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 skitrailmore
Joined: 11/17/2015
Msg: 1
What to say if never dated?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Like to ask the experts out there. for someone who is in later 30's . What do you tell women, on pof or in person. That you never dated or ever been in a relationship.
Reasons on this side. Was never really the focus, more introvert type, i keep busy with other things.
Not good at bar scene . Opportunity was never really there as well.

Those are my reasons. But what if on pof to perhaps meet someone and maybe stimulate the idea of something more.

How or what type of things can one say to women that would make more sense and not seem a turn off.

I know for the fact of saying "never been in a relationship" can seem like red flags to many people, again thats life so whatever
but in some cases people are legit and honest.

Also i stayed out of trouble as well, in other words no sneaking around type of things too

I await your feedback. thanks
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 2
What to say if never dated?
Posted: 4/13/2016 11:21:03 AM
Hi OP,
how are your social skills? Not good at the bar scene - are you comfortable sitting down at the bar and chatting with the bartender? chatting with the people around you? can you strike a conversation with random people out in public? are you good at reading people to see whether you would be interested in socializing, or prefer to be left alone at the moment? do you know how to find appropriate things to say to break the ice? The reason I'm asking is that there are people who are just so socially awkward that they can't put two words together, but from your profile, you don't seem like the type. If you're a good talker, you can tell women anything about your past and put it so that it will make sense - she really just cares about your present, with her, and if you have decent social skills, you'll be fine.
 wineaboutit
Joined: 2/18/2016
Msg: 3
What to say if never dated?
Posted: 4/13/2016 6:01:43 PM
I would not say I never had a relationship when dating. The thing is if I go out on a date with a man, I am meeting him to see if there is any common ground, if we can talk easily, if there is some attraction so I do not want to hear somebody's life story the first time I meet them and I do not offer mine.

I might mention I am divorced because I am but I do not want to hear some long relationship history from somebody anyway. People who talk too much about past relationships or exes are a turn off. If somebody asks, hedge, say you have not had a serious relationship for a long time which is not technically a lie. Once you get to know somebody you can tell them but in the early days of dating somebody you want to get to know them and find out if you are compatible. For many women the stark truth, you have never had a relationship is going to be fairly or not a red flag but for the right person it might not be. There are plenty of women who have not had relationships, they are also shy, or they are a bit more traditional, or they also got busy with other things. It happens.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 4
What to say if never dated?
Posted: 4/13/2016 7:15:19 PM
Wineabout summed it up very well. Women don't want to hear five chapters of your past relationships ( or in your case no experience ) on a first or second or third meet; they are there to meet you and see if there is chemistry.

I know this is a bit off topic, but perhaps not so much: my first boyfriend and my late husband were both virgins when I met them. I never had a clue. It was about chemistry and confidence.

This is not a profile review, but you have one picture up with a group in Australia on ATV's wearing helmets and other gear. Who are you in the group picture? Take some close ups of yourself so women can see what you look like!
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 5
What to say if never dated?
Posted: 4/14/2016 6:41:18 AM
It may be somewhat unusual ( not necessarily bad though ) for a person in their 30s not to have a LTR. Perhaps that person was shy, preferred being single, was focused on their career or education, had some bad luck etc. This subject rarely comes up on my first dates / meetings. But if it did, a man should say his last relationship was several years ago.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 6
What to say if never dated?
Posted: 4/14/2016 8:05:15 AM


Women don't want to hear five chapters of your past relationships ( or in your case no experience ) on a first or second or third meet; they are there to meet you and see if there is chemistry.


Maybe it's a 45+ thing, but as much as folks claim that they like to 'live in the moment' and 'not look back', many of the women I've met like to travel back in time.

As if my history will become their future.




a man should say his last relationship was several years ago.


Agreed. This is a white lie. A fib.

Look, either the chemistry is there or it's not.

If she is asking questions like that on a first or 2nd date, then she is wishy washy about you.

Don't waste your time. You're going to encounter Relationship Experts on your dating odyssey.

These experts often start the conversation with...My parents have been married 40+ years...

See, these experts come from the really healthy part of the gene pool. They've read some self help books and now they're bringing their compatibility matrix to a date.
 Inner_Gorilla
Joined: 12/3/2015
Msg: 7
What to say if never dated?
Posted: 4/14/2016 8:54:18 AM

That you never dated or ever been in a relationship.


