Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Treyseph84
Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 1
view profile
History
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?Page 1 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
My biggest frustration on here and other dating sites, is lack of responses. I have to message 15 women to maybe get one response sometimes, and some of its hard to meet in person because they want to wait a long time before meeting or they can't seem to find time or make up their mind about meeting. Even after I change my pic or introductions. I'm 31, and I notice one thing I'm having trouble with is finding a woman who still wants kids. Unfortunately it's gotten harder to contact younger women and most of the older ones don't want any either because they don't want kids or they had as much as they wanted and don't want anymore. But I would still like some on my own, so right now it's a deal breaker.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 2
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 2/26/2016 4:13:34 PM
We're suppose to message women first?????

Ahhhhhh FFS!!!!!!!!

No one explained that one to me.

Yet, I'm doing just as "well" as you OP, so I'm not doing too bad.
 showboatsupreme
Joined: 1/25/2016
Msg: 3
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 2/27/2016 9:41:37 PM
You must be horny.

I kick back with a bottle of wine and Cheetos while I monitor my inbox...
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 5
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 2/28/2016 9:46:56 AM
Head over to Profile Reviews...you need some help.
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 6
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 2/28/2016 10:56:30 AM
No. But then again, I don't send out messages.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 8
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 2/29/2016 5:34:11 AM
You have narrowed your pool of prospective so narrowly -- what do you expect?
 Dallasroadie
Joined: 2/12/2016
Msg: 9
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 2/29/2016 5:48:34 AM
I read his profile and he doesn't have a list of must haves or can't haves so. Don't see where his "pool of prospective so narrowly". He's 31 and wants to meet someone who wants kids, what is so tough about that?
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 10
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 2/29/2016 12:25:18 PM
You get 1 out of 15 and you're complaining? Then have the most nagging, negative profile I've read on a guy.

Your problem is one of nagging and entitlement. Back in the day when I started dating, it took me 1 out of 100 to get to talk to to a woman. Then out of that maybe 1 in 5 would evolve in a date. But it taught me a lot, and after several relationships when ever I was back in the pond, my chances got even better. The last few go around, out of 13 to 15 women I message, I ended in conversations with at least 4 or 5 and get in at least one or two dates a week.

Want to improve your odds. Do not mass email. Learn to write an effective email. Have a profile that is not so negative, yet sounds unique. And just keep going.
 Kelley1996
Joined: 3/23/2015
Msg: 11
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 2/29/2016 2:00:15 PM
I don't know if it applies on POF since most of us on POF may be a bit strange, but actually it is very easy to date women that wish to have children. The difficult part is find women that have the youth and looks that you fell you deserve.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 2/29/2016 2:01:10 PM

My biggest frustration on here and other dating sites, is lack of responses.

To an average Joe on a dating site who aims for nothing less than a girl who he thinks is in his league (or higher) -- it's going to be a 'long road'. Not that it'd take forever to get a response, but turning that into a fruitful conversation to then meet. 1 in 15 to MEET wouldn't be a bad ratio at all. 1 in 15 to just merely get a response is a bit low. An indicator that you're going after too many girls at least a bit out of your league.

Remember, on POF there's about a 3:1 girl-guy ratio in the prime age brackets that you fall into (25-39). You'll have a better chance on Match, from responds-to-meetup ratio (some can't write back because they didn't pay) -- but you do have less active members. When there's more guys to girls, the Average Jane becomes Cute Cara, and the Cute Cara becomes Pretty Penny. So you have to bear that in mind.

If you're going after single gals without kids, they're a bigger catch, which decreases your odds too, ratio wise. In a nutshell, if you're a little picky + want girls without kids, I would advise not relying on online (but use it as an on-going side option). I would aim to go out to bars & taverns & such to mingle. Not saying night clubs, but more laid-back mingling places. Once you get into your 30s, happy-hour times are more optimal, too.
 Kelley1996
Joined: 3/23/2015
Msg: 13
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 2/29/2016 4:22:08 PM

Remember, on POF there's about a 3:1 girl-guy ratio in the prime age brackets that you fall into (25-39).

