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 FredoniaJack
Joined: 4/13/2016
Msg: 1
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I need an audit!Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Ok, it's time for my review! I'm nervous.
My concerns:
#1 is pics. I know they are average at best (no body, lacking detail/variety) but it would be nice to hear someone else say they aren't terrible. Working on getting better pics. Any suggestions?
I'm concerned the main body is a little too long. pointers?

Receiving very few responses, but that's more a numbers problem I guess. If every profile on POF was fantastic the reply rate would still be abysmal.
Help!
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 2
I need an audit!
Posted: 4/16/2016 6:55:13 PM
Yes, the photos are pretty bad. You have a nice smile but it looks like you never get out of your basement/office/whatever. Go outside. Get someone else to take a photo. If you can get a great smiling shoulders up non-obvious selfie, use that as your main.

Even still, your intent "... nothing serious" and you're Looking For: Friends is a huge waste of time. No, they won't read the silly explanation in the first paragraph. The intent implies casual sex and the friends implies ... with benefits. If you are truly just looking for 'friends' to hang out with, join a Darts league or something. Women already have friends - they assume you do too, and are here looking for a romantic partner. Yes, we're all adults, and it does fall under The Obvious Clause.

Not reading any further than the opening paragraph as you have to correct the photos and decide what you're really here for before we can offer any suggestions to meet that objective. For that reason alone, yes, the body of the profile is pointless. If you are just looking for something casual, there's no point in using up all that valuable space on someone who is going to judge you the photos alone.

I suspect you may have potential if you can get real with what you want and don't jam out with the wishy washy stuff.
 FredoniaJack
Joined: 4/13/2016
Msg: 3
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I need an audit!
Posted: 4/16/2016 7:46:10 PM
Thanks for the honest review! I was in a hurry with the pics so they are stand ins.
It is troubling that you didn't even get past the first paragraph. My intent should be pretty clear by the end but if you don't make it that far...
Your point on friends is a valid one, but your assumption is incorrect. I am not being wishy-washy about "casual" intentions. Rather, the medium is not a good one for merely finding a female friend--granted. And, yes, opposite sex friends have sex sometimes. I didn't feel the need to mention it explicitly because, *we're adults*. More specifically, we're adults who can have a meaningful friendship and may or may not be open to sex, depending on how things develop. That's implied. If you didn't pick up on that dynamic then you're not the person I'm looking for and you were successfully. Still, you make some good points. The intro needs more clarity. I may end up screening people who simply misread.
Why didn't you read the rest? I only have so many responses and I can't help but feel like you wasted that limited resource with a not-even-half review. That was rude.
 FredoniaJack
Joined: 4/13/2016
Msg: 4
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I need an audit!
Posted: 4/16/2016 8:10:32 PM
Oh. Then my apologies to the lady in white! You were not rude I was merely uninformed. Your insight was valuable.
Ok, so shorten it. I don't like deleting the "first date nonsense" but I can probably be more concise than that so I suppose it will have to go. I was absolutely bragging, which I have earned the right to do through a life well lived. Anyone who wants to be with me better get used to hearing adventure stories.
Ya I need better photos!
 FredoniaJack
Joined: 4/13/2016
Msg: 5
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I need an audit!
Posted: 4/16/2016 8:38:33 PM
I just deleted the intro to the body, and deleted the first date field entirely. I couldn't think of a way to express my intentions without confusing the reader (as my first intro clearly did). How do I tell visitors that I'm looking for a female friend--the friendship part is important!--open to sex but not looking for a hookup (I can find that elsewhere if I really want), and it could turn into a relationship but i'm not ready for one at the moment for logistical reasons. This may just be male blindness... is there a word for this?
 FredoniaJack
Joined: 4/13/2016
Msg: 6
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I need an audit!
Posted: 4/16/2016 9:55:11 PM
Thank you for reading my profile.
Haha i'll take that rambo remark as a compliment, although fighting a mountain lion (rambo style) is a bad idea but they will run if chased. That was in the Santa Cruz mountains 2014. I digress.
So I really need to get a better picture. I haven't had a single positive response to the photos so that's alarming! I should have known that would be a big deal. Stand-in photos are not acceptable!
Thank you everyone so much for your input!
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 7
I need an audit!
Posted: 4/16/2016 10:10:27 PM

Why didn't you read the rest?


Because someone looking for a romantic partner wouldn't, either, seeing as how you 'aren't serious' and are looking for 'friends'.
Because someone looking for platonic friends is not on a dating site.
Because someone looking for a F-buddy doesn't care what you have to say, they are going to judge whether or not your photos are what they're looking for.

