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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?      Home login  
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 Lakesidegemini
Joined: 9/3/2015
Msg: 1
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I am repeatedly meeting men for a first date-coffee, wine or dinner and having them go on for a length of time about the woman/women they previously dated or lived with that they were so attractive, so successful, made so much money, had such a beautiful house, were crazy about them , etc.
Even if all else has been going well , once I have to listen to this for more than a few minutes I am totally turned off the man.
I can't tell what is the purpose of doing this in their mind?
 Trevork52
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 2
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/9/2016 6:34:02 AM
Covering all bases I see! I rather think any man in your life should simply be counting his blessings rather than what amounts talking his way out of it!
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 3
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/9/2016 6:35:02 AM
Repeatedly? When something keeps happening repeatedly, a big clue to the mystery can usually be found in the closest mirror. I have a feeling maybe the counselor in you is somehow bringing it out in them?.

^^^^^^Just a guess of course.
 Lakesidegemini
Joined: 9/3/2015
Msg: 4
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/9/2016 6:43:34 AM
Many times its within the first 5 minutes. I am honestly puzzled
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 5
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/9/2016 7:01:50 AM
One of the big mistakes both men and women do on a first date is bagging on the ex. At a guess, I'd say this is the guy showing he doesn't do that. Maybe even that he'll say nice things about you if you're ever in that category.
 50ThousandAnd2
Joined: 1/5/2016
Msg: 6
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/9/2016 7:10:47 AM
OP, IMO, a 1st meet/date is or should be for the purpose of you & tour date learning about each other.

He should be attentive to YOU asking about YOU, trying to get to know YOU & vice versa.

Pontificating about an ex or exes is a huge no-no.

It is one thing if an ex or 2 is mentioned fleetingly in passing if going through a chronological past history, but when they go on about it, it is a very bad sign.

I replied to your question in another thread:


To "neg" you, so that you feel less than you are & therefore if you are even a tad bit insecure, they can manipulate you into something OR they are clueless.

If a man does that, why not just get up & leave? No explanation, just stand up & walk out!!!


IMO, even if we do not take into account your age, you are quite beautiful & may be attracting players, who use the "neg". If not a player, a man may be intimidated by you, so by bringing up some past "wonderful" woman, he may feel he is showing you that he has had someone up to par w/ you.

Regardless of a man's reasons for doing so, the behavior you describe is a huge red flag. Please seriously consider WALKING OUT, even if in the middle of a meal if it happens again.

Best of luck to you, OP.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 7
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/9/2016 9:21:45 AM

seriously consider WALKING OUT, even if in the middle of a meal


Wow! Have you ever walked out during a meal because your date talked about his prior relationships? Any warning beforehand?

I recall 3 dates complaining about their past relationships during our first get together.

That didn't bother me. I still remember what they had to say: one guy taught pornography at a college and had an affair with her best friend, one taught at a Catholic school and had an affair with a 16 year old student, one, her ex was dying - that brought a smile to her face.

Boring? Inappropriate? I didn't think so.

I did learn a bit about the one who smiled broadly while mentioning her ex-husband's soon departure.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 8
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/9/2016 9:47:08 AM

Wow! Have you ever walked out during a meal because your date talked about his prior relationships? Any warning beforehand?


Well, this isn't exactly the same thing about which the OP is complaining. What you experienced was simple kvetching about prior relationships. Happens a lot. Not putting a best foot forward, for sure, but tolerable up to a point.

The OP is running into dates who incessantly brag about prior relationships. I think this is much more off-putting. I also think the OP has experienced a run of guys who felt insecure around her. If I were her, I'd carefully reexamine these encounters and see if there was a common denominator, perhaps a trigger, that got the tactless ball rolling.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 9
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/9/2016 2:41:31 PM
Have you ever asked any of them to explain themselves?
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 10
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/9/2016 3:11:58 PM
You are very pretty and accomplished. Perhaps some of these men are a bit nervous upon meeting you and talk about these past "great" relationships to show you that they are capable of attracting beautiful, accomplished women, but the point is these prior relationships failed. It seems to be their own insecurity.

On the other hand, at least they are talking in positive terms about women they have dated before. I have met many men who talk about the ex and seem very angry. That makes me wonder if they really respect women.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 11
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/9/2016 3:44:39 PM
I imagine it's usually in hopes of making you think they are better than you might think by just looking at them. Also it might be a hope that you would marvel at the thought of them wanting to meet you when in fact they could be getting busy with Beyonce or a Kardashian.
 actualizing
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 12
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/9/2016 5:59:07 PM
Yes, this has happened to me too OP. I think that it speaks of nervousness or insecurity and hopefully, the conversation moves onto other more important things. I agree it's a turn-off.
 Cedar4991
Joined: 8/17/2015
Msg: 13
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/9/2016 9:08:02 PM
Good question. Even I'm clueless about my fellow men sometimes.
I guess it's partly to make themselves feel secure since they no longer see who they used to date before you came in. Maybe something you do or your appearence reminds them of their old dates. All I know is, that's typically a big no-no to talk about exes.
 LuvFishes
Joined: 7/1/2011
Msg: 14
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/9/2016 11:49:19 PM
OP count it as a blessing to know instantly. Saves you from it occurring later down the road after investing time, energy and emotions. I just happen to think many men feels like they are trying to be brutally honest. And it just sends red flags for me. I have to access whether despite this HUGE no no... do I genuinely like them enough to move threw this or call it a day. And the longer (time) they have been unattached... do the whale of tales come rolling out of their mouths.
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 15
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/10/2016 4:38:58 PM
Because there is no Ms. Manners for online dating...they simply have no clue what to do and so they just let their nervous excitement get the best of them. It is definitely them trying to talk themselves up
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 16
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/10/2016 6:21:47 PM
OP, if a guy brags about women from his past it could give you some insight into how he views women....

