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 Dances_With_Dates
Joined: 1/15/2014
Msg: 1
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Hi all,

If anybody has a few minutes to spare I would be grateful if you could take a quick glance at my profile and even better if you could spare me your thoughts about it.

My profile is http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=68027641 and all comments will be much appreciated.

Many thanks in advance for your time.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 2
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Posted: 2/5/2016 12:56:59 AM
Hi OP,
It's really long... Can be simplified... I have some thoughts but will share tomorrow.
 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 3
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Posted: 2/5/2016 1:32:52 AM
Hi Tony,
First things first, the photos kinda suck. The main is bad quality and you're not smiling. Delete all the bad mirror selfies since you're not a teenager. The hat pic isn't too bad but it's not great. You really need a whole new set of pics that show you AT YOUR BEST.

Headline isn't good, this is the first impression they get of you when browsing. Better to put something to draw them in.

Hedonist personality type may suggest you're looking for ONS etc. Username also not great, suggests you're not taking it seriously.

Profession consultant is a bit broad. Consultant doctor? IT consultant? PM advisor?

First paragraph, delete, no need for it at all.

The next 2 paragraphs are unoriginal jokes and sexual innuendo. Not a good idea for a profile.

It all sounds a bit like you're trying too hard. Most of the jokes you make have been done to death on here. A lot of it wouldn't be out of place on the profile of a teenager looking for NSA fun. It's all a bit PUA / cheesy trying to get in your pants chat up lines. This kind of thing simply doesn't work on women who have been here for more than a week and are looking for a relationship.
 tennistown
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 4
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Posted: 2/5/2016 6:07:24 AM

if you could spare me your thoughts




Two things.
One I like, the other I don't.


Dances_With_Dates.
Lot's of women like to dance
I would place that "Username"
as a positive, in your favor.

What a good movie "Dances with Wolves" was.
Western, Kevin Costner. Though it was a long movie,
much like your profile. Both could use some shortening.





I am a master procrastinator. And you know what they say about that? Procrastination is like masturbation. It feels good at the time but in the end you are only screwing yourself!



The third paragraph of your "About Me"
is waaay too soon for a masturbation joke.

I bet you are one of the few,
that has joined the Mile High Club,
as a soloist.

Good luck!
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 5
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Posted: 2/5/2016 7:25:24 AM
Wow, you sure do sound like a horny old goat. That's just too much at this point.

The paragraph on communication/listening is duplicated info and can go. The next line about relationships can go. (Falls under the obvious clause).

Perhaps instead of the word 'fat' you could use 'thick' to complete the pairings of 'opposite' words.

I'd probably not shorten it up too much further as you do say you are looking for conversation and you offer a lot of 'starters'. You just need to clean up some of the ick factor.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 6
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Posted: 2/5/2016 7:34:53 AM
Your main looks as if it was taken 6-7 years and 20 pounds ago. I can see the difference in the neck. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's my impression.

One of the things I really disliked about profiles was the feeling of having been suckered in. Bait and switch. The main picture was obviously taken some time ago and the rest of the photo lineup said "well, here I am now". Hated that. Instant turnoff; instant "next".
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 7
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Posted: 2/5/2016 8:02:49 AM
Reads more like a blog than a dating profile
The line " screwing yourself" can go ASAP. Bad visual to attach when you are trying to get a date.
Too much fluff and a few too many cliches. Partner in Crime? You planning a heist?
The photos all seem to have been taken same day
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 8
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Posted: 2/5/2016 8:57:17 AM

Profiles are like opinions which are like..... Well I am sure that we all know what people say about opinions so I won't bore you with a string of adjectives. I am, to put it succinctly, whatever you make of me.


You're boring me with this. DELETE.


Self proclaimed lover, poet, actor and all round good guy, but not too good! I am a man of paradoxes and intrigue. I was once told by someone (Allegedly a friend but I have my doubts!) that I have at least eighteen different personalities of which four or so are probably insane. Can you guess which four? I think that you will be pleasantly surprised!


