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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into      Home login  
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 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 1
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date themPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I am addressing this to the 45 and over because, for many of us, we have raised children are are empty nesters. I have met quite a few men of all ages that do not have a place of their own, whether it be an apartment or house. They have room mates which cuts down on their privacy if they invite a date over, even for cooking a meal and watching TV. I met an older man (age 70) who was very credentialed with various PHD'S, yet chose to rent a room in someone else's house ( to save money). His eyes got big and round when he found out I have a house and live alone and do not have room mates.

I know that in some circumstances older folks (over 45) don't have a house that they live alone in: they may have special needs adult children, taking care of elderly parents or even raising their grandkids.

But does it make or break a decision to date someone based on who they are currently living with?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 2
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Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 11:31:55 AM
It’s funny you should ask about that. I encounter many women who do not have enough privacy for … uh, umm, well, how should I put this? “Intimacy”, I guess is the best way to put it. This would not be a deal breaker for me, as I do live alone (except for my 2 dogs).

The above represents one of the biggest differences I have encountered in this round of dating over the last 6 years, as compared to my experiences many decades previously. Thirty years ago, everyone had their own place, apartment, townhouse, private home. And women always wanted to be in their own space, their own bedroom and bathroom, etc. These days, the majority of women that I meet have kids or grandkids or aging parents or someone sharing their house / living space. I supposed the same thing is true of single men in this age bracket, but I would not have a clue about that.
 americanbulldog89
Joined: 4/5/2016
Msg: 3
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 11:41:42 AM

I have met quite a few men of all ages that do not have a place of their own, whether it be an apartment or house


I have heard this before but still find it hard to believe. I can understand if a guy is very young but older you would think they would be established with at least a living place of their own and a decent car. You have to wonder what they have been doing all their lives if they are living with room mates and are much over 30. Not sure if this has to do with the economy or if some lost it in a divorce. Personally I find it unbelievable but yes I believe what you are saying because I have heard this before.


But does it make or break a decision to date someone based on who they are currently living with?


That is a real tough one. I am not a women but if I was I don't think I would be that anxious to date or have a relationship with some guy in that situation. I would want to be able to go to his house and do things etc. As I man the same would be true. If I had a GF I would want to go to her place as well. In other words I want someone my equal if you know what I mean.

I almost had a room mate myself. He lost it all in a divorce and was not sure where he was going to live. I offered to let him stay in one of my spare bedrooms. He would only have to make peace with the dogs. He made other arrangements but perhaps many of these men you are meeting have fallen on hard times, IDK.

I have read womens profiles where they say any guy they meet must have a house or apartment.

At age 65 I always think I have heard it all.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 4
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Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 12:02:29 PM
^^^ I have never insisted on equality. I have dated many women who were much better off financially than I am, and many who were not as well off.

Heck, if I started insisting that she have her own home, and live alone in it, she might start insisting that I be of well above average appearance (just as I insist on for her), and that would never work out!!!
 americanbulldog89
Joined: 4/5/2016
Msg: 5
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 12:46:11 PM
One other thing to add. Rents are very high these days. I know they vary from place to place but they are still very high. $1300 per month for a one bedroom in larger metro areas is not unusual. Many jobs today do not pay that much. Given what it costs to live these days combined with the all the lower paying jobs the economy creates, I'm not surprised that maybe a lot of people cannot afford to live on their own.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 6
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 1:09:26 PM
Thanks for the input. Yes, rents are high and the housing bubble, after which people foreclosed on homes did not help, nor does divorce which can devastate one's assets in my state ( which is a community property state) have all contributed to one's finances going downhill. Inflation, with no corresponding increase in living wages has made the middle class a shrinking class in our society.

I was sheltered from much of this being married ( widowed ) for 34 years and now am entering the dating scene as a novice with rose colored glasses on. I think I was expecting a bit more from the dating pool financially speaking; might have to adjust my expectations about their living arrangements.
 americanbulldog89
Joined: 4/5/2016
Msg: 7
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 1:45:47 PM


I was sheltered from much of this being married ( widowed ) for 34 years and now am entering the dating scene as a novice with rose colored glasses on. I think I was expecting a bit more from the dating pool financially speaking; might have to adjust my expectations about their living arrangements.


I would not if I were you. There has got to be men in the San Antonio area as big as it is who own their own home and are financially secure. Look if a screwup like myself can be totally debt free, have a paid off house and afford to retire then anyone should be able to. Why would you want to date some guy renting a room in someone else's house? You mention this 70 yo PHD holder. You would think at that age he would be set especially with that kind of education.

You asked a question OP so here is my honest answer. Hopefully this is not going to pi.. off to many people as I have already been doing that on other threads.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 8
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Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 2:23:56 PM
I think, like many other questions, this has to be answered on a case by case basis.

I would say it's something to take note of an inquire into.