From your reply, it's obvious you are not ready for a relationship, so the intent is correct as 'nothing serious'. So yes, you have clarified in your response you are not looking for anything more than a casual f-buddy. You will get someone more likely to respond to that if you have "Dating" instead of "Friends" which implies some kind of romance, even if it's just to get to the sex part.


I may end up screening people who simply misread.

You expect to get so many women looking at your profile you will need to screen them?

I'm still not reading the rest of the profile because you are trying to hedge all your bets and there's just too many different ways to work a profile with one specific goal in mind. You have multiple angles you want to play, so until you narrow it down... good luck!
 FredoniaJack
Joined: 4/13/2016
Msg: 8
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I need an audit!
Posted: 4/16/2016 10:32:37 PM
You are certainly candid.
you also are interpreting my words with a scienter element of casual sex which simply doesn't exist. Your failure to even contemplate an alternative limits the usefulness of your reviews. One must necessarily take many viewpoints into consideration when attempting an impartial review. You may need to review your own behavior, as I am concerned for the well-being of more impressionable men who might take your "f-buddy or nothing" assessment of relationships as fact, which it is not.
Good day. Please do not post in my thread again.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 9
I need an audit!
Posted: 4/16/2016 11:29:18 PM

interpreting my words with a scienter element of casual sex which simply doesn't exist

You appear to be seeking someone for 'nothing serious' with the desire for casual sex. I find the scienter element perfectly obvious.


One must necessarily take many viewpoints into consideration when attempting an impartial review.


Not when it is a review of how to attract a person of the opposite sex.
You are asking women what to excise from your profile, what to keep and what to add.
We are giving you our single viewpoint and it is not impartial.

In general, I have to agree with everyone who has written so far.
Your profile needs better and more diverse photos.
You sound arrogant (hey, I've had a fascinating life also - actually twice as fascinating since I've lived twice as long! LOL).
You also sound self-absorbed (so many 'I's).
Your profile doesn't delineate what you want either in a relationship or in a friendship; if you're trying to make sure no one answers who will bore you, you've probably already bored them so, no problem. It's working.
You're ambivalent about describing what you want. It's a FWB that might turn into a relationship although you're not ready for one yet.


I want to meet people who have worthwhile dreams.

Good start, but do you want to meet 'people' or 'women'. Already you're showing your ambivalence - the multiple angles as mentioned in Post 9.

Even if it's something abstract like "do the right thing" or "find happiness", having a moral direction should be important for anyone like me who isn't guided by any supreme beings.

Arrogance and a tinge of religious moral superiority.

I really appreciate people who are aware of the world around them and have compassion for other people and animals. We are all on this flying rock together!

Yawn; boring and wishy-washy.


A warm smile and little, subtle things that make me feel appreciated are all I really need. I am offering the same in return (obviously). There is more to a relationship than just words, and I rely on actions and little things to show my love and appreciation because I am generally pretty quiet. Quiet doesn't mean shy. It means quiet.

Too many words for me to believe that you actually rely on actions.


I am not macho. I am a man. There is a HUGE difference. If you have been lucky enough to have real men in your life then I don't need to explain. If you have lacked close relationships with real men in your life (like I did) then I would be happy to be one for you :)
Being a man isn't special, it's just uncommon these days.

More superiority; this time as relates to other men.


I'm tall. I workout regularly and stay in good shape, but I am not what you call "built". I eat well and like to talk about healthy living.

Only like to talk about healthy living?


I make average money. I am very financially savvy and like to talk about money/assets/resources. I try to save money and cut out waste and excess. Earth's resources are precious and finite. I am good at helping others with their financial goals as well. I am strongly independent and an entrepreneur.

Average money and 'very financially savvy' do not go together. The segue from the personal to the global is clumsy.


I am working toward total freedom of movement by growing an online presence so I can work from anywhere.
I have a very interesting past. I have walked over a thousand miles across forests, deserts, and mountains. I have had encounters with violent psychopaths.
I was stabbed in the face by a heroin addict (yes the scar is clearly visible and it looks awesome).
I had to leap from a bridge to dodge a freight train.
I have faced off with a mountain lion in the wild.
I have immense respect for soldiers who have seen combat because only war could top the insanity of everything I have seen. I don't have any problems boasting about my crazy adventures because they're entertaining and that's why I talk about it. I don't care if it sounds impressive.

Sure you care that it sounds impressive. Please, no false modesty.
Ten sentences and thirteen 'I's.
 VikingHoosier
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 10
I need an audit!
Posted: 4/17/2016 6:55:17 AM
If you expect anyone to believe your claimed height, post at least one full photo standing by something of known height.