Red flag deluxe.


I am a master procrastinator. And you know what they say about that? Procrastination is like masturbation. It feels good at the time but in the end you are only screwing yourself!


...which is pretty much what you're doing with your dating life by this published piece of monstrosity.


Open, honest, adventurous and willing to try anything new. Intelligent with a sharp wit and dry sense of humour and a cheeky side. I can hold a good conversation but am also a good listener and put people at ease.


I enjoy all kinds of music, films (Even the odd chick flick!), theatre, cooking, food (Anything - you have been warned!), dancing and indulging in the odd drink or two (A bottle counts as 'a' drink - right?). I like anything from simple country pubs to posh restaurants, lazy days in to busy days out, walks in the woods to fun on the beach (Minds out of the gutter please!). I enjoy anything (Whatever you are thinking its not that, well, maybe it is!) with the right company and am always looking for new experiences to share.

I dance, both ballroom and Latin (Just like Patrick Swayze........ or at the very least a close approximation), shake a mean****ail, cook, spend far too much time in garden centres (Planning my waterfall!), enjoy music, films and walking and can put shelves up without them falling down (Good with my hands apparently!). I am willing to try pretty much anything and there is a long list of things that I have always wanted to do so you are most welcome to introduce me to new experiences.


Condense into one, succinct paragraph about yourself.

Don't include what you would like to do; list what you already do and mention that you're open to new experiences -- in a separate paragraph about your interests.


Unfortunately I am afraid that due to the lack of a partner in crime the closest that I get to exercise is the odd dance class. That is unless you count getting out of bed, chasing off vagrants or fighting crime (Disclaimer: I may not actually be a super hero crime fighter!).


What the hell is this? Partner in Crime? She is out dating, working, and you're here, lamenting about how you lack of a love interest and a life of crime?



I can do impressions of Arnold Swartznegger, Forrest Gump, the Thunderbirds, Billy Connelly, Jack Nicholson, Mick Jagger, and a drunk person (Although in retrospect that might just be me!). Due to unfortunate events I have had to retire my party piece Jimmy Saville impression. Suffice to say that it doesn't seem to go down well at all. Not well at all......

I can hold a conversation and I am a good listener. I am extremely open minded and appreciate new experiences and new ideas and will try just about anything new. I take pride in my appearance and as such I like to look professional in the workplace yet am casual and easy going appreciating that sometimes it is important to just relax and go with the flow.


Condense.



I am open and transparent and I have no problems in sharing. Relationships should be simple, easy and above all fun.


They aren't. Their survival is contingent upon mutual respect and trust, values which are not "simple, easy, and fun." It sounds like you want a playground and not a partner.


I can't tell you who I am looking for but I do know what I want (Aside from a yacht and an Aston Martin!). I am expecting intelligence and wit. Someone who can hold a conversation and can excite my mind as well as my body. I am open to all. Tall or short, fat or thin, black or white, blonde or brunette, rich or poor, confident or shy and anything in between. I am not easy but nor will I judge you for anything other than the person that you are. I am happy and confident with who I am as you will be with yourself.

Ultimately I would like someone who can hold a conversation and can give as good as she gets, who will laugh at my jokes (Even the not so funny ones), is independent yet will allow me to look after her from time to time, will cuddle me when I am feeling down, make me chicken soup when I am feeling ill and just make me happy with her smile. I offer the same in return. I can make a mean hot toddy when you are feeling under the weather and will hold your hand when you are scared although I must warn you that doesn't make me a pushover!


Condense this into a last paragraph about whom you seek and what you have to offer. Make sure it's balanced expository, otherwise it might seem you expect more than you're willing to offer.


I won't claim to be Mr Right but I am seldom Mr Wrong so basically you have nothing to lose by messaging me!


Don't invite people to write to you.

You need three, organized paragraphs in your profile about you; your interests and an anecdote about those interests; and ending it with whom you seek in general and what you have to offer them. Don't include sexual innuendo, sex humor, or anything that can potentially discourage a prospective date from contacting you.