I'm going to use my own example as somebody who was not a screw up (at least as far as I'm concerned). I started renting out a room in my house because in spite of the mortgage payment being very low, I earned so little as an attorney working in non-profit that I could not afford life in NJ without a housemate.

A couple of years later, I left the non-profit world in favor of working in NYC as a contact attorney doing work that was much more lucrative, and at that point I did not need the rent money anymore. However, contract attorney work is also temporary work, and so there were times when I was between projects, and although I always saved money during jobs, the rent money came in handy during those times (that rarely lasted longer than a few weeks).

In addition, and even more importantly, I usually rented a room (as somebody else's housemate) in NYC where I stayed during the week and only came home for the weekends. So, it was extremely convenient to have a housemate who was around to take in packages, sign for UPS deliveries, and make sure that everything was in order around the house.

It was really a great arrangement.

By the time I started dating my husband, I had a long-term female housemate. I once asked him if he would have been concerned if the housemate had been male (as all of them were before this one woman), and he said that it would have made him "pay attention."

That's what I would do, OP. Pay attention. Find out what the reasons are. Then decide.

I don't understand why you can't have sex if you have a housemate, btw. Most houses have doors.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 9
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 2:29:30 PM
Yes you do piss off people! I stay on the sidelines when that happens! I met a nice lawyer who has his sister living with him after her divorce. He said it was awkward to bring women to his home, but I said it is your home and we are all over 45 and adults. That amounted to nothing other than two dates.

As for the PHD, he was extremely educated with degrees in science fields I could not even understand. He was living on the east coast and working in the space industry. He relocated here to teach college classes at some of the universities, but teaching at a university may mean one or two courses a semester ( if they even offer that ) which does not mean much pay wise. He gave me his full name and I did check him out; he was true as to who he was. He said he was renting a room in a house. I asked him how that was going. He said fine since he could just close the door to his room and take off to Canada to see his adult children when he had no teaching assignments. It was working for him. I didn't pursue it with him because I did not think there was any chemistry and to be quite honest, his living situation turned me off.
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 10
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 2:39:59 PM
Piss people off was directed at american bulldog, not you lilly.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 11
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Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 2:42:07 PM
Haha. Yeah, I got that. ;)

Not sure why because I certainly piss some people off, too. But I got that.
 americanbulldog89
Joined: 4/5/2016
Msg: 12
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 2:50:32 PM
Msg. 9
You don't have to be so quick to agree with me.lol But it sounds like you agree with my advice? Anyhow good luck to you I said all I'm going to.
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 13
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 3:19:38 PM
For dating their living arrangements would make no difference to me, have dated women who have multiple houses for rental income and women who lived with someone else for financial reasons.
If it would ever come to cohabitation then I do have a requirement, a large separate garage. My current house, her current house or a new place, all would be fine, just has to have that garage. Grin
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 14
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 3:22:51 PM
I agree with taking it case by case basis.
Never had a room mate.. not sure how I would personally feel about dating someone that did. Meeting Mom and Dad early on because they share a place.. er, no
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 15
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Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 4:44:17 PM
Housing would have to be a priority with me. I'd go crazy living in town. I have roughly about 8,000 sq.ft. of just barn space. I couldn't possibly condense that. But, my property taxes aren't killing me, and my house is my own. If we got serious, that would be when the cheese gets binding.
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 16
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 5:34:42 PM
The living arrangement is not a big issue for most intelligent people. Seeing that you claim to have a Master's degree, are morbidly obese and an addict leads everyone to know ur very skill at making lots of poor decisions and have no intelligence. Good for you! Eat veggies, drop the addictions, make good decisions! Those are real issues! U fail in all! No worries: COPD is coming ur way... or worse! And yeah, ur a catch!?

Morbidly obese, addicted, pseudo-intelligent, with a life of poor decision making! Ewww...!

These factor in whether we would date them! Never date addicts!
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 17
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 5:47:16 PM
ndm147- GOOD question.
Where I live there are two kinds of people, country and city.
The dividing line is a body of water, believe it or not.
I am originally from the east side, more small town, more "country."
Now I live on the west side, which is more city, or urban.
I hate the traffic, but I don't think I could live in a small town again. I like the convenience and the amount of things to do in the city.
This is an issue when dating here. People like one or the other and getting either side to try the other can be impossible.
Then there's the issue of living with someone else.
I can't imagine it.
I have raised my children and only have 1 left at home.
I have never had a room mate. The notion of the lack of privacy and sharing my space like that with someone other than a child or an SO makes me itch thinking about it.
I briefly dated a man that had a room mate. I flat out told him that nothing was going to happen with his room mate there, so he asked him to leave when I was going to be there.
A grown up living with a parent, there had better be an earth shattering reason why, otherwise, NO WAY!
I try not to speak in absolutes, so if I found someone who DID have a room mate, I would ask why and observe CLOSELY so that I was sure what I was getting myself into.
For someone like you, ndm, who has their own money and a good life style, I would imagine there is also the concern that someone might want to be with you for the wrong reasons.
I'm not well off enough to worry about that, but I know that there are people out there looking for a step up by any means and THOSE are the ones to be cautious of!
Long story short, if someone doesn't have their own place, it isn't a deal breaker, but I think it's reason to be cautious.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 18
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 6:54:23 PM
I think that housing arrangements are on a case by case basis.
Nothing is an immediate red flag or deal breaker.
Behavior is far more important than possessions or lack thereof.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 19
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 7:29:32 PM
Bad subject for me, as a renter.

