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 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 2
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Women taking the lead?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

But what if you've been dating for a few months and he starts seeming distant, does the thinking change?


Do your own thing and don't text him. Let him initiate.

Stupid, stupid thinking.
Why should he initiate? Maybe after a few MONTHS of having to do all the initializing, he's a little sick and tired of it.

In previous dates, how much input did you supply? Did you ever point him in a direction to do something you liked? What effort have YOU put forth in planning? Did you ever provide positive feedback, or some sort of gratitude for his effort? How much did the both of you communicate? Did you ever pay for a date, or at least your share?

If you haven't planned a date - Why?!? Are you afraid of stealing his manhood or something? Guys like taking charge, to be sure - but it take a special kind of azzhat to be completely ignorant of your input for that long of a time.

Sure, let the guy initiate the FIRST conversation - but that was already MONTHS ago! What about the 2nd or 3rd or 23rd time you've talked - who started THAT convo? Do you have a spine? Do you have your own ideas? Good, God, woman - make them known! It's a real pet peeve of mine dealing with women who are stuck permanently in "Reply Only" mode - they won't make any effort to communicate unless I say something first. If there appears to be zero initiative coming from the other side, after a while, it reads as lazy or apathetic, not being 'patient' or still being interested or anything positive.

It's like ordering up a movie from a vending machine - if the only way there is ANY entertainment is if you order it, and pay for it, and nothing happens when you don't ---- then you're going to get treated like a vending machine - and left out in the cold indefinitely - because there's dozen of other vending machines doing the exact same thing.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/1/2015
Msg: 3
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Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/15/2016 4:05:12 PM
I can't imagine a scenario whereby I would be dating a man for several months and have to ask to see him.

I would expect it to be more like "what are we doing this weekend?", not "can I see you this weekend?".
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 4
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/15/2016 4:09:40 PM
Ms. SDblondie.....based on my experience....if you are asking this question after dating a few months....then he's not the one for you nor you him.

I would suggest not putting all your eggs in that particular basket.

Good luck! :)
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 5
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Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/15/2016 4:12:23 PM
Gotta agree with Deb on this. I generally make the first move in interested in a guy. I couldn't fathom "dating"a guy for a few months and then him going "distant". Never mind trying to plan a date, just call him out and ask what is going on.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 6
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/15/2016 8:23:52 PM

Do your own thing and don't text him. Let him initiate.


I disagree. Nothing wrong with a woman sometimes initiating contact. Maybe a man thinks a woman wasn't interested because she never or rarely made first contact after a date or a previous conversation.
 Long_Shot_Kick_D_Bucket
Joined: 11/15/2015
Msg: 7
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/15/2016 9:39:37 PM
Why not initiate a date? I think it's a breath of fresh air for a woman to ask me out and plan a date. Why? I've been talking to a woman since November and being that it was the holidays, families, and vacations we've been trying to get a meet and greet going. Last Monday I was going to call her when I got home from work and do the proper "guy thing" and ask her out this weekend. She beat me to the punch and asked me out a little before then. I didn't feel emasculated, rather I felt good because there is true interest being shown by her.

Women taking the backseat and letting the man do ALL the asking and planning gets really old really fast. It shows me there is no mutuality in the relationship; they are just there for the ride. Not contacting you for a few days makes me feel he is playing the childish "she loves me loves me not game!" Ask him out and if he has an excuse as to why he can't go and does not offer another date to when, then I would question his motives. If he says yes, well there is still interest.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 8
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Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/16/2016 1:58:03 AM
if you have been dating for a few months whatever that means, then I would be asking him why he is being distant. I am assuming that you have been intimate at some point and I would be wanting to know the state of play for sure. I would call him but not necessarily suggest a date. If he is vague and does not suggest a date, I would be moving on.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 9
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/16/2016 2:05:47 AM

Stupid, stupid thinking.


Rude.


Why should he initiate?


He doesn't have to much in the same way I don't have to intiate an e-mail.

And no, I don't initiate contact. If a man is interested, he'll contact me and we can continue from there.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 10
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/16/2016 2:11:40 AM

Women taking the backseat and letting the man do ALL the asking and planning gets really old really fast.


A man doesn't have to do all of the date planning. A proper date would initiate contact with the woman, express interest and inspire interest. If she consent, he then invites her to dinner and asks her what she'd like to do and where that makes her comfortable. Where is she taking the backseat when she is taking the driver's seat and in the direction she wants to go -- a proper date.

