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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Something more than HI, you're cute      Home login  
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 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 1
Something more than HI, you're cutePage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I look at the men who add me to favorites list fairly often. Most of the time they are not my type. I am floored when one of the guys who added me to their favorite list is very attractive. I sent him a email. It was not a hi, you are attractive kind of email but a email that talked about the common interests we shared. I did not get a response. I checked to see if he removed me from his list but nothing. He just ignored me. I thought he must like my pictures and he is not into me as a person. Oh well, we are not a love connection. Well up comes another guy I am drawn to. I have been trolling his profile. I have added him to my favorites' list. Now I rather than stand back and hope he will send me that first email it looks like I will have to be the one to make the first move.
Men over 45 what can a woman put in the initial email that gets you to respond?
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 2
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 6:31:48 PM
Hi Juju!

I, personally, do not put any stock into the fav or meet me features.

And everyone who sends out messages experiences the unansweared message syndrome. Just find another profile cause their non answer is your answer.

Now...I'm not a guy and I don't send out initial messages but if I did....I would tailor the message to the content of the profile that intrigued me and then compose a message in my own personal style. Something that would compel me to respond to cause.....in essence....I would be looking for a man that gets me. If you write a message of what you think a person wants...they don't get a taste of you. :)


Good luck in your dating adventures!
 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 3
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 6:47:28 PM
There are so few attractive men on this web site. I am over joyed when one is and seems to interested in me. NOT as easy being a single black woman over 45..... THE numbers are not in my favor. I think I will experience a terrorist attack before I meet a man who is a possible love match.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 4
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 7:02:37 PM
Hahaha! I know what you're saying, Girlfriend!

But the best I can offer you.....is to be yourself. That man.....the one who's gonna look at you with awe and amazement and wonder how he actually "lived" without you? He's out there. And it won't matter what you say or don't say. I know this for a fact. :D

So.....keep clicking! Oh.....and keep your eyes open irl....cause you never know! :D
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 5
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History
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 7:07:48 PM
I have quite a few that added me as a favorite and never sent the first email to me. I could understand if it were one of those sites where a person could "like" pictures and favorite someone but be a nonpaying member which means they can't write to you... but that isn't the case here...
There is one who emailed me several times and told me he was adding me. Him I actually met.

I have heard about that terrorist attack when we are over 45 .... Oh uh.

If I wanted to sent a first email to someone who made me a favorite - I would thank him for looking at my profile and then ask him a question about something in his.
I very rarely make first contact. It's usually because I like something a person said here on the forums

Don't worry about the numbers too much .... it only takes one in the long run
 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 6
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 7:18:55 PM
I was really hoping to get advice from MEN. It doesnt look like they (men) are ready to help me get this email together. I guess single women are going to tell me how to get a man's attention beyond pictures. I have over 900 men who want to meet me but only 3 mutual matches. So those numbers arent doing me good.
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 7
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 7:34:29 PM
Juju, if you write, please don't ask things answer on the profile: that either means you did not read it or your comprehension is dead.

I have found that keeping it simple, 2-4 sentences, do the work, if the other person is interested. I tend to comment on something written on the intro, or a curiosity on a photo.

For example, when I wrote to KJ I send her a short list of emoticons she could use here. She replied, but that is mostly because she is very nice and polite: you have to choose carefully.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 8
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 7:34:47 PM
"I was really hoping to get advice from MEN."



Be careful what you ask for. ;)
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 9
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History
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 7:48:19 PM
juju, how about something simple but sincere.


There are so few men on this website that I am attracted to, I just had to write to you when I stumbled upon your profile.

If you feel the same, shoot me a MSG so we can compare notes on our life's journey.


That would work for me to at least respond.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 10
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History
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 7:55:00 PM
BTW, " I am thick but prefer a man who is in GREAT shape. "

I wouldn't apologize for my appearance in a profile nor what my preferences are.

Though as a man, I see no point to putting in a body type preference for someone to contact me, it isn't as though I had to weed through hundreds of initial MSGs. More like 1 a week.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 11
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Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 8:01:57 PM

There are so few men on this website that I am attracted to, I just had to write to you when I stumbled upon your profile.


Yeah, I agree, almost. Think of it in reverse ... If a man wrote to you, saying "there are so few women on this site that I'm attracted to ...", would you actually be all that floored? Probably not. Take it one step forward ... "there are so few men on this website I find interesting (or intriguing; find the adjective you like most), I just HAD to write to you to find out more!"

The only times I ever used the "favorite" feature was when I fell just outside the woman's age or distance preferences. Like, maybe by a year or 1o miles. Men who use it for any other reason ... I just don't get that. Why not just send a message?
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 12
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Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 8:09:12 PM

I checked to see if he removed me from his list but nothing.