I rent a 1 bedroom apartment for a whopping $2K a month.

I'll be purchasing a condo within a year.

I'm re-building after a divorce.

Several women have admitted that they are turned off by renters, yet, some are receiving alimony or inherited the house after his death. They got a home together with someone, but not ALONE.

In all fairness too, I've met even MORE women that had a more mature perspective on the matter and would not discard a man with a PAST that resulted in him RENTING :)

Anyway....

A woman with roommates wouldn't phase me, depending on her roommates, lol.

1 gal had a huge German Shepherd that she had to keep in a cage...in her bedroom with us.

Bizarre :(

Now, if she is in fact a homeowner and lives more then 30 miles away? I won't bother meeting.

Why? Call me cynical, but I'm chained to a job I love and what are the odds she'll rent out her place to come live with me?

This gets complicated and to be honest, OLD rarely gets to the 'I love you' stage, so I wouldn't take a chance meeting up.

The homeowner/renter/roommate subject has been debated before here with no clear consensus on what is more attractive.

I can understand privacy concerns, but if someone is approaching this with an asset valuation perspective, I'd be very turned off.
 cassie2425
Joined: 3/4/2016
Msg: 20
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 9:46:16 PM
Geez Cyclng, I don't know if I'd want to give up my bad habits and quit the addictions, keep fit and drop some weight...apparently people who do that wear ugly sweaters and turn into azzholes. So, I'd rather be an addict and date an addict as opposed to being an azzhole....even if it increased my life expectancy...oh boy, an extra 5 years of being an azzhole. Woohoo.
 TrvstInKarma
Joined: 9/1/2015
Msg: 21
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/18/2016 10:02:02 PM
The guy I'm dating now is almost 51 and lives in a one-bedroom apartment (total man cave). It's a very nice apartment complex, gated, nice pool, gym, etc. If I didn't have my kids, I sure as heck wouldn't want to live in a house by myself. I'd either buy a condo or rent. Nothing wrong with renting, if it's a nice place. That has never bothered me about a man, but room mates have bothered me. Since I have kids living with me, I can never have male company at my house unless they are at their dad's place, so it's nice if the man has his own place.

House, apartment, own or rent, is not important to me, as long as it's not a dump and there are no room mates.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 22
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/19/2016 8:32:13 AM
Funny.
I have lived in a house, my father was always up-grading,
a big yellow school bus, a travel trailer,
a rental house with no furniture except for foam pads to sleep on, a suitcase for a dresser and 2 saw horses with plywood for a kitchen table, lawn chairs to sit on,
a summer cottage in the dead of winter, several rental houses with some furniture, lived with 2 different sets of aunts and uncles, and 4 years of private boarding school, in 9 different states, BEFORE I turned 19.

Rented and owned, married and single.
BF lives with his son, and sons GF and daughter, shares the rent.
I live with older GF in her big house, out in the country.
None of this stopped us from sleeping together in HIS room or MY room.

LOL Our greatest concern is, keeping our family/social calendar straight,
AND, "Where is the sun shining on Saturday and Sunday?"

EDIT, LOL, OK Who let the dog out?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 23
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Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/19/2016 9:24:08 AM
Cycling99...

The living arrangement is not a big issue for most intelligent people. Seeing that you claim to have a Master's degree, are morbidly obese and an addict leads everyone to know ur very skill at making lots ofpoor decisions and have no intelligence. Good for you!  Eat veggies, drop the addictions, make good decisions! Those are real issues! U fail in all!  No worries: COPD is coming ur way... or worse! And yeah, ur a catch!? 

Morbidly obese, addicted, pseudo-intelligent, with a life of poor decision making! Ewww...! 

These factor in whether we would date them! Never date addicts!



Not sure who he's referring to, but it is quite a statement from the guy wearing the Cosby sweater...
 call_me_tater
Joined: 12/30/2014
Msg: 24
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/19/2016 6:29:30 PM
I'm guessing the latest tirade is against ndm. Like she (or anyone) would ever date him.
It's more concerning to me that he refers to himself as "we". How many are in there?
 ndm147
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 25
Does the current living arrangement of a prospective date factor into whether you would date them
Posted: 4/19/2016 7:00:49 PM
Thank you call_ me -tater and other people who brought up that tirade. At first I thought it was directed at me but I an not morbidly obese. His off the wall comments rattled me. But he brings up the same topics on every post: addictions, etc. I think he has some "issues."
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