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 AUTHOR
 lifeinthecountry379
Joined: 12/30/2015
Msg: 1
He throws and says mean things when he is mad Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
My boyfriend of two years has been letting his anger get out of control more and more , I never saw this until we moved in together a few months ago but now when we fight and he gets mad he hits and breaks things. He will smash the wall, his windshield, phone, etc. And call me every possible mean thing like ****, manipulative, stupid**** go f*ck myself. The last time he got really bad he was throwing and calling me names and told me how lucky I was this is all I got as it could be a lot worse. I'm just so upset why he would say these things. This isn't love? How can he possibly love me if he treats me this way? We have talked about it multiple times and he keeps saying he will work on it but I haven't seen any improvement. Should I leave him for good?
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 2
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 11:03:56 AM

Should I leave him for good?
Yes.
But you already know that.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3
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History
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 11:05:02 AM
Yes!

Leave now. Don't pass go. Never go back.

Read the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBekker.

This is not love. It's abuse.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 4
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 11:06:26 AM

Should I leave him for good?


Yes. Do it now. Not later. If he hits "things," how soon will that thing he hits is you? The problem is not that people fight. I have arguments with my own SO. But they do not end up like this. Also, if you have an argument and end up having someone going to an extreme and this is something that happen once a year, I would say, welcome to life. But if it's recurring and he ends up saying this words "he keeps saying he will work on it but" it means that you are in a cycle of violence.

It needs to stop.
But before you do anything, arm yourself with knowledge and information. Google the cycle of violence. Google the drama triangle. Learn that there is a perpetrator, a victim, and a rescuer. And both will end up switching roles in different occasions. So be aware that the Perpetrator many times feels like He is the victim of something you do, so he lashes out. Then after he causes all the physical and/or emotional pain wants to be the rescuer. When that does not work, he feels bad and promises not to do it again, until things start all over again.

If he ever touches you, call the authorities. Begin a paper trail by contacting either the police, or some type of social worker. If you have children, learn of shelters or friends where you can go when things go bad.

The sad reality is that HE is not going to change. Period.

So the more you learn and the sooner you move out and end the relationship the better.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 5
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 11:11:00 AM

Should I leave him for good? How can he possibly love me if he treats me this way?


?LOVE? NO one can possibly love anyone if they do not love themselves first. LOVE yourself first.
And leave? RUN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and don't look back!
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 6
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 11:47:23 AM
well OP, not sure why you have an active dating profile when you are living with someone
Am sure you need to get away from him STAT.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 7
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 12:43:44 PM
geesh, yes, get out, now!
your life isn't worth risking.
 Onyx49
Joined: 3/6/2016
Msg: 8
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 12:56:00 PM
OP, okay I'll cut the cake on this !

No, I don't think you should leave him, at least not right away or permanently.
What is he so angry about...did you do something to cause it, being that you've been dating him for 2 years and during that time you joined a dating site does not seem appropriate behavior for a woman in your situation.

Have you sat him down and just talked...take yourself out of the conversation and just asked him what he's so angry about, then shut your mouth and let him talk, no matter what he says you sit there quietly....and listen !

The fact that you're in a relationship, and on a dating site gives reason to question your credibility and if his rage towards you isn't justified....
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 9
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:07:44 PM

What is he so angry about...did you do something to cause it


Not advice I'd give.
She has nothing to do with his behaviour choices. It's not her fault.
 DinVermont
Joined: 3/3/2016
Msg: 10
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:13:06 PM
Rage is never justified. The OP needs to leave, immediately. Thank goodness there seems to be no children involved in this sad and dangerous situation.

Next, in my humble opinion, she needs serious counseling. Please read her posting history... I am confused by her previous posts. She mentions only back in late January of sex with an ex. Or did I read that incorrectly?

To the OP: Please sweetheart, you need some help. Do you have a mother or best friend who can help you get through this difficult time?
 Onyx49
Joined: 3/6/2016
Msg: 11
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:13:58 PM
It does if she did something that would cause a person to be angry, like dating for 2 years and joining a dating site 3 months ago...which looks like that's when all of this started, or something else she did that's unresolved.
 geekgrrrl
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 12
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He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:24:27 PM
^^^Of course its got to be her fault. Maybe she didn't pay for his coffee or meal. If he's violent it must be her fault. It can't be that he's a loser. She had to have caused it right?

WRONG!

OP he's the problem. Lose him before he hurts you.
 DinVermont
Joined: 3/3/2016
Msg: 13
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:24:45 PM
It does not matter who is at fault. What matters is her safety. There's probably a whole lot more going on with this couple but violence can not be tolerated.
 crook_catcher
Joined: 1/27/2016
Msg: 14
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:25:47 PM

OP, okay I'll cut the cake on this !


More like give a load of bad advice.



No, I don't think you should leave him, at least not right away.


So when's a good time? After he beats her or just before he goes off on her? That's got to be that worst advice I've ever seen here.


Have you sat him down and just talked...take yourself out of the conversation and just asked him what he's so angry about, then shut your mouth and let him talk, no matter what he says you sit there quietly....and listen !


Oh...shut her mouth....sounds like you've got some stuff going on yourself. You obviously don't have a clue on abusive dynamics. She sits there and doesn't say anything he'll go off ten times worse. He doesn't know why he's angry in all probability or can't explain it which will lead to more frustration on his part which leads to more violence.



She specifically said she's talked with him several times. What makes you think another talk will make it all better?



Hit the wall, his windshield, phone, etc. And call me every possible mean thing like ****, manipulative, stupid**** go f*ck myself. The last time he got really bad he was throwing and calling me names and told me how lucky I was this is all I got as it could be a lot worse.