As a side note, I think once somebody has "favorited" you, it stays on you list forever. I just looked at mine, and everybody who favorited me is still there, though I think it's reasonable to believe that most, if not all, of them would have removed me a looong time ago.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 13
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Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 8:12:27 PM

I have over 900 men who want to meet me but only 3 mutual matches. So those numbers aren't doing me good.

And you can honestly say you've READ 900 profiles, and carefully considered each of them? Or did you just skim through pictures and dismiss a few hundred because they didn't look hot enough?

YOU are your own worst critic. The reason your odds are so long is because you won't risk a 'mutual' match beyond your 3 in 900. You are forcing those odds on yourself. If you want a better chance at meeting someone, you gotta realize a lot of people using the internet for dating are here because THEY CAN'T FIND A DATE elsewhere. The upper .3333 percent of 'perfect' matches simply don't exist in here. The ones that can find dates elsewhere - are probably just here to have 'fun' manipulating the attention of others. I don't really care what you may consider to be a 'good' match, but if you can't find even 1 in 100 that are 'suitable', you are using the wrong website - or, more likely, the wrong attitude.

Guys don't write much beyond "Hi," because a massive amount of women - like yourself - won't EVER reply back, no matter how beautifully worded a message may be. It simply isn't worth our time. 897 guys spent the time making up profiles that you've already decided to ignore - why should they - or any other guy - bother trying to woo you with a fancy message if you're still going to reject more than 99 percent of them, often without reading a word of it?

Being online means - Short and sweet to get your attention - and IF we get a response - THEN we can get into the eloquent language of love. No reply means no effort - and no interest - and not worth the time. Conversations are TWO way streets.


I have added him to my favorites' list. Now I rather than stand back and hope he will send me that first email it looks like I will have to be the one to make the first move.

When you go to and ice cream shop, and you tell them a hot fudge sundae is your favorite, are they supposed to make it for you? NO. You have to WALK up to the counter and ORDER it. THAT is what completes the transaction.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 14
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Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 8:14:51 PM
chromis1, I agree, "interesting or intriguing" is a better choice of words. And I do like the "I just HAD to write to you to find out more!" Though life's journey is a more cerebral way of expressing this.

When I first joined this site back when I was single in ~2009 I didn't understand favorites, and used it to flag profiles I wanted to keep track of. I had no idea of how it really worked and didn't get that it alerted people that I had faved them. I thought it was more like favorite on a browser.

I do think many just don't understand how things on POF work. Like that MSG you get when you MSG someone outside of 14+ years, it sounds like the profile is rejecting you personally and not that it's an automatic MSG generated from the site itself.
 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 15
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 8:17:29 PM
As a side note, I think once somebody has "favorited" you, it stays on you list forever. I just looked at mine, and everybody who favorited me is still there, though I think it's reasonable to believe that most, if not all, of them would have removed me a looong time ago.

No some guys are on my list and other disappear. Some I remove myself from the list. I just depends.
 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 16
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 8:21:27 PM
Sweet_Danimal
Those not the guys I want to meet. Those are the guys who want to meet me. AND I dont feel any more a need to read a man's profile, if I am not attracted to him than a man feels a need to read mine if he isnt attracted to me. THE three I am attracted to I read their profile.
Mutually attraction is important.
I want to date a man I find SEXY. CRAZY uh?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 17
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History
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 9:06:31 PM
People don't 'remove' favorites, just like several don't 'remove' profiles - they just stop using them. Whatever transactions have happened in the past stay there. You can whine about inactive profiles still floating around, but Match dot com has something in the neighborhood of 40% of their profiles on non-premium free accounts, which means they are not allowed to connect through messaging. Their profile says "Active 1 hour ago" because they were lurking, but there's no 'marker' indicating the freebies, so many, many people waste time composing messages to people that can't - or won't - reply.

Attraction takes many forms, not just pretty pictures. If you are ignoring a vast majority of profiles in here - and then complain about not finding 'quality' matches, you are a hypocrite - because you are not putting forth the effort to look and find AND CONNECT with a good match, and yet still expect them to do the same for you.

I don't really care what you define as 'Sexy' - all I'm saying is that if you can't find mutual attraction in more than a few guys out of a THOUSAND, you are dooming yourself to fail. If you took several hours of clicking through the 'Meet Me' feature, eventually you CAN click through every single profile in the area until none remain. What then?

