|Improvements needed?Page 1 of 1 |
|This profile review will be a little different. I'm getting messages, but they are either generic and boring or overly sexual and weird. I've also noticed that the number of new contacts messaging me has decreased a lot in the past 24 hours. I think I know why (what I'm looking for) but it's disheartening when I see new messages to find that the guy has messaged before or has nothing note worthy to say. I have given some of these guys a shot but my assumption is usually right. They were boring and clearly didn't know how to converse. So can my profile be improved?|
Posted: 2/19/2016 3:11:10 PM
Posted By: xxhazeloconnorxx
I'm getting messages, but they are either generic and boring or overly sexual and weird.
You just have to pick your "best prospects"
from this dating pool.
I doubt it's totally one way or the other.
Either generic and boring or overly sexual and weird.
No middle ground?
I think you must be painting your prospects
with too wide a brush. Perhaps your missing
a few men in that finger painting process.
From your other thread. . . .
Okay so I've only been here 3 days and I understand that's not very long for online dating, but I'm looking for something a little bit different. I'm looking for a non-monogamous relationship. I have made this clear in my about me section and guys still contact me which is great! However, it seems that all of them freak when they hear what I want and end contact. Why message me if you aren't open to what I'm looking for? It's written in my profile.
Maybe it initially sounds good.
Many might like the idea of swapping fluids with you.
But then they think. . . . .
They don't want to taste
your "yesterdays lunch date".
It gets complicated quickly.
You will find what you want,
eventually. Though, It may take more
than a week. Give it ten days more.
Posted: 2/19/2016 7:13:18 PM
|This is interesting. "Wants to date but nothing serious"; "Looking for an open relationship" all would indicate sexual availability on several levels yet you are distressed over overly sexual messages? That comes across as a bit... contradictory? |
Are you actually looking for one main relationship and the option to sleep with others? You may want to either be REALLY clear about this, or perhaps change your marketing plan - why not contact guys who have also selected "nothing serious" as they are also open to sleeping with many women? If you are simply looking at dating a bunch of guys at the same time, you can still do this as long as you are really clear with all of them you are still dating other guys. You can also do this without advertising you are looking to have the option to sleep around in your dating profile. That's a bit tacky. Or - maybe this isn't the site for what you're really looking for.
Or - you can change nothing and simply wait for the right guy to stumble across your profile, weeding out the generics and weirdos along the way.
Posted: 2/19/2016 9:45:11 PM
|I think first that your lifestyle choices should be improved because they might leave you feeling empty in the long run, but I don't know, I was raised to think differently. It's like you want to live the life of an unpaid prostitute. We have chemicals in our body that make us form bonds with people when we have sex. If you go against that then it might throw you off mentally in some kind of way. Sex is supposed to be something special. I have never had better sex than when it with someone who I was in a committed relationship with who I felt only had eyes for me. It took me 30 years to meet that person. If I had to take a lucky guess, I would think that because you have above average looks, the guys you date tend to become possessive and suffocating. You're wanting the open relationship to not feel suffocated. If you find a guy good enough looking who is also intelligent without mental defects, he isn't going to want an open relationship because he won't want to feel used for his looks, like a piece of meat. Also, guys are horrible with their double standards. They don't want a woman who they perceive to be loose and who sleeps around. That alone will be a huge hurdle. You can find millions of f*cks because you are attractive, but an intelligent guy without psychological problems who wants an open relationship? Good luck!|
Posted: 2/20/2016 2:01:59 AM
|I asked for a profile review, not to be insulted and judged about my lifestyle choices.|
Posted: 2/20/2016 5:55:32 AM
|You are looking for something that is not mainstream. You will be judged and you will perhaps be contacted by men who misunderstand what you are looking for and will disrespect you with sexual innuendo and overt sexual comments. Realize you are asking for this by putting it out there upfront. Accept the fact that you are going to have to do some weeding and there will be a lot of weeds in your virtual garden here. |
Get rid of two pictures. The one with the Miley tongue and the other one with the spooky blond friend and gobs of blue eye shadow
You come across as a party girl which is fine because you are looking for superficial anyway. Men will not take you seriously because you are not asking for serious. Why are you anticipating anything more than a compliment on your shoes and a request to copulate?
Your headline is somewhat demanding and why would a man want to waste time messaging you with any substance when you are not looking for substance? You just want a man to **** around with and who will let you **** around so it is unrealistic for you to expect more in a response to your ad here. Be real.