Your text does much to weed out incompatibility. Keep the text that lets people realize you're not a match.
 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 11
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I need an audit!
Posted: 4/17/2016 7:09:53 AM
Agreed, photos arn't great, but you already know that. Needs a full body photo and make sure they are all recent and give a good impression of what you look like now. (for example in one of your photos your hair is a lot longer than it is in the rest, so which is it?)

When you are taking your new photos, make sure you show you AT YOUR VERY BEST. Bright, clear smiling, well dressed and well lit. A good rule of thumb is to look how you would like to be see on a first date to make a great first impression.




Profession consultant


This is a little too vague for my liking. Are you a doctor? Legal advisor? Financial/business consultant? After your photos this is one of the first thing that women will see as they scroll down. The vaguer or obscure the way you answer this question the more eyebrows are going to be raised. Not having a stable career can be a big red flag for some, so don't put that doubt in their minds.



I have had encounters with violent psychopaths.
I was stabbed in the face by a heroin addict (yes the scar is clearly visible and it looks awesome).
I had to leap from a bridge to dodge a freight train.
I have faced off with a mountain lion in the wild.


Without any context these sound like horrendous events that do not paint you in a good light. Why would anyone want to date someone who gets stabbed in the face by drug addicts? I am sure these are cool impressive anecdotes when you tell them in their entirety, but as stand alone statements they make you sound like someone to be avoided. I would suggest deleting them and leaving something like "I have lived an adventurous life full of highs and lows that has left me with some impressive stories. I can't wait to tell you them some time"



Good scientific research has shown the best and most successful dating profiles have a 70:30 ratio. That means 70% of the word count is about the person writing, and 30% should be about the person they are looking for. Too much focus on what they are looking for makes them sound demanding and like they have nothing interesting to say about themselves. Too much about about themselves with little or know mention of what they are looking for makes it all sound very "me, me, me". Sadly I feel your profile falls into this category. You talk in length and in detail about yourself with very little mention of what you are looking for. Dedicate a full paragraph to describe the attributes you find attractive in a woman. Explain what romance means to you, what the read can expect on a date with you, and why dating you will be an exciting adventure.

Hope that is helpful.
 FredoniaJack
Joined: 4/13/2016
Msg: 12
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I need an audit!
Posted: 4/17/2016 8:50:06 AM
Thank you!

I didn't realize the anecdotes sounded so horrendous but I can see how that is. How funny. I like your suggestion. Save details for a time when they can be put in context.

I'm a research consultant. It still sounds vague to me (I work with researchers and universities), but maybe better than just consultant.

I didn't see how the post was mostly self centered before, but the way it is written could lead someone to believe I would not give them any attention in a relationship if I don't give them any attention in an introduction. Merely expressing compassion is not enough. This is totally consistent with the responses I have been receiving from other forum-users.

Thank you so much for taking the time to review my profile!
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 13
I need an audit!
Posted: 4/17/2016 9:05:28 AM

You may need to review your own behavior, as I am concerned for the well-being of more impressionable men who might take your "f-buddy or nothing" assessment of relationships as fact, which it is not.


yeah, I'll let my husband know...

You wanted a review - I assumed you meant you wanted to know how your profile would be viewed by people with a brain who use this site. My mistake.

You've had others tell you the same thing I have already said yet I suspect your head is so far up your own rear end you can't take any type of criticism unless it's sugar coated. Sorry, I don't have time for that and I assumed you were a grownup.

Yours in an open thread for anyone to read. Your responses here to me tell a viewer a lot more than your profile does.

Again... good luck.
 FredoniaJack
Joined: 4/13/2016
Msg: 14
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I need an audit!
Posted: 4/17/2016 9:18:04 AM
2ufo,
I was going to just delete this but that time-limit expired so now I have to respond in case some reads this whole thing later on:

I don't have the desire to pick apart your post like you did mine, because it serves no good. Your words are seemingly aimed to hurt or maim. That is not ok. This is a forum for helping people find and connect with other people. We help that process along here with some "house keeping" on people's profile's who feel they need it. I am the one asking for help in this case.
Your remarks are unhelpful, inflammatory, and if I were impressionable (like many young people who come to ask for advice here no doubt are) then your words would have made me feel totally worthless. I don't know if that was your purpose, but it's wrong to do that to someone. Everyone deserves compassion.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 15
I need an audit!
Posted: 4/17/2016 9:49:19 AM
Only head shots ( and some just too close for comfort - you need at least on full body picture, and something outside would be great.)
Too many Interests - reads like you just tossed them up. Get rid of sexual dynamics STAT
Women have friends already, change the intent to dating
Add your first name
Don't try to make yourself sound better by putting down others. this

