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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???      Home login  
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 Baffalobill
Joined: 6/18/2014
Msg: 1
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Doesn't help that if your plans don't consist of children somewhere in the mix ...Chancers of finding someone, Seem to go out the window...!!!!!!

Only God Knows why....!!!!!

To not want kids...!!!!!

What is so bad about someone who doesn't want children ???..

Why do people look down and second guess this view of life ....????
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 2
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/15/2016 6:11:01 AM
Another whinefest?
They don't look down and second guess, they just don't want to date you as they do want children. If an employer needs someone who speaks Spanish and I speak Arabic, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy won't they hire me? Why do they look down and second guess? What is so bad about Arabic???
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/1/2015
Msg: 3
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No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/15/2016 7:36:01 AM
Wanting to have children is a primal and compelling instinct for the majority of people. Naturally, if you don't want children, you are severely limiting your dating pool. It's not about looking down on you, it's just that there is no point in getting into a relationship with someone who doesn't want something that is very important to the other person.
 wineaboutit
Joined: 2/18/2016
Msg: 4
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/15/2016 7:47:27 AM
I am a woman and I do not have kids, that was not exactly the plan but that was what happened. I am lucky I get my kid fix at work. However, a vast majority of women do want kids so I can understand why a lot of women do not want to invest in a relationship with a man who does not want them, it can be a very basic deal breaker for many many people.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids however, that is going to continue to be an issue for you if you are dating women who do not have them and still want them. And a woman who has kids but does not want more might hesitate to date you as long term material because eventually if you stayed together long enough you would be spending time with her kids. You have a minority view which is perfectly fine but it puts you outside of the norm for many women who would date you.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 5
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/15/2016 10:18:59 AM
Well, how serious are you about not wanting children? have you already gotten a vasectomy done? In other words, are your actions matching your words?

I don't want to have children but I'm willing to deal with the fact that anything can happen, and whomever that other person happens to be, has to be open to the possibility. It is one of the things I discussed with my boyfriend prior to us having sex. We expressed our desire to not have children and also our flexibility to be open to the idea should I somehow become pregnant. Now the conversation is more like its up to me, and he is open to idea of having a child should I want one, or should it happen naturally.

Had he been firm about not wanting children and not wanting to deal with it should it happen anyway, I would have likely not had sex with him or would require that he get a vasectomy (as it is not solely my responsibility to prevent a pregnancy). You can't be against something and not be 100% about preventing it from happening in the first place.

Having sex comes with great responsibilities, and your inflexibility toward those responsibilities, will turn off a lot of women.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 6
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/15/2016 12:12:30 PM
I don't think that's true. Plenty people don't want children. But maybe the area you're in it's less so.
ahh, wales. I don't know what it's like there. Here in vancouver though that's not an issue.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 7
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/15/2016 5:25:03 PM

What is so bad about someone who doesn't want children ???..


Nothing. But if I've already had a child, then I simply move on because I don't match your criteria.
 no_kids_please
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 8
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/15/2016 5:53:37 PM
I dunno, I find a pretty good number of childfree women on online dating sites, particularly the more progressive Ok Cupid (are you on there?). They don't reply for shit, but then no one else does either, so that's here nor there.

Do you live in a small Christian town in the south? In that case, it might be time to bail.
 VikingHoosier
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 9
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/15/2016 7:06:24 PM
A vasectomy increases the risk of prostate cancer. A vasectomy encourages the spread of STDs, so getting one is irresponsible. Many vasectomies get reversed. Many don't work (doctors are also wrong in telling countless people of either gender they're not capable of reproducing, resulting in countless "accident" births).

The vast majority of childfree men are wise and smart enough not to get a vasectomy. Meanwhile, any woman who hasn't gotten herself sterilized can be assumed to want kids. Women who claim they don't want kids usually "change their mind". Biological alarm clock, baby rabies.

Because so many men prefer a childfree partner, many women lie in their profiles, claiming they don't have or don't want kids when in reality they do.

In the most civilized social groups, a high percentage of the population does not reproduce.
 techiehf
Joined: 1/27/2015
Msg: 10
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No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/15/2016 7:43:34 PM
Honestly, part of it may be that it's actually dangerous for women to have children past the ages of 30-40, depending on the woman. So by not wanting children, you've instantly alienated those women who might want them.
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 11
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/15/2016 8:34:52 PM

A vasectomy increases the risk of prostate cancer.
Not true:
https://www.auanet.org/press-media/vasectomy-with-prostate-cancer.cfm


A vasectomy encourages the spread of STDs, so getting one is irresponsible.
That's stupidity.


