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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good      Home login  
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 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 1
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Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no goodPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Well the other day omg I met someone real - she lives like less than a km from me. We exchanged msg's a bit, I was in the middle of doing servicing on my 4wd while sending msgs. She decided to drop in to where I live and say hi, which she did, and she was really nice, then 5 min later she went because she was in the middle of doing things and I'd been under my 4wd tooling away on fixing something at the time she parked in the driveway. She'd msg'd me her number before that.

So I msged her (here and to her phone - she gave me her number) two days later as that night I had a horrible night shift and spent the next day trying to sleep knowing i had another night shift that night, and I heard nothing. I left it couple of days, messaged politely again, and heard nothing.

Until today when I got a brief message saying 'you are a really nice person, but I felt no spark'. Ok well there you go. No 'spark'. I don't know how I'm supposed to create/trigger that, or is it simply something that has to happen naturally in another person.

Such a shame and it proves how fickle this dating game is - even when you finally find a real person who's so close you could walk to each other's houses, there's still no chance if one (or both) don't feel that instant tingly connection thing going on. I'm absolutely certain my living situation (by myself in rented house, and working really irregular shiftwork) killed off any chance of an instant connection and it didn't have to be stated as such.

Anyone else had this where you discover someone really close by, actually meet them face to face, then nothing happens because the other person goes cold almost straight away, or you go cold, and it just fizzles even before it gets going?
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/1/2015
Msg: 2
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Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/10/2016 4:05:50 AM
Sounds like something that would occur often. Of all of the suitable men I have met in my entire adult life, only 4 of them were worthy of a long/ish term relationship. Probably a half dozen more managed to make it to a few dates, or short term dating. All of the rest of the men I have met that were in the right age group, single, lived reasonably close etc were not suitable or there was no mutual attraction. It would actually be against the norm for a random meeting such as you described to have turned out to be "the one", I think.
 crook_catcher
Joined: 1/27/2016
Msg: 3
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/10/2016 4:19:35 AM

Until today when I got a brief message saying 'you are a really nice person, but I felt no spark'.


Sounds like a polite way of saying they aren't interested after meeting you.

I would think agreeing to meet while you're servicing your truck and crawling around underneath it may not have been to your advantage? I don't know....kind of like a woman agreeing to meet while she's scrubbing floors...spring cleaning? Best foot forward and all that.... ;)
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 4
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/10/2016 4:45:57 AM
Meh.

I'd brush it off and move on.

Having a romantic interest live close by can be...awkward and isn't always as convenient as it sounds.

I had a gal that literally lived 8 units away from me at my complex.

Things escalated pretty damn fast. Booty call heaven.

Well, hot momma worked until midnight and wanted to come over after work.

I wake at 5am.

She went into Fatal Attraction mode when I told her I couldn't see her that late.

Banging on my front door and texting all kinds of obscenities, demanding I take time off work.

She finally mellowed out and moved.

So...you MIGHT have dodged a Glenn Close wannabe.
 wineaboutit
Joined: 2/18/2016
Msg: 5
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/10/2016 6:47:55 AM
It does not sound like you met under the best circumstances, I would have agreed to meet at a time when you were not distracted by carrying out daily chores. The piont of making a connection is to be to the best of your ability in the moment and neither of you were, you were kind of mutually multi- tasking a meet up which in my opinion is not great.

My ideal relationship would be with somebody who lives close enough to plan stuff together on a regular basis but being in the same neighborhood is no guarantee of success. It really sounds like both of you made minimal effort so you got a minimal result. You really got your answer when she did not message back right away. I am not a super texter person but if I do not get a response after I have reached out for more than a few days, I assume that person is not into me and I delete their number. There is in my mind a middle ground between responding instantly and dragging it out too long.

If something fizzles before it got going, it was not going to matter whether that person lived close by or not. Part of the problem is everybody defines the "spark" as something a bit different. And a lot of people are looking for a relationship vaguely without really knowing exactly what it is they are looking for and that makes dating even more fickle. I have learned over time not to take it so personally, you cannot make somebody be "into" you, and in fact somebody who demonstrates a lack of interest early on is doing you a favor. Better to have that happen early on than after you have done some emotional investing.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 6
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Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/10/2016 6:55:38 AM
Maybe you should have thrown a spark plug at her.

