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 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 2
Ice breaking ??Page 1 of 1    
Are you talking online or in real life?

Both are quite different.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 3
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Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/7/2016 1:27:20 PM
Why are you not smiling in your photo? Your profile is nice, so maybe a better picture will help.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 5
Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/7/2016 2:24:20 PM

Sending the first message, usually " errrrr hello I'm Ian"
How do I catch the attention ??


And you just did the same thing 300 other guys did to attract the same woman. Click. Next.

Most women when they create a profile, post pictures and all that crap are a little insecure about what they are doing. If they are attractive, and know that they can get a man reguardless of what they say, so even saying "my a s s is for p oo ping" is going to get them the 300 emails, it means that you have to have a strategy. Or get clicked off.

So.
Do not introduce yourself. Do not sell yourself. Do not tell her to check your profile. Or how much of a nice guy you are. Or tell her how hot, pretty, cute, exiting she looks.

Find the nugget in her profile. Women love to talk about themselves and if you can find that little thing in her profile that has that. You are in. Start a conversation as if you have already been talking to her. So start in the middle. Never sound like a form letter, it will click her off. First contacts should never be more than about 3 sentences and end it by asking a question.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 6
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Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/7/2016 2:27:00 PM
I think you have the idea as many do, that there is an icebreakers or icebreakers that will work with any woman or most women. Conversation is more art than science so what may work with one person may fall flat with the next.

I will point out there's one thing that most people haven't attempted or mastered and that is knowing the type of person that stands a decent chance of being attracted/interested in you. Usually, the picking of who to email is who turns your crank and while that's important, you could be picking women that have no interest in you. I would stop and consider whether there are similarities in the type of women that have been attracted to you in the past. A lot of people say they're not attracted to the type of person that is attracted to them, if that's the case..........don't know what to tell you.

Anyway, it's something to think about.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/1/2015
Msg: 7
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Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/7/2016 6:08:54 PM
Go to the main forum page. Do a forum thread search on "first message" and you will find many many threads with lots of advice on this topic.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 8
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Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/7/2016 6:29:22 PM

Find the nugget in her profile. Women love to talk about themselves and if you can find that little thing in her profile that has that. You are in. Start a conversation as if you have already been talking to her. So start in the middle. Never sound like a form letter, it will click her off. First contacts should never be more than about 3 sentences and end it by asking a question.


^^^^ This is great advice.
Willwba - If you look at my profile, what can you see that is a good starting point for you? I’ve listed authors, based my tag line and some quirky things around a favourite tv show, talked about where I’ve travelled, etc. Any one of those things can be an ice breaker. Best email lately was someone asking me to suggest what he should use in his za kit.

Any time I get a message that mentions something specific about those things, I will respond. Even if I’m not interested – if someone has taken the few minutes to get specific I will at least reply with a Thanks but No Thanks email. ALWAYS ask a question! Someone who has just said ‘Hi’ or worse, ‘look at my profile’…. how am I supposed to reply?
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 9
Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/7/2016 6:37:01 PM
" I will at least reply with a Thanks but No Thanks email "






WOW !!!!
That is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than no response at all !!!


( eye roll )
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 12/24/2015
Msg: 10
Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/7/2016 6:39:34 PM
Willwba,

I'm feeling generous, so I'm going to tell you something that I can guarantee will significantly raise your response rate. But first you must smile, or it will backfire. Are you ready for this? You must use it with caution. Here's what: People are very vain. People are even more vain than usual when using dating sites. The opening message should be "You have an unusually attractive face."
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 11
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Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/7/2016 7:33:34 PM


WOW !!!!
That is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than no response at all !!
( eye roll )


Willwba - Butterchickenchuck has a good point. Regardless of your messages, prepare yourself for a variety of No Thanks responses, no responses or even rude responses. For me its a mindset of 'if I don't take the shot, I can't possibly score' (bear with me on the hockey metaphor).
 DeliciousANDnutricious
Joined: 2/23/2016
Msg: 12
Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/8/2016 9:34:29 AM
I disagree with the woman who says to say "you have a unusually attractive face"

That may make her feel good, but a lot of women do not want to hear that, they know they are good looking, and you saying that makes you look like a pee-on, and shallow, also you don't have anything better to say, plus you probably say it to all the ladies.

I have done this for over 4 years, and have met a lot of women.

The biggest ice breaker for me is (someone else mentioned already) asking them about a hobby or something listed in their profile, or even a picture.