Many don't work (doctors are also wrong in telling countless people of either gender they're not capable of reproducing, resulting in countless "accident" births).
Untrue.
There is 1 in 2000 chance of a pregnancy resulting from vasectomy failure = 0.05%.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 12
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/16/2016 2:50:32 PM
The people that don't want any ( more ) kids, tend to be people that already have kids. It can be tough ( not impossible ) to find someone without kids and definitely doesn't want kids in the future.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 13
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/16/2016 3:15:31 PM
Belle asked a telling Question. I wonder how many Men said no children have had the surgery.
We had no children of our own by choice ( and it troubled ppl then) We were foster parents.
Love kids, never missed not having any tho.
Perhaps because I'm an only child
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 14
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/17/2016 7:12:14 PM

A vasectomy increases the risk of prostate cancer. A vasectomy encourages the spread of STDs, so getting one is irresponsible. Many vasectomies get reversed. Many don't work (doctors are also wrong in telling countless people of either gender they're not capable of reproducing, resulting in countless "accident" births).


Pretty much all of the above is incorrect information.

And OP, aren't you the guy form Aus that has never had a girlfriend or much a date? Kind of putting the cart before the horse aren't you? Maybe fnd a woman that can tolerate you first and then discuss children. Better yet, put Does Not Want Children as your opening sentence in your About You section.

More people should put their BIG won't do's or must haves or must not haves front and centre. Be right up front about - don't want to marry or don't want kids or you must let my dogs sleep inside the house or you can't snore, burp or fart. Why string someone along.

And really Belle, you don't want kids, he doesn't want kids but if you get pregnant you will both think about it?? Boy, that's firm and written in stone.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 15
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/19/2016 7:18:00 AM

A vasectomy increases the risk of prostate cancer. A vasectomy encourages the spread of STDs, so getting one is irresponsible. Many vasectomies get reversed. Many don't work (doctors are also wrong in telling countless people of either gender they're not capable of reproducing, resulting in countless "accident" births).

The vast majority of childfree men are wise and smart enough not to get a vasectomy. Meanwhile, any woman who hasn't gotten herself sterilized can be assumed to want kids. Women who claim they don't want kids usually "change their mind". Biological alarm clock, baby rabies.

Because so many men prefer a childfree partner, many women lie in their profiles, claiming they don't have or don't want kids when in reality they do.

In the most civilized social groups, a high percentage of the population does not reproduce.


I want to see the research to back this up. I did 3 years of pre-med; all a vasectomy is, is the cutting of the vas deferens, so that only semen (not sperm), travel to the urethra (what allows you to cum or pee). So a man will still "cum" and ejaculate, but he is no longer ejaculating sperm, only semen. The sperm is then absorbed by the body as its being produced. Do I have to also explain the difference between semen and sperm? Let's get educated before throwing out some ignorant crap like that as if it were a fact.

Let's not forget that Greeks used to train themselves in having their sperm travel through their brain instead of letting it go to waste. But then they also had boys become men by having them perform oral sex on grown men for some time, to "receive" that knowledge through their sperm. Go figure! Lots of caca out there, so lets make sure to back things up before to throw them out there.

@Ouija,

I've always thought there is a certain level of respect that goes with having actions match words. So for men who don't want children, I have to assume they are gonna do their part in the whole bit, not expect a woman to be the one solely responsible to ensure not to get pregnant. These men need to be with women who cannot possibly have kids (have tubes tied, has had a hysterectomy, is infertile, etc), otherwise, its Russian Roulette.


And really Belle, you don't want kids, he doesn't want kids but if you get pregnant you will both think about it?? Boy, that's firm and written in stone.


Yep. He doesn't believe in abortion and I have no reason to consider an abortion should I become pregnant. We both agree that there is no 100% of preventing a pregnancy: I have been pregnant before (though miscarried), and he has a daughter, so we are both ABLE. There is nothing wrong in acknowledge the reality of the risk, and the willingness to accept it if such is destined to happen.
 Baffalobill
Joined: 6/18/2014
Msg: 16
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/22/2016 4:30:49 PM
Cassie2425-And OP, aren't you the guy form Aus that has never had a girlfriend or much a date? Kind of putting the cart before the horse aren't you? Maybe fnd a woman that can tolerate you first and then discuss children. Better yet, put Does Not Want Children as your opening sentence in your About You section.

