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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > LADIES - A Question of Height...      Home login  
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 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 2
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LADIES - A Question of Height...Page 1 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
Hi Derek,

You may want to do a forum search....on the topic of height. I suspect there may be dozens of threads on this topic, this comes up often (if not daily!!).

Yes of course, the height issue may narrow your options. Who cares, all you presumably need is one terrific gal.

I looked at your profile, it's great. You seem like a wonderful person, out going and easy to engage.

I can't see that you would have any problems meeting someone. It's just a matter of time!
 nightryder111
Joined: 12/18/2015
Msg: 4
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/1/2016 3:52:50 PM
I think you would be better off finding/meeting someone at a function - hiking group, Celtic dance group, photography class, cooking class, etc. online has a lot of shoppers that look for any reason to ignore or delete instead of looking for what might work even thought someone is an inch shorter or not the right hair color or "looks" 4 years older than stated or 5 pounds heavier. Tire kickers, shallow and unrealistic.

And....some women don't go crazy over height. I'd look at 5'6" or less and not restrict you search parameters so much. Remember, even if you were 5'10", more than half will ignore you anyway. You sound like an interesting man, go find a woman in real life where she has a head start in seeing how interesting you are.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 5
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/1/2016 3:54:22 PM
So, how many do you need? Sheesh, you are just one man.
Don't make it an issue in discussing it or setting limits on height or other factors.

Try to see people beyond things like that yourself. If a guy is short, but insists she be a certain age, body type, race, etc...his complaints about heightism hold little water.

Your profile needs work imo, as it's too generic.
Be ok with yourself and likely people will focus on your other traits.

Sure, many will want someone taller, but there are a few who value a good companion who is smart, loyal, etc..which is harder to find in older years...so maybe you are blowing this out of proportion by now since youve dealt with this a long time, and should focus on shared goals, values, interests, with the few who don't care as much about height.

I generally liked the notion of taller than me guys and yes they were tall, but after having such relationships, you learn later there is a lot more than looks...and sex, yes,because that generally goes after 2 or three years.
It's not fun to discover you don't actually like the person all that much after that goes.

You want to respect, trust and laugh with the person, share experiences, grow with them...and there are a few women who care less about height than personality, but you have to look at your dealbreakers too. Maybe that is holding you back, also.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 7
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/1/2016 4:39:46 PM
I don’t understand the mind that seems to think women roll off a conveyor belt from the same mold and are all exactly the same. “Surveys show,” women want this, women want that…women want to date a male accessory who complements her shoe heels, women want to feel protected…blah blah blah.

Just what are these “psychological aspects” of a woman “preferring her man to be four inches taller” than her? Would they be subliminal and therefore beyond our awareness? If so it kind of blows that tall-enough-to-match-my-outfit theory out of the water. :/

Curious…are there “psychological aspects” of men wanting D cup boobs or bottle blondes?

Why do some men think women are a puzzle to be solved, and once they’ve cracked the code for one woman, they are experts on all women.

I love taller men but if he’s an arsehole being taller won’t win me over. Believe it or not some women determine compatibility based on qualities a bit more substantial than a man’s height. :/

Do you see how really silly and useless it is to obsess over something you have no control over (ie. your height and women’s preferences)?
You are who you are. Be glad. :)
 gfe0787
Joined: 12/17/2015
Msg: 8
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/1/2016 4:39:56 PM
I am 5'0, so most men are taller than me. Personally, the ideal height for a man (in my opinon-given my height) is 5'6-5'7.
However, I'd def date someone shorter or taller. It really depends on how well I get along with him and how he treats me. If he's a genuinely nice guy, that's what matters. I have my own flaws, so I cannot judge lol. I'd suggest approaching all types of ladies regardless of height. You never know who might respond =) If they don't respond, you tried and move onto the next.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 9
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LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/1/2016 8:52:43 PM
the average height for women is 5'4" in our country but that just a statistic. I am afraid even short women like a taller guy very often.

A guy who is 5'8-9" would be fine with me if he is broad and I am 5'4". Plenty of shorter men find and breed with women if they have personality, not to mention money of course and are confident. It does matter how tall you are just as it matters how slim a woman is, in the main. Online dating would be difficult for the shorter man as women can just click next and for a lot of them you would not even be on the radar. Even more of a problem would be your "separated" status.
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 10
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LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/1/2016 10:38:18 PM
A man's height is not a particularly important consideration for me. A charming personality goes a long way.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/1/2015
Msg: 11
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LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 12:10:21 AM
Height isn't a factor for me. I have dated, and would again, men who are several inches shorter than me. I judge men on who they are not how tall they are.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 12
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LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 2:11:49 AM

So, I'd be interested to hear from females on their views on height and how much it matters in choosing a partner. Please be honest. I don't have a chip on my shoulder, I've been 5'4" most of my life and am very comfortable with it but I'm curious.


