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 AznGal246
Joined: 12/13/2015
Msg: 1
Should I contact him???Page 1 of 1    
I started talking to this guy last October from here, we talked ( via texting) for about three weeks before meeting in person. Before we met, he had asked me some serious/personal questions such as when I would like to get married, how many kids do I want, and have I ever been intimate with a guy before, etc. When we met in person, it was one of the best dates I've had. Our conversation flowed, things felt natural, our morals/values/interests were similar. We had dinner at a fancy restaurant and went to see a movie afterwards. Got home at almost 10 and we gave each other a hug at the end of the night. Once he got home, he texted me that he had a great time and that I was an intelligent and beautiful woman and said good night.

After about two weeks, we agreed to go out on Veterans Day. He lived almost an hour and half away from me, so it was hard to plan things due to the distance. He drove down on Veterans day in the afternoon, and we spent almost the entire day with each other. We went hiking, lunch, window shopping at the mall, and went to see a movie afterwards. Before the movie, we sat at a lounge area to chat before the movie, I asked him about his previous relationships and how has his experience been on POF. He told me his last relationship ended six months ago and he had met her on here. We were talking about going to Vegas together sometime in the future, and he showed me some pics of a Vegas trip he went with his recent ex. At the movies, he put his arm around me/held my hand almost the entire time and asked if he can kiss me. I said yes and we kissed. Then he asked if I can be his girl, I told him it's too soon and that I'm not ready yet. After the movie ended, he dropped me off home. We hugged and gave each other a good night kiss. When he got home, he texted me that he just got home, that he had a good time and told me to ice my ankle and take care of it (I sprung my ankle while hiking earlier that day).

We continue to keep in contact everyday since the second date, but I was questioning whether or not he was over his ex (the one that ended six months ago) because he talked about her a bit during our second date and still had pics of her on his phone. So I asked him if he was over her then he replied back and said that he was completely over her and that they parted ways awhile ago. Then he asked me to be his girl. I told him that I needed more time to get to know him before becoming getting into a relationship with him. He told me he understands.

About a week or so later, we went out again but this time, I met up with him somewhat near to his area. We had lunch at a nice restaurant, went to the pier, window shopping at the mall, and then went to a nice museum in LA. We both had lots of fun and had an amazing time.

We continue to keep in contact after that day and discussed future plans to see each other, he asked if I wanted to see his house and check out his area. I said okay. So, the weekend after Thanksgiving, I met up with him at the train station in his area. He picked me up and we had lunch at his place, went to the mall, watched movies at his place, walked around the lake, and I stayed overnight. We were intimate but did not have sex. He knew I wanted to wait on having sex and respected that. He asked me to be his gf that night and I said yes. Then I asked if he was serious about being with me and he said of course he was. Then, I asked if he can delete his POF account and he said he will do it next day. He also told me he was falling in love with me, but I did not say it back because I wasn't at that point yet and I didn't want to say it unless I really mean it. Spending almost the whole weekend with him definitely brought us closer and I got to know him a lot better.

A few days later after our fourth date, I searched for his profile on POF, and found out he still had an account (I deleted mine after the second date). I was pretty upset upon finding out that he had not deleted his account like he said he would. I did not bring it up to him because I didn't want to force him to delete his account. We continue to talk for about two weeks or so but did not see each other because one of his family members had passed away. He told me he probably won't be able to see me until January (2016) because he was going to be in Canada (He was born/raised in Canada) with family over the holidays and won't be back until early to mid January. I said that it was okay and that I understand that he needs to be with his family through this tough time.

About a week ago before he left to Canada, I'm not sure what happened or what I said, he kinda distanced himself from me, he didn't really texted me much. One day, he just stopped contacting me altogether. It's been hard for me to move on from this because I really did like him and was emotionally invested. It makes it harder when things ended abruptly with no explanation. I still miss him and my feelings for him hasn't changed, but I just don't know if I should contact him or not.

Should I contact him or is it just a waste of time??
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 2
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/2/2016 5:10:25 PM
He has moved on - there is no point contacting him you just prolong your sadness.
Sorry it didn't end well :(
 DeliciousANDnutricious
Joined: 2/23/2016
Msg: 3
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/2/2016 5:15:27 PM
Have you contacted him, or do you make him initiate all contact?

