Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Please help a n00b      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 samverhoeff
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 1
Please help a n00bPage 1 of 1    
So here is a conversation with a girl, it is a few days in, and me trying to get a date.
Me: How are you at bowling?

Her: I'm not fantastic at bowling to be honest haha

Me: That's okay, it'll make me look better than I actually am when I whoop your ass ;)

Her: Haha is that right? I might actually be really pro and just pretending to be horrible :p

Me: Let's find out how good you really are. Are you free this weekend?

Her: Haha well I'm working both days and have plans Friday and Saturday night at the moment

Me: Lucky for you I operate my life following Kmart procedure so I do offer rain checks :) How does your following week look?

Her: Hahaha you're funny - I like it. The following week should work better for me because it's my weekend off :)


So, multiple questions, did I say anything wrong? I really suck at messaging, am slowly getting the hang of it, but still doubt everything i send. My friend read it all and said I failed at the end by giving her options and that I need to be in control and to basically tell her the day - and finally; where do I go from here, do I continue talking to her until next week, I have been told you shouldn't be keeping the conversation going online too long but my 2 options now are to not message at all until next week, or to keep messaging online for a whole week.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/1/2015
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Please help a n00b
Posted: 3/1/2016 3:56:40 AM
I think you've done great so far - light hearted and funny.

I agree that you shouldn't bombard her with messages. Your next message should suggest a specific time and day. Something like " So how does Saturday evening at 6 work for you for bowling? The bowling alley at xxxxxx does great burgers!"

If she accepts, great - if the time or day doesn't suit her and she doesn't counter-offer a different time then she isn't interested.

If she accepts, then a message every second day or so to keep in touch is probably a good idea but nothing too lengthy or involved.
 samverhoeff
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 3
Please help a n00b
Posted: 3/1/2016 4:06:46 AM
Thanks :)

Her previous response to me was around 3 hours ago. Should I leave it even longer? I am really awful at working out how long to wait, always have the urge to reply quick which I know isn't the way to go.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/1/2015
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Please help a n00b
Posted: 3/1/2016 4:51:47 AM
The time is right for you to reply with a suggested specific time and day. Once you have that agreed to you can back off a little. You want to stay in the "we have a date coming up" zone rather than falling into the "online chatting friends" zone.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 5
Please help a n00b
Posted: 3/1/2016 5:24:18 AM
No my friend you don't suck at messaging - clever and engaging.
Yes, suggest a time and day, let her counter, get the date set.
One of the best messages I've read :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 6
save the n00bies !
Posted: 3/1/2016 8:23:54 AM
so far, so good. its like baseball or any other game...it takes time. can't be rushed.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 7
Please help a n00b
Posted: 3/1/2016 2:49:14 PM

My friend read it all and said I failed at the end by giving her options and that I need to be in control and to basically tell her the day - and finally; where do I go from here, do I continue talking to her until next week


You are doing well. However, realize that this can tank big time, and it has nothing to do with you at all. She may fall for the guy she may be meeting over the weekend. She may not be over someone, the list is endless. So proceed like you have nothing to loose.

You are being funny, a little c o ck y, but not insulting, so that is quite good. I quoted the above because while you need to sound assertive, sounding like you are too in control, without leaving her some room to wiggle will be like shooting yourself on the foot. I always like the "Hey is Friday or Saturday better for you?" "Good, how about 7:30, or would you prefer 8:00?" Those are questions that sort of assume the date (assertive), but you gave her a choice so it's not overbearing.

Sometimes with waiting for a date on the following week is that things get kind of cold, or they have a good date, and you loose the momentum. But there's nothing that you can change about that. So, don't over do it. Take this time to ask her about little stupid things. Like her favorite bands, or shows, or light conversation about which was her favorite Oscars movies, or stuff like that. Keep it light and fun. If you are good on the phone, maybe get her phone number. If you're not. Wait to set up the date. You should set up the date and the details no later than Tuesday. Have another conversation Wednesday or Thursday and then wait for the date, Friday or Saturday.
 samverhoeff
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 8
Please help a n00b
Posted: 3/1/2016 6:41:40 PM
Thanks for the great advice, that really helps
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Please help a n00b
Posted: 3/1/2016 11:43:36 PM

Thanks for the great advice, that really helps


I have to agree with the other posters that say meet as soon as possible. You seem to have good conversation skills, so your problem won't be there. There's nothing worse than waiting for a first meet only to hear "lol I have a boyfriend now" when you message them. That's the thing, a lot of people are impatient and are on here to find a relationship as soon as possible. The key is to be aware in your everyday life and look for indicators of interest from other women. I've dropped the ball many times but that helped me learn what to look for and what to do.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 10
Please help a n00b
Posted: 3/2/2016 6:58:47 AM

The key is to be aware in your everyday life and look for indicators of interest from other women. I've dropped the ball many times but that helped me learn what to look for and what to do.


This are great words. Unfortunately in the conversation MEN do not listen to a key phrase here: "indicators of interest."

Women are giving these all the time. They are so blatant that is ridiculous. You can even practice in reading these signals by simply watching a romantic comedy and study the non verbal communication.

Men by nature are competitors and are in life in a constant state of competition. Women in the other hand are nurturers and as a study that came out a few days a go, many a times shy away from a competitive scenario, yet from an evolutionary biological point of view, they still want to find the best genes to reproduce. So these hints, this indicators of interest are thrown into the conversation, what is said, what is not said, with a smile, with a look, with a look away so you need to be aware of that.

Realize something else, and I borrow this from my field of work and that is the term "top of mind awareness."
When you communicate, create visuals and emotions that can be easily, and concretely materialize and they can relate to them. So during the week, when you're not talking to them, the guy they will be remembering is YOU.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 11
Please help a n00b
Posted: 3/2/2016 2:49:27 PM
samverhoeff- She left you an opening a mile wide to ask her out the weekend she's off!
Reply back with specific times that are good for you that weekend, ask her what times are good for her, when you narrow it down to a time that is good for both of you, ASK HER!
Keep us posted and good luck :)
 DeliciousANDnutricious
Joined: 2/23/2016
Msg: 12
Please help a n00b
Posted: 3/2/2016 6:40:58 PM
Wait, they have K Mart in Australia?
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Please help a n00b