't right for her. She cited several reasons that she didn't want to continue to see you. But instead of listening and accepting what she noted as valid, you deny the validity of her perspective .

The problem is that her observations are completely valid as you did not live up to her expectation. Do you understand how fundamentally flawed your denial of her perspective is? Obviously you dont, and obviously she's right about you having to be right.

I mean you're the worst version of a "nice guy," not only did you not key in on her advances, but you we're an unbearable bore.

I suggest you take notes on what you did wrong, as opposed to argue what you did right. Because you obviously failed to do right by her.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 16
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 12/2/2015 4:27:18 AM

NEVER let ANYONE tell you, more than once, they don't want you.


Way to go Bamagirl!!! (see message 14)

Amen to that! - I'll even take it a step further....and add:

Never let anyone blow you off or do the "no show, no call" on missing dates more than once.


Bigstan (see message 1)


Should I just give her space and reinitiate again at a later time?


Answer: yes and no - give her all the space she needs.....without you in it.

if in question.....see the first line above.....


Should I just walk away and never respond again due to her being disrespectful and insulting me?


Answer: Walk away and don't look back.

if in question.....see the first line above.....


Should I just go no contact and wait for her to contact me (if at all) and then take things from there?


Answer: Go no contact.....all the way.....don't even wait for her, and should she even bother to contact you.....it's because all of her options and prospects ran dry. Again, walk away and don't look back.

if in question....see the first line above....


Is she completely done with me and I have zero chance as it seems to be or is that just the grief, anger, and frustration from the death coming out towards me?


Answer: she is complete done with you and has taken a long, long walk.....and you need to do the same....

if in question.....see the first line above.....


Any help and advice would be appreciated


See above posts - read them and take them to heart. The general consensus pretty much says to leave her alone. She is no longer interested.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 17
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 12/2/2015 10:57:27 AM
The big question is, why would you cling so tenaciously to a woman who's made it painfully obvious that she doesn't want you? Are you a glutton for punishment? You need to summon up some self-esteem and move on.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 18
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 12/3/2015 6:24:25 AM
She's turned off = YOU BLEW IT.

Live and learn, onward and upward.
 ShowboatSupreme
Joined: 11/10/2015
Msg: 19
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 12/3/2015 6:38:59 AM
Ya know, them casual thingies are cute n' all, til you get your panties in a bind when you're the one that gets dumped FIRST.

Your bruised ego will heal.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 20
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 12/3/2015 7:08:05 AM
We don't know if everything she said about the OP is entirely true. There have been instances when a woman didn't want to see me anymore and she mentioned things that were false. Having said that, the OP should move on. Regardless of the actual reason(s) why she wasn't interested.
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 21
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Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 12/3/2015 4:34:38 PM
Well,
To me... You said it yourself, "nothing serious". You say she flirted and dropped hints but you left her feeling way out in the friendzone She let it ride for a while but then when she had a personal family issue, it all exploded for her.
and something had to give or go. It was you. She doesn't need or want wishy, washy, iffy.
I think she gave you some good pointers as to what went wrong to keep in mind for the next one
The question is - are you having a hard time dealing with just rejection? or losing her? Figure that one out first before making any move.
Just my opinion from what I have read here.
 mike11092
Joined: 11/2/2015
Msg: 22
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 12/3/2015 11:00:46 PM
....OP....

Read: How to win friends and influence people.

Also: learn how to date women.

2 months is a long time without any kind of hand-holding, dating or romantic gestures...what kind of "relationship" is this? Apparently there was...kissing? How do you get to kissing without dating? How do you NOT know that a woman is interested in you after she let's you kiss her?

You haven't been "seeing" her. Unless, of course, we're speaking in the literal sense of physically seeing her with your eyes.



No sense arguing when shes like this. What should I do from here?


....do you not know how to read?


"girl" said:

You always have to be right and any conversation we have turns into a playful argument. I cant stand that.


Move on.

I also happen to agree with whoever said that you're the worst kind of "nice guy".

Your post just screams ego...it's disgusting.

Good for her she realized that you're a time vampire.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 23
Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 12/5/2015 12:40:38 PM
OP,

I agree with tango, butterchicken, cooky and mike.

I say this with full respect, but you are so busy feeling "ripped apart" by her text you maybe forgot to read what was in it.

You talk about not really dating her and then wondered why she felt blown off by you.

You talk about her flirting and yet say you weren't serious (and obviously had no issue showing her this)

You had to be led for what you did do; rather than proactively showing interest.

So when you don't show interest, don't acknowledge importance (to us or her apparently) obviously invalidate her opinion as (she's just having issues right now, so do I acknowledge her while she's "being this way"), and not even see any value in what she is saying...

My answer to your actual question is going to be different.

You seem to indicate a response as keeping her on the hook; and lack of response as giving up.

I think you should do both. She is a closed chapter. Your time in it is passed and it sounds like for a lot of valid reasons. You should respect that. But if you want to learn from it? I would respond if only to validate that you heard what she said. Give up? But respond with acknowledgement of her words.

If you did not initiate, did not show her importance, did not value her romantically, did not respect her opinion and constantly picked fights; just say you are very sorry about her grandmother and you are sorry that you guys were on different pages; and that you sincerely hope she will find someone who will have a style of dating that will fit with her; and that just because you did not show her value did not mean that you did not value her.

and then leave it at that. At least that way you left it on a good note; and you can maybe next time try and see whoever you're interacting with more from THEIR perspective. Hopefully you will learn either to find a woman who is totally fine doing all the approaching with a concrete ego and no caring if you do or don't take her in any way seriously, or you will learn you actually have to expend effort and SHOW interest if you want someone to have interest back to you.

if you act like you don't give a rip? they will stop giving a rip :)

peace.
 Qura
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 24
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Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 12/5/2015 4:53:41 PM
She didn't communicate what she wanted and now she's blaming you. *Maybe* it's the stress of Grandma passing--but still, not a good sign.

Learn from this: communicate what you want and ask if you are not certain what the other person wants. Sounds like you were not very aggressive--which is fine for some women, not for others. If you didn't initiate contact after a few dates, is it because you feared rejection? That's not a good reason-but if you like to go slowly, then say so, because it opens the door to a conversation.

This lass wasn't communicating well, so if she contacts you out of the blue--have a conversation about communication before you decide whether or not to see her again. (Don't contact her; she sounds "done" but the whole Grandma issue would make me give someone a 2nd hearing IF I was really interested the first time around). I'd be telling her that I'm really sorry about her loss, and could she please explain why she didn't just tell you what she wanted instead of giving hints? Her answer to that will tell you a lot more than anything. She seems to have held on to a lot of frustration and then dumped it on you--beware going that direction again!
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 25
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Girl rips me apart in text saying she's done w/ me. Should I respond or give up?
Posted: 12/13/2015 3:34:35 AM
Some women think that the man should do EVERYTHING in a relationship, the reason for this is either:

a) They don't want to put anything in just in case they get hurt.

b) They have princess syndrome and believe men should be their free meal ticket.

Either way she's damaged goods, best to GTFO.
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