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 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 1
Women's idea of a good datePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
This was part of a post on another thread:

I won't be offended if a bunch of ladies reading this speak up and give their view. y'know, that would be a good thread, ladies tell what they think a good date would be.

Since one-size does not fit all, I'm kind of curious also about the potential variety of ideas that women consider a good date. Also what constitutes a good date at different stages of a relationship, such as 'first meet', 'first date', 'in a committed relationship date'?

Some actual 'first meets' I enjoyed were:
- target practice/friendly competition at the indoor range
- kayaking along a slough
- kayaking on a large lake
- playing catch (ball and glove) at a park
- ballroom dancing at a 'social dance'

'first date':
- katamaran (sp?) sailing on a lake
- birdwatching at a HUGE local park he knew well - including where an owl was likely to be at sunset.

Except for the shooting (because we rented the gun/purchased the ammo), these were all $10 or less, most were free.
Except for the coffee and dessert purchased by the winner of the shooting competition (me), none involved purchasing food, especially a sit-down meal or Timmy's coffee.
 xlr8ingme
Joined: 11/29/2015
Msg: 2
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/3/2016 5:39:07 AM
Let me say that a first meet is not a date.

Shooting can be a lot of fun, but you really have to know a person with a loaded fire arm.
Camping out in the middle of no where is great, but you also have to trust the person you are with.
Same goes for hiking, kayaking, boating, or any other sport without a lot of people around.

I have come to find the winters here in Idaho to be frigid, and prefer to remain indoors till spring. Dave and Busters, bowling, playing a game of pool or darts, and going to the movies will always remain fun in my book. Walking around Cabelas's to see what common interest a date may share is also an entertaining time. I can spent hours in any sporting goods store.

In the past I was one never to want to spend much time at home, and was always on the go. Over this winter I have discovered a more calm, and quiet life style. I actually love cooking, and rediscovered watching the big screen. Staying in and simply having a conversation with someone I like suits me just fine as well.

Is it not about spending time with someone you like? I don't think its about what we end up doing, as long as its together.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 3
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/3/2016 11:17:21 AM
It really doesn't matter to me all that much. You either click or you don't. The overwhelming majority of the time you don't. All a nicely thought out date does really (while appreciated - don't get me wrong) is prolong the illusion that it's each other's company that you enjoy.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 4
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/3/2016 8:15:18 PM

It really doesn't matter to me all that much. You either click or you don't. The overwhelming majority of the time you don't. All a nicely thought out date does really (while appreciated - don't get me wrong) is prolong the illusion that it's each other's company that you enjoy.

Totally agree.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 5
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/3/2016 9:23:18 PM

It really doesn't matter to me all that much. You either click or you don't.

I get your point - there are the immediate "don't click" because they lied about something obvious (age, weight, height, physical infirmity), but there are also the initial "do click" when in a nice safe controlled situation like the coffee meet.

Most people can keep it together sufficiently to pass the initial 'interview'. I prefer a 'do something' first meet and first date that allows us to talk and get to know each other, but there's also something else going on that keeps it from being like an interview; something that provides lots of things to talk about, a bit of cover for nervousness, and sometimes a test of compatibility. How does he handle a poor shot (his own or mine)? How does he handle me being a better shot? Does he bark directions when I'm on the sail? How flexible is he and will he compromise where we paddle and how far? Is he instructive, pedantic, or condescending explaining all the different birds we see? But more so, does he have an imagination and take a little risk to plan more than the safe/vanilla coffee or food date?

Margo - thank you for your concern but the first meet was at an INDOOR range and with at least 20 bays there must have been between 40-70 people, ALL with loaded guns. That's probably the safest I've EVER felt on a first meet. The kayaking and sailing lakes were not in the wilderness, they're surrounded by houses so there were probably hundreds of people who could have been watching. Plus we were in separate kayaks so once we were on the water he was never even within arms reach. Do you actually know anyone who has gone camping for a first meet??
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 6
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/3/2016 9:39:56 PM
No, no active dates for me. A first date is not a time I'm interested in observing his personality peculiarities. This early in the game, I just want to drink, talk and laugh, see how conversation flows and see if there is a spark. Since I enjoy having a drink with absolutely anyone, male or female any age, it's my favorite first date as well.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 7
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 1:27:16 AM
An introductory meeting is limited to a 15-30 minute coffee date. (I never drink alcohol beverages on such a meet.)

A first date would entail a meal, a show, a journey through a museum or a park or a cultural event...or another continent...whatever piques our interest. I tend to bring an ethnic baked treat, on a first date, to show my appreciation for him (and diversity and culture), and it's what I do anyway. (Nearly every date has not only wanted to provide a meal, but a trinket representing appreciation -- and for culture and diversity -- as well.) We both bring our conversational skills.

If anything, it's an experience...
 Anand_scientist
Joined: 11/27/2015
Msg: 8
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 2:12:09 AM

A first date would entail a meal, a show, a journey through a museum or a park or a cultural event...or another continent...whatever piques our interest.


