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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > stop with the endless messages and ask me out already      Home login  
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 homemakerwoman
Joined: 1/22/2015
Msg: 1
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out alreadyPage 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I don't understand why people waste so much time on here sending endless messages that do not lead to a date. If you're not here to date, why did you join a dating website? I'm tired of messaging back and forth for weeks and it leads to nothing but more messages and more messages. I'm here to DATE.
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 2
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 1:55:51 AM
As he said, put some effort into this. Email men who you are interested in. You have no one to blame for having your time wasted but yourself. You allowed this to happen.

As for why join a dating site to not date, you have to realize that this site was more like a social site. I joined this site in 2006 and have dated one person in that time. I mainly used this site to instant message when bored and then i discovered the forums.
 Lasthookbringsme
Joined: 11/8/2015
Msg: 3
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 2:11:42 AM

Well in this day and age we have this thing called 'equality'.


Bad approach.

No -- there isn't. This is just a term in dating that people invoke in their dates to save a buck or disinvest in people, but want all of the other bennies of this arrangement, and more.

If this had anything to do with equality (in the way in which you have introduced it) these men would stop expecting women (think intersectionality or how this different between different women) to pay and vote for _their_ war toys, their corporate interests, their failed social policies and rules about reproductive rights and choices.


I don't understand why people waste so much time on here sending endless messages that do not lead to a date. If you're not here to date, why did you join a dating website? I'm tired of messaging back and forth for weeks and it leads to nothing but more messages and more messages. I'm here to DATE.


Stop wasting your time with these time spongers. Stop giving them convenient cyber dates by messaging/texting/calling them for weeks on end. They're not interested in meeting you -- they're interested in pacifying their boredom with your willingness to give them the time of day. Exchange only a few messages, if they don't ask you out, stop talking with them, and find somebody else.
 homemakerwoman
Joined: 1/22/2015
Msg: 4
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 2:24:09 AM

Well in this day and age we have this thing called 'equality'. You know, women are allowed to do all sorts of things - I've even heard in some countries they're allowed to even drive cars and vote.
So get off your ass and ask him for a date. Take the initiative and stop whining.


You want equality but still want to be treated like a man? Lmao! This new-age role reversal and gender-bending stuff has gotten most of you males to act feminine. Pretty soon you're going to start asking us to open doors for you and pull out your chair before you sit down.
 homemakerwoman
Joined: 1/22/2015
Msg: 5
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 2:34:01 AM

 I mainly used this site to instant message when bored


I have a problem with people like you. This website is advertised as a dating website. Success stories about how people have found relationships and have gotten married are often posted on this website. Commercials run on TV that shows happy couples who have met using POF and now we have idiots using it as a social network for boredom just because the service is free. This is not a social website. An example of that would be Facebook or Twitter, not a website where people are trying to find their mate. You are nothing more than a waste of time.
 homemakerwoman
Joined: 1/22/2015
Msg: 6
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 2:40:16 AM



Bad approach.

No -- there isn't. This is just a term in dating that people invoke in their dates to save a buck or disinvest in people, but want all of the other bennies of this arrangement, and more. 

If this had anything to do with equality (in the way in which you have introduced it) these men would stop expecting women (think intersectionality or how this different between different women) to pay and vote for _their_ war toys, their corporate interests, their failed social policies and rules about reproductive rights and choices.


*applause* Well said!
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 7
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 4:10:00 AM
Have a cut off date.

If they haven't asked for your number and called you within a certain time frame (whatever works for you), stop responding.

If they haven't asked you out within whatever time frame works for you, stop responding.

You can't change other people's behavior. Only your own.


People are here for all kinds of reasons, if you have boundaries, the ones who are not here for the reason you are will just fall by the wayside.

This is about weeding out the ones who are not for you.
 IgottaName
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 8
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 4:29:46 AM

You want equality but still want to be treated like a man? Lmao!

That's a gate that swings both ways. It appears that you enjoy the advances women have made in the world today, but still want to fall back on archaic dating rituals, a.k.a. being treated like a lady.


This new-age role reversal and gender-bending stuff has gotten most of you males to act feminine.

Being open to, rather than being offended by, the idea that a modern women might invite a man out and might offer to pay or even insist on it, as absolutely nothing to do with "new-age role reversal and gender bending" It's about discarding ancient gender roles all together.


Pretty soon you're going to start asking us to open doors for you and pull out your chair before you sit down.