Maybe he views women as conquests and is always moving to his next "big challenge". Maybe he sees you that way too. Sounds as if you chose not to be his next conquest and I say good for you.
 grover14
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 17
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/11/2016 9:28:59 AM
Reason one: He's not over the ex, and is still hurting.

Reason two: He's an idiot and immature.
 ShowBoatSupreme
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 18
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/13/2016 5:08:57 PM
Definitely not a gender specific issue.

I sometimes hear about her ex's 6 figure job occupation.

My response?

Nice! How did that work out for you?
 GuitarJoey
Joined: 8/19/2015
Msg: 19
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/13/2016 6:27:56 PM

lakesidegemini says...

I am repeatedly meeting men for a first date-coffee, wine or dinner and having them go on for a length of time about the woman/women they previously dated or lived with that they were so attractive, so successful, made so much money, had such a beautiful house, were crazy about them , etc.


Your response should be, "Oh, how nice. Why don't you give her a call right now since you're obviously not over her?"

I don't ever bring up exes on 1st dates, unless I'm asked specifically about them. Even then, I'm reluctant to say much. I just don't think it's appropriate. No one ever really cares about your ex unless it's the parent of your children, and then they just want to know how much drama they're getting themselves into.

Anyone who talks openly about their ex probably isn't over them, and has no business dating until they have moved on.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 20
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/15/2016 5:05:22 AM
I have done similar. Because my kids are still school age some men think that I am looking for a dad, a house and money for them.

I let them know that their dad is well off and is a good dad as far as that is concerned.

Maybe I shouldn't?
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 21
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/16/2016 3:04:03 AM

Wow! Have you ever walked out during a meal because your date talked about his prior relationships? Any warning beforehand?



On initial meets, the date should know better than to carry on about an ex (e.g. she is a mental case, a ****, a whore, she took everything from me, I gave her everything, I want you to know that she is still in my life but we are just friends, I consult with her about my dates, I still live with her but in separate rooms) in the presence of a woman he wants to impress. His focus should be on her, asking about her interests and opinions (and not looking for validation about problems with the ex), keeping in mind on what he can and should do to show her that he feels this way. He should be attentive to her and engaged in her company.

Yes, I have walked out because of such a situation. I was tired of hearing him lament about his ex, and it was the first date! He should not have asked me on a date without knowing how to properly date somebody and being emotionally prepared for it. It wasn't my job to teach to him how to do this.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 22
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/16/2016 3:05:14 AM



Your response should be, "Oh, how nice. Why don't you give her a call right now since you're obviously not over her?"

I don't ever bring up exes on 1st dates, unless I'm asked specifically about them. Even then, I'm reluctant to say much. I just don't think it's appropriate. No one ever really cares about your ex unless it's the parent of your children, and then they just want to know how much drama they're getting themselves into.

Anyone who talks openly about their ex probably isn't over them, and has no business dating until they have moved on.


Absolutely.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 23
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Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/16/2016 8:17:00 AM

I am repeatedly meeting men for a first date-coffee, wine or dinner and having them go on for a length of time about the woman/women they previously dated or lived with that they were so attractive, so successful, made so much money, had such a beautiful house, were crazy about them , etc.


Generally, people tend to amuse me.

I would have asked questions, "so do you think she was out of your league?" "What made you two break up?" "How do I compare to her?"

I would just curious to see his response.

It's a dumb thing to do to talk about any exes, it can be amusing to listen to it. And it tells you a lot about their mindset.

I don't think such a man really has a purpose in mind when bragging about exes.
 ShowBoatSupreme
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 24
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/16/2016 8:26:39 AM
I actually had a gal show me a pic of her ex, unsolicited by me, and then ask to see a pic of mine.

I declined.

The whole vibe I got from that transaction was, I'm a great catch compared to you and I have a picture to prove it

Perhaps the most crass and vile behavior I've ever observed.

I guess I could have countered by comparing tax returns, but I held back...
 maybeebaybee1
Joined: 1/3/2016
Msg: 25
Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?
Posted: 1/20/2016 8:16:51 AM
That has happened to me several times ... completely unprovoked by me. He just started talking about his ex, how hot she was, how she was a yoga instructor, how great sex was [yes, he went there too]. When he finally stopped, I asked him why he wasn't still with her because he seemed to like her a LOT.

He told me she wouldn't leave her husband ...
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Why would a guy brag about ex women on 1st date?