How about Andala Coffee House on Tuesday and Holland in April? ;)
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 9
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 2:48:28 AM
^^

Great plans! ;-)
 50ThousandAnd1
Joined: 12/28/2015
Msg: 10
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 5:15:01 AM
Coffee in a nice public coffeehouse + another activity if we clicked (in the past)
Depends on the weather too. In a cold winter, a walk inside a mall, in the warm weather, a walk in a very populated place. That would be a MEET.

A date can be anything!
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 11
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 7:48:17 AM

Let me say that a first meet is not a date.


I think it's about intent. If the purpose is determining any possible romantic interest, the first meeting with someone from OLD can be considered as a ( blind ) date. It's just often a casual date. From what I have seen, it's mostly people on the forums that call it a "meet and greet". To each their own.


You either click or you don't. The overwhelming majority of the time you don't.


Many times there won't be "instant chemistry" on a first date / meeting because the other person is a virtual stranger. Or at least one person might be somewhat nervous or shy at first. I do think sometimes chemistry can develop over time when you get to know each other better.

I don't think the first date meeting / has to be a "coffee date". It can be any relatively inexpensive activity. Mini golf, pool, bowling, Dave & Busters, festivals etc. Even if there isn't enough attraction / interest for another date, I can still enjoy the activity and make the most of it for about a hour or so.
BTW I realized the question was targeted at women. But anybody can reply. Just like the women who respond in the "Ask a Guy?" thread
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 12
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 9:03:20 AM
"You either click or you don't"

>>>well, let's take that a step further. Perhaps you and the fellow emailed for a while, found some common ground between the two of you. However, those are just words, so how would you know, when you meet in person, that you click? I think it would be more than just looking at him. I am guessing the two of you might do something together and go, "hmm, we seen to approach this the same way and find it the same kind of fun." For example, you two might compete in miniature golf or shooting, and find you are both laid back, competing to do better at your own score than to outscore the other person. or maybe one goofs, and they can laugh at it and you realize they are confident enough to laugh at themselves. Or maybe you two go someplace other dates haven't taken you before, and you are impressed with the creativity? Or maybe on the date , there is interaction with strangers and you think, "hey, that's how I am, too!"

or maybe I misread what "Click or don't" means? perhaps people "click differently"? I can understand the idea that a fun event might hide the fact there is little connection--I've had dates like that.
 BlackOnyx48
Joined: 12/6/2015
Msg: 13
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 9:31:11 AM
Reading thru all the comments, Message #6, I found a bit disturbing...

It would seem that you'd like to dissect everything he says or does, and then make judgements.
However, to achieve this, you would have to keep asking questions...which is always a red flag, men simply don't like women that talk to much.
And it's unbelievable that a man, would take a woman to a shooting range for a date...must be a cultural thing...
The Imagination/Safe date thing...Women that expect the elaborate...over the top date, too early...is usually disappointed...but that's not the guys fault...it's hers !!!
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 14
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History
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 9:31:47 AM
I love local craft fairs, museums, car shows. I like having some place you can walk around and have a conversation. I would save kayaking or another physical activity for when you know one another better.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 15
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History
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 10:18:02 AM
Some random thoughts, in no particular order.

“katamaran sailing” – very specialized activity, I’ve never been sailing in my life, and have no interest in learning. What percentage of the population has ever been sailing? Has to be well under 20%, maybe under 10%.

“Kayaking” (mentioned twice). I’ve never been, and once again I think the percentage of the general population who have ever tried is going to be pretty small. My impression is that you sit on your legs, knees folded under you? This would never work for those of us with bad knees.

“ballroom dancing” – I love dancing, even though I’m not very good at it. My observations are that a really small percentage (definitely under 10%) of the general population has ever learned to do “ballroom dancing”.

“target practice” – I would be up for this, but I would never suggest it for a first meet. There are far too many women who are utterly, adamantly opposed to firearms. I have had women ask me if I own guns, and refuse to meet me when I answered affirmatively. Maybe later on, after you know each other better?

“playing catch” – I actually like this idea. And it’s something that would not have occurred to me, so thanks for mentioning it. Hasn’t everyone, or almost everyone, played catch at some point in their life?

“birdwatching” – maybe. The first thing that comes to mind is from that great Jimmy Stewart / Maureen O’Hara movie, “Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation”, 1962. Based on that scenario, birdwatching does NOT sound so great for a first date!
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 16
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 10:20:16 AM
assuming it's after a first meet, I like a comedy club, nothing better than laughing together, then grab a coffee/tea after.
Now having a cane I'd get too tired doing this, but going to Playland and the rides is fun. but yeah now, too big a park for me to walk around. but for others, and that's something I wish I could still do.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 17
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History
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 10:45:59 AM

And it's unbelievable that a man, would take a woman to a shooting range for a date...must be a cultural thing...