I'm not offended when a woman opens a door for me, and if a woman ever pulled out a chair for me I'd respond by saying. "Thank-you". That has nothing to do with my masculinity, and everything to do with just being polite.

To address your original concerns, my work schedule can be brutal, working nights and weekends. I also have friends and family that I like to spend time with when I can, so while I might like to go out on a date once in awhile, it may be weeks between opportunities. So what's wrong with spending time communicating with each other until the opportunity arises to go out together. Why so impatient? Not getting enough chairs pulled out for a free dinner?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 9
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 5:32:14 AM
Don't waste weeks and weeks messaging, if they are moving fast to get a date lined up move on.
Too many time vampires on here.
Are you hitting up Men you find appealing? Might be an easier solution that being passive and waiting for them to contact you.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 5:37:57 AM
Setting aside the grand politics of international weapons proliferation as it relates to dating, and the Great Gender Rivalry of modern times, I suggest that the first thing to do in ANY situation is to look at the immediate practical considerations.

In this case, how will making a general self-righteous fuss in any direction, on a dating site forum, in any way get your message of frustration across to the people you are upset with?

Rather than indulging in public posturing, I suggest that you make it a point to tell the EXACT PERSON you are dealing with, on perhaps the third message (or at any time after YOU have decided that YOU want to meet them) that you want either to meet, or to cease banter. Follow that up by ignoring any further notes that don't address your concern.

For myself, perhaps because I'm ancient, or perhaps because of all I've been through, am LESS eager to arrange meetups right away. In face to face chance meetings, I am the same way, essentially. I haven't been in the "lets go get coffee and a hotel room right away" mode, since I was about sixteen, and learned how much of a real waste of life that approach is. So now, I'd rather get to know someone a little more by message or phone, before taking the next step.

For sure, someone who is in "let me process you through my dating plan grinder on schedule" mode, isn't going to gain my affection.
 woodnymph4
Joined: 2/15/2016
Msg: 11
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 5:40:48 AM

Stop wasting your time with these time spongers. Stop giving them convenient cyber dates by messaging/texting/calling them for weeks on end. They're not interested in meeting you -- they're interested in pacifying their boredom with your willingness to give them the time of day. Exchange only a few messages, if they don't ask you out, stop talking with them, and find somebody else.


Did you read her profile?

She's a homemaker, a couple kids, 2 years as longest relationship and looking for someone to support her. Worlds oldest profession. So she has banged a few guys, got a few kids out of that, wants someone to "pay my bills". and is on here b1tching about the guys who contacted her.

So OP, I don't know if there are a whole lot of guys that would line up to "pay your bills", support you and your kids in exchange for a "rub down" at the end of a hard day of work.

I don't even think Eternity could say this wasn't someone just putting a price tag on herself.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 12
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 5:45:20 AM
I lose interest when a man won't meet up right away (or as soon as he is able). I let them know: I want to meet you before I begin "getting to know" you. That order of things makes sense to me, maybe not to everyone.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 13
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 6:35:38 AM

You want equality but still want to be treated like a man? Lmao! This new-age role reversal and gender-bending stuff has gotten most of you males to act feminine. Pretty soon you're going to start asking us to open doors for you and pull out your chair before you sit down.


Equality is used when some women cherry pick the "traditional" values that benefit them. But ignore the ones that hurt them. Women have held the door for me, asked me out on dates etc. I never felt less "masculine" because I don't have trivial rules about what men and women should do.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 14
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 6:40:18 AM
Time vampires is the right word. I've met plenty of those on all kinds of dating websites. Not sure what their deal, but I cut them off after a few exchanges, and yes, I have been the one to suggest a date. Then I would get an answer like "great, let's meet", and then nothing. These clowns keep coming back to with super lame messages like "hey how have you been", as if they actually knew me. Block and move on, don't even let them take up space in your inbox.