Obviously that 3:1 ratio is a disadvantage to guy, but it can result in a disadvantage to girls too. That is because with so many choices, they can be overly quick at rejecting someone and end up choosing only "guys out of their league." Most guys have a feel based on experience of the level of girl that is available to them. Therefore, when a guy is out of a girl's league, likely she is good enough for sex but nothing more. However, the girl doesn't realize that until after she if f**ked and dumped.
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 14
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/1/2016 6:05:24 PM
@OP

No offense, but based on your write up, it doesn't seem like you are somebody who can stir any interest or excitement from any level headed child-bearing women who might wanna have kids. You put down lots of pass times you have & like to do ( as though its a "wow" factor), but you sound like an over-grown teenager (movies: Young Frankenstein, Spiderman, etc).

In terms of work; you say you are "hoping to find work in____"; but at your age, this is not very inspiring! You say you work as a Kitchen help/custodian, so you have to think if this earns you enough money to support children!

You put up a pic with some woman, but for what purpose? The rest are plain at best.
Sorry to say but from what you put up, it does not seem you have much going for you.
You need to re-think your approach; you might be better off looking off-line.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 15
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/2/2016 10:41:56 AM

Therefore, when a guy is out of a girl's league, likely she is good enough for sex but nothing more. However, the girl doesn't realize that until after she if f**ked and dumped.


Holy crap Kelley, you talk like one of the guys. And, you're right on the money with the above statement. I've known a lot of very, very attractive women that are super suspicious of those hot looking guys. Why?
the girl doesn't realize that until after she if f**ked and dumped.


And that gives an advantage to guys that are rather average but with the balls to ask women, and the willingness to be completely different on their approach.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/2/2016 11:38:45 AM

Obviously that 3:1 ratio is a disadvantage to guy, but it can result in a disadvantage to girls too.

Yes. As a side note, one is the too-many-choices. Kind of like at the supermarket where they have free samples -- if you have too many, a customer's less apt to buy them. It screws with their decision making processes. So they learn not to offer too many different types on one platter.

they can be overly quick at rejecting someone and end up choosing only "guys out of their league."

I agree. In any scenario where you have a big ratio advantage, your league level "goes up" (kind of like an inflated stock price). After all, the level of 'league' is solely based on the level of people they can Get -- not what they are directly. However, this "stock inflation", will lead to:

Therefore, when a guy is out of a girl's league, likely she is good enough for sex but nothing more. However, the girl doesn't realize that until after she if f**ked and dumped.

That. That's why folks who say "There are no leagues!" end up leading one down that road. They'll lead Nerd Ned soaking too much of his time & too much bruising of his ego hitting on Hot Barbies too often, and let girls like Plain Deb have grander Expectations with Hot Kens. :)

I will say though, that the "f**ck and dump" is too strong a term applying to a mere first outing/date. They're not an item, so there's not any dumping -- and if she's putting out on a 1st or 2nd meet, she'd be silly to think merely that would = being an item or requiring a guy to have some grand interest in order to do so. But it's still Frustrating for a gal if she is going out with these hotter guys (but deflated 'equals' online) who aren't going to have much interest past a date or two -- whether sexual relations were had or not.

But good luck sitting down Plain Deb and explaining to her that she's not a Pretty Patricia, but more in line with Average Joe.... but online, she can at least land a date (and fool around if desired) with Handsome Harrys if she's competing in an arena where it's a sausage fest. :)
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 17
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/2/2016 7:42:11 PM

Obviously that 3:1 ratio is a disadvantage to guy, but it can result in a disadvantage to girls too. That is because with so many choices, they can be overly quick at rejecting someone and end up choosing only "guys out of their league." Most guys have a feel based on experience of the level of girl that is available to them. Therefore, when a guy is out of a girl's league, likely she is good enough for sex but nothing more. However, the girl doesn't realize that until after she if f**ked and dumped.


Even if this is true, she may have rejected an okay looking man that was a better match for her for a more attractive man. That I wouldn't feel that bad for her making a voluntary choice in that situation.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 18
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/2/2016 7:55:24 PM
All this talk about "hot guys" just doing the "fvck and dump" with "less attractive" women is not at all what I see around me a lot. I work in a clinic in pediatrics. I see LOTS of couples who bring in their kids where the man is super attractive and the wife is "meh" at best, unkempt, out of shape and sloppy at worst. Ditto when you look at many military couples - every time I hit the commissary I see lots of very unattractive women who are married to better looking husbands. There is no hard and fast rule that "hot guys" will only have sex with less attractive women but not a relationship. Just not what I see all around me.