I wrote a woman on a kayak in a picture and asked her if they tip over easy, explained I love tubing at the river and had seen people using kayaks.

She wrote back telling me all about it, then said "hi my name is Mary, how are you?"

Then we started talking and the ice was broken.

Ok, don't expect all women to reply back, only a few will, it's just how it is.













when using dating sites. The opening message should be "You have an unusually attractive face."
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 13
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Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/8/2016 12:10:54 PM
Nothing to add here. Just wanted to say that I think ^^^^ his username is awesome.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 14
Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/8/2016 1:16:07 PM

That may make her feel good, but a lot of women do not want to hear that, they know they are good looking, and you saying that makes you look like a pee-on, and shallow, also you don't have anything better to say, plus you probably say it to all the ladies.


Very good post in general. Also I agree with the above. I prefer like Deli said, to ask about some activity, or a photo or something interesting that THEY have done. It's even more effective when it's crypted. In other words something that she would only understand. For instance, I used for a woman Alpe d' Huez as my headline and asked her which switchback it was. She responded and told me all about her trip to France, the famous Alpe and how she had seen Lance. I dated her for a while. Another lady responded to Flamenco. That was a reference she had on her profile. She answered back and we talked and talked and talked. Well, I am still talking to her since we are engaged.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 15
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Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/8/2016 3:52:32 PM
“Any time I get a message that mentions something specific about those things, I will respond. Even if I’m not interested”

I wish you wouldn’t. On the surface it may seem polite, but really it’s just false hope for the many men who have single digit response rates. I’ve gotten to the point where I can usually tell if a woman is responding out of courtesy, but sometimes I still get suckered and next thing you know I’ve wasted weeks, months, sometimes even years going back-and-forth with someone who never found me attractive and never had any intention of meeting me. Just because I sent her a rare original, well-written email that was actually about her profile. I just had a case of it back in Jan/Feb - -two months of pointless emails with a woman and almost weekly “Sorry, I’m kind of busy this weekend, but maybe next weekend” until she finally just admitted: “I just like the way you write but I never really had any other interest in you.”

That’s obviously an extreme case but even ONE such email is annoyance and time I could have used concentrating on contacting other women that might actually find me attractive. If a woman I didn’t find attractive ever sent me an excellent first contact email, I wouldn’t say a word to her – there’s no question she could ask that’s worth responding to if I don’t find her attractive. We’re just all better off that way. And 95% of women apparently follow that exact line of logic because they don’t respond to me no matter how "brilliant" my opening email is, and I really don’t care that they don’t. It’s the other 5% that drive me crazy.

“I would stop and consider whether there are similarities in the type of women that have been attracted to you in the past.”

So many women make this sound like it’s so easy, despite the fact that most women also claim they are all individuals and you can’t assume just because this woman liked you that that similar woman will also like you. I’m a professional statistician so obviously I’ve analyzed the hell out of the women that have dated me. You don’t even want to know what they had in common. But it certainly explains why I’ve been dateless for 9 straight years now.
 shutterblink
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 16
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Posted: 3/8/2016 7:45:47 PM

“Any time I get a message that mentions something specific about those things, I will respond. Even if I’m not interested”

I wish you wouldn’t. On the surface it may seem polite, but really it’s just false hope for the many men who have single digit response rates.

@HawkingJr
I guess this will be one of those 'damned if you, damned if you don't' things. I get called out for politely saying No thanks as well as going the no response route. Do however let me clarify that I make it clear that I am not interested.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 17
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Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/8/2016 7:51:48 PM

Im fairly new to all this dating scene and was looking for a bit advice on how to start a conversation..?
I feel I'm ok once I get going in chat but what's the best way to make a start.. My ice breakers don't seem to be attracting much attention
Sounds daft I know but I've literally sent loads of ice breakers out with no reply.. What am I doing wrong ??


In person you have direct opening statements, situational opening statements, and indirect opening statements. If you just mean online, you have to stand out. "Hey, I saw you like fitness. I like fitness too" doesn't communicate that you're actively dating and doesn't stand out from all the other guys. Be brief but be interesting.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 18
Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/9/2016 6:51:23 AM
In my experience, for the most part, it doesn't matter what you write in your email. If a woman likes your pictures, "stats", and/or the rest of your profile. You will probably get a positive reply. Unless the email is overaggressive ( asking a woman out right away ) or crude ( sexual content ).
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 19
Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/9/2016 7:21:11 AM

In my experience, for the most part, it doesn't matter what you write in your email. If a woman likes your pictures, "stats", and/or the rest of your profile. You will probably get a positive reply. Unless the email is overaggressive ( asking a woman out right away ) or crude ( sexual content ).