It doesn't matter what attributes you have. Women will test you to see if it's a problem for YOU, not for them. That's why they will tease you about it. If they say "I've never been with a man under 5'8 before", you want to say something that shows you're okay with yourself instead of something insecure like "oh gee, is it okay that I'm short?"
 resilient_two
Joined: 12/28/2015
Msg: 13
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 4:17:22 AM

Women will test you to see if it's a problem for YOU, not for them. If they say "I've never been with a man under 5'8 before", you want to say something that shows you're okay with yourself instead of something insecure like "oh gee, is it okay that I'm short?"


Interesting. What woman who's actually involved in a healthy dating relationship would say that even in a teasing way just out of the blue? Then again I suppose that could happen if you're involved with immature women.

Do you suggest they respond in kind? Just teasingly say "that's ok...I've never dated a fat girl before"? Or any similar comment?

Sounds like a couple of teenagers to me.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 14
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 5:22:20 AM
There's a game show that asks the audience for the top ( fill in blank) answers, contestants try to guess - hist says " and the survey says" and I sit going wth? Women are not the same - some will date shorter, some will not. Like you not wanting to date a smoker :/ Kinda does read bit of a chip - as that is what you have hung your cap on re problems getting a date.
I'm extra tall, smoke and am mouthy - however I figure my dark soul going to be a huge draw.
Just keep trying Derek
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 15
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 5:41:02 AM
Well Derek....

I, personally, do not have an issue with a man's height as long has he doesn't have an issue that my height changes. :)
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 16
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LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 6:21:31 AM
Your height situation is the perfect cover for the real red flag.
Your age!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 17
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 6:49:31 AM
The fact that you're separated-so technically, still married-might be a bigger factor than height.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 18
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 9:56:02 AM
With OLD, height is important to many ( not all ) women. I was on a dating site where people can list their ideal height ( among other attributes ) for their potential date. The majority of women's profiles that I saw had a minimum height that was taller than her. Sometimes several inches taller than her. If you meet a woman at some social establishment, in general they would be more likely to overlook your height because they might get to know your personality over time.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 19
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LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 11:14:53 AM

Interesting. What woman who's actually involved in a healthy dating relationship would say that even in a teasing way just out of the blue? Then again I suppose that could happen if you're involved with immature women.

Do you suggest they respond in kind? Just teasingly say "that's ok...I've never dated a fat girl before"? Or any similar comment?

Sounds like a couple of teenagers to me.


I thought this would be painfully obvious, but I was trying to teach him the concept. That doesn't mean that the woman will say exactly what I suggested they would. I was giving him a clear example. A woman might say: "You're shorter than my last boyfriend" or something like that. The point isn't what she says. She might not even mention it. The point is for him to communicate the fact that he's happy with himself and not insecure about being shorter than average.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 20
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 12:10:15 PM
Yes, I prefer a taller man, much in the same way he prefers slender women: preference. I don't initiate threads to examine people's preference.

Find somebody who appreciates you for whom you are, much in the same way you do them. It'll work, I promise.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 21
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LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 4:13:28 PM

Women are not the same - some will date shorter, some will not.

That's an inaccurate statement in the way it's phrased. A vast vast Majority of women will NOT date shorter guys, all other things being generally equal. Very tall women will date guys a bit shorter -- most likely he's above average height in those cases, anyway. Which is going to be about 5-6 inches above your height OP, so pretty much, no -- you're not going to date tall women. When looking on Match, of gals who fill out their profile fully, it's very very rare a gal of reasonable height will accept a guy even an inch shorter than them.

Gals 5'1" aren't going to be too far off from gals 5'6" in height desires. It's not so much taller than they (which is a general requirement) -- but they don't want the shorter guy in the room. They're basically measuring you vs Other Guys. You can find exceptions online, but statistically speaking, they're not going to be very attractive and/or aloof in certain areas.

GOOD NEWS: Online is more picky than IRL. Go for gals shorter than you online, but don't put all your chips on that table. Don't set expectations too high. Roll with it, because even if you were, say, 5'9", you're still going to get more than your fair share of blow-offs of girls in your league or better, because that's just how online is in general statistically.