This situation works for me. You may do what works for you.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 11
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/16/2016 7:48:58 AM
I, also, agree with gcdeb on this one. After several months of dating this isn't a question of "taking the lead" to ask the other for a date. If he's gone silent then my question to him wouldn't be "can we go out this weekend?" it would be "you ok?"

We've all heard the saying "she chased him until he caught her." I think you're in "he ran until she tripped."
 Long_Shot_Kick_D_Bucket
Joined: 11/15/2015
Msg: 12
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/16/2016 9:03:30 AM

A man doesn't have to do all of the date planning. A proper date would initiate contact with the woman, express interest and inspire interest. If she consent, he then invites her to dinner and asks her what she'd like to do and where that makes her comfortable. Where is she taking the backseat when she is taking the driver's seat and in the direction she wants to go -- a proper date.


Love the sarcasm!!
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 13
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/16/2016 1:13:19 PM

If a man is interested, he'll contact me and we can continue from there.


Not true all the time though. For example, I went on a date with a woman. After the date, I felt that she wasn't interested. Thus I didn't contact her. However a couple of days later she sent me an text stating she had a great time and wanted to go out again. Eventually we did have another date. Having said that, the opposite scenario is more common for me though. I contact a woman after a date and she either doesn't respond or tells there was "no chemistry" or keeps making excuses about why she's not available for another date with any counter offer.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 14
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/16/2016 1:21:06 PM

I can't imagine a scenario whereby I would be dating a man for several months and have to ask to see him.

I would expect it to be more like "what are we doing this weekend?", not "can I see you this weekend?".

Exactly. Once dating for a while IME it's assumed you will be doing stuff together unless one of you has plans in advance to do something else on a particular weekend (travel, hang out with friends, work, whatever) then it's brought up: "I know we usually do something on weekends but weekend after next I have plans to do this..."
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 16
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/17/2016 12:22:34 PM
I will also add in my experience women will often want a man to initiate contact when they are unsure of his interest level or when they are taking the next step in the relationship. Becoming exclusive, sex for the first time etc. Not necessarily saying that's true for all or most women in general. But it often was true for the women that I have dated.
 gfe0787
Joined: 12/17/2015
Msg: 17
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/17/2016 2:08:58 PM
Personally, I prefer for the man to take the initiative in asking me out bc I am terribly shy lol. I don't see a problem if other women make the first move. If you want to, go ahead....but if he has been distant for some time....well, that's a sign. It's like that phrase, 'If he cares, nothing will keep him away. If he doesn't care, nothing will make him stay'. If he's into you, he will contact you. If he doesn't, then he might not be as into you as you thought. I'd suggest focusing your energy on other things- work, family, friends, hobbies, or even going on dates with other men. Unless it's been confirmed that both parties are exclusive and in a committed relationship- you are free to talk to other men. And maybe he is talking to other ladies...which would explain why he has been distant :) I might be wrong, but something to think about. Good luck!
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 18
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/17/2016 7:19:12 PM
If you've been dating for a few months and you don't feel comfortable reaching out to him first, there's a problem.

Perhaps you are referring to something that's sometimes called "the switch," when the pursuer (man) cools off a bit and the pursued (woman) becomes more active. It can be confusing and painful to the woman... especially if she struggles with abandonment issues, these are triggered. My late grandma described it as "very not very pleasant." But it's a normal thing. A few months into it, you should be comfortable reaching out and asking how he's doing, when he thinks he can hang out again, suggest something to do, but without being negative or dramatic. And then, be able to hold back and wait.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 19
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Women taking the lead?
Posted: 1/17/2016 11:34:22 PM
Oh yes!! The bait and switch. Both sexes can fall victim to that. The other person has issues of intimacy, fear of abandonment and when things get too close they disappear. Or they have other irons in the fire. Then they come back again and so the cycle repeats until one decides they want out.

A healthy attachment is where both parties want equally to be together and I would not bother with anything that is not even in that way.