If you wait around for him and never iniate contact (text, email, phone call) that could make him think you are not interested in him, and he could lose interest.
 AznGal246
Joined: 12/13/2015
Msg: 4
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/2/2016 5:17:45 PM
^Thanks for your reply!
 AznGal246
Joined: 12/13/2015
Msg: 5
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/2/2016 5:20:29 PM
@Deliciousandnutricious

Did you mean while we were still dating or after? He mostly initiated contact but I do it sometimes too.
 DeliciousANDnutricious
Joined: 2/23/2016
Msg: 6
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/2/2016 5:24:58 PM
I meant while you were dating.

Who contacted the other last?
 AznGal246
Joined: 12/13/2015
Msg: 7
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/2/2016 5:30:03 PM
He did. We didn't texted much that day.
 cookymaker
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/2/2016 5:44:17 PM
There would be no harm in contacting him in my opinion
He contacted you last. .. I don't know if you responded every time he texted you or not. You did say he was acting distant.
The worst that can happen is that he doesn't respond to this text message and you can have some sort of closure rather than just wondering what is going on.
For all you know, he is wondering why he hasn't heard from you. That doesn't mean that is what is happening (him waiting on you) but you won't know until you make some sort of contact.
 AznGal246
Joined: 12/13/2015
Msg: 9
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/2/2016 6:01:44 PM
@Cookymaker Yes, I did responded to every text he sent me except the last one but he wasn't asking a question or anything.
You could be right. However, when I viewed his profile last week, he viewed mine back but did not contact me. So, he might have already moved on.
 DeliciousANDnutricious
Joined: 2/23/2016
Msg: 10
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/2/2016 6:05:28 PM
Yes ask him how he is doing, or whatever you feel like saying.

If a woman hardly initiates text or calls, over time I sense she is not that interested in me, I'm sure it's the same for women who initiate conversation with men.

Also, I view it as a way for someone to give me a hint they are not interested, and only a chump would keep "bugging" the person who is not really interested.
 a_buick_a_dd214_and_a_ba
Joined: 2/21/2016
Msg: 11
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/9/2016 10:10:32 PM

You could be right. However, when I viewed his profile last week, he viewed mine back but did not contact me. So, he might have already moved on.


Minus the part about going past the fourth date (as I usually look at lack of attraction or chemistry after the second date due to potential first date stress), then going no contact, I can freely admit to this behavior and fill you in on the reasoning.

If a woman looks at my profile, and I look at hers, yet do not write a message... it is simply because I am not interested.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 12
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/10/2016 6:30:48 AM
Strikes against him -

1) Asking you to be 'his girl'. A couple of times with sex never have happened

2) Showing pics of trip with his ex. Totally inappropriate

Strikes against you -

1) Going to his place and not having sex, after having had a few seemingly GREAT dates already.

I understand when women say they are not ready to have sex. Duly noted, but for many men including myself, I'm going to assume you're not very interested if we go on a few great dates and sex doesn't happen. Let me ask you this OP? Why didn't you have sex? What do you want to know about him before you have sex with him? Inquiring minds gotta know.

2) Asking him to delete his profile when you haven't been intimate yet.

Sounds like a Mexican standoff. You're both pointing guns at each other.

He's holding out for sex first and you want the profile down first.

Typical Wallet/Poon Mars/Venus lock up...


It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,
A beautiful day for a neighbor.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?

It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood,
A neighborly day for a beauty,
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 13
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/10/2016 11:18:46 AM

If a woman looks at my profile, and I look at hers, yet do not write a message... it is simply because I am not interested.


I get the buick and the dd214, but what is the ba for?
I see you only have some university.
I'm just wondering.
 AznGal246
Joined: 12/13/2015
Msg: 14
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/11/2016 3:49:22 PM
@clooneystutor

I didn't had sex with him on the 4th date because I am still a virgin. Although I am not waiting to have sex until marriage, I do want to lose it to the right guy and with a guy that I love/care deeply for. I feel like after over a month of dating this guy, I was nowhere near to the point where I was emotionally and mentally ready to have sex yet. I told him I was a virgin before we even met in person, so he knew I wanted to wait on having sex.
 a_buick_a_dd214_and_a_ba
Joined: 2/21/2016
Msg: 15
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/15/2016 7:56:43 PM

I get the buick and the dd214, but what is the ba for?
I see you only have some university.
I'm just wondering.


I miswrote my profile as I had a Guiness-filled night when writing it. It should read B.S. as in June of this year I will be finishing my Bachelor of Sciences in Business Management and Administration.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 16
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/15/2016 8:03:49 PM
OP, thank you for explaining.

Me personally?