It's complicated and men nearing your age bracket maybe will not opt for a high maintenance woman that you portray. You contradict yourself suggesting that you are easy but your photos and about me suggest that you would be a handful.
Perhaps if you capped off your search for men under 19 years old that you would have more luck in seeking a friend with benefits open relationship. Men under 20 are walking hormones and they perhaps would not care if they had to share you. They may not even ask you to shower in between.
You seem to be caught up in numbers here which I am sure you are being flooded with mail just based on your photos alone. Numbers doesn't necessarily mean good. What exactly is your process here in finding what you want besides having a provocative profile. How are you going to single out the ones that you think are possibilities? I am sure your first criteria would perhaps be drop dead gorgeous GQ looks.
You are not going to find that here. Men that are strikingly handsome already have enough mail and enough options without having to wonder whose been in and out of your cha cha and who has not.
An average looking man might accept that you need this variety but even then what you want gets old really fast so you should perhaps expect to go through men here like changing your rolls of toilet paper.
It all looks so hunky dory here on paper now doesn't it.. but if and when you put your notion of finding a wandering prince charming here it will perhaps end up that you get hurt or that you break hearts. People think they can engage in intercourse without any emotional attachment can often find themselves in a quagmire because one of them "catches feelings".
You say you don't want a one night stand but you perhaps will not get more than that. Most men after a period of time want a woman to "belong" to them.
I get what you are looking for in fact I had a relationship something like what you are looking for and it lasted for a few months until I had to crush him because he entered into it accepting what I wanted and wanting to change it to a committed relationship. I fell back on him with my original intent but it didn't spare his feelings.
So. You are playing with fire here. It maybe easier for you to just upfront admit you have a phobia about having deep or meaningful relationships but the same kind of respondents are going to seek you out for sex and sex alone.
You want it both ways and that rarely happens. You can't expect an investment into a relationship and then have the freedom to **** whomever else you desire. Humans are not wired this way. That's not how brain chemicals work and it's not what most people anticipate when they are seeking a lover. It maybe exciting for a minute but that is going to fade when he starts to keep track of the condoms in your drawers and starts hacking into your phone or your computer.
A man is not going to want to compete for your affections unless he views you as "just a ****" and nothing more. Sure.. in a perfect world (yours) you will have many multiple partners who are fond of each other and occasionally go out for beers and bowling... but that is never going to happen in real life unless of course you want to date a bunch of psychopaths.
Good luck with that.
Posted: 2/20/2016 6:12:50 AM
So. You are playing with fire here.
Right. And anybody who's read the first paragraph of your profile will know that they're playing with that same fire. There's not much you can do, change-the-profile-wise, to alter your results.
Posted: 2/20/2016 6:48:43 AM
|After reading the posts here, I've decided to remove my intent from my profile. It's clearly causing a lot of confusion and upsetting a lot of people.|
Posted: 2/20/2016 7:48:52 AM
|You can't remove your intent. It is a mandatory option when filling out the profile. Why don't you just change the intent to fit what you are looking for in the other drop down menu options? |
No one is confused here but you. You have expressed what you want very clearly. So why change what you want because of some inane thinking that somebody is upset by it?. Why would you even care if what you expressed was precisely what you want? . You want a boyfriend that you can share. Some men will think they have hit the jack pot. They maybe philanderers or womanizers but they will be thrilled to know they can have you and never be accused of cheating.
I think perhaps you are confused. What happens if by some strange dating ritual you find yourself in love with the guy that you think is okay to pass around? Will your intent change then?
You know to be a fair player... you can not change the rules half way through the game.
Posted: 2/20/2016 8:08:09 AM
It's clearly causing a lot of confusion and upsetting a lot of people.
As Penny mentioned, we're not confused. Please be assured that we (at least I) are not upset. Why should we be? For the most part, we're a fairly happy bunch here.
Posted: 2/20/2016 9:28:28 AM
After reading the posts here, I've decided to remove my intent from my profile. It's clearly causing a lot of confusion and upsetting a lot of people.
Your intent was to find multiple partners. The 'nothing serious' noted may not be clear enough for some dumb schmuck who contacts you and thinks he may have found his soulmate. Do leave that part in there, or modify to indicate you are not ready for/looking for a serious / committed relationship, or put "polyamory' in the Interests field.