Yes, you may only want ONE true match out of millions of profiles in here, but that doesn't mean the 30 guys in the area you deem 'worthy' have absolutely ANY obligation to treat you any better than the 'disposable' way you treated the other nine thousand. You reap what you sew. If you believe you have the right to screen out 99.7 percent of profiles, the three guys you have left have every right to screen you out 99.7 percent as well. Good luck with .3% of a date. All I'm trying to say is - just keep an open mind to a greater possibility. A true 'diamond in the rough' looks like a lumpy, dirty chunk of quartz rock - not something you see in a jewelry store.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 18
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/24/2016 11:39:26 PM
There is nothing in particular that will make me respond to a woman's email and I receive a "fair share" of email when I have pictures up. I respond to EVERY lady regardless of how bad a "match" she is or how lousy/silly her email might be. Most clearly have not read much if any of my profile, nor bothered to look at my interests. But that is the Nature of the beast at a Free site for the vast majority of the members. Responding is the CIVILIZED thing to do and that "I get too many emails for me to possibly answer all" whine from some here? Easily fixed in the very first line of anyone's profile. NO, not every email deserves a response but SOME do.

As far as the Favorites or Meet Me features? Very few who water here at these Forums seem to understand these features and some have been here for many years. How they work, the pluses and minuses of each etc. Site features - TOOLS - that come with no user manual. Play with them and PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!!!! It's the only way to learn how to use them. The Fave button has all kinds of uses/benefits and is easily the Swiss Army Knife of site features. Meet Me is the tool of choice for STs. [Serial Typists]

You did not ask for a Profile review but you have several mistakes in your profile as well as a few pink flags IMO. I can see why you might be having trouble. Every "error/mistake" in a profile lowers one's chances. Your entire profile [IMO] is sending mixed messages.

On the bright side, you ARE initiating contact and seem to have a basic grasp of the Fave button so good for you!

Honestly, I think your profile is hurting you more than whatever you might be writing in your emails.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 19
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/25/2016 12:06:14 AM
To add someone to your Favorites:

Go to the user’s profile, scroll down to the bottom of the page and click Add to Favorites.

- To help organize your favorites, you can write a note about them. From your favorites list, click Update Note next to their name. This note will only be visible to you.


To remove someone from your Favorites:

Click Favorites on the top menu, and click Remove next to the user you’d like to remove from the list.


To remove yourself from someone's Favorites:

Click Favorites on the top menu, and click on Who Fav'd Me. Click Remove on the right side to remove yourself from their list.
 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 20
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/25/2016 3:15:08 AM
Sweet_Danimal .... So if I do get to physically attracted to the men I date. THEN what should I worry about? ONLY if he will treat me nice?? DEFINED nice. Will I have to pretend to like stuff I dont like because he treats me nice??? DO things I dont like BECAUSE he treats me nice? WILL I have to kiss the man who makes my skin crawl because HE WAS NICE TO ME? How exactly does dating someone because they are nice work?

And just because YOU never remove people from your favorites list doesnt mean it can not be done. IT is done all the time. I am sure more than A few women have removed you from their list. Last but not least, I have noticed men always ask me to date diamonds in the rough but they never seem to want to date the female diamonds in the rough... WHY IS THAT? I mean THE woman who looks like she needs 3 seats on an airplane dont have men lined up to date them. So why exactly do men EXCEPT me to that? I just think you are very angry because the women you are attracted tend not to be attracted to you. YOU see yourself as a diamond in the rough who treat a really pretty woman nice. BUT you are unwilling to date a diamond in the rough. OR you would not be so damn mad at me for over looking the short fat dull guys forced to date equally short, equally dull women.
 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 21
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/25/2016 3:31:56 AM
I gave up. I just shot him a quick email. See what will come of it. HOPEFULLY IT WILL GET ME OF THIS MAD HOUSE.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 22
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History
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/25/2016 3:57:38 AM
Your main picture is of poor quality and your profile is nothing but a bunch of generalities with a rather negative undertone.

If you want better results, you need to put more effort into your profile.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 23
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/25/2016 4:05:49 AM

I want to date a man I find SEXY. CRAZY uh?


Andddddddd, "successful". Don't forget that one. In fact, check your posting history to remind yourself of what you have thought and believed in the past. You then will probably realize why you are not doing so great in these waters.

Personally, it wouldn't matter what you wrote, if you actually did write an initial email to me. Not one bit.

Remember, you did ask.
 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 24
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/25/2016 5:07:30 AM
I will never date another man I find remotely attractive. THANK you... Guess I am giving up sex.
 JujuO12
Joined: 8/18/2015
Msg: 25
Something more than HI, you're cute
Posted: 2/25/2016 5:16:22 AM
: LiliMarleen I get emails from men I am not interested in. IF all they had to be is male and interested I wouldnt have to come on line. Meet tons of men like that daily.
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