In real life, they're less picky about things like that -- and even lesser so when you've become group-friends with them over some time, etc. Keep online dating as an option, not a destined solution. You could try getting some non-obvious inner-platform shoes to raise your height by a couple inches, and count that as your height when online (and can only aid IRL)... while only aiming for gals 5'3" or shorter.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 22
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LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 6:06:07 PM
gcdb

wow you have dated men who are around 5 feet tall? You are 5'6" right? I find that kind of hard to believe. But if so I have just the guy for you. Is 5'1" and has everything but height.

I could never date a man who is shorter than me and I admit it.
 rockstartrucker82
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 23
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LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 7:19:14 PM
I just want to know where the arbitrary 5'10 requirement comes from. I'm lucky enough to be that exact height, but why that height? It's always either that or 6'1. Why not 5'9? What's wrong with 5'9 that makes so many people not want that, but 1 inch taller has a shot?
 Dannydodge
Joined: 12/20/2015
Msg: 24
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 7:52:19 PM

What's wrong with 5'9 that makes so many people not want that, but 1 inch taller has a shot?


Would'nt make any difference in your case so why do you persist on making irrelevant things a point of dissent. Looking at your posting history shows nothing but a pattern of whining over your lack of success with old. Deal with it.
 rockstartrucker82
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 25
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LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 8:12:18 PM

Would'nt make any difference in your case so why do you persist on making irrelevant things a point of dissent.


I love how you people read things that aren't there. I have no problem with any lack of success on OLD, my issue is the PEOPLE, mainly on these forums. But I guess I'm a little different because I'm capable of accepting that I have flaws rather than blame the every other person for why I'm single.

Anyway, for those of us, who unlike you, aren't too dumb to understand.... No, it wouldn't make any difference, but is it OK to be curious about things? Do I have permission to ask questions just because of I'm curious of what the reason is? There is seriously something wrong with a lot of you on here.
 HereComesYourSun
Joined: 9/7/2015
Msg: 26
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/2/2016 11:16:27 PM
Yeah, I agree with go out and find someone at a function, hiking club, library, church, etc.

This online stuff is all about how you look "on paper". If there's a couple of facts about you that aren't in the "most perceived norm", it's rough going. Not impossible though.
 Dannydodge
Joined: 12/20/2015
Msg: 27
LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/3/2016 3:24:56 AM

Anyway, for those of us, who unlike you, aren't too dumb to understand....


Lmao. You're an idiot.

You.... who does nothing but complain about any and everything a female puts in her profile that rules you out. You literally permeate loser everytime you post about height, why won't she answer me? Why do I have to pay it all. Every single time.

Oh it's not me, it's the women and their ridiculous requirements that rule me out. You lay the blame on them everytime. Gets old watching you whine.
 rockstartrucker82
Joined: 11/22/2015
Msg: 28
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LADIES - A Question of Height...
Posted: 1/3/2016 12:48:35 PM
Grow the hell up and learn that 3rd grade skill called "reading comprehension."

I'm not complaining when their profile rules me out. Actually, if you knew how to read, most of my issues AREN'T ABOUT ME, IT'S ABOUT THE PRINCIPAL OF WHAT THEY'RE SAYING.

What do I have issues with on here? Not looking for a debate, just stating my stance on things because people like you exist who have to be confrontational about EVERYTHING. Save any arguing for any threads about these things.

The paying with coupons issue: I don't use coupons. I'm arguing against the idiotic judging someone based on that, to where it's just somethign that you're using as an excuse to not date the guy, or it's like me and a few people have said, that it's not about how stable you are with money and your living, it's not about if you can buy her things, it's about how much you can spend on her.

Who pays: Someone capable of thinking would see that my issue is the idea that because she's the girl she's entitled to a free ride on as many first dates as she wants. Somewhere that I've tried to make clear, I will pay every single time for my girlfriend, with no complaints, I really don't mind it, but some stranger I'm just meeting for the first time who will likely never talk to me again (which I just accept as a part of dating today), why does she automatically deserve to be treated? She's not my girlfriend, she's not even my friend, what do I owe her?

Have to have a car: I have a car and a motorcycle, so that's covered. But it's actually a common thing that you see this from people who don't drive themselves.

Can't live with family: I have my own apartment, with plans on getting my first mortgage within the next 5 years. Another places that commonly hypocritical. Where you can't live with family, because the other person does.