So what changed? Why do you want a relationship now? Was it some self discovery? Getting over being shy? Feeling lonely? What?
 irishgirl772
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 8
What to say if never dated?
Posted: 4/14/2016 9:37:37 AM
You could just say the truth ie it was never your focus and you were busy doing other things. Your profile doesnt read like youre an introvert, you seem outgoing and friendly with many interests. Travelling all over the world for the past 10 or so years, youve probably had many opportunities to meet women.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 9
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What to say if never dated?
Posted: 4/24/2016 4:23:59 PM
Wait a minute. Not trying to be picky here, or catch you out, but how can you say you "stayed out of trouble as well, in other words no sneaking around type of things too," if you never had a relationship of any kind?

Anyway. The main thing I would suggest, which I think you need, is to NOT try to go from zero to sixty.

Instead of worrying about how to explain your lack of experience, work on getting some. Don't aim for a mate, just aim for a meet. Then aim for some dates. One step at a time. No "fibs" required. Form some friendships. Have some negative experiences, so you recognize what everyone else means when they refer to them.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 10
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What to say if never dated?
Posted: 4/24/2016 8:04:41 PM

What do you tell women, on pof or in person. That you never dated or ever been in a relationship.

You don't. :) In a sense, lie by exaggeration if you have to... and only rely if/when she asks. Just say you never like harping on past relationships, but you've had less dating experience than others, and although you've had some good relationships with women [of course, in reality they're platonic but you imply differently], you've been an introvert and been tied up with work, school, and hobbies admittedly too much over time to build a big ex-gf resume. "And I guess that's a good thing, seeing as I carry less drama than a lot of my peers." That's it. :)
 chrisshrew
Joined: 6/13/2007
Msg: 11
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What to say if never dated?
Posted: 4/26/2016 2:39:27 AM
Never quite understood why relationship experience in the past is so important for potential relationships in the future. Either there is chemistry with that person or there isn't as many people point out. However because many do think its important I agree that its not a good thing to bring up.

I have had a few first dates/meets over the last year or so and the question hasn't came up and unless it is asked there is little point in telling her. In the past I was in the same situation and it can be quite difficult. I guess if it did I could broaden the term dating to include having been on a series of first dates without actually telling her directly. Once your able to get those first dates even if they don't work out at least you can stretch the truth a little bit.

I guess if your worried about it causing a problem before then however you could just lie as others have said, I would be careful though especially if she asks for details. That said I would be suspicious if that was the only thing she seemed interested in.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 12
What to say if never dated?
Posted: 4/26/2016 10:21:31 AM
Keep it to yourself and talk about other things. It's not that important anyway.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 13
What to say if never dated?
Posted: 4/26/2016 6:07:03 PM
With a profile pic like yours I doubt you will ever have to worry about it
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 14
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What to say if never dated?
Posted: 4/26/2016 8:22:57 PM
I, like you never was into the bar scene and met very few men of interest along the way. I don't drink or smoke and in our culture that can make you an outsider. I have had a couple of serious relationships but not for a long time. You get used to your own company and having everything the way you want it in your home. So a 24/7 relationship is not one I would want.

If you are a virgin and have no experience in relationships in your late thirties that can be a turn off. It depends on who you are and how you conduct yourself socially and what you have to offer. I would not be telling anyone you meet for the first date all about your past necessarily. It is no one else's business really how many you have dated or not dated. As others have said if the chemistry is there and you get along, take it from there.
 SlumpGump
Joined: 3/7/2016
Msg: 15
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What to say if never dated?
Posted: 9/9/2016 7:30:49 PM
You don't tell them that you've never date. If they ask lie about it.
 Lordbenji
Joined: 6/13/2016
Msg: 16
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What to say if never dated?
Posted: 11/10/2016 5:10:05 PM
Simple "I never found anyone who wanted me" that's what I would normally say with my nosey family :) and also you can only keep up a lie but so long.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 17
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What to say if never dated?
Posted: 11/12/2016 3:15:39 AM
Don' t say that either. It may come off as desperate and that you have low self esteem. Say something truthful and genuine that pertains to you.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 18
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What to say if never dated?
Posted: 11/12/2016 1:38:07 PM

Simple "I never found anyone who wanted me" that's what I would normally say with my nosey family :) and also you can only keep up a lie but so long.

I don't think that's a good idea. I mean, to family members that's a completely different ball of wax. But to someone else -- yeah, you shouldn't be 100% truthful.

I disagree that you can only keep up a lie for so long. When it's something that's not really their business and doesn't have an effect on your relationship whatsoever -- there's nothing to "keep". It doesn't require a story or anything remotely close to details. It's just something incredibly vague. An affirmed concept that doesn't play into "getting caught" if you say it right. There's nothing to really grapple on. "Okay, she doesn't have much dating experience, been busy, but yeah, she's dated people before." There's nothing suspicious, and you're admitting the core principle of the matter anyway -- not experienced.

