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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What to do when they say they are busy.      Home login  
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 samverhoeff
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 1
What to do when they say they are busy.Page 1 of 1    
I have been told I am supposed to act manly when I initiate a date, and to state the time and day. Seems nearly 90% of the time I get "I am working on the weekends" or "I am working during the week" depending on which one I ask. Where do I go from here? I feel it will come off as desperate if I then try and initiate another date from there, and am unsure if I should even be trying from there or if it is a sure sign of rejection?
 Llove2laughtoo
Joined: 1/11/2016
Msg: 2
What to do when they say they are busy.
Posted: 2/29/2016 5:48:16 AM
Why can't you simply ask them, "when are you available?"
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3
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What to do when they say they are busy.
Posted: 2/29/2016 5:50:58 AM
In my opinion, if a woman rejects a specific invitation for a specific time saying she is busy and does not make a counteroffer, this means she is not interested, and you would probably get the same response if you were to ask her out again.

When I was interested in a man who asked me out and was genuinely busy at the time he suggested, I made very sure to make an immediate counteroffer to send a signal that I WAS in fact interested in going out with him.

I think that you're doing everything right by making a specific suggestion with respect to day and time. You just haven't asked a woman who was interested enough yet.

Better luck next time!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 4
What to do when they say they are busy.
Posted: 2/29/2016 9:41:58 AM
if you were trying to sell something to a client, and they said they were busy the day you could go and make the sale, it wouldn't look desperate to ask when they are free, as lovetolaugh pointed out. Now, if they get vague about the answer, then you can be assured, you've shown your interest, now its up to them to seal the deal. Put it in their lap. You don't have to worry you might look desperate, b/c if you have no chance with them, it doesn't matter what you look like...they already made a choice.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 5
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What to do when they say they are busy.
Posted: 2/29/2016 9:54:58 AM
What to do.............?
Throw a hissy fit! LOL No just kidding!


.............saying she is busy and does not make a counteroffer, this means she is not interested, and you would probably get the same response if you were to ask her out again.


I am of the same opinion as LiliMarleen ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

Everyone is busy, some more so than others.
During the first 2 weeks, following the initial first message, between his work schedule and mine, he went out of town to visit daughter, I was in the hospital for 3 days, we stayed in contact. There was no doubt from either of us, we wanted to meet in person. We MADE the time, to meet.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 6
What to do when they say they are busy.
Posted: 2/29/2016 9:58:35 AM
Why can't you ask when they are available? Smart is sexy.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 7
What to do when they say they are busy.
Posted: 2/29/2016 10:36:07 AM
Why don't you start off by asking her about her availability, and go from there?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 8
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What to do when they say they are busy.
Posted: 2/29/2016 12:36:02 PM

I have been told I am supposed to act manly when I initiate a date, and to state the time and day. Seems nearly 90% of the time I get "I am working on the weekends" or "I am working during the week" depending on which one I ask.

Yeah, that's *initiating* a date -- of course, specifying an Exact date & time isn't necessarily manly -- unless it's an event that's being done at a spec date/time that you'd like to go to with her. If she responds that she's busy, and that's all she has to say -- the second time in a row = lacking interest in you. That's when you put the ball in her court, but not hold your breath for her to hit you up.

You don't want to come off as desperate, but here's the rub: If she does LIKE you, and if by some weird happenstance she's busy the first several times, but somehow lacks the communication skills at those times to suggest something else -- she's not going to be turned off or think you're desperate at all. It's only when they're Not That Into You that they'll find it desperate. :) If she's not that into you, she's not that into you anyway -- so there's no loss anyway.

Best thing to do after she can't make it to specific date/time for a date, to just say "Okay, are you available any time [this weekend]?" If she says she's pretty busy but she'll have to check (or is not available), you then just ask if there's any time within the next 10 days or so (or right after a vacay if that's what she's doing). If she says not sure/etc, put the ball in her court to hit you up when she's free. If she says yes down the line, set something up there.

It's not rocket science. It's just frustrating/disappointing when you're engaging with a girl who's responses shows she's not interested. :)
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 9
What to do when they say they are busy.
Posted: 2/29/2016 2:53:28 PM
If you're dating, you make time for people. When they play that game. Then become dismissive.

I had a lady that after agreeing to a date and time, she indicated that she may have to cut the date short because she needed to spend more time with her daughter. I cancelled on her and told her that she should devote her hole time to her daughter, that maybe we could set up a date some other time. I was even rude enough to not even be definitive but leave it to the future. I left it at, let me know how it goes with your daughter.

Interestingly enough she emailed me a few days later after she had spent time with her daughter and told me all about it. I ask her if she was available again, with plenty of time to not rush things, we set up a date and time. We had a good time, but I felt Zero chemistry towards her, so I did not ask for another date.

A particular technique always worked for me was. "When would be good for you, would it Friday or Saturday be best?"
Then you ask them "How about 7 pm, or would 8 be better for you."

This way you are still in control, but at the same time, you're giving them choices. Many women love this because they like a man that takes charge, but they also like a man that comes across as being understanding.
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 10
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What to do when they say they are busy.
Posted: 12/20/2018 3:17:35 AM
Move on....If they meaning any man or woman can't give you a time or date for a meet then they have no want to do so and if they do then what you have to worry bout then is will they show up!....lol....been there before...your sitting in the meeting place and waiting.....and waiting....after the third cup of coffee....might as well leave....that's the problem with on-line dating...to many that just play games and are inconsiderate....call it nature of the beast!
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 11
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What to say when getting busy.
Posted: 12/20/2018 10:24:48 AM
part of it all,too, is reading the body language. if some lass tells me she's busy while she's expanding our private sphere, i get that she's not interested. but if she looks me in the eye, looks real sad that she's too busy, and moves closer...its easy to suspect my next words should be, "so what is a better time?"
 gourmetchef2017
Joined: 11/7/2018
Msg: 12
What to do when they say they are busy.
Posted: 12/29/2018 5:00:17 AM
if they dont come back with an viable alternate suggestion, then its prolly a blow-off.Nobody works 24/7 that I know of..so if they really want to meet...they'll "make' the time available.As far as i know, every human being has to eat & drink...so whats the difference if you spend an hour at home doing just that..or spending it on a date...
Many people suggest quick short dates such as coffee or lunch as alot of women dont want to feel 'trapped' for more than 30 minutes with someone they feel no chemistry with.
As others have suggested, simply say, "when would you be available for a quick coffee meetup at starbucks?" or equiv. If they still give the "too busy" excuse...they its definitely a blowoff.You never know what they got going on in their personal relationship life and the hotter they are, the busier they are. Sometimes the first or 2nd time (of rejection) is simply making a guy work for it..and to see if you will chase them or give up easily. I give it the 3 strike rule but I also make myself busy with plan b or plan c. If they are "too busy" after 3 tries, then move on.
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