"I am not macho. I am a man. There is a HUGE difference. If you have been lucky enough to have real men in your life then I don't need to explain. If you have lacked close relationships with real men in your life (like I did) then I would be happy to be one for you :)
Being a man isn't special, it's just uncommon these days."
Needs to be removed. You know what they say about assumptions :/
You didn't fill out your first meet idea
Good luck
 FredoniaJack
Joined: 4/13/2016
Msg: 16
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I need an audit!
Posted: 4/17/2016 10:29:17 AM
Thank you so much ouija!
Sex dynamics is gone! Yikes! Maybe a little too, uh, esoteric.
I have been reluctant to change the intent on principled grounds but everyone is telling me it's a practical matter of "change it or get passed" so I have changed it to dating.
I have to admit that the "man" bit puts other's down. I don't explain there how I could lift other men up if they are struggling with living up to the male identity. That needs to go. Bad editing on my part.
The first date section was filled out but I deleted that at another user's suggestion. Pending redo...
I changed the horrendous tales to a more general (and shorter) mention of my adventurous past.
Removed unnecessary sentences that were merely taking up space.

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to help me! I don't know what motivates you to take time out of your day to help a stranger, but thank you it means a lot.

It is troubling how much we are willing to read into a person based on so little text. I have heard some pretty nasty accusations of selfishness here and it's just not consistent with my personality at all.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 17
I need an audit!
Posted: 4/17/2016 11:44:03 AM

I don't have the desire to pick apart your post like you did mine, because it serves no good. Your words are seemingly aimed to hurt or maim. That is not ok. This is a forum for helping people find and connect with other people. We help that process along here with some "house keeping" on people's profile's who feel they need it. I am the one asking for help in this case.
Your remarks are unhelpful, inflammatory, and if I were impressionable (like many young people who come to ask for advice here no doubt are) then your words would have made me feel totally worthless. I don't know if that was your purpose, but it's wrong to do that to someone. Everyone deserves compassion.


Sorry, I thought you wanted an honest profile review.
Retract the comments in msg 11 and replace with:
Yes, your profile is the perfect reflection of a true gem of manhood.
Don't change a thing.
 FredoniaJack
Joined: 4/13/2016
Msg: 18
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I need an audit!
Posted: 4/17/2016 12:03:06 PM
The problem is not with your honesty. That is appreciated, and I have in fact acted on some of your advice because I am able to read around the negative language.
The problem is that you present your opinions as fact, and in a very negative way. You didn't point out any positives, or even attempt to present the negatives in a tactful way. While none of that is necessary to offering a literally "honest" review, perhaps that is not the only consideration. Sensitive/insecure people are not strangers to this place and breaking them down is going to do more harm than good.
I am merely informing you that, in the future, your opinion (even when solicited) is not going to be helpful if it is totally void of compassion.
I'm not trying to sting. I am giving you an honest review of your review procedure, and trying to do so with respect to your sensibilities. Hopefully you will take my advice, too.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 19
I need an audit!
Posted: 4/17/2016 12:14:42 PM
From your profile you are hardly a 'sensitive/insecure' person.
By the time that people get into their 20's, they should realize that pretty much everything (especially on POF) is someone's 'opinion'.
My opinion is only of the value that anyone gives it thought.
I didn't ask for a review of my review procedure.
I will probably not take this particular piece of advice; not because it is worthless (which it is not) but because it has a limited view of the various ways I do a profile review.
When I actually bother to do them.
 VikingHoosier
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 20
I need an audit!
Posted: 4/17/2016 5:27:04 PM
The financial stuff makes sense. In fact, the lower one's salary / wages, the more savvy they are. However, there is no benefit to talk about income in about me.