On the other hand, I went out with a guy who was really not that attractive at all. I almost didn't want to meet him based on his pics, but I did anyways and really liked him. So in our case, we had the "not so attractive guy" with a woman who was "out of his league". And what did he do? He lied and cheated just like the "hot guys". No difference. It's a matter of character, not looks. If anything a "hot guy" doesn't have to lie or settle for an "ugly chick" to have sex with - he can get pretty much any woman he wants. A less attractive guy who lands a "hot chick" seems to be like "oh wow, can't believe I landed her, now let's see if I can do even better".
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 19
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/2/2016 8:14:15 PM

I see LOTS of couples who bring in their kids where the man is super attractive and the wife is "meh" at best, unkempt, out of shape and sloppy at worst.


People opinions vary on who is super attractive and who is not- it is not objective.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 20
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/2/2016 8:28:11 PM
People opinions vary on who is super attractive and who is not- it is not objective.

==

Precisely. THat's why all that talk about "Plain Jane" and "Pretty Jane" and "hot guys" only sleeping with "plain women" but not dating them is BS.
 Kelley1996
Joined: 3/23/2015
Msg: 21
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/2/2016 10:49:13 PM
norwegianguy456: That is what I was: f**ked and dumped by big man on campus. And, I didn't give in quickly. Not until well into the second month. I was warned so I knew he has mistreated every other girl, but "He will be different with me." Besides, I didn't want the average looking guys anyway. Of course he wasn't any different with me and after a month or so, he dumped me and moved on to his next pretty toy.
 mstone12
Joined: 7/22/2011
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/3/2016 12:30:48 PM
at least you get some responses better than none at all eh.
 MDRStar
Joined: 2/29/2016
Msg: 23
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/4/2016 1:03:21 PM
People can review profiles?
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 24
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/4/2016 1:56:13 PM


Holy crap Kelley, you talk like one of the guys.


could possibly be that "Kelley" IS a guy..profile & many posts stink of fake

smells more like a guy in his 40's LOL
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/4/2016 7:42:37 PM

My biggest frustration on here and other dating sites, is lack of responses.


Wise man say, if one continues to strike out, consider saving one's coin for a Real Dollâ„¢ or a mail-order-bride.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 26
view profile
History
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/5/2016 11:12:47 AM

And, I didn't give in quickly. Not until well into the second month.

If you went into the second month, then it's a Totally different concept than "Average Jane is Pretty Patricia online, has a date with Hot Karl, bangs, and then texts fizzle away and he isn't into her anymore." Just to be clear -- yours is about short-term dating, not banging on a 1st meat. :)

I will say this as a warning though, as a side note: Don't play the "make him work for it" game. It will make a guy focused on sex, especially if you don't do anything more than kissing on the couch "because it'll just lead to sex". Holding it off like it's a shiny new toy will make the guy not size you up on a compatibility scale as potential GF, etc. You'll just be extending a guy who doesn't like to settle down's time with you, is all.

From the warning given, he wasn't a guy who wanted to settle down and give up his vaginal options, at the end of the day. Whether you guys porked right into it, or you porked at the 6 week mark -- it wouldn't have lasted any different length of time. If you never dropped the panties, but you'd stop things at 2nd base at most, it would have lasted a bit longer, but he would have walked at some point. If a guy doesn't want to settle down, he doesn't want to settle down.
 ForeverTexas25
Joined: 1/18/2015
Msg: 27
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/6/2016 2:22:23 AM
I find it interesting that you say you're having trouble meeting younger women on here, do you mind me asking why? Aren't they usually the ones that want to have kids? Anyways, your profile looks good. You're an attractive guy, you want kids of your own, and you don't seem arrogant or anything like that. I would just say maybe add in a whitty comment, or update your pictures (LOVE the one of the cat, haha). Other than that, just be patient and keep trying. I know it's hard not to get discouraged, but keep trying!
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?