Same applies to guy who chat me up all week, then ask me what I'm doing this weekend, and then POOF, only to reappear on Monday to start the bvllshit all over again. WHen I ask what happened I get the predictable excuse that they were 'busy" (doing what though?). Hm, OK, I pass.
 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 15
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 7:03:11 AM

I lose interest when a man won't meet up right away (or as soon as he is able). I let them know:


As you should. OP, if you are exchanging countless emails and are unhappy about it why do you allow it to continue to happen? There is nothing wrong with telling someone that contacts you that you are interested in meeting as soon as possible. There are numerous people on here that have no other agenda than to stay behind the computer. What you get out of this site is completely up to you. I am not here to date. I am here exclusively for the forums...I know you have a problem with that. However, I could not care less about what you have a problem with.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 16
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 7:05:38 AM
The thread topic reminds me of the TV show Catfish. The premise of the show is usually the same in each episode: Two people are endlessly e-chatting-sometimes for months, or even years-and whenever one asks the other to meet in person, the person being asked always comes up with excuses why they can't make it, or cancels at the last minute. (Shockingly, OP, sometimes it's the woman asking to meet the guy). What happens a lot of times is the person hoping to meet sooner rather than later falls madly in love with the person they never met, and even gets to the point of discussing wedding plans and spending the rest of their lives together in wedded bliss.

The show arranges for the two of them to meet in person for the first time, and the person who hesitated in meeting is not who they said they were. The profile pictures are fake, and sometimes the person is the opposite gender of who they portrayed.

It's situation like that why I and other people have a policy of exchanging a few messages, then meeting in person after a week or two. It doesn't have to be a full blown dinner date or anything fancy. It could be a short meet someplace convenient and cheap, in case the other person isn't who they say they are, or there's zero attraction. If the person comes up with excuses about why they can't meet in a short period of time, that ends any chance of meeting.
 woodnymph4
Joined: 2/15/2016
Msg: 17
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 7:09:37 AM
The OP is not looking to date, she is looking for someone to "pay her bills". So don't waste her time, she needs to find a guy stupid enough to "pay her bills".

Read her profile.
 Cdan1957
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 18
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 7:52:02 AM
^^^ I read her profile. I understand what she is about. I decided to address the topic of the thread without reference to what she is looking for.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 19
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 8:30:37 AM
Like most of the folks who water here....

It does not matter in the slightest, what type Relationship and/or what type person YOU are looking for.

Unless you live in a one horse town, YOU have options. Likely plenty of them. Just one of those CHOICES is to decide how long to spend "communicating" with others.

IFFFFFFFF you keep having the same trouble/s OVER AND OVER?

THE person to blame is as close as the nearest mirror.

And as far as "equality"?

Not that long ago, Blacks had to ride in the back of the bus.

Much more recently, we all "knew" that a Black man could never play quarterback or be President. They simply were not smart enough.

Get on the train or get left behind.

It's YOUR choice.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 20
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 9:26:56 AM

I'm tired of messaging back and forth for weeks and it leads to nothing but more messages and more messages. I'm here to DATE.


From your profile, you are looking for a man willing to support you and some other guy's kids. Good luck with that!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 8/14/2015
Msg: 21
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 12:01:36 PM
Well, this thread isn't really about who should be the first
to ask someone out or the OP's profile, she didn't ask for a
review.

There are people out there who like to message endlessly.
I figure either because they're not interested or they just
like chatting, or perhaps they are chatting to several people
and are lining up dates to see where things go.

Whatever the reason...doesn't matter.
If someone isn't moving according to your expectations...call
them on it...or ask them out.

If you ask and they hedge or make excuses...at least you'll
have an answer.
 kj521
Joined: 9/20/2015
Msg: 22
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 12:17:47 PM
Ms. Homemakerwoman.....

I absolutely adore the honesty in your profile!

Use that same directness in your messages and like others said...create messaging limits and that should solve the problem!

Best wishes for your dating success! :D




VVVVV Woo Hoo! Mr. OHenry! Congrats! Hope you have fun!
And I agree...people can make dating much more complicated than it is. :)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 23
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 12:22:56 PM
I got a new match on Tinder last night. This morning, I sent her an initial message. Two hours and a half dozen messages later, we have a date for a casual dinner this evening.

Why do so many people make this so complicated? It doesn’t have to be, doesn’t need to be.
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 24
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 12:33:11 PM
Like it or not, it is not a man's responsibility to pursue a woman.
 homemakerwoman
Joined: 1/22/2015
Msg: 25
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stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/8/2016 12:44:03 PM
😂 I find it absolutely hilarious that some people found the need to comment on what I put on my profile. I never asked for a review. I understand that it is not appealing to EVERYONE and that is not a problem for me. I only have an issue with trying to sort out 50+ new messages a day from people giving me endless small talk. I want to thank the people who actually addressed my concern. I will use your suggestions. :)
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