Given enough time IF you become BF/GF, and they're meeting your close friends & family members, that they're your first BF. You can easily say to to your BF "Well, my first real one. Like I said, I've had little dating experience. I don't have guys meet friends and family members and don't like talking about the ones I've dated. But yeah, you're the first"real" one, to bring in to my life (smile)."
 Damilovely
Joined: 12/23/2014
Msg: 19
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What to say if never dated?
Posted: 11/30/2016 3:22:19 AM
First off, please put up photos that show you.

In answer to your question try not to give too much detail about your relationship history in your first two meetings. If a guy in his late 30s has never had a relationship I'll wonder if he has commitment issues. Whatever you do, do not lie.

If you get to arrange a third date and it comes up you could say get on well with women, you've not had any long term serious relationships cos you were busy with other things but at this point you think you're ready for a deeper connection.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 20
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What to say if never dated?
Posted: 11/30/2016 7:15:01 AM
You can always sidestep by quoting poetry :p
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 21
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What to say if never dated?
Posted: 12/2/2016 11:56:03 PM
of course men are gonna be more at risk than women are at being perpetually single that long, i doubt anyone can think of any woman over the age of 30 who has never had a relationship before, but i'm sure many people here can think of many guys, men, or a couple of them who are over 30 and never had a relationship before, something like that almost never happens to women because women don't have to be the initiators.
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 22
What to say if never dated?
Posted: 12/4/2016 7:27:08 AM

women don't have to be the initiators.

PCGeek---this seems to be repeating theme for you---lots of women initiate, you just have to be open to it, rather than dwelling on the fact that YOU don't want to initiate anything. You sound quite petulant about it. Perhaps a doctor visit is in order to get your levels of testosterone checked~

(no I'm not trying to be mean<)
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 23
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What to say if never dated?
Posted: 12/4/2016 9:14:49 AM
Basilisk
You can always sidestep by quoting poetry :p

Haha. :-P
 PopCultureGeek
Joined: 11/27/2016
Msg: 24
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What to say if never dated?
Posted: 12/4/2016 4:26:56 PM
last time i got it checked it was 554, but ya, i doubt you can think of any women in that age bracket who have never had a boyfriend before, but can think of a couple of guys, men in that age bracket who have never had a girlfriend before.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 25
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What to say if never dated?
Posted: 12/4/2016 9:39:00 PM

something like that almost never happens to women because women don't have to be the initiators.

Girls are initiators in social environments. It's not like they're initiating asking for a date, although they passively can when it's Very Apparent that you both Like each other if mingling for a while. But those already-established situations aside post-mingling, girls will strike up conversation with males. Thing is, they'll do the same with guys they're not into. Or maybe possibly. Or maybe a lot. Guess what? This is Also the most common way for a guy to do it.

What a guy has to do though is to make a move crossing the platonic line (show interest). He has to make that 'interest' move when socializing. It doesn't mean going from 0->60 instantly by asking if he can take her out to a romantic dinner sometime. It's actually slow-playing it, which gals will far more often do as their form of initiating things, and only continue if the guy seems to bite and roll with it, and the baton becomes his.

Ever hear guys say that when they have a GF, suddenly girls like them? Like a Murphy's Law? Like it's easier to get a date then? Why is that? Because he's in a different, more relaxed but also non-nervous gear. He's Just Socializing. Ding Ding Ding -- guess what? That's what initiates things. Potential interest spawns from it. He can playfully flirt once in a while on a low level without any actual intent, and low and behold -- sh!t! He's actually doing more, because he doesn't care. And it's not like he's asking anyone out, or even doing much. He's just conversing! He can't get shot down because that's not his intent. Oh wait -- this is how you Begin to make a move.

A guy though should be expected to Follow Through on making a move. This means when it's Not obvious that she's into him in-that-way. After all, she's just mingling, too. He can do it without being that blatent for a big shoot down or big gain... but he does need to have some balls and be willing to deal with it sometimes where it is obvious.

However, that said, a really social anti-shy guy who comes off as cool & charming (even if he's not Great looking) -- he doesn't need to focus on that, because enough Obvious situations will develop in front of him where he isn't "reaching" to ask for a # or suggesting they hang out. If a guy tries to Be like that -- not the greatest idea... but a good first step in opening onself up in socializing/mingling/etc with the opp sex -- as if you did have a gf. Once that's set -- then you start reaching for a # or suggestion to hang out sometime, etc.
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