Now your about me is rather short and could expand.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 21
I need an audit!
Posted: 4/17/2016 10:47:06 PM
On a positive note you have an incredible amount of interests. You mentioned that you are into Finance and Investing and are financially savvy and like to talk about money/assets/resources and offer advice. Which financial advisors do you lean towards for advice? ( Buffett, the Motley Crew?) Do you have a 401 set up or a Roth IRA? Then you mentioned that you also consider the earth's resources in the financial realm. Do some research on this: many states in the US are running out of water. Especially states hit by the drought ( global warming?). But there are emerging stocks that deal exclusively with water rights ( water that can be tapped under private land or bought by corporations) as far as the Permian Basin in Texas to the Panhandle. Impress the women you are trying to date with some hard research.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 22
I need an audit!
Posted: 4/18/2016 5:27:01 PM
FredoniaJack- I like the title, leave that.
You've been told enough about needing outside pictures, so take some and post them.
You are one of the few who actually say a little too much.
Narrow down your list of interests, if 10 seems like not enough, pare it down to 15 or so. Ask yourself which ones interest you the MOST and go with those.
You sound like an interesting person, but the body of your profile is all over the place.
One moment you are talking about one interest and then the next something else.
My suggestion above to narrow your list of interests down to 15......The body of your profile should contain even less.
Ask yourself, if I could tell someone only 3 things I want them to know about me, what would I pick, what would I say and go with your top three.
Go ahead and put SOME detail in, just remember, you aren't writing your autobiography, it should be just enough to make the point and if it's funny and interesting that's even better.
The goal of a profile is NOT to tell your life's story, it's to catch someone's interest. The rest can be said when you meet someone!
Good luck and happy fishing. :)
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 23
I need an audit!
Posted: 4/18/2016 6:23:05 PM

having a moral direction should be important for anyone like me who doesn't have a supreme being to guide them.
Shouldn't morals be important whether one is religious or not?
This statement just doesn't sound right as it doesn't make sense.

I agree on the pics; they just aren't helping you.
They are the most important part of the profile and nothing you write will matter unless the pics are good.
We see that repeatedly on here.

When people go overboard on interest list, always looks like trying too hard.
You appear to be trying to look overly impressive and unfortunately the only person you end up impressing is yourself.

Please don't discuss your financial state here.
 Scaretale
Joined: 1/9/2016
Msg: 24
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I need an audit!
Posted: 4/18/2016 8:04:22 PM
To me...you sound like you could be an interesting guy...maybe.

And your pics seem fine to me. Obviously you need some taken outside, enjoying life, and not in a basement, but I don't think it's your pictures that are the issue here.

The problem is definitely your profile. It is suuuuuper dry and unfocused. If you're trying to attract a fun girl, you're definitely not going to get playful messages. If you're trying to attract a hot girl, she's going to be turned off by the photos. And if you're trying to attract a serious girl...I think she's going to be turned off by your meandering writing style.

I mean, you start off wanting to meet dreamers, but then you say "doing the right thing" and "finding happiness" are good enough for you. Uhh...those are dreamer-like aspirations?? It's like "Oh, I'm intrigued by this guy...he's a dreamer...oh...wait...uh...he just thinks doing the right thing is good enough...and we're all on this flying rock together....ugh...super cheesy." All credibility just went out the window.

And like some others have said, it comes across as very self centered. Whether you are, or not...your wording is "I","I","I"...it's not approachable :-) Yes, that is what profiles are about, but you need to find a way to describe yourself without so many "I" statements.

You say you make average money, and then you talk about global resources...followed up with being an entrepenuer and wanting to establish an online presence lol..err...what? If I'm a girl, I see "This guy doesn't make good money, and has no idea what the heck he's doing." You may have goals, but the way you word it is a little sketchy. And anyway...back to my original thoughts...you want to be fun and interesting. Not meandering and serious.

Full re-write is in order.

If I had a mountain lion story, I'd probably fine a way to relate it to dating in a fun and clever way, that had girls laughing and wondering if it was real...but that's just me.
 FredoniaJack
Joined: 4/13/2016
Msg: 25
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I need an audit!
Posted: 4/18/2016 9:40:56 PM

nmd147--
On a positive note you have an incredible amount of interests. You mentioned that you are into Finance and Investing and are financially savvy and like to talk about money/assets/resources and offer advice. Which financial advisors do you lean towards for advice? ( Buffett, the Motley Crew?) Do you have a 401 set up or a Roth IRA? Then you mentioned that you also consider the earth's resources in the financial realm. Do some research on this: many states in the US are running out of water. Especially states hit by the drought ( global warming?). But there are emerging stocks that deal exclusively with water rights ( water that can be tapped under private land or bought by corporations) as far as the Permian Basin in Texas to the Panhandle. Impress the women you are trying to date with some hard research.


That's absolutely brilliant. Water. Who'd have thought that water of all things was a precious resource? And clearly we are running out of it, unlike Helium, which can only be produced as a byproduct in nuclear reactors and is being pumped into the atmosphere by joyous children because we don't have technology to store it indefinitely. Not even in Texas, which has the world's only substantial reserve of the element. Also, who the hell thinks 401K is a solid investment choice for financially literate people? Less risk = less gain, and 401K isn't even low risk anymore.
Oh wait, this is a thread for helpful advice on profiles . So f**k off.
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