Seriously, OP, why would you agree to a first meet while you're lying under your car in your driveway?
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 7
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Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/10/2016 7:55:37 AM

Anyone else had this where you discover someone really close by, actually meet them face to face, then nothing happens because the other person goes cold almost straight away, or you go cold, and it just fizzles even before it gets going?


Generally speaking, 95% of the time, it's a mutual no interest. My guess is at least 50% of first meets result in no interest.

I've screwed around with women I didn't really have an interest in, it still fizzles out, it's pretty common and not unusual.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 8
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/10/2016 9:44:04 AM
Some thoughts:

Good job on getting a woman to come to your house to check you out.

Online dating is like a blind date - people don't know if they are attracted until they meet face-to-face.

It might be better to set up a meet at a public place or schedule a time so you have time to get cleaned up.

But assuming she's not crazy, you are definitely doing some things right if she was comfortable enough to go straight to your house to meet you.
 americanbulldog89
Joined: 4/5/2016
Msg: 9
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/10/2016 11:02:52 AM
OP, don't let this bother you. This online dating business vastly favors women and they have hundreds of men to choose from. There is nothing wrong with you and keep in mind most women are off their rockers. I just read where some guys put together a fake profile on one of these sites. They got a picture of a pig and using PhotoShop substituted the pigs head for that of a real women. They called her the pig women. When they uploaded the profile and pics it received many messages from men. Unbelievable but it is what it is.
 americanbulldog89
Joined: 4/5/2016
Msg: 10
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/10/2016 11:04:25 AM

But assuming she's not crazy


That's a dangerous assumption
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 11
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/10/2016 12:39:56 PM

Until today when I got a brief message saying 'you are a really nice person, but I felt no spark'. Ok well there you go. No 'spark'.


As Maxwell Smart used to say, "Missed it by THAT much".


No 'spark'. I don't know how I'm supposed to create/trigger that,


Trade in your 4wd for a $1.4 million Ferrari La Ferrari.

If you had been working on of those in your driveway when she pulled up, sparks would have flown everywhere.


I'm absolutely certain my living situation (by myself in rented house, and working really irregular shiftwork) killed off any chance of an instant connection


Well, there are many for whom anything less than perfection is unacceptable.


Anyone else had this where you discover someone really close by, actually meet them face to face, then nothing happens because the other person goes cold almost straight away, or you go cold, and it just fizzles even before it gets going?


Actually, I had the exact opposite happen once.
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 12
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Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/11/2016 3:37:10 AM
He he well yeah I think she was curious because we live very close. I didn't get her exact address but know which street her place is on - it's 10 mins walk at the most.

I was very surprised she decided to visit me while I was kinda occupied with the world of shadetree mechanica, but I guess that's better than 99.99999 pct of other people I message who think I'm too far away even though some are in the same town as me, or in the next town less than 50 km away.

So just goes to show the 'range' is far and wide, and nothing is ever certain. Still there'd be zillions (quintimplezillions in fact) more men vying for a woman's attention, than the other way around. On most sites like this at least.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 13
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Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/11/2016 6:37:29 PM
I like a man who is "mechanically inclined". Some women don't....their loss....not yours.
 americanbulldog89
Joined: 4/5/2016
Msg: 14
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/11/2016 7:02:33 PM
I'm not disagreeing with you one bit black lady, but what could possibly be a woman's logic for not liking a man with mechanical abilities. Yeah I know this is a bit off-topic.
 PassionateSunnyGal
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 15
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/11/2016 9:01:44 PM
Im not sure why you would think this is a bad thing--seriously it is the way it is suppose to be--otherwise we would have no value in relationships cause they would be easy to replace.

She was a stranger, someone you never met before --why are complete strangers suppose to have a spark with you? To try and make more of it than that is just to internalize it and blaming yourself or dating in general-- we aren't suppose to have a spark with everyone!!!!