 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 20
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Women taking the lead?
Posted: 12/1/2016 7:54:57 PM
despite many years of women making progression in society at large, women still stubbornly, adamantly, continue to play the passive role in the dating/mating game.
 ebolakitty
Joined: 3/19/2016
Msg: 21
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 12/2/2016 2:16:55 AM
I don't know about taking the lead exactly but chasing him for contact is the only way to go for a woman and from the very start. No song and dance about how free you are or how it isn't fair or any crap about ratios. A more practical reason: Any guy worth having is being vigorously hunted by a dozen other women. Get there firstest with the mostest. If fidelity is important to you then you need to be there on scene as close to 24/7 as you can. Otherwise, you get stuck with some clown that takes months to screw up the courage to buy you a candy heart and wishes you would make the first move one day.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 22
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 12/2/2016 5:23:02 AM
"despite many years of women making progression in society at large, women still stubbornly, adamantly, continue to play the passive role in the dating/mating game." huh?
Is this the newest nice guy lament? Being selective re who you go after doesn't make you passive.
Love candy hearts even tho they burn your tongue
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 23
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Women taking the lead?
Posted: 12/2/2016 6:36:31 AM
This is an old thread but hey it is still 2016. If I want to see someone I call them. A few days is nothing. It's a hiccup. Why would no contact for 2 or 3 days mean anything. FFS people think they need to be glued at the hip. This is supposed to be "seeming distant"? That's so immature. Grow Up. I don't plan dates per se.. I just call him and tell him I'm horny and he usually shows up with flowers that night or the next day.
Why people complicate romance so much is beyond me. If you are intimate and seeing each other on the regular why would anyone have to "take the lead"? After 3 months it should be a mutual desire and not something you question or you are doing it wrong.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 24
Women taking the lead?
Posted: 12/2/2016 6:39:52 AM

women still stubbornly, adamantly, continue to play the passive role in the dating/mating game.


Not what I observed since childhood. I believe girls and women make the first move more often than boys and men do. They certainly were more aggressive than I ever was (except when I was a teenager selling magazine subscriptions door-to-door).

I preferred the women making the first move at the single's dances I used to go to. If I was interested in them, it made everything a lot easier. Plus I got to have sex with attractive women that were way out of my league. I never would have approached any of them thinking I didn't have a chance. A lot of beautiful women weren't too picky and definitely not passive.

Perhaps they're only that way in the northeastern states, South Carolina and Florida. Oh, I almost forgot about Kentucky.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 25
Women taking the steal?
Posted: 12/2/2016 8:03:13 AM
Watched this last night:

http://www.cc.com/full-episodes/rfft2t/-midnight-with-chris-hardwick-extended---thursday--december-1--2016---uncensored-season-4-ep-4031

Don't know if anyone else thinks Kristen Schaal is cute, I did when she was on the Daily Show. But boy, no one on the show I linked to, could keep their hands to themselves. I'm going to agree with Ben, but I grew up in a similar area where there weren't Jesus freaks to tell kids that what the farm animals did every spring was sinful. Tho some girls did make that first move so subtlely. If they were interested in us, they'd ask questions about us, get to know us, let us get to know more about them (the opposite of the ice queen shut-us-out routine) and we'd might realize we like what we saw.

Other farmer's daughters, they weren't so subtle. They initiated the grabassin'. The famous tickle fight routine, where if we didn't react they could cover themselves by claiming hey, it was just a tickle, I wasn't trying to move on you, relax, jeez.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 26
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Women taking the steal?
Posted: 12/2/2016 5:12:02 PM
Meh....women put themselves in a position to be noticed and also to gather info on a guy. When they decide they want you, the pretty much sit in your lap....that is, being within a foot of you - intimate space, not just conversation space. They watch your reaction. If you're still watching your phone, or TV, or computer, they quiz you on what's so important.

= This is the same reason women always stand in front of the TV = They want you to pay attention.

Women tend to take the lead when they believe a man is in their pocket. Maybe a few dates, maybe none at all. Their evaluation is over and they've determined that you are interested and now they can do whatever they want, so they start giving instructions - they take the lead.
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 27
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Women taking the lead?
Posted: 12/2/2016 11:54:32 PM
"C'mon...women will never, ever, ever, ever and ever approach a guy! Period! It's not her role to do that despite the progression women have made in society at large; i.e., salary, jobs, positions, women in military, etc...Gentlemen, regardless if a woman is a CEO of company, a government official, 5 star General, department head in a company, women are still women. You can't change that. It's your inner strength, your character, your personality. It's demonstrating you have high value, are self-amused, your value doesn't come from women but from your own life!"
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