I've already had half a dozen shooting range dates and I'm planning on more. You'd be surprised how many women are starting to dig this sport. OH ... RIGHT ... you're from New Yawk. You're right, it is a cultural thing.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 18
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 1:49:54 PM

Reading thru all the comments, Message #6, I found a bit disturbing...

I can see how you would. Your reading comprehension leaves something to be desired on this and other threads.


O'Henry - my list was of actual first meet/first dates that I found fun and illuminating. Only listed for purposes of 1) demonstrating that there are women who enjoy/prefer activities that are not coffee/drinks/food AND do not cost an arm and a leg, 2) there are a wide variety of activities that women may prefer but neither the man nor the woman think to even suggest it or take the risk to suggest it, and 3) provide some examples to get the thread rolling.

To me it is axiomatic that you wouldn't suggest a sailing or kayaking date if you don't have a sailboat or a kayak - but I live on an island in a part of the world where it seems every 3rd person owns a boat. Today I remembered another first meet I had at the guy's boat - this one was while it was on blocks at the boat yard. We sat on deck, he told me about all his plans for the boat, we chatted about all sorts of things not boat-related, watched other people working on their boats, watched the sun set; it was sort of fun in a weird non-traditional date kinda way.

To me it is axiomatic that you wouldn't suggest a shooting date to a woman who has already expressed she is adamantly opposed to firearms. But I used to have a pic on my profile (and Cowboy SAS listed as an interest) so the gentleman knew before writing to me that I was not opposed to target shooting.

I guess it boils down to proposing a non-traditional (i.e. food and beverage) date would require actually reading a profile (and for the other to have written a profile with something worth reading) and then having the guts to propose something non-traditional. From reading the forums it appears people would rather kvetch about the cost of dates and who pays for the dates than to find an alternative.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 19
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 2:06:33 PM

>>>well, let's take that a step further. Perhaps you and the fellow emailed for a while, found some common ground between the two of you. However, those are just words, so how would you know, when you meet in person, that you click? I think it would be more than just looking at him. I am guessing the two of you might do something together and go, "hmm, we seen to approach this the same way and find it the same kind of fun." For example, you two might compete in miniature golf or shooting, and find you are both laid back, competing to do better at your own score than to outscore the other person. or maybe one goofs, and they can laugh at it and you realize they are confident enough to laugh at themselves. Or maybe you two go someplace other dates haven't taken you before, and you are impressed with the creativity? Or maybe on the date , there is interaction with strangers and you think, "hey, that's how I am, too!"

This +1
 BlackOnyx48
Joined: 12/6/2015
Msg: 20
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 2:26:58 PM
I read just fine, I was trying to avoid telling you how prententious you are...oop's !!!
 nightryder111
Joined: 12/18/2015
Msg: 21
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 2:40:19 PM
^^^^ "pretentious"?? I think you should look up the meaning of that big word before you use it next time.

I liked the suggestions in post #6, not costly and gives a couple something to do instead of staring at each other and playing 20 Questions at Starbucks. Do some fun things like wandering a Farmers Market, a gallery stroll, browse Chapters or haunt the aisles at Lowe's. Simple and easy.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 22
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 3:16:47 PM
CynthiaSM- I feel like the odd one out on this subject some of the time because, IMO, the insistence on differentiating that a first meet is just a meet and a second date is a date to be semantics and kind of bs.
The definition of date is a social meeting or engagement, so to me, a first meet IS a date.
It feels like a cop out to me that SO many people want to nit pick and insist on calling a duck anything other than a duck.
That way if it doesn't go well, they don't have to say they had an unsuccessful date, all is well because it was just a meet.
Uh huh, right.
It was a date, it didn't go well or it did, but it's a date.
ok, so now that I am done with that little rant (sorry, been wanting to get THAT off my chest for a while)...........
To me a successful date is more about how you feel on the date and when it's over than what you did.
If it's a bad date, you don't feel good during or after and don't go there again.
if it's a good date, there was chemistry, good converstaion and enough of a good feeling, over all, to schedule another one.
 InstructionalProducer
Joined: 7/28/2015
Msg: 23
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 4:11:33 PM
Bamagrl - you hit the nail on the head. Mirriam Webster agrees with your definition of a "date" so I will concur as well. It's a "lipstick on a pig" method to call a first meeting anything but a date.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 24
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 6:33:48 PM

haunt the aisles at Lowe's

Now that's a date I'm not showing up for. We'll do plenty of Lowe's aisle browsing when we're married with kids... on a first meet I hope to do something more fun and romantic.
 nightryder111
Joined: 12/18/2015
Msg: 25
Women's idea of a good date
Posted: 1/4/2016 6:56:13 PM
Lowe's has everything from garden products to and including everything you need to build your love nest. I think it would be very romantic selecting colors for your bedroom or kitchen cabinets or what type of plants to put around the hot tub. What if you're a hardwood floor girl and he is a carpet guy? Better o find out the red flags right off the bat,

You can find fun and romance damn near anywhere if you have imagination, inclination and the will. If not, you are boring.

BTW, it's a first or second date/meet so why are you planning marriage and kids? This seems silly.
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