I would never date a virgin because I know how special the 1st guy would have to be, and I respect that.

That being said, this guy doesn't sound very wise.

Like, he valued being your first more then anything else.

Creepy.
 AznGal246
Joined: 12/13/2015
Msg: 17
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/15/2016 11:01:00 PM
@clooneystutor
Yeah, I can see why most guy wouldn't want to date a virgin.
He told me that he loves virgins because they are so "pure" and he even said he wished
he was my first kiss after I told him I have kissed three guys so far. Which I thought was weird.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 18
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/16/2016 7:07:33 AM
So he ghosted you (slowly stopped communicating over time), and now you are wondering if you should contact him. The answer is no. We don't get to have closure on every situation, and this is just one of them. Accept the fact that he decided it is not in his best interest to continue to communicate with you.

You were both being intense in your own ways. The grilling personal interview about marriage, kids, intimacy, etc, before even meeting would have freaked me out. Him asking you to be his girlfriend so early on and on various occasions, and you asking him to take down his profile on POF just because you accepted being his girlfriend. One of the things that I appreciated about my now boyfriend is that he never inquired about my dating life, he just took it one day at a time, and focused on playing his part in it all, which worked over time.

I'm in a relationship with someone I met through POF and I've never asked him to do anything about his profile, that's totally up to him, and he will (or not) do whatever he considers to be the right thing. Although certain things have already happened and we are in a relationship, we are still getting to know each other and seeing if it has potential for a future. I do not automatically assume he is still looking to go out with other women. He did inquire about me being online, and I told him about the forums, which he is free to see at his leisure. I do not owe him an explanation as to why I am still online, but he inquired and I answered because I thought it was a legitimate question/concern due to the fact that we are in a relationship.

People have to show you who they are, and you are robbing them of that opportunity if you want to already establish demands. I'm not one to tell a man what he needs to do to show me that he cares about me, I sit back and observe, take notes, lol. I hid my profile so that it no longer comes up on the ribbon or meet me or anywhere as soon as I log on, I already took down my pictures except for one (for forums purposes), and changed certain things about my profile as well as it's content. I did it all on my own because I do not want to meet anyone else, I do not want to entertain messages, and I'm in a relationship. I'm content with what I have and I figure that continuing to leave things the same, would have created the same hell you are going through, thinking that they are still on the hunt just because their profile is still up. I observe actions, not words.

Dating can come to an end at any time, just like relationships, marriages, etc, you have to keep it into perspective. Just like we are all going to die some day, there is nothing we can do about but be grateful we wake up day after day, until we don't. Don't get so emotionally invested, you lose yourself in the situation, don't take it for granted, every day is a new day and life can always reset. You are still thinking about a guy with whom nothing really happened, yet your emotions were invested, whereas it is clear he lost interest. You should strive to be with someone who wants to be with you.

Don't put yourself in a position to be used by making it obvious you are way more interested in him than he is in you. He'll take you up for the offer eventually, when his options dwindle, and he'll continue to look for greener grass. Don't make someone your first choice while you aren't theirs.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 19
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/16/2016 11:49:31 AM

I miswrote my profile as I had a Guiness-filled night when writing it. It should read B.S. as in June of this year I will be finishing my Bachelor of Sciences in Business Management and Administration.


Awesome! Congrats and good luck to you! :o)
 AznGal246
Joined: 12/13/2015
Msg: 20
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/16/2016 12:24:53 PM
@BellaAtlantic

Thanks for your reply and great advice. I do agree with you that I shouldn't have ask him to delete his POF profile because its not my place to tell him what he can and cannot do especially since we weren't in anything serious. I did really wanted to contact him at the time when I posted this thread and have thought about it some more during that week. I haven't contacted him and I don't think I will. You're right, I shouldn't make him a priority when I am not his. It is pretty clear he lost interest/moved on since it's been about three months and he hasn't contacted me at all, so it would be pointless for me to reach out to him. Anyways, I have moved on from this and currently talking to a new guy. :)
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 21
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/16/2016 12:53:18 PM
I really do hope you are moving on from this situation, though it may take a little more time, since it has been months and you're still thinking about him after the fact. Good luck with the new guy you're talking to, and take it easy.
 oneday57
Joined: 10/17/2015
Msg: 22
Should I contact him???
Posted: 3/19/2016 3:16:26 PM
OH your long winded....if he just might be someone you just might want to work and i did say WORK a relationship with then go for it but if hes doin dumb stuff then YOU know the deal.....good luck!
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