OP he's telling you the truth when he says it could be a lot worse....I've worked three homicides where the abusive spouse showed just how much worse it can actually be.

OP find a place to go when he's not there and cut communication.
 Onyx49
Joined: 3/6/2016
Msg: 15
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:36:51 PM
^^^^
MSG 15

I agree with you, go ahead...screw up and when caught and confronted run crying to people that you're a victim and make the guy sound like a blood thirsty savage.
In her own words, in her posting history...she states banging some guy thru a mattress recently, and other rendezvous's.
I'd say this guy got into her account and read about it...or found out some other way.

Anytime a woman claims domestic violence, idiots...without question just believe anything she sez...well all of you that believed her got played...he's wrong if he's actually arguing with her at this point...he should call a trash truck and toss her in it.....
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 16
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:41:26 PM
So he's been your boyfriend for two years, and was he Mister Wonderful Boyfriend that whole time until you two started living together, and then suddenly he did a Jekyll and Hyde transformation? I find it hard to believe there were never any warnings signs beforehand in the year and a half or however long of dating-unless you had blinders on and/or did a "He'll change for the better once we start living together", which is a common justification people use when they're anxious or desperate to be in a relationship, even if they know in the pit of their stomach that it's with a Mr./Miss Wrong.
I'm with all of the other people who say it's time to do an exit stage left.
 DinVermont
Joined: 3/3/2016
Msg: 17
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:53:51 PM
Please note the OP is only 26 years old. She has a lot to learn in this world of dating and I hope she is able to find happiness in a relationship that does not include violence. Only she can change her future. We can debate all we want but it will not change the outcome. All we can do is hope she does not become another domestic violence statistic.

Good luck to the OP. Keep safe.
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 18
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 3:12:03 PM
I know a woman who was in an abusive relationship. She thought the guy would change but he never did. It took him assaulting her with a knife and being sent to jail for her finally to realize that. I'm sure there are plenty of nice guys your age willing to date you . Why not give them a chance?
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 19
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 3:20:34 PM
It doesn't matter how he feels about you when things are good.

He has anger issues. Everybody gets angry sometimes. The way he behaves when he's angry isn't going to get better. He's already implicitly threatened you while angry. And he's probably using his rage as a means of control. You already are taking steps to make sure you don't piss him off, even though you didn't say so. It's only natural.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 20
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He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 3:26:25 PM
He has rage problems and is being abusive to you. You know it wont get any better and he has threatened you already and are you going to stay around for the worst to happen??? You need to get out of there and fast. He clearly is showing his true colours now and you cant help him. Why are you even hesitating?? He needs to get help. Don't feel his behaviour is your fault. He has to control his feelings.
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 21
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History
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 3:37:57 PM
Just curious, OP, is that him with you in the 4th picture, holding the bass?

It's not often we get to see the perp's mug.
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 22
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 3:41:47 PM
OP, in your posting history, you say you 'like it rough'~ NTTATWWT
Of course abuse should never be tolerated, but perhaps this is why you have not yet high-tailed it out of there? Unsure of your own boundaries? What constitutes 'rough' in your estimation and what behavior crosses the line<
 AussieNancy
Joined: 2/19/2015
Msg: 23
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 3:45:23 PM
Dear OP. I havn't read your posting history so I'm referring to this thread only.

Believe me when I say this: ( My eldest daughter is your age) Get out NOW!! Regardless of whatever you might be doing and regardless of excuses for his violent behaviour, you are NOT the one forcing him to yell and throw things at you. It's his choice and from my own experience he will not change.

Let me tell you a brief story: (In my usual fashion, I'll do this in point form for easier reading.......)


*A few years ago, after being with him for around a year, we moved in together.
*Day -to - day living with him was totally different to just dating.

*He wanted his own way for everything and I mean EVERYTHING, even down to the right sort of tomatoes to make spaghetti sauce. They had to be Italian tomatoes. I was brutally chastised......

*We had a physical fight where I grabbed his hair and pulled on his clothing.
*He threw me across the kitchen then punched me causing a black eye, broken nose and a broken rib. I left him while he slept. I didn't report the incident.

*For months afterwards he was hysterical and tried to take his own life twice, begging me to go back to him.
*He was so distraught and my heart too soft, where I organised the police to do a welfare check on him.

*They did just that and later called me saying they were truly alarmed at his deteriorated mental and physical state.
*His family begged me to give him another chance.

*I went back to him.
*Six weeks later he was back to his usual self and raised his fists at me. I stood my ground and threatened him.
*I left him again while he slept.

*I moved in with my son.
*A week later he found me and head butted the front door down and stabbed me in the forearm and upper arm.
*Police arrived and slapped a restraining order against him.

*Six months into the restraining order, the police rang me and asked if I'd been in contact with him. I said no, why?
*Another restraining order was placed against him for threatening to kill his current girlfriend.

He will never change. People like that; violent men; will never change.

I wish you all the very best and please take heed of the advice you've been given here.
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 24
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He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 5:05:01 PM
OP: I agree with others, you should leave.

You live in Ontario, there are free services you can use to support and help you:

the assaulted women's help line http://www.awhl.org

there are shelters in your area - they provide emergency housing and they also offer counselling services (free) for women who are in the contemplative stage of fleeing domestic violence.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 25
He throws and says mean things when he is mad
Posted: 3/9/2016 6:06:25 PM
Hi OP,
aside from the puzzling fact that have a live-in boyfriend and are "looking for someone to marry" online,
If your story is legit, visit this site http://our-place-online.net/
Plenty of stories like yours, plenty of support, and some good endings. Don't be intimidated. There is plenty of help available out there, you will get the support and guidance you need.
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