Stay away from crutch" words, cliches, sex humor , projections and forecasting, and sexually suggestive phrases.

Watch for transitions in your paragraphing.

I don't get some of your colloquial humor and the cultural context in which it's applied; but that's ok, people in your area will catch onto it.

Include clear, bright photos of yourself in your photos.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 9
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Posted: 2/5/2016 9:04:40 AM

I bet you are one of the few,
that has joined the Mile High Club,
as a soloist.


I'd say so...
 Dances_With_Dates
Joined: 1/15/2014
Msg: 10
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Posted: 2/5/2016 9:59:25 AM
Some good feedback. Thanks folks.

The photos are all fairly recent and just the perspective has changed. Admittedly they could be better so I need to work out how to get them done without looking like a selfie.

The procrastination thing isn't about sex or masturbation at all but I get the point that it could be misinterpreted. I think that it may be a cultural thing. Likewise the partner in crime is a very common saying for someone's other half in the UK so this probably gets lost in translation.

The rest all seem good calls and easily fixable so I will mull them over and try to come up with an improved version over the weekend.

Cheers.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 11
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Posted: 2/5/2016 10:02:54 AM
No not lost in Translation - approximately 1 million profiles contain that exact same wording.. so it comes off as a cliche.
" back to my igloo to poach seal blubber for supper"
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/1/2015
Msg: 12
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Posted: 2/5/2016 12:30:49 PM

No not lost in Translation - approximately 1 million profiles contain that exact same wording.
This. I see it so often I can't my eyes roll automatically and I just can't bring myself to read any further. Seriously. That and "message me, I don't bite - well not unless you want me to". Instant interest killers. Instant.

I love a profile where the sense of humour shines through and yours does that, BUT, overall it comes across as trying too hard. If you could tone that down a little and let some of the genuine you show as well, you'd be on the right track.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/1/2015
Msg: 13
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Posted: 2/5/2016 12:33:51 PM
I don't care about what time someone read my message or viewed my profile, I don't care that I can't block other people's profiles so I can't see them, I don't care about a lot of things that other people complain about, but I soooo wish I could always be able to edit my posts to fix typos! I hate typos :(
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 14
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Posted: 2/5/2016 12:36:11 PM
My suggestion would be to somewhat SHORTEN the profile to make it faster and easier to read.
That is all I have got for right now.
 tennistown
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 15
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Posted: 2/5/2016 1:45:45 PM

Posted By: Dances_With_Dates
The photos are all fairly recent




They look like it, except
for the black and white "Main."

Hey! You look like a young Tony Bennett
in that photo! No chubby cheeks,
like in all your "other" photos.



When you begin your editing,
take another look at this sentence. . . .

indulging in the odd drink or two (A bottle counts as 'a' drink - right?).


It gives off an alcoholically charged element
you might wish to avoid, in your introductory
dating profile's "first impression" category.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 16
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Posted: 2/5/2016 4:37:31 PM
All you guys purport to be the good guy, honest, humourous etc. and so many are not that!! Proof is in the eating of the pudding.

TMI!!
The profile is way too long and no one wants to wade through all that detail. Keep it concise and pertinent with a few essential facts and try using some humour. Leave something to be revealed when and if you actually connect in real life.

Get a phone number as soon as when you connect online and hear her voice before even contemplating a real life meet which should be a quick drink, preferably not alcohol and see how that goes.

Keep your expectations low and good luck.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 17
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Posted: 2/5/2016 8:29:02 PM

No not lost in Translation - approximately 1 million profiles contain that exact same wording.

This. I see it so often I can't my eyes roll automatically and I just can't bring myself to read any further.


I tried a headline that put a different spin on this cliche - "Looking for Partner in Crime - FREE legal advice if caught". It didn't work very well. I thought "hell, everybody would like free legal advice", but attach that offer to "partner in crime" - I could hear all the "next" buttons being pushed.
Show ALL Forums  > Profile Reviews  > All comments will be gratefully received.