Have to be 5'10: I make that cut. I'm just curious about why exactly 5'10 and 6'1? Where do these 2 exact heights come from?

Have to make good money: while I make less in exchange for getting more time at home, a $60k/year job is literally only a phone call away, so I'm covered there, trucking is great for that one.

Confidence: I never doubt my ability to get dates, I'll admit finding something more long term isn't going very well, but it goes both ways, there's just as many girls that I end up not into as girls who end up not being into me. But I also have common sense and understand that someone who is just continually rejected isn't going to be very confident on his ability to get dates. You don't fail your way to confidence. If you keep jumping off your roof and flapping your arms, you're not going to keep becoming more and more sure that the next time you do it, you're going to fly.

Standards: my opinion is that if you can't fit your own, you don't get to make those demands in other people. I believe in not being a hypocrite.

OLD as a business: I've researched this. I've put a lot of serious thought into starting up a site, but I kind of missed the chance to do it without some really creative niche to it. It's just reality, these sites are intentionally designed for you to not be successful. It doesn't mean that everyone fails, it just means that the odds are made to be against you, while conditioning you to make your first date/meet go as blandly as possible. Do you honestly think Marcus cares if any of us get married to someone we meet on here? As long as there's enough success stories to give you hope, you're going to come here and pay. POF exists to generate a paycheck.

The people on dating sites: We're not perfect, none of us are. We also didn't success our way to OLD. Some of us are using it as a crutch, which is a whole different issue, but most of us are here because we just weren't successful enough offline. If getting a date is as easy as just going to a bar and talking to someone, why would you be here? But we refuse to accept our downfalls, but demand everyone else does so with their own. But then, we come here expecting to find the type of person who wouldn't go to a dating site. Someone that's dripping with confidence, is the textbook definition of attractive, they're probably married by now. What are you going to find here? As a guy, you're pretty much going to find single mothers who have made a lot of bad choices in their past. Some are looking for someone to take care of them, while some finally grew up, and some are just done with the bs and want a decent person. But the popular cheerleader from high school, she's not going to be here. So when I'm here, I come with that realistic expectation.

Attraction: I invested a few years in studying psychology. While I'm not huge on it anymore, it's still an interest. I like knowing how people work, hence the question that caused you to be a**** I just personally disagree that physical attraction is as critical as people claim. Millions of examples of the exact opposite are happily married right now and having sex regularly, and enjoying it. There's a lot more than getting a boner behind a sexual attraction to someone. There's been tons of studies that show that an emotional attraction does commonly cause a sexual attraction. I also don't see dating as a fashion accessory. I'd rather have a girl who I want to spend all my time with than a girl that can be a model. Having both would be great, but it's not about wild sex all the time anymore, I want a family, so my focus is on the quality of person, not what she looks like... which is a pretty common way of thinking when you're looking for someone that can be that serious... Being hot kind of takes back seat to the quality of person.

Responding: You don't want to talk to me, fine. I don't care. But the point is kind of to talk to people. When you take on that approach of being overly selective, it kind of defeats the purpose of coming to this site. Have standards, but if you only answer 1 out of every 20 messages you get, you're not exactly going to find anyone. But that's your choice. Just don't expect people to know what was going on in your head. The whole "silence is an answer" is just bs. Silence is just for cowards that are afraid of confrontation, yet think they should be dating. Most guys will ASSUME that your silence meant your not interested, but to expect every guy to make that same assumption is dumb. Why did you get a follow-up email? Probably because there's a huge list of other reasons that he could have not gotten a response from you, that without saying so, nobody knows what you're thinking. Humans haven't mastered telepathy yet. And disappearing mid-conversation, same thing. If you can't tell some stranger on the internet that you're not interested, how are you going to address any issues at all with someone that you're actually dating? But there's one common argument for not answering that brings up the next one:

Harassing messages: I don't condone this at all. Unless you start it, then it's only fair that the other person says whatever they want back and you have to deal with that fact. Don't be a terrible person if you're not willing to get that same treatment back. But online, we also have this crazy superpower where we can just stop reading the message, or never open it at all. But you don't get to play victim that way.

The "nice guy:" This one is just fun. The same people who complain that they can never find a nice guy are claiming that the guys who act nice are really some jerk trying to get laid. That anyone who says they're nice are really jerks. Or if you're not a****to people, then you just let everyone walk all over and never stand up for yourself.

Now, again, am I allowed to just be curious about why the arbitrary height of exactly 5'10 is so common, and want to know what the significance of that exact height is?
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