Back when I had a profile and photos and all that. Every time I made a change to my photos. Nothing happend. Every time I added or took out something I wrote on my profile, nothing happened. But when I began to come up with different ways to approach the email, I went from 1 in a 100 to practically i in 5.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 20
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Posted: 3/9/2016 8:26:38 AM
I read enough women’s profiles that mention “Please say something more than ‘Hi’” that I do think that what you write does factor in just a bit to most women (including the “silent majority” who don’t have something like that on their profiles or who have 1-2 sentence profiles themselves). So spamming some version of “Hi” to dozens of women likely won’t get you anywhere fast. Standing out from the crowd and making an effort (aka “jumping through hoops”) might move you from a borderline call to a response, so most of the advice here about saying something about the woman’s profile and asking her a question is probably good.

But it’s important to understand that nothing you say will ever take you from outright rejection to acceptance. If the woman doesn’t find you (or your profile) attractive, then you could have written Shakespeare and it wouldn’t make any difference as far as getting a date with her.

“But when I began to come up with different ways to approach the email, I went from 1 in a 100 to practically i in 5.”

Back when you were actively dating on the site, it was a different world. Most of my rejections now are “deleted/unread”, half the time without even looking at my profile (unless they’re in stealth mode) so it’s largely based on your profile picture that appears beside your email in their inbox. They’re basically treating POF like Tinder – they see the picture attached to the message and either swipe left or swipe right. The message doesn’t even factor in. When we first started on this site many years ago, there were no pictures attached to the email, so the woman had no choice but to either open the email or check out the profile in order to see who was contacting her. Also during that period there was an email subject line – you could write a really clever, original one of those to further entice a woman to open the email so that you could dazzle her. These advantages and strategies are long gone. You’re just a goddamn picture now in a world of hundreds of emails a day for many women, and that’s all that matters.

“I guess this will be one of those 'damned if you, damned if you don't' things. I get called out for politely saying No thanks as well as going the no response route. Do however let me clarify that I make it clear that I am not interested.”

Most of the guys begging for a rejection response are just whiny brats. If you’re sending out thousands of emails a year like most of us serious guys are, then efficiency is your number one concern, and in no way is getting a rejection email efficient – that’s just one more pointless email you have to waste your time opening when you could have been emailing someone new instead. As for the “not interested” response, I always find that remarkable when women say that in the forums. Not because they’re risking getting chewed out by the men they send those to, but because I’ve sent out more than 10,000 first contact messages in my 9 years on here and have only received two of those ever in a first response – my first was about 6 years ago, and my second actually came a couple weeks ago, and I nearly fell off my chair when I saw it. I’m not even sure how you put that into a standard first response: “Why, yes I do love the Gators, I go to their games all the time. Do you have season tickets? Oh, by the way, I’m not really interested in dating you, but I bet we’d make great friends or online penpals!”

A long time ago I did once get a meeting from a gorgeous woman who I’m quite sure had no real interest in dating me originally and was WAAAAAAY out of my league because the email I sent her blew her mind, but when you’ve sent out some 20,000 first contact emails in your 20 years of OLD, you’d have to be the unluckiest guy on earth not to hit the lottery every once in a blue moon.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 21
Ice breaking ??
Posted: 3/9/2016 8:54:48 AM

Back when you were actively dating on the site, it was a different world. Most of my rejections now are “deleted/unread”, half the time without even looking at my profile (unless they’re in stealth mode) so it’s largely based on your profile picture that appears beside your email in their inbox.


Hawkings, too bad we could not do this... If I could have total access to your profile and completely edit the content, without never saying anything that is not true to who you are. Took new photos of you as per my specific instructions, and deleted all the ones that did not fit my said criteria. And then aimed and pursued women with a different approach to email, I could easily land you at least 3 dates in one month.

I venture to say that if I also got in your head, I could get you laid at least with one of those ladies. And by the way, these would be prime, very attractive, very desirable ladies. One caveat, I know you don't like women with children, so more than likely some of these hot ladies may have at least one "mocoso" around.
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