It doesn't matter if she is 10 min away or 30 or 60, it's like having all the things necessary for a fire--but the will to light it--she didn't have that will for you --not cause she is suppose to but because it didn't exist--doesn't mean she is right or wrong or that you are right or wrong it just means that when you find the right person there will be sparks and then you will appreciate and value that vs thinking it should happen cause someone lives close--

You were more invested in the idea of it working than understanding that not working is part of it as well!
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 16
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/11/2016 9:08:04 PM
I tell ya, if a gal came over and saw me tinkering with my computer, she would most likely not like what she saw...
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 17
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/11/2016 9:14:06 PM
I like a guy who can tinker. Not many tinker anymore , but I do like a guy who can tinker. The same goes for those that putter. I like a guy who can putter. It means they like "doing" things, doing things with their hands, doing things in the house, man cave or garden...or kitchen.
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 18
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Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/12/2016 5:09:40 AM

I was in the middle of doing servicing on my 4wd while sending msgs. She decided to drop in to where I live and say hi, which she did, and she was really nice, then 5 min later she went because she was in the middle of doing things and I'd been under my 4wd tooling away on fixing something at the time she parked in the driveway.

… Until today when I got a brief message saying 'you are a really nice person, but I felt no spark'. … I don't know how I'm supposed to create/trigger that, or is it simply something that has to happen naturally in another person.

The ability to fix things is such an attractive quality that I’ve listed it on my profile. If I were in your dating pool, I’d love the fact that you do some of your own car repairs.

Having said that, I can see the probability of blowing a first meet by being too sweaty, stinky, and/or dirty/oily to inspire a woman to want to touch your arm, for example, or for her to desire that you touch her in a publicly appropriate way. (I’m wondering about the condition of your hands.)

At the same time, you were likely to be somewhat distracted, as your mind had been focused on your truck. You weren’t mentally prepared to be with her.

In other words, the state of your mind was less than optimum, and the state of your body, clothing, and hands might have acted as a repellent for touch. Your experience is a great example of how to politely sabotage a first meet. If a spark had been possible, it would have remained hidden. My guess is that you did nothing wrong, but you did little right. (Please don’t be offended. I mean well.)


 americanbulldog89
Joined: 4/5/2016
Msg: 19
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/12/2016 10:49:45 AM
OP, you and many other guys I have known over the years worry WAY too much about women and what women think or prefer. I can tell by this and your other thread about the TV business. If I were you I would stand by my principles and beliefs and not concern myself about what others think. If you always concern yourself about what women want you will drive yourself nuts. Obviously I do not know much about you except what I read on your profile and on these threads and you seem like a real standup guy. Personally I think men should date women but that's about it. The laws in your country are just as toxic towards men as they are here in the US. Believe me I know as I have seen men literally loose the farm in a divorce. Some of these guys are in their late 50's and now have nothing, not a good situation to be in.

So you were under your Jeep at the time she showed up. Big frequin deal, what are your supposed to do, be wearing a suit and tie with a bundle of roses in one hand? People have stuff to do, it's called life and you cannot always be looking your best. People need to get real.
 excusezmoi
Joined: 3/11/2016
Msg: 20
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 4/14/2016 5:08:53 AM
I met someone who lives in my street. Absolutely coincidentally he turned out to be a guy I met 40 years ago when I was 18!! Back then we busted up because he was a complete and utter tool.

He's okay now (a bit greyer and fatter), but we have absolutely nothing in common. He walks his dog past my place often and we do wave or say hi, but it's awfully icy.

Will always say hi, but history doesn't disappear.

New rule pour moi.....not to meet peeps living too close. And another similar rule is never to meet in a place that is special to me in any way, because some men have a really nasty way of saying thanks but no thanks, and I don't want to spoil my special place with a miserable association!
 boatbob2q
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 21
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Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 9/21/2016 1:37:10 PM
When that Lady came to my house,regardless of what I was doing,I would STOP,and get acquainted with her,by continuing working on your vehicle you were RUDE....what did you expect that Lady to say?
 KiaMaia
Joined: 8/13/2016
Msg: 22
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 9/21/2016 7:27:23 PM
I'm picturing the OP under the 4x4 with his feet sticking out and the poor woman trying to make small talk and giving up.

I would have reacted just like she did.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 23
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Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 9/21/2016 7:42:56 PM
Or, the OP could have asked her to pass him a wrench. Or, maybe crawl underneath the vehicle and help out by torquing a nut or something like that.
 KiaMaia
Joined: 8/13/2016
Msg: 24
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 9/21/2016 8:34:11 PM
^^ This is true!!
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 25
Met a real person less than 1 km from me but no good
Posted: 9/22/2016 10:33:35 AM
If every man would just marry the ugly gal down the street, there would be no need for online dating!
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