More people should put their BIG won't do's or must haves or must not haves front and centre. Be right up front about - don't want to marry or don't want kids or you must let my dogs sleep inside the house or you can't snore, burp or fart. Why string someone along.......


Guilty !!! ...Yes i am that guy from Aus that has never had a girlfriend or much a date...Are you suggesting that in a woman's eyes that is intolerable...???
I can't see how i am stringing someone along as my profile clearly states in the appropriate section that i am not interested in having children...!!!!
As i know i am not father material......I personally don't believe in bringing a life into the World as a trial run or for the sake of it....e.g ( The thing to do) attitude...
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 17
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/22/2016 5:00:12 PM
But you haven't answered Belles Question
have you had surgery to ensure you will not have offspring?
 no_kids_please
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 18
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/24/2016 3:57:57 AM
^
Why are you putting on men exclusively there, MPD lady?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 19
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/24/2016 6:02:10 AM
Wasn't - OP was asked the Q by Belle and avoided it.
I read there is a new BC being created for Men.. first in years and years. I would think that the person ( M or F) who is adamant about not having children would do everything possible to make sure they will not.

We didn't have children by choice, can't say I regret that decision but I did get freaked all the people who would say " but who will take care of you when you are old?" Like you are birthing a caregiver :/
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 20
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No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/24/2016 6:25:38 AM
I think it can help in concerns such as this, to pause at least once, and look at the facts, set aside the hyperbole, and recognize the difference between what ARE facts, and what are only deductions, assumptions, and the emotional responses of the various people involved.

Now. This is not to say that ONLY the facts are valid things to use to decide things, not at all. Everything is pertinent. But unless you know what it what as you are considering things, you'll make flawed decisions.

There are only two actual facts here: the OP doesn't want children, and the OP isn't having much luck finding a date.

Everything else is an assumption, a deduction, a postulate, or something else. The OP assumes he is being actively rejected because of not wanting children, and worries further that the women deciding to look elsewhere, have additionally chosen to think badly of him. Sort of adding insult to injury.

But there is no proof that this happened. Perhaps someone actually did say that to him directly, we don't know. But in sorting fact from assumption, it's important to recognize that "people look down on men who don't want children" has not been established as fact.

Nor has anything else, including even some of the suggestions by others trying to help, which may even BE true.

Now, here I will add in another non-fact, observation of my own, to suggest for consideration. That is, that in my experience, if people DO end up deducing negative things about a personal decision such as not to have children, they don't usually do it directly because of the decision itself. They do it because of the reasons given for the decision, and for the way that the person making it, reacts to being questioned.

In my experience and observation, when anyone becomes anxious, or angry or demonstrates any other less than calm emotional states in response to questions, those observing them tend to become cautious, even suspicious of them. Thus, while it may have been that rejections of a person at first are simply because of different goals, after a suspect reaction occurs, other judgments are added in and BECOME considerations.

The solution to avoiding this, is for whoever is making what might be a controversial decision, to work to remain calm and to be accepting of the emotional reactions of others.

Notice the first response here, accusing the OP of whining. That is a classic example of what people learn (from the time they are children) to assume, when someone presents exaggerated or enhanced worries such as the OP did.

Anyway, enough of my logic approach for now. Just suggestions for methods to try to solve things here.
 no_kids_please
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 21
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/24/2016 6:35:23 AM
Igor... dude: Seriously, put the pot down or the keyboard. You only get to pick one.
 lilydreams
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 22
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/24/2016 7:32:34 AM
^^^. I've been waiting 5 years for someone to say that. Thank you .
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 23
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No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/24/2016 7:51:16 AM
OP...At your age (39), some women in your age group who haven't had children are feeling their bio click ticking. That's just another obstacle for you to overcome.

How do you feel about dating women who have children, but aren't looking to have more?

Have you thought about getting the vasectomy?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 24
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/24/2016 12:33:20 PM

At your age (39), some women in your age group who haven't had children are feeling their bio click ticking.

Where are the batteries stored on a woman's body that run the clock? The best solution is to find those batteries and remove them.
 Baffalobill
Joined: 6/18/2014
Msg: 25
No intention of having kids...= No Dates ..???
Posted: 4/24/2016 5:06:07 PM
No i haven't had surgery to ensure i will not have offspring..!!
Why..??
Would that increase my chancers of a long / short-term relationship..?? Much less getting a date..??

Not so bothered if i met someone who's children were old enough to take care of themselves...But i am not a babysitter.

And i certainly would not want to get mixed up with all